Join us as we descend into the campy depths of the Tubi streaming service! Jacob has unearthed a ghastly bit of creepypasta cinema for us all to partake. The 2017 film "The Raking". Is it any good? Not really! We are less than kind in this one, which we hope you all enjoy immensely. But really, even the little movies deserve a chance, and where better to start than a paranormal rake-clawed monster that may or may not be afraid of sunlight? Is this the worst movie we will ever cover? We hope so!
Website: https://gormanongore.buzzsprout.com/
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7hjbpX0bPx79p0YY9ACvq7
Apple podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gorman-on-gore/id1579271619?i=1000530712722
Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xODI4OTY0LnJzcw==
Email us! gormanongore@protonmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/gormanongore
It hurt my gentle heart watching this movie. Assuage my wounds with thy generous hand:
buymeacoff.ee/GormanOnGore
Join us as we descend into the campy depths of the Tubi streaming service! Jacob has unearthed a ghastly bit of creepypasta cinema for us all to partake. The 2017 film "The Raking". Is it any good? Not really! We are less than kind in this one, which we hope you all enjoy immensely. But really, even the little movies deserve a chance, and where better to start than a paranormal rake-clawed monster that may or may not be afraid of sunlight? Is this the worst movie we will ever cover? We hope so!
Website: https://gormanongore.buzzsprout.com/
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7hjbpX0bPx79p0YY9ACvq7
Apple podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gorman-on-gore/id1579271619?i=1000530712722
Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xODI4OTY0LnJzcw==
Email us! gormanongore@protonmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/gormanongore
It hurt my gentle heart watching this movie. Assuage my wounds with thy generous hand:
buymeacoff.ee/GormanOnGore
0:19
[Music]
0:30
hey everybody this is gorman on gore a spoilerific horror film podcast
0:36
i'm your host peter gorman with me is my co-host with the co-most jacob
0:42
oh check the nice people jacob
all right now i don't like co-most
0:48
that's not cut that out thank you
0:53
yeah no problem well jacob you know how this goes every episode we take turns choosing a
1:00
horror film to pick apart and then we spoil it and we rate it this was your pick please if you would
1:07
tell us what your pick was this week
i chose the raking
1:16
no um yeah i chose uh the raking a as far as i can tell
1:22
straight to 2btv movie based off of the creepypasta legend known as
1:30
the rake
1:36
all right so like it says here the final requires us to go into the field and study a chosen method legend
1:42
you guys okay here hey we're good thanks tonight's on a good night for camping
1:48
why [Applause] [Music] just isn't
1:54
[Music]
2:15
you don't fight but you can't kill [Music]
2:21
anything you think of i've already done it except this thing ain't no urban legend
2:26
aspires [Music]
2:36
how does joshua tree feel i think it feels
2:43
alive
2:49
it's a creepy pasta yeah i didn't know that it's amazing yeah no i i mean
2:56
good lord why why else would i have chosen this here's the thing i have a lot
3:03
while i was watching this movie i i wrote copiously and a lot of it is damn you jacob why did you have me watch this
3:11
i interspersed with uh what is 2b yeah both
3:16
very good points so yeah i guess uh yeah at least we'll uh come out with it i figured it would be
3:24
kind of fun to watch a movie based off of some dumb creepypasta monster because
3:32
i have a weird love hate relationship with internet creepypastas which
3:38
ah i guess maybe we should go over what that is for people who don't know
3:44
surely there surely there are a few yeah i'm trying to think of like what what are what are the comparisons to real
3:51
life stuff we have it's kind of like a scary meme you know a scary fad
3:56
just uh stories that circulate you know like campfire tales except on the internet right yeah basically it's
4:03
stories they're usually written with the intent of being a
4:09
true life encounter with some sort of like supernatural being and often there are
4:15
like recurring characters like uh this creature called the rank
4:20
which i guess is named the rake because it has long claws i assumed that was
4:29
yeah i i thought that was more of like an archaic thing like what was it uh
4:36
there's like an archaic word for that like like rogish or something that like kind of i think that's used yeah um
4:43
yeah rake is uh you know in that in that sense a rake is a uh like a roguish
4:49
devilish kind of a man [ __ ] i don't know
4:55
we you know we have worst names for it now but what i mean is like you know a cad you know yeah that kind of a thing
5:01
oh which like i because yeah because i actually and i kind of assumed that was what the name was based
5:08
on which kind of like i guess to me because i i haven't read a lot of stories with the rake in them but
5:14
that's like suggested some interesting more that the creature could have some like extra depth to it or like
5:20
could signal to its origin you know but i guess it's just called the rake i
5:26
guess it's just called the rake because this long claw is like a rake
5:33
i called it the rake because it's got long rake like claws yeah that's
5:39
i gotta admit that's pretty uh that's disappointing yeah jacob i have to level with you i i
5:46
think you may have just saved this whole podcast for me
5:52
oh really well here's what i thought you were doing i thought you were choosing the worst
5:59
movie you possibly could to punish me
6:04
um couldn't i be doing both well here's the thing it's actually not the worst movie i've seen in fact i
6:11
don't think it's even in my bottom like 50 because i i have an incredibly high tolerance for bad horror films but it is
6:18
still an uh it's got some notably bad moments i have to say oh oh yeah no it's
6:24
uh it's a sticker that's uh i mean i could look it's like tubie
6:32
has just like the weirdest selection of the most god-awful horror movies which i
6:37
think we're gonna have to go back to at some point oh absolutely well for one thing it's free which is great speaking of which
6:44
this is a great moment to segue into explaining what the hell toby is what the hell is to be jacob
6:50
uh it's like netflix but you have to pay for it and it has commercials yeah it's
6:56
it's free netflix it's it's it's owned by fox now and you get to
7:03
watch stuff but it's filled with ads but at least they're not annoying ads like the service doesn't seem to punish
7:10
you relentlessly for not paying money which is nice no it is
7:15
it's almost too good to be true until you actually watch one of these movies and then realize how bad they are
7:21
and then you're like oh okay yeah that's that's the catch this is a relatively new company i
7:26
actually looked it up a little bit it's actually based out of san francisco so it's like right next door
7:33
for you i mean uh yeah interesting and
7:39
the cfo they have like two guys there's like a masood guy who owns it and then the
7:45
another guy named mahmoud who's up in the high thing and then there's like yeah i think the cf cfo is just some guy
7:52
named like robert or something anyway so fox bought it just recently and
7:58
it's actually picking up subscribers the last time i heard i think it has like 30 million people or 32 million
8:05
people watching regularly i can believe it yeah and it's uh it's been released in
8:12
australia recently and uh it's been re-released in the uk apparently it was taken down for some kind of law
8:19
and then it was put back up so anyway if anyone's listening in any of those places or even other parts of the world
8:25
you might actually be able to use this uh crummy little service i mean
8:31
it's a nice service it's just full of really bad movies yeah i mean i can't i can't believe it
8:36
for that i mean you got to take what you can get and also i mean i don't want you to besmirch some of this i was scrolling
8:43
down i made a little mission for myself when i got to the horror section i'm just like i'm just gonna scroll down
8:49
until i find the raking i'm sure it'll be right near the top right and no it wasn't uh nope i never even
8:55
found it scrolling down i had to do a separate internet search to just go right to it as a link
9:02
but in the meantime i did find warlock one two and three that's true of all of those yeah i found
9:08
candy man pumpkin head there's some stuff in there yeah no no i know but it's also just
9:14
like full of stuff like let's see
9:19
kill billies
9:25
yeah the 13th unit lake fear three
9:31
lake fear three wow yeah uh ooh the third name yeah
9:38
oh is that the thirteen is that the glasshouse one yeah yeah tony shalhoub yeah yeah i i like that one
9:46
it's not a scary film but yeah it's more of a spectacle it's a good family film i
9:52
don't know how to describe it it's like that disney haunted mansion movie or something you know yeah i mean considerably more violent
9:58
but yes yeah no yeah i i i
10:04
i i have fun memories of it it's one of those like i appreciate that
10:09
they put thought into the lore of all different ghosts yeah each other thing
10:16
it's someone on some level cared and uh i think a chemist
10:22
yeah you know my stepdad actually saw the original 13 ghosts in theaters it was its own movie so the one you saw
10:28
isn't even the original idea it's a remake yeah yeah but in the original i don't think it's
10:34
the same story i'm sure it's something vaguely similar but the idea is that it was one of those gimmick horror films so
10:42
you had to wear special glasses to see different ghosts so when they got to that part of the movie they would like
10:47
put up some kind of a an indication you got like you got to put on these glasses to see this ghost
10:53
how much you know that's kind of cool and they do implement that a bit into the
11:01
into the movie like the story of the the remake yeah i forget why but they have
11:06
to put on ghost glasses yeah so i don't know i thought that was cute
11:13
in the movie they're like ghost glasses why why are these ghost glasses is it for the ghosts like no they're just regular glasses but they're haunted
11:21
like what all right okay so
11:26
as we said before we're doing the raking a movie i've never heard of it it only just came out
11:32
in 2017 uh this is only like the third or fourth thing that this director has ever done
11:40
so jacob would you recommend this film i mean just generally speaking
11:45
uh no not not particularly
11:51
i mean if you're like okay look i think there's what is it there's like
11:57
there's at least one more rake movie on tui i have to imagine there's at least one more
12:04
oh so if you're like knowing that there was multiple rake things maybe we should have done like the whole trifecta i was
12:09
just like i'll watch all the rake movies and just review them at once oh yeah god that's
12:15
that's a good that's a good idea in hindsight but no no i don't know yeah in theory maybe not
12:21
in practice yeah yeah they didn't probably be so incoherent oh yeah it would be being
12:26
coherent and then i i did watch a bit of the uh the other rake movie and uh it's
12:33
not much better no this one at least i feel like is more
12:38
comment on the bowl yeah yeah i also would not recommend this
12:45
movie i okay i would say yeah i guess i would say unless you're
12:52
like maybe you'd get something out of this if you're a fan of the rake although i feel
12:57
like if you're a fan of the rake he will also be slightly annoyed at the uh
13:02
lore choices this movie it makes choices that aren't in the
13:07
original thing uh interesting yeah yeah i know it's definitely
13:14
as far as i know the rake isn't repelled by light
13:19
if anything i think it's supposed to be a track oh who cares yeah
13:24
okay hey guys yeah the the creature is repelled by light there you go
13:31
well okay that actually gets us to our tagline for this movie which this does have uh speaking which when you when you look
13:38
at the cover of this movie poster or whatever this is you know direct to dvd
13:43
release wait would it have been in 2017 well whatever this is promo release it looks
13:49
like a gray space alien yes like reaching towards the camera or whatever and these tagline is stay in
13:57
the light you know like just just to make sure that there's no ambiguity about what's going on or what its
14:02
weaknesses okay as long as we're talking tagline i also i have the 2b page up with the uh
14:10
the brief description of the movie uh all right please okay it's a deadly
14:16
and major fail when a group of college students take a research trip for a
14:21
class project to a wooded area haunted by an urban legend
14:27
[Laughter] jesus
14:34
yeah i read a description where they were described as anthropology students and i was just like man i can't imagine
14:40
anthropology students being this stupid oh holy [ __ ] this is the uh
14:46
hold on this director did infection brewer the invasion of the
14:52
legend yeah yeah which i have not seen that movie but i have
14:58
seen that cover in movie rental stores quite a bit yeah it's like the moaning face with the
15:05
worms coming out of the mouth and like the white we call it eye pupils yes
15:10
the yeah the eye peoples yeah and then the weight i didn't say that right it doesn't matter
15:17
and it's in the wake which has a just very angry looking child on it i
15:23
haven't seen that one but uh i don't know maybe one day there's something about being a horror
15:29
fan i think that the heart of a horror fan is that of an optimist
15:35
like scavengers we weed around in dubious films hoping against hope for a good monster some good kills a genuinely
15:42
spooky scene i don't feel as though we need an entirely perfect movie i think you
15:49
can pick through you know like like a like a crappy broth you can pick out the good bits of carrot
15:54
and the good bits of meat and just eat it and i think there is some of that in
16:00
this movie so i would not say that it is a complete waste of a film
16:06
but i think the most notable thing about this movie is the director this is an act of will that this movie
16:13
exists yeah actually and when you look at this guy's credits
16:19
he wrote produced directed edited executive produced and starred in
16:26
this movie uh it's a work of love and it shows in every
16:32
scene yes exactly so you know as we get into it if it
16:37
seems like one of the characters is a little too old and is acting really woodenly
16:43
you can think to yourself oh that's the director
16:50
i mean i i gotta give this guy props i mean think of how many bad projects never saw the light of day this man clawed this
16:58
thing raked it if you will into existence he did it yeah uh he yeah he
17:05
i would definitely say that he uh managed to uh
17:10
inflict this movie on a lot of innocent people who didn't deserve it yeah
17:16
so without further ado i i say we start getting into it right uh
17:22
yeah i feel kind of happy at this point yeah so right off the bat you know very little
17:27
money was spent here there's like a there's a harsh edit and there's no fade and it just goes to a
17:34
car driving down a road at night also i don't know if you noticed but the very brief title cards at the beginning
17:40
or whatever you want to call them the credits are for brain damage films and uh they
17:46
are an infamous company for just uh taking whatever and just releasing it on the public at large
17:53
yeah so someone is someone is filming i don't know maybe the entire film with
17:59
a handheld camera or dare i say it a smartphone because i see the car slipping out of
18:05
focus like right in the beginning like in the dark it's something that iphones do when you're trying to film something at night and it's too dark and it'll
18:12
start like wobbling in and out of focus like when it's trying to figure out what's going on i
18:18
was under the impression that yeah this is a smartphone movie i hope so i mean i would give the movie
18:24
more credit if that was the case to be honest yeah this was like a 48 hours film festival
18:31
type you know like we got to film this right now this would be like you know the mona lisa of that
18:37
yeah but if any time it all was spent making this movie you know more maybe more of a finger waggle
18:43
yeah i guess i don't know i i i do kind of want to pardon me wants to give this movie the benefit about and say like hey you uh
18:51
you have a limited amount of time and you got it out and uh that's something but who knows yeah
18:58
inside of this car driving at night is an angry couple this is a tried and true pillar of
19:04
horror film victimhood many an angry marriage or disgruntled relationship was prematurely ended by
19:11
the night road incursion of your chupacabras your mutant giant animals your cursed child spirits
19:18
and now the rake yeah what i like
19:24
there's like a strange i don't know how to describe it there's like there's a cynical jaded feel to the film where they're
19:31
just like well this is what you do so i guess we're gonna do it we're not gonna enjoy that we're doing it but we're
19:36
gonna do it yeah this it's really interesting because yeah there
19:41
there aren't a whole lot of surprises in this movie there are some i would say
19:46
at the end or at least i would argue okay yeah no
19:52
in fact there's one in particular i'm i'm looking forward to but uh but there is a
19:58
a large portion of this movie that sort of well in a horror movie you do this right
20:05
yeah well it starts very much like that and i was miserable for the first half of this movie because i thought it would
20:11
all be that way because there are some movies that really are like that where characters never develop
20:16
and they are unpleasant to one another and to the camera and then they die i hate those movies those are some of
20:23
the ones i i rate the lowest you know where there just doesn't seem to be any creative spark you know it's just a miserable slog
20:32
yeah this movie starts that way so that's what i would argue i actually read one or two reviews of the handfuls
20:38
of people who saw this film and some people were like oh i love that beginning scene that was you know it was
20:43
badass or whatever this part at the beginning almost drove me out of the movie you know like i'm not a walk out
20:49
of the movie theater kind of guy but there are certain lines that i really don't like people crossing especially
20:55
right away and and this movie had one of them for me wait what is it what was it in
21:00
particular oh the possible murdering of a child oh
21:06
i mean like well he doesn't die but you know
21:11
i guess it's the way that it's done because you know i'll just describe the scene briefly because that's all it
21:16
requires and that's all it deserves so there there are these there's these two cardboard cutout
21:21
character parents they're fighting about something i don't remember exactly what
21:28
the dad refuses to get directions oh that's why they were fighting about him not stopping the car
21:35
yeah he was so determined to not stop the car that he had a big angry fight and then he ran out of gas as if he had
21:42
never looked at the gas gauge for however long you know hours you think at some point you'd be like oh
21:48
that's getting a little low here i mean we're out in the mojave desert you know for god's sakes we could have died
21:54
or perhaps the rake used its powers to make the car run out of gas
22:02
yeah as the rake makes a lot of other things not work throughout this film i don't know that could be
22:08
that's probably not that's probably not it yeah but anyway the dad gets out of the car to
22:14
investigate a noise he gets dragged off there's a puddle of blood uh the mom gets out she looks around like her eyes
22:21
don't follow the blood which is weird because that's where the monster would be and that's also where her husband
22:27
would be but she's just kind of looking all over the place yeah and then she hears
22:32
and then she hears a noise and forgets how to open a car door and then the monster comes up and kills her and puts
22:39
her on the roof and i i guess
22:45
part of what like offends me is that is the boy in the back seat you don't even know he's there at first you know what
22:50
as soon as i saw him i was like oh christ you brought a kid and it's his birthday it's like it's
22:57
like they want maximum trauma so this kid watches his dad die in front of him and then he watches his mom die and
23:04
then her her corpse is draped over the windshield and just slides forward slowly and he's just moaning in there
23:10
pathetically like strapped in his car seat he can't get out and then the monster like is about to kill him
23:16
but apparently the the light from the car door makes him go away and then someone rescues him
23:22
i don't know maybe it's just because like i i i don't know the kids performance
23:28
isn't super great but i found it real plausible and it struck a chord with me and it's to me it's like starting a
23:34
movie kicking a dog or something you know what i mean like it just put a real foul taste in the mouth it's just like hey
23:40
you like this okay well i will say this
23:46
i think it's it's funny because i don't think the kid is an especially good actor but i do
23:53
think you could argue that he is the best actor in that scene
23:58
yes i would absolutely argue because he does sound genuinely upset
24:03
that being said yeah uh i am of the opinion that if anything
24:10
horror movies should have more dead kids in them i don't know i guess part of it is
24:16
context you know i hate having to go along with your horrible idea
24:21
or concept of child murder but what i mean is like there's a cinematic language to the
24:27
acceptability of of homicide in a horror film yeah i mean the parents they did it
24:33
too much they made them really stupid and really unlikable and they're like all right it doesn't matter if they die
24:38
but the kid is innocent he does nothing wrong he doesn't you know whine or complain you don't give the audience a
24:44
reason to be like ha ha wouldn't that be weird if he died you know like there's none of that so
24:49
i don't know i was just like relating to the kid i'm just like oh god no don't do it
24:55
why would you do this and it's like the start of your movie so like you don't even know what this is yet and it just goes right to child
25:01
murder sure i guess i can i guess i can see what you mean but i mean
25:07
would have been pretty cool all right let's put that in your list yeah jacob
25:14
likes child murder no okay i'm just saying i'm lying
25:20
i know i just like i appreciate when a movie can like go there with that kind of thing because
25:26
kids usually are off limits but when in horror movies you know you don't kill kids
25:31
so i mean and ultimately they didn't that's true so mark against this one
25:38
you ever see uh alien vs predator requiem i saw it in theaters with somebody i don't remember if it was you
25:44
or who i don't know if anyone's ever truly seen that movie because of the bad lighting
25:50
yeah oh man i that is the movie i wish i had walked out on that and that one does the double
25:57
the double whammy of bad moves because they have a kid
26:02
and a dog get killed by aliens right in the first i forget how long it's like
26:07
the first half hour i think i don't know if you remember that i don't i there are like
26:14
three moments it's not even scenes it's like moments within the movie
26:19
that i remember and then that's it the predalien also puts eggs into a pregnant woman's
26:26
stomach i guess to be upsetting i don't know yeah i remember that was for growth's sake
26:31
yeah so anyway yeah left a bad taste in my mouth yeah
26:36
yeah well okay like i guess like now that i'm like thinking about kids dying it i guess if it's like
26:43
a really funny way yeah like pan's labyrinth yeah yes exactly yeah
26:51
something like that yeah but like not if it's like two mean
26:56
spirited yeah oh yeah also it's the kid's birthday
27:01
it's his birthday jacob oh yeah that's true yeah i mean i guess
27:07
you know that would that would suck like having your birthday ruined like that the rake should have come in real close
27:12
and just been like you're gonna remember this forever little kid uh
27:18
yeah i mean i i don't know what you want me to say sucks behind
27:23
moving on moving on
27:29
i skipped over uh so much notes i i wrote way more than i actually wanted to
27:34
actually speak about this scene okay so yeah that was the cold open yeah
27:42
so you know that just gets you primed for the film you're like yeah kid watches parents die let's get into
27:48
this and uh it goes into a title card it's just
27:53
lesson one entertainment presents it's a shame it's only the first lesson
27:58
so it's six minutes into the film and i'm already regretting it i actually wrote it down as a marker for myself i'm just like all right here we go
28:06
140 minutes and this was only six of them it says it's a brian brewer film
28:12
never in the history of films has a film been more brian brewer
28:18
or any one man i suppose and we have some grainy photographs and
28:24
a weird sort of midi tune as the theme song yeah and then myself like like
28:32
i'll go ahead oh i was also going to say and then there are some uh classic creepypasta images of the rake
28:39
interspersed is that what those are yeah yeah so that's just that he just
28:45
lifted those from the internet uh a good deal but yes oh my god see i thought those look great
28:53
and i thought he made those and i'm just like why did he put all this effort into the montage and not into the opening
28:58
scene and now i can't even give this i can't give him credit for this
29:06
uh yeah sorry man oh god all right for those curious the theme song is done
29:12
by churchill score and sound there's some bloody body pictures
29:18
oh yeah here's why i start writing uh yeah this man wrote directed edited this movie because you know his credits just keep popping up over and over again
29:26
i wonder if he also did the catering like yeah i bought hot dogs and then the montage ends with the sun
29:33
setting and i just wrote the sun sets on the opening credits montage and on my heart
29:42
but in a way it's the beginning of something beautiful yeah you know what
29:48
you can't have a rebirth sometimes until you die you gotta die a little insight and you know in this case uh
29:56
what we're treated to is uh i i assume it's the director and his
30:02
badass dragon tattoo on his back yeah so there's very brief stock footage
30:08
establishing a shot of a college campus and then it just cuts to two young folks
30:14
making out well one isn't so young the guy looks 40
30:20
yeah and yes this is our director he plays ethan cooper although most of the
30:26
students in the film call him mr cooper including the girl he's currently having sex with in this scene
30:34
so yeah so he says maybe we shouldn't and then he's just like yeah okay
30:40
i guess this is the beginning of their awkward relationship yeah well i mean it's like to show you
30:45
something like entirely bad you know guy he had to like get talked into it a little
30:51
yeah i guess like she had to like say like
30:56
we should do it and then there was there was some hesitation there
31:02
i don't know no no not really i will say
31:07
a lot of this movie makes more sense when you realize that's the director
31:13
absolutely which i didn't i didn't realize when i
31:18
uh when i watched the movie yeah so she the girl asks if she got the a or
31:24
something to that effect he jokingly says that she did a b performance
31:30
and then she hits him which is fun there's generic rock playing on
31:36
something it might be a radio but we never see it the shirtless dude who we know to be the director he just reaches
31:42
off screen and then the music ends which i love is like a cheap movie thing like you couldn't even get a prop
31:48
for a radio what was the uh the backup smartphone that they were using yeah well i mean it wasn't really
31:55
playing i suppose i mean for one thing it's rock music and then when he turns it off she says ugh finally
32:01
yeah and you know he says well you could have given it a chance and she's like i'll give country music a chance if you
32:07
let me get out of doing the lame finals project so i guess there's sure it's supposed to
32:13
be some honky tonk country but it's not it's not country that's playing
32:19
they couldn't even get a country song no oh god they should have just gotten
32:24
something public domain you know like from some folk music from like 50 or something years ago there's some dead
32:30
guy yeah she strokes a weird horrible scar that's somewhere on his body i think later on
32:37
they establish that it's supposed to be on his shoulder but they don't show it it's just like a super tight close-up on a weird series of cuts
32:46
and apparently tomorrow's his birthday so she offers him a birthday present for
32:51
his birthday tomorrow but she won't let him open it why would you do that
32:57
yeah it's kind of messed up to be honest she's just like here's the thing no you can't open it well i just i don't know i
33:04
i think she wanted him to want to open it just so that she could tell him that he couldn't yeah
33:11
which again is weird you know if this is one of the early moments in their relationship it's it's odd to have this
33:17
kind of a dynamic going on right off the bat so a girl with fun hair as i wrote it
33:23
stops on the door there's a pretty cool whiplash effect of the camera as the two lovers jump up out
33:29
of bed yeah credit where credit is due i guess yeah the yeah you know the camera moves
33:36
that's something well no i mean you know i think it's it's a smartphone or something or maybe
33:41
a handheld camera because they just do like a fluid upward movement i don't know maybe you don't remember it but
33:47
like yeah it looked kind of cool i don't think it was on purpose i think it was unintentionally cool okay i know that
33:54
doesn't i don't remember that although i do remember that that
34:00
the new comes in like my first thought was do people still dress like that
34:05
um well with like the like
34:11
arm legging things it it feels very much like
34:17
yeah maybe if like this was back when i was in high school or something
34:23
yeah she dresses the way the girl dresses in what was that show with the hacker goth
34:30
girl was it jag or ncis or something uh ncis
34:35
yes also on the cover of the dvds as if like you go first yeah okay
34:42
well let's make it clear first of all her name is abby okay just yeah
34:48
i just remember that on the dvds for that show they just have her on the cover of all of them because they're like we know this is why you're watching
34:55
this i i see like this like i can't say that's
35:01
a lie because it was like yeah i guess i'm gonna watch this 100 that's why yeah yeah yeah and that
35:08
girl never seemed like a real person either she was more of like a creation for the show you know i mean yeah that's
35:15
how characters are i don't know anyway
35:21
what would you want me to say to that there's no response for that no response me to jacob
35:27
all right so yeah it's the roommate that's what she is she needs her charger also it's
35:33
her room so just you should just let her in i mean like she leaves her locked out for a long time
35:40
what's his face the teacher's assistant we find out later the director sneaks out the window
35:46
and the girl gussies up and cleans up the room and tries to disguise the fact that a man was just in there
35:53
and it takes what seems like five minutes before she lets her roommate in yeah this is on the roommate's side
36:01
oh yeah you know yeah yeah no i mean this is part of what you were saying in the first half of the movie and they
36:07
didn't really get better in the second half these people are all awful to each other
36:13
absolutely uh it's very off-putting to sit through
36:19
especially the way they treat uh i can't remember his name the guy with the glasses who like
36:26
i guess he's introduced in the upcoming scene who like seems like a nice enough guy
36:32
no i i disagree really yeah he's a creep yeah uh his name is
36:38
noah well i don't think he means to be well i don't know if any creep means to be a creep they just are
36:45
i guess but like i don't know i'm just saying it's a
36:50
the difference between being like willfully awful and uh
36:56
unintentionally so yes kevin being a weird dude so the girl has a t-shirt that just says
37:02
zombies on it which i just thought was fun like you can't commit to like a movie or something you're like yeah just sing songs you know everybody likes
37:08
zombies yeah and you know not to be rude but the goth girl looks like she's 40.
37:14
okay okay like you were the one to say it first because i didn't want to be mean
37:21
well yeah see no i hesitated because i i feel bad i i don't want to be that guy
37:26
that has to be all ageist about stuff but it's
37:31
it's undeniable no it is to be clear i'm not saying that she's
37:37
like unattractive or anything and you can also go into college whatever
37:43
age you feel like yeah it just feels a little odd
37:49
it stands out the lady yeah she so what the hell is her name
37:55
i think her name is ali rivera yeah she plays jade and she's 37 now so
38:02
this was made in 2017 so she probably would have been her mid-30s i think there's something about the way
38:08
she's filmed or maybe the makeup she has on it actually makes her look older than she is yeah
38:14
yeah i could see that yeah i mean she looks i i would say she looks older than
38:21
her 30s not by a lot but yeah i don't know well she has kind of a bony
38:27
frame and so i wonder if that just makes her seem you know more old lady-ish
38:35
like maybe you shouldn't like pick her apart too much but yeah
38:41
yeah anyway well yeah i was just gonna say though that the the dorms are required for
38:47
freshman undergrads they make you uh stay in a dorm for a year so that you don't starve to death or die in a fire
38:53
before you properly acclimate to living alone but if you're of a certain age they don't make you stay in a dorm it's just
39:00
it just strikes me as odd they could have just had her be an older woman in college he'd be like just live in an
39:06
apartment or something you know they don't need to be roommates maybe they were just trying to save money by having them in the same room at the same time
39:13
yeah maybe i don't know i mean because the roommates together they're also in the
39:19
same class and they're also in the same final but they hate each other so
39:25
it just seems like bad luck you know that you're apparently these two girls are trapped with one another even though
39:30
they openly despise each other in almost every scene yeah i remember my time in wendell hill hall
39:37
b of central washington university none of our rooms had working stoves and if anyone on any of the floors tripped the
39:43
fire alarm the entire building had to be marched outside and wait
39:49
it was horrible i once had the girl across the hall burn pancakes and everybody had to get brought out of the
39:55
building it was like three or four hundred people jesus christ you know it was actually
40:00
pretty great you know because we knew her so we're just like it was her we're like pointing at her she's like shut up
40:07
i see that's like i can't remember last time i burnt something but that would make me so afraid to cook anything
40:15
just on the off chance the fire alarms tripped so often that after a while i didn't even leave when
40:20
the fire alarm went off i could have died just because people are burning their pop tarts
40:26
letting their top ramen noodles on their you know their their space heater things just slop over and catch flame
40:33
okay so i don't know if there's a transition really but the two roommates go to a bar
40:40
yeah that's not much of fun yeah they're just there the goth girl texts noah to see if he's
40:46
coming and he's over at the door getting his id checked by the bouncer who was the best character in the movie
40:54
oh jesus peter no i love this bouncer
41:01
he's like this he's this big muscly man with like a huge head but he's got like a tiny a tiny little
41:07
fedora hat and he only has like one line he's just like hey pal how you doing gonna need to
41:13
see some id i don't know i believe the performance i love it i guess i will say he's not an
41:20
especially muscly guy he's just i'm sorry i believe his performance
41:25
i absolutely believe that a guy like that would wear a fedora that doesn't make it all right
41:31
[Laughter] all right i mean either way you know yeah i know i
41:37
like it he doesn't have a good place to sit he's just on a stool in the middle of the bar sort of perched i mean i
41:43
guess some bars are like that because they they need people to be intercepted right away and the architecture of a room doesn't
41:49
always work right i had a working theme i had a theory on that actually
41:56
and that's that they're filming in a real bar and there's an actual place for the
42:02
bouncer but they didn't use the real bouncer they used an actor
42:07
so they had to find another place within the bar that they could use for their fake
42:13
bouncer while the actual bouncer is still doing his real dancing oh that's amazing i hope that's true
42:20
yeah i mean that's kind of what i think may have happened
42:26
so it's the girl the blonde girl's named kennedy i don't remember when they actually start saying her name but that
42:32
is her name so there's kennedy and jade is the the goth girl
42:38
and then there's the nerdy boy noah who shows up very awkward and then
42:43
mr cooper shows up he's the teacher's assistant yeah or ta
42:48
the girls don't like each other and neither girl likes noah and that's the dynamic
42:55
yeah no we're after a great start yeah we're off to the races
43:00
yeah i have to say especially early on this bar scene is about as awkward as real
43:05
college meetings are when no one wants to be there yeah i will say in a weird way
43:11
this captures a realism better than like a higher budget movie probably
43:16
would it feels like after the money has run out on the
43:21
production nobody wants to be there and they're just filming them being like
43:27
just miserable yeah wanting to leave
43:32
you know honestly people are like that in college sometimes so it's not actually an inauthentic feeling i just think it
43:38
might it might have been accidentally achieved yeah i mean there's also stuff like the
43:44
bartender spending like way too much time hitting on jade
43:50
in this kind of like protracted scene where it's like this is like
43:55
everything bounces back and forth here it's just terrible it's a shame because it actually is a
44:01
it's a good i'm saying it wrong it is a good dynamic early on
44:06
but it gets weird because it's not cut i think it's almost every take so they say
44:11
a few sort of almost charming things but then the scenes go on for too long she says oh i need something something
44:18
strong and he's like oh it's that bad huh and she's like yeah it's really bad i'm in a really bad movie right now
44:24
could you get me some booze and noah shows up and he says the worst thing ever he's like hey um i'm not
44:31
really into drinking a whole lot so like why don't we order two different things and then we can share out of each
44:37
other's glasses and i don't know what he thought
44:45
like those 1950s things where like he drinks shakes out of straws and cups like
44:50
is that what he thinks beer is like uh i don't know i all i can say is uh look i
44:56
i feel for that poor man yeah he's just wretchedly awkward yeah i don't know like like i said like
45:02
everything he's like a bad guy he's just really awkward and
45:07
that's terrible for everyone else to have to deal with we could just drink out of either side
45:13
of the glass you know oh i just think there's like a certain like naivety like to like everything he
45:18
does that's sort of like this is really like sad more like more than creepy it's just kind of like i
45:24
don't know he's just kind of like an awkward guy so you know they keep cutting to the
45:29
bartender and it cuts for too long and it just shows them like being real and comfortable and yeah bartenders
45:35
bartenders are paid and trained to supply booze
45:40
so he actually goes against his job by being like i don't know if i want to deal with this awkwardness i'm just
45:47
going to stand over here until noah leaves he should have said something charming and then encourage them both to get
45:53
drinks you know like with like a little wink yeah man you're just trying things out you know just just try this but
45:59
don't drink out of her glass you weird creep yeah yeah
46:05
like let me just take you aside and tell you the business he could have just bought multiple drinks like that i mean like this matter
46:11
to him if he's like taking noah for a ride i don't know you could both buy your own
46:17
drinks and then you could just describe what it tastes like to the other person and you know then it's not nearly as weird
46:24
anyway jade tells noah to leave basically she's just like hey you should go check up on
46:30
the the rest of the group she doesn't give him a reason why you know there's no point to it but he's
46:36
just like oh okay and he just kind of sadly walks back finally finally the bartender
46:44
says some more stuff to jade i guess they hit on each other for a while longer and he makes her a rather
46:50
elaborate looking drink that's probably just kind of cranberry juice with like an umbrella in it and like a martini
46:56
glass or something yeah actually wait it might be a margarita
47:01
glass i'm not sure uh i think it was a margarita class but uh i don't know i'm not a booze guy
47:08
either right but unlike noah i'm not weird about it well i mean i should i should know a
47:13
little bit more about this i guess my uh my sister's bartender so
47:19
oh really yeah cool anyway the bartender says he likes onions because they have layers
47:26
and that he likes to peel the layers which is like oh yeah that should have immediately shut
47:32
that conversation down yeah she should have just shot him like a horrified look and she'd be like okay
47:37
that's i thought you were cool but that's pretty weird yeah
47:42
this is a bad movie so she's like oh i like this this weird thing you've just said and now i'm gonna go sit down and
47:48
think about it yeah it's like kind of deep
47:54
yeah i mean if you really think about it because like people have learned things
47:59
i'm like shrek you know because i've got layers oh my god i didn't even think about that
48:06
or a kid oh man that makes it so much worse oh that should have been the line
48:13
yeah you're like shrek to me you've got layers
48:18
oh man that one might work i like that yeah i would like that line i mean he
48:25
would win me over yeah yeah jade the goth girl and the bartender
48:30
flirt a little as i said the guy says he likes onions because they're like layers i almost buy the chemistry but more
48:37
importantly i'm just relieved to have a moment in the film when the characters in a scene aren't
48:42
actively hating one another so there is that you need to put a
48:48
cherry on that scene as soon as jade walks back blondie chimes in that was disgusting people
48:55
like you should not be breeders what are these lines
49:00
yeah well also what a mean thing to say to someone unbelievably cruel like for basically no reason either i
49:07
don't know i i don't get it yeah so what was she horrified about that she likes a
49:13
guy i mean i guess i guess she would i guess she was like really turned off by that
49:19
onion line it's best i can tell maybe she heard all of that in which case yeah no i'm not gonna decide if that's the case if she
49:25
heard it she's like he said that onion thing and then you were into it
49:31
yeah shame shame on you later it's a funnier reading of what sam
49:38
i like that so noah he's the only one that took notes for this uh
49:43
they're supposed to be taking i mean like i said in the description of this movie it says anthropology i don't know what it's supposed to be
49:50
no one else seems to care at one point jade says that she's an a student and she takes all of this very seriously it
49:57
doesn't really seem to be in the case in the movie and her knowing things accomplishes nothing for her
50:03
yeah things like that don't have to matter i just thought it was odd that they
50:09
pointed out you know they kind of go out of their way to be like i'm an a student that means i'm diligent and studious and
50:14
i pay attention to things and then it avails her not at all
50:19
yeah this movie loves setup
50:24
yeah not not really like paying it off but like love setup
50:30
yeah i just realized the cold open scene is also just a huge setup to something that doesn't really pay off at the end
50:37
no spoiler for that i guess i mean whatever yeah well i mean who cares this movie's
50:43
terrible well okay like i'm just like i'm sorry i like i'm not gonna address the the listener
50:49
or listeners that directly if you don't see where that beginning scene was going
50:55
is this your your first movie come on it's like what's up
51:01
certainly well sure but i mean come on we know we've seen movies we know where it's
51:07
going okay so their their final project for whatever this class is is to investigate
51:14
an urban legend out in the field and they have like a like a portfolio book so there's possible choices i wish
51:22
there was more of this because i just want to see all of the things they didn't investigate i want to see like like a like a mothman
51:30
and like a sasquatch you know that kind of stuff yeah they do mention
51:35
one or two other names which i think one of them is a creepypasta monster they
51:42
didn't use for this yeah they mentioned someone named charredman
51:48
yeah walks out of the bushes and stares at you i guess
51:53
yeah i'm like pretty sure that's a creepy pasta monster but i don't know yeah
51:59
well as i said i watched this whole movie not knowing anything about the creepypasta element so i just thought this was just some random thing i almost
52:07
thought charred man would show up at the end and save them from the rake
52:12
oh man if only yeah oh jesus that would be great
52:19
yeah oh my god yeah already a much better ending no
52:26
yeah you're onto something here with the like creepypasta monster versus creepypasta monster thing yeah yeah just
52:33
get like their territories to overlap so that they all like meet in the same place yeah like
52:38
the rake versus the slender man yeah they also mentioned flying pixies so
52:46
that's something that's around here sure this is all filmed in joshua tree
52:52
california so i guess this is a real place i thought it was arizona that's what it looks like but there are parts of
52:57
california that are this flat desolate and hot uh yeah
53:03
so they mentioned that the rake is in joshua tree i actually thought they meant literally a joshua tree that's a kind of is it a
53:10
cactus i think i'm not sure i know the name but uh i think it's a cactus or maybe it's a
53:16
weird little tree but whichever one it is it's an endangered species of plants and so it's actually protected and you
53:22
get in trouble if you damage them or run them over uh it looks like a tree mixed with a cactus so there you go
53:30
whichever yeah the point is i thought that when they were mentioning joshua tree i thought
53:35
that he emerged out of a joshua tree because he was like you know one of those nature spirits where like if you
53:42
if you hurt too many of them he's gonna come out and kill you peter that's a little too interesting
53:48
for this movie well see no okay my idea isn't good but
53:53
it is still better than what is presented here yeah well yeah yeah yeah to be clear
54:00
that's that's all i'm suggesting yeah no i mean at least it would be about something
54:06
rather than nothing but you know yeah the rake only appears on the
54:11
equinox which is twice a year i looked it up it's roughly between
54:17
it's roughly around march 20th and september 23rd but it changes depending
54:22
on which hemisphere you're in and you know which one it is apparently the gregorian calendar cycles every 400
54:30
years so it's not accurate all the time it keeps changing
54:35
the only thing that's notable about it is that it's the day in which day and night are
54:41
equal length but it's only within one minute of one another so it's not a super super accurate thing
54:48
it's also weird because as we find out later in the film this thing is light sensitive so why
54:54
why would it go to a time when it has such a short night it's not the shortest night of the year but it's the it's the
55:00
middle time why not spend the time killing people on the shortest day of the year
55:06
well that would require digging into the lore of the rake
55:12
or really really doing anything with the rig
55:18
and this movie really isn't interested in that i was thinking the rake should go up to barrow alaska in just like 30 days of
55:25
night it i mean he could be killing people all month long in total darkness that'd be an interesting movie too bad
55:31
they didn't do that they should just insert his character into 30 days at night just so he can be
55:36
killed by those vampires i mean he basically is though is he i don't know what he's supposed to
55:42
be i mean he is basically a vampire in this he just doesn't do any of the like cool vampire
55:49
stuff well he eats human flesh and he tears at people
55:55
i'm trying to think if there's more that might be it i mean like he doesn't really do anything he kind of seems to
56:00
appear sometimes yeah i don't know yeah mythical creature he's got a
56:07
he's got a surprising lack of interesting powers or abilities not much
56:13
going on with him i mean even when he i mean i guess like not to spoil it but like even his design
56:18
is pretty uninspired i've seen worse i mean for a rubber suit it's not terrible yeah we'll get it no
56:25
yeah yeah hey so some girl named kelly just walks
56:31
up and leers at the papers and you know they don't explain to you who this person is right away so just like what
56:37
what what is this girl this is weird and rude also that the camera slips out of focus
56:44
yeah i was just thinking what was everything for this movie done in one take or were there even worse takes than
56:50
these i dare to dream of a world where there were worse takes and these were all the
56:56
best nine takes and this is the best one
57:01
so they established that kelly is jade's sister i guess
57:07
noah makes the connection that kelly and jade are both shades of green so personally
57:12
i had no idea that kelly is a shade of green apparently it's kind of a yellowish green that's kind of like
57:18
the color of shamrocks on st patty's day that kind of thing i never would have guessed i don't know
57:24
why no one knew this i guess just because you know he read the script yeah
57:30
so okay i don't remember in the movie but how
57:35
young is she supposed to be because i get the because i get the impression that she's
57:41
supposed to be rather significantly younger
57:46
but her actress doesn't seem like she's she's not a younger actress in
57:52
comparison to like everyone else you know the manager it's not like i don't get the impression that she's
57:58
supposed to be like like 16 or something i think she's supposed to be something like that personally i thought she was
58:04
closer to maybe 18 because later on they give her a beer and no one's like freaking out and that leads me to
58:10
believe that she's had them before and you know it's maybe a little wrong but like yeah whatever she's about right so
58:16
i think she's right on the doorstep of independence oh yeah i guess it's just kind of weird because like she plays the character a
58:23
little like naive too in a way that it's just like what what is this
58:31
well she's actually i guess after the bouncer she's like my second favorite character she's one of the only nice
58:36
people in the movie yeah well you see where that gets her
58:43
i think i might leave that whole dramatic pause that was great
58:50
oh yeah kelly says that their parents only eat green m m's which is really weird
58:57
yeah what the hell was that about i don't know just because they're both named green things and so i guess their
59:04
parents are really obsessed yeah i mean that makes them sound
59:10
psychotic absolutely bonkers green isn't even the best color
59:16
oh green's my favorite color all right well we're not getting into that i mean not that it matters or anything i
59:22
really like a dark force green you know like they used to have in crayola crayons like they're really like rich
59:28
almost black kind of like mossy black green that's my fave
59:34
so who was it i think it's kennedy or or maybe it's noah anyway one of them asks well how'd you even get in here and she
59:40
just turns and points at the bouncer and he waves at her so i mean like cool but that's also
59:46
pretty illegal and you'd get in serious trouble if you got caught you know letting someone in yeah between that and the bartender i
59:53
just think that's maybe just kind of a shitty bar so jade leads kelly into the ladies room
1:00:00
kelly explains that she took a bus to visit jade she's miserable at home and wants to
1:00:05
hang question mark yeah she's just kind of like hey i just felt
1:00:11
like showing up and so here i am just walked into a bar at night i knew you were here somehow
1:00:18
but i want in on your final project you know honestly yet more evidence that their parents are
1:00:25
just nuts yeah probably for me it gives kelly credit i feel like she had to do some
1:00:30
deduction to be able to find her way to jade at the bar yeah i also just feel like if you would
1:00:37
rather hang out and do a college assignment with someone whatever you were doing before must been
1:00:43
real boring yeah i mean i i suspect that their parents are real dysfunctional to the
1:00:49
point where they're driving all of their daughters away yeah
1:00:54
kelly begs to tag along on the field trip to investigate a mythical monster
1:00:59
what what class is this what how is this a final i i don't know
1:01:07
yeah this is like what do they hope to achieve i don't understand
1:01:12
yeah i was thinking about that like in the best case scenario you know
1:01:17
where they just don't find anything i think what yeah i think their plan was to go out into the wilderness and camp
1:01:24
and then just sort of write about the legends that they had already read yeah
1:01:31
so i know um i mean i guess i mean otherwise whatever else they might have done they failed to do
1:01:38
they didn't get interviews they didn't put up monster traps or or sensory
1:01:43
devices you know they didn't take notes no i mean if anything it's really lucky
1:01:49
that they they end up encountering the break because being like otherwise you're just like you're gonna camp and
1:01:55
say hey we uh we were out where the monster was he just thought to be but it wasn't
1:02:03
and he had to even turn that into an assignment when i was going through um law school i actually was in the
1:02:09
innocence project that's the uh they're trying to abolish the death penalty the through like legal work
1:02:16
and we actually did have field trips i didn't get to go on any of them but they did have a couple of trips out to scan
1:02:22
for the remains of of humans of uh bones in some caves
1:02:28
in order to prove that somebody didn't commit the crime and i'm like i'm super sad i never got to go
1:02:35
i i mean that's actually kind of interesting but also conceivably you could
1:02:41
find that stuff yeah and this is like go out and if you don't find bigfoot you
1:02:48
you fail the class in my head i just thought of a much better like a plot based on my story
1:02:55
where you know you go to a cave to scan for bones you find the bones but then a
1:03:00
local guy you've already talked to like shows up out of nowhere and he's like oh you found out my secret now i gotta kill
1:03:07
you yeah yeah yeah it feels like they just didn't give
1:03:13
any real thought into how to get these kids out there which
1:03:18
like it's weird because like it's not like it's hard they just chose the most
1:03:24
brain dead way to go about it they also could have just filmed a couple scenes where they just show them hanging out
1:03:31
for a couple of days because at least if you have more time elapsed it would show that they could have done things
1:03:38
yeah you know work could have been done they could have worked on their papers yeah do do
1:03:44
like even something like you know they're like archaeology students or something
1:03:50
i mean it would be hard yeah yeah something like just the fact that they're all
1:03:56
basically just taking a course on monsters for well no in the description it does
1:04:03
actually say that they're anthropology students but i forget i thought anthropology was sort of like
1:04:08
archaeology where you you go dig things up with tools
1:04:13
they didn't do that either so i don't know yeah well yeah that's what i'm saying is like you could have had it relate to that and then have the like
1:04:20
weird creepypasta stuff be an unintended kitchen things rather than like
1:04:27
we're explicitly going to go out and look for this monster what if they were digging in a pit for something authentic
1:04:33
you know like they could be digging up you know arrowheads or native american stuff sure with permission from the tribe of course
1:04:40
and you know but then in the midst of it creepy stuff keeps happening you know and they're like we need to get out of here and the teacher's like no no we
1:04:47
gotta stay and finish this dig you know i'm not gonna hear your superstitious stories you know and it gets creepier
1:04:52
and creepier well i think you see it would take almost no extra effort
1:04:58
to have made that the story okay all right we gotta stop because
1:05:04
i love workshopping better stories but yeah we gotta work with what we got so okay okay fine fine whatever kelly begs
1:05:11
to tag along on the field trip jade says no and then as jade's about to leave kelly
1:05:17
asks for tampons and this important question never gets answered
1:05:23
i mean did you get them or not i don't know i kind of want to know well you know
1:05:29
considering the events in an upcoming scene maybe not any self-respecting
1:05:35
bigfoot any bigfoot hunter would advise against investigation during menstruation i mean
1:05:40
this is just rule number one yeah honestly i mean what are you doing here
1:05:46
you're a bunch of amateurs this movie like insists on
1:05:51
having such bizarre little details like that it's like yeah what was the point
1:05:57
i think it's supposed to be like oh you're becoming a woman now you know or something
1:06:03
i guess but doesn't the immediate scene afterwards where she has a beer kind of
1:06:08
do that i guess i don't know i don't know like oh god okay like i need
1:06:13
to stop because i ain't connecting to you guys take a look at the help section in your
1:06:19
alexa alexa please um
1:06:25
i don't know why i don't know why he keeps doing that it's it'll sometimes to our horror element honestly no honest
1:06:32
to god it will do that at like three o'clock at night i oh my god
1:06:38
i'm not a fan anyway um let's
1:06:43
let's like for real stuff workshopping this movie it will be on it all day so yeah
1:06:50
it's a problem we cut to a bright sunny morning everyone is loading up the car for their
1:06:55
doomed trip the natural light looks really nice with this camera slash smartphone they should
1:07:01
have just filmed more outdoor day shots yeah which i guess yeah i guess that's also work shopping so yeah moving along
1:07:10
it's impossible yeah every scene i'm just like why didn't you do more of this
1:07:16
so jade sends away kelly speaking to her the same way one might speak to a dog
1:07:21
one was about to abandon in the forest go on girl you're free now
1:07:29
and then uh kennedy gets out of the car just as jade gets into the car and seems to invite kelly to come along
1:07:36
but later on it's supposed to be a surprise and so they should have taken this scene out i see it again i'm trying to fix it
1:07:45
i think we just have to embrace the fact that this is a movie that
1:07:50
you could very easily change so many minor aspects of this movie and
1:07:56
you would improve it yes yes noah creepily checks out jade as she's
1:08:01
sitting next to him in the car and it seems like at this point jade has had a lot of screen time and so i just
1:08:07
wrote is jade the main character i actually don't know yeah that's i guess that's kind of how i
1:08:13
felt oh well wait no i mean how things happen later uh no she can't be
1:08:20
well okay that's maybe the fault of the movie the fact that they made the wrong character
1:08:26
the main character it was an accident she became the main character i tried to stop her
1:08:32
i mean it kind of feels like it doesn't it yeah she hijacked this film with her her
1:08:37
velma snarkiness i mean i don't even know if it's that
1:08:42
but it's like the teacher does nothing yeah
1:08:47
brace yourself jade for a three hour trip it's gonna be a bumpy ride
1:08:54
oh this is when we learned that the blonde girl is named kennedy mr cooper is driving
1:08:59
he goes to turn off the milk toast stock rock playing on the radio kennedy wants the radio on
1:09:06
she goes to run her hand up his thigh to make him change his mind and he bats her hand away i would have given anything
1:09:13
for a shot of the back seat with jade and noah just staring wide-eyed at the exchange
1:09:20
i mean yeah honestly i do not notice that there are no secrets in subarus they'd
1:09:25
have seen everything also they're talking openly i mean i
1:09:32
don't know why it's the secret at some point they should have just been like yeah we know you're sleeping together whatever yeah they don't really make an
1:09:38
attempt to hide it yeah so they talk up briefly about the mythical creature in the car and jade
1:09:44
just says that her theory is that the the whole thing is all baloney and
1:09:49
i should hope so because otherwise you might have thought to bring more security along or at least a few more
1:09:54
coeds who run slower than you do yeah i'm sorry like were there people were some of them going along under the
1:10:01
impression that the creature was real and that they were just putting themselves in huge amounts of danger
1:10:07
yeah because they seem so blase about it when they're driving there i mean i have to imagine they don't believe it's real
1:10:13
yeah but there's multiple people in the movie including mr cooper who knows that that it's real
1:10:20
and that people have died well we're getting a little ahead of ourselves that yeah sorry
1:10:26
sort of a spoiler i guess i mean not like again not really if you've ever watched a movie before
1:10:33
you know you know how that kind of thing works but yeah it is interesting to
1:10:39
watch the movie again or re-watch it knowing that
1:10:44
the teacher knows everything yeah when you think about it afterwards you
1:10:50
was like oh right he knew everything he brought them here knowing what happens
1:10:56
okay i'm sorry peter yeah i have to workshop things again all right just one time
1:11:03
okay well i mean we both know that's not the case i know just go ahead so
1:11:10
this whole setup could have been more interesting if
1:11:15
the teacher was like intentionally getting these kids into a situation
1:11:20
where they would be killed it's like part of a plan yeah you
1:11:26
know the man okay like you know maybe he knows a way to kill the creature and the kids are just kind of there to be like
1:11:35
like either like bait or like a necessary like sacrifice of like some of these kids are going to have to like die
1:11:41
to like set this up yeah you just made me think of something like you know like in harry potter where
1:11:46
he can see the the mirror of his dead parents you know in voldemort or whoever is just like wouldn't you like your
1:11:52
parents back that'd be great if mr cooper later on is just like i found out
1:11:57
that there was a way there was a way to get my parents back and they're like how i have to give them a replacement
1:12:04
yeah we're just even john johnson something anything
1:12:10
because like it feels so weird to have that whole setup
1:12:17
knowingly basically does nothing to like like he goes in
1:12:22
completely unprepared although he like knows what happened yeah and just kind of lets it happen and
1:12:30
it's just kind of like oops what do you expect yeah how do you not
1:12:37
have some sort of yeah like like a plan to like deal with this or at least the
1:12:44
hint of something yeah there have been some movies i think certain slasher films like some of the friday
1:12:51
the 13th where they have people who actually did see jason kill someone earlier and
1:12:56
there's that weird kind of disbelief like oh this can't have been true but then when they're presented with him again you know they usually do that
1:13:03
thing where they're like oh no not again and they'll go into like you know a murderous rage and try to stop him you
1:13:08
know or something like that yeah he doesn't do that either so i don't know
1:13:14
it's interesting to think about this going forward it feels to me like the movie was
1:13:20
written chronologically and they just didn't go back and revise any of it
1:13:26
yeah yeah it was all held in succession well that's what i'm saying is it feels like they would come up with an idea
1:13:33
and then they would be like all right maybe they'll pay off later on or like all right hey this is kind of interesting with no thought to like
1:13:40
how it affects everything before it i mean it could also just be that he had
1:13:45
a bunch of shots he wanted to do and he never got to finish them and so this is just a hodgepodge of what he had
1:13:52
just trying to make a story out of it the movie feels too coherent for head it's just not you know honestly that
1:13:58
would be giving him too much credit to blame the system or you know or lack of money for it yeah i'm sorry we're not uh advocate for
1:14:06
uh releasing the brewer cut the brewer cut yeah yeah give him 70
1:14:11
million dollars oh oh hey wait peter speaking of
1:14:18
i'm sorry we're gonna like massively sidetrack again okay i did i did watch the sniper cut
1:14:24
yeah for the viewers at home i don't know when this podcast is going to go up but for us the snyder cut just came out
1:14:30
like a day or two ago yeah sorry this is a sequel to the uh
1:14:36
28 days later episode uh and you know ethically
1:14:41
yeah well because of this and now you have to watch the other one first go back
1:14:46
if you're watching this one first you have to go back and watch that one sorry pause it i should release them but i
1:14:51
should number them in the order that we filmed them so it's really confusing
1:14:57
yeah like number five or six or whatever yeah and you know what
1:15:03
i will say lips i watched the snyder cut and i'm not afraid to admit when i'm
1:15:10
wrong the uh the snare cut it was better than the joss whedon cut
1:15:16
no uh yeah no no it was i think it's a i think it's a decent movie
1:15:22
i don't think that it's like reinventing the uh the superhero wheel but you know
1:15:27
what it was wrong credit where credit's due zack snyder made a decent superhero
1:15:33
movie well i will not be sitting down for that four hour travesty you will never get me
1:15:38
to pay for snyder again that's going to be a future patreon exclusive
1:15:44
for people who subscribe with the i don't know let's say twenty dollars or up
1:15:50
yeah we'll do we'll do a sniper cut episode yeah yeah we'll do a commentary track where i'm just like ah jesus
1:15:59
yeah i don't care it's not a horror movie i mean like in a certain existential sense i guess it kind of is
1:16:04
but yeah pbs certainly so yeah jesus yeah all right anyway
1:16:10
so speaking of which for this movie i did actually groan out loud several times and said oh
1:16:16
god a couple of times as well just a disgust not like in shock or whatever
1:16:21
no yeah this movie is anything but shocking so remember how you were saying that you know you thought that noah was
1:16:27
sort of unintentionally creepy but not really intentionally so right for the most part
1:16:33
i would say that's true this is one of the scenes in the backseat of the car that helps cement
1:16:39
his status for me as a creep because he starts filming jade with his camera without telling her just silently
1:16:46
sure well i mean yeah that's for the record i'm not going to defend that i'm just saying that in general i think
1:16:52
the i think what they were going for was unintentionally he's just kind of an awkward guy
1:16:58
yeah i mean i think that normal awkward would have been the same thing it's just that you would have been like hey can i film
1:17:04
you with my camera and then she like you know whether or not she says yes or no you do but you know
1:17:10
that's at least fair warning but he doesn't even do that no he's just like i'm doing it are you
1:17:16
gonna stop me i mean that would have been trying to [ __ ] me
1:17:21
i'm starting to like my noah voice yeah it's it's pretty good yeah just i'm
1:17:26
just having a good time here do you like smoking pot you look like a kind of girl that would like to
1:17:33
smoke pot oh my god i forgot about that not like in a bad way but you know
1:17:40
i actually i like that one because it's like that's so awkward yes
1:17:47
but it's like it's awkward in a way that's like it's very cringy but like also like yeah i guess i could see someone like
1:17:53
him saying that i don't want to say it's endearing but i mean it's i don't know i've heard worse i guess
1:17:59
yeah yeah after that kennedy from the front seat says you know noah you're really
1:18:05
starting to grow on me and he's just like oh okay well okay look what's your favorite
1:18:11
i will say this not to defend noah again how else would you respond to that
1:18:18
yeah i don't know what you would say maybe nothing i guess you just yeah like shrug
1:18:24
thanks man let's go so kennedy asks for a pee break and uh
1:18:30
mr cooper says they are almost there he won't stop for anything he's just like his idiot father it's like poetry
1:18:37
his father's legacy lives with him he will not stop that car until they reach
1:18:42
their destination there is no discussion um i mean that's just good filmmaking
1:18:49
man exactly it's cyclical yeah it echoes rhymes the sins of the father visited
1:18:55
upon the sun oh yeah and then in protest kennedy grabs the steering wheel and just like
1:19:02
swerves the car dangerously before mr cooper can regain control oh yeah it's just
1:19:07
it's just nuts oh yeah hey yeah i had a note about that this is being over
1:19:12
dramatic jesus christ
1:19:19
yeah no i think i would have called off the trip if anyone did that i'm just like okay we're done yeah i'm bringing
1:19:25
you home right now and you're sitting in the back seat by the way we're still we're still supposed to like this uh
1:19:31
character are we i think so i don't know for sure but i think the movie tries to soften everyone
1:19:37
at the end like they all you know have an arc so i thought the idea was that they start as bad people that you don't like
1:19:44
and then they kind of grow on you or they reform themselves yeah like i kind of feel like she's supposed to be like a
1:19:51
little mean but she is she's like a thousand percent mean yeah but like i don't know if that was
1:19:59
really what they were i don't know if that's how the character was supposed to read to an audience you
1:20:05
know yeah i don't know not sure because it does feel like well she's sleeping with the ta to try
1:20:12
to get out of doing work and you know and get an easy a i can't imagine you're supposed to love this character
1:20:18
no but like i i yeah i don't know it's it's hard to say like you said they do take some
1:20:25
pains to try and make them like a little bit more likable later on so like i don't i don't know
1:20:31
yeah it's it's odd because like also a lot of that growth is uh
1:20:37
very unearned so it's a little out of nowhere for some of them especially it's hard for me to
1:20:43
say like is it just like bad writing or like were they intended to be more sympathetic and
1:20:49
then the movie's just like structured and weary where that just doesn't work out you know yeah
1:20:56
so the sudden movement of the car elicits a groan from the trunk area who could it be jacob
1:21:03
gush who can say so mr cooper pulls over he finds kelly
1:21:08
in his well not his trunk it's the rear storage area so she was just sitting there in the open air behind everybody
1:21:14
not saying anything i suspect that you know they thought of a different car when they were making
1:21:20
this later on in the film they refer to this car as a truck it is not a truck no
1:21:26
wait a minute trucks don't have trunks either well maybe she would have just been like in the flatbed
1:21:32
that was what i was thinking kennedy confirmed she helped hide kelly in the back
1:21:37
jade yanks on kennedy's hair and noah films it i mean actually i i approve of that one
1:21:43
yeah i mean you just gotta film that if that ever happens uh yeah i mean yeah
1:21:49
meanwhile a white truck pulls up and a scruffy old man asks if the group needs help the guy
1:21:55
weirdly asks them if they're going camping they say yes he asks where they say joshua tree
1:22:02
he says it's not a good night for camping they ask why he says
1:22:08
or no he should have said because i'm going to follow you there and kill you [Laughter]
1:22:14
like why'd you tell him everything yeah yeah or guess like why not just
1:22:21
say what's going on well i don't know i just think that you know for a stranger like it's a weird dude in
1:22:27
a truck that just drives up and he's like hey where are you going how many of you are you are you armed
1:22:34
well that's what i'm saying it's like it's like this is maybe the worst example of the like
1:22:40
you kids should go out that way guy yeah horror movie because like
1:22:46
usually they'll give you some indication of what's up yeah like maybe some people have died or
1:22:52
maybe there's like a legend or something they'll give you like some kind of warning or like by their nature they'll
1:22:59
be creepy and they'll be like part of whatever is going on yeah i mean he says that like oh this
1:23:05
isn't a good night for this trip and they're like what do you mean and he's like it's just not
1:23:10
but they already know what he means so like are they playing dumb or was this scene filmed separately and
1:23:17
they had a different plot line where they didn't know what was happening see i feel like this is more evidence
1:23:22
for my this was written all in one go linearly
1:23:29
yeah where like they wrote this out because this is what you do in a horror movie without really
1:23:35
considering that you would have to go back and change a few things to account for this
1:23:42
it feels like yeah they wrote the scene and they just had no conception of the fact that this including this
1:23:50
means you have to like go back and rewrite some of the stuff he did previously this guy seems like the old guy at the
1:23:57
beginning of cabin in the woods where he's just inducting victims into a zone yeah
1:24:02
i mean like nothing people coming in for the slaughter i mean not that it helps but uh
1:24:09
if they didn't know what was going on that would be like extra cryptic and
1:24:14
extra useless just like oh it's bad and what is it going to rain yeah
1:24:19
like all right comanche country jesus christ speaker what if that
1:24:25
happened the line i mean like then you would want to not listen to him you know like in a way
1:24:30
the audience would be on board you're like oh you can't listen to this guy he's still in the 1890s okay
1:24:36
there's something there i don't think he could i don't think it'd be a good i don't think it'd be a good reason to make a whole movie around
1:24:43
it but it would be very no no no no hear me out what i'm saying is it would be very
1:24:49
funny to do a movie like this where you have that scene where the guy tries to warn people of what's going on
1:24:57
but by the very but by the very nature of what it is you just kind of sounds like like a
1:25:05
like a bigoted freak they shouldn't pay attention to
1:25:10
like like yeah like if there was like you know like a killer like media american ghost or whatever and the guy
1:25:18
was just like warning people about the indians out there it's like you know
1:25:24
it's like it's like looking engines yeah no that's no that's like it's like he's trying and he's not even wrong
1:25:31
i don't want anyone listen yeah that's what i'm saying
1:25:38
it's just like group after group going in and dying oh man stupid college kids
1:25:45
see okay you know what this is this is like an internet skit
1:25:50
where you where you do that yeah for college or college humor or funnier diet yeah something like that
1:25:57
yeah i think there's something to that synth cello strikes up as the sunset
1:26:03
approaches that night synth cello is concerned music if ever i've heard it
1:26:09
i mean i was concerned when i heard it since cello is such a it's just a low
1:26:15
budget staple it's just like mwah it's just
1:26:20
perfect you can't afford someone to play it you know you can't afford permission for a better song so you just get some
1:26:28
local guy to just you know noodle around on a synth board for like a couple of hours
1:26:34
i must have seen i don't know hundreds of horror films and especially the
1:26:39
i feel like the 90s was the biggest time where all that fake synth was really prevalent
1:26:45
yeah yeah it flavors the movie in a way honestly it kind of brands it
1:26:51
it sort of cements that you're not watching something you're not watching something good i
1:26:56
mean i i don't want to be cruel but it's just like if you hear fake strings that are obviously fake
1:27:02
you're just like oh all right well that's what this is all right then you know what
1:27:08
i was thinking about this because i was watching other uh like trailers for movies i'm trying to
1:27:14
pick this one out and it's shame because i i did watch and see a few good movies like legitimately
1:27:21
good movies i passed up in favor of this uh which which like it would hurt me on
1:27:27
a certain level but i did notice that uh there's a tendency for bed or trailers to do that
1:27:36
like jerky kind of like tilt in a certain direction in tune with
1:27:43
like this music where it's like it's sort of like a ticking thing i i can't really describe it but i noticed a
1:27:50
disproportionate number of bad movies on netflix
1:27:55
that use this effect and i think it was used maybe in one of the like jordan peel
1:28:01
trailers oh yeah yeah but like it was like one it was they do it because of that though oh
1:28:09
i don't know it was interesting maybe i've become out of sync with the new era of bad
1:28:15
horror filmmaking maybe i haven't found these new landmarks for when a movie is just cut and cheap
1:28:22
yeah it's i don't know it's interesting because like they're none of those movies were like super
1:28:29
cheap because like the 2b stuff is like on a completely different level but it's just kind of like
1:28:34
bad yeah like bad like netflix to your horror movies where it's just like yeah you just tell this has no original
1:28:41
ideas to it yeah i see yeah i don't know
1:28:47
so they unpack and they strike up a fire out in the rocky desert noah is once again filming jade without
1:28:54
her permission as she she's standing in front of the fire yeah i will say it becomes harder and
1:29:00
harder to justify his creepiness as the movie goes on it's an apex this is maximum creep because he keeps doing it
1:29:06
it compounds itself each time he films her without permission yeah but this is the end of that i mean after
1:29:13
this they start to give him a little more humanity so like i don't know why yeah that's
1:29:18
true they do it like this yeah i feel like this is like not a great way to endear characters to
1:29:26
you yeah like i feel like it's one thing to have unlikable characters but like
1:29:31
i feel like they kind of have to have something going on for them first and then you can introduce some unlikable
1:29:36
elements then you build up the likable stuff or maybe you could start real harsh you know have people
1:29:42
unlikable and then you it's like a transformation for the audience when you you know you show them
1:29:48
that they can be liked and then you actually get them to like that person yeah yeah i don't know i guess yeah i mean
1:29:54
there are ways to do i think that's what this is an attempt to do yeah it's just it doesn't it doesn't really land the
1:30:02
interesting thing is that right after this kelly takes the camera from him and then films him and starts asking him
1:30:08
questions and this seems to be the weird i don't know how to describe it you know the turnaround moment you know when
1:30:13
maybe he becomes more self-aware of like how awkward he is and how he shouldn't be doing the stuff he does on a regular
1:30:19
basis yeah i can see that or at least i i choose to see it that way because it
1:30:24
gives the story slightly more credit he does but he doesn't feel like he acknowledges it
1:30:31
even if the plot does yeah i mean oh yeah also kennedy hands out a beer to everyone including underage kelly
1:30:38
yeah let's say you know they're cool i mean jade doesn't say anything so i feel like it's probably all right yeah
1:30:45
if all these bad people approve of it how bad can it really be
1:30:51
yeah that's part of it they encourage mr cooper to sit down with them and tell a ghost story
1:30:57
and i just at this point i'm just like isn't this raker thing only supposed to be out
1:31:02
for one night shouldn't they be putting up motion sensors and tripwires well like what are we honestly now what are
1:31:07
they doing here yeah i this is you have a single night to do this just one night
1:31:14
yeah this is this is maybe one of the things that kind of goes against my like
1:31:19
linear written theory just how much they drag on stuff that
1:31:25
they shouldn't be yeah with things being written as they are yeah that's the only thing that makes me
1:31:31
think that at some point maybe earlier on in the drafts there was less of a ticking time bomb with this
1:31:38
i mean even then it's not even like there's a ticking time bombs just like if they if nothing happens nothing happens
1:31:46
worst case scenario is that they all get to live and go home and live their lives yeah
1:31:52
heaven forbid so mr cooper tells the story of some college girls that went missing 20 years
1:31:59
ago i guess they were killed with an axe or a hatchet and then two years after that
1:32:05
so i guess that's 18 years ago a girl going home is frightened by the sounds of footsteps behind her she got
1:32:12
home she barricaded herself in her room fell asleep and then the next morning she leaves a room and slips and falls
1:32:19
turns out she's in blood and the mutilated body of her friend is just on the other side of the door and a bloody
1:32:25
hatchet is stuck in the wall what does this have to do with the rage
1:32:31
i think there actually is a purpose to the story is there well okay it's a fear
1:32:36
i think that because of what they don't do later that they really should do
1:32:43
that this is a an i don't call it an analogy or an allegory or whatever for what they later
1:32:48
don't do okay this girl locks herself in a room and just falls asleep and waits it out
1:32:54
and after the night of terror she just finds a corpse that's essentially what they kind of do
1:33:01
shortly thereafter i get it but it feels so unrelated it feels like another setup thing it
1:33:07
just doesn't pay off i mean also they don't do the story cleanly if that's the case because they
1:33:13
don't just lock themselves into a room and wait it out they should do that but they don't yeah it worked out better if
1:33:19
they did i guess maybe the idea of the story is that they unknowingly abandoned a friend
1:33:27
well wait no that doesn't work either because spoiler alert they soon they knowingly abandoned a friend yeah
1:33:34
that's what i'm saying like this is the it's uh i don't know it doesn't work
1:33:39
i don't think this movie is yeah i know it does like yeah i'm saying this yeah i'm saying this movie blows ass
1:33:46
this is like like i always started saying don't watch
1:33:52
this but like don't just don't watch it it's not it's not worth it well no i'm not going to be like that i
1:33:58
i see well here's the thing you know i really am an aficionado of horror so like i'm
1:34:04
willing to really sift through some bad stuff to get a couple of good scenes but i wouldn't recommend it to your
1:34:10
average john or jane doe you should probably find something a
1:34:15
little tighter a little a little better made peter this movie's nearly two hours long how
1:34:21
much of this movie is like worth sitting through for really being an hour and 40
1:34:27
minutes well sure but that's nearly two hours long we're talking how many minutes because
1:34:33
we haven't reached it yet yeah
1:34:38
i don't know i just think it's important to look on the brighter side of life that's all i'm saying i mean the brighter side of life would
1:34:44
be just watching a better movie all right all right so yeah but i was
1:34:49
also thinking after they they heard this story that this lady locks herself in and then
1:34:54
she finds her dead friend i was just like sounds like a job well done to me i mean
1:34:59
how many horror films might have been prevented if the creeped out person has just locked themselves in a room yeah
1:35:06
the only exception is a tree from happy death day she locks herself in her room
1:35:11
and still almost gets murdered oh no way she does get murdered yeah yeah i mean extenuating spoiler alert
1:35:18
but not really it's stimulating circumstances there that's yeah also multiple you know murderings of the
1:35:24
same person so yeah that's the whole thing so noah takes the camera back and films kelly asks her about the joshua
1:35:31
tree oh no no not about the joshua tree about joshua tree the geographic location that
1:35:37
they are in yes i keep forgetting that it's a place mr cooper goes off to take a leak and uh
1:35:44
kennedy sneaks off to seduce him i mean yay i guess yeah
1:35:49
this is the point when you need to remember you know remind yourself this is the director of the film
1:35:56
oh gosh i guess we're gonna have to film another makeout scene well
1:36:02
man can't be helped no shucks
1:36:08
the rest of the group get they seem to get really drunk or just act drunk and they ask each other silly questions
1:36:14
for the camera cheap dates the lot of them um yeah also some just
1:36:20
god awful drunk acting i don't know it's actually my favorite scene with them maybe just because it almost seems like
1:36:26
a real scene and they're getting along and i don't know their chemistry isn't stiff and horrible like it was in
1:36:32
earlier stuff i mean i think both of our statements can be true yeah i guess all of that all of the
1:36:37
above is yeah while making out with mr cooper kennedy stops and just like says ow
1:36:45
i feel like something's scratching me but her back is against the stone wall and i wonder if the stone wall is fake
1:36:52
because from certain shots it looks like it was created with cg
1:36:57
and i wonder if there was supposed to be darkness there and they added the stone later because when i was watching the movie i
1:37:04
was firmly of the belief that there was a weird power that the rake had where he could emerge out of stone walls and that
1:37:11
he would emerge out of it because of how fake it looked you know that he would just be like ah
1:37:16
because otherwise how would his claw come out of a stone wall i don't understand well he reached down with his
1:37:23
very long hands i guess i don't know that's the only thing that makes a certain amount of
1:37:28
sense to me but it also would have been a very creepy shot that would have made
1:37:34
this movie kind of scary well at least if he had emerged from a stone wall it would have really cemented
1:37:41
that he is a mythological creature with unknowable powers and you should be afraid of him he would also explain why
1:37:46
people can't find them all the time like yeah that's weird too because like that shot when she like says she like felt a
1:37:53
scratch on her back there's not like a trick of the camera work where like you can't see the rock and
1:37:59
then you can see all the rocks behind her the rock is behind her the whole time you see the wall
1:38:05
you see nothing i mean you see where she would have been scraped sort of there's just no
1:38:10
there's just no way she could have been cut by anything yeah i don't know it's very weird she's like oh why'd you
1:38:16
scratch me you know which makes it sound almost like a playful thing but then like shortly thereafter she shows people
1:38:22
the scar and it's a horrible jagged cut yeah you know what just like what did
1:38:27
that happen oh or i mean if if she thought that he had
1:38:34
done that she should have like screamed and then slapped him be like you crazy bastard yeah no i know it's like those
1:38:40
are like long cuts maybe they get really inflamed so maybe it was just like a little scratch and
1:38:45
then they just get real puffy uh no let's not add more rape lordless this isn't like but that
1:38:52
isn't helpful it's not the rake that kills you it's your own immune response overreacting
1:38:58
you just get all puffy and you die anaphylactic shock
1:39:04
she choked on her own tongue actually yeah that's that would actually be really funny then yeah that's
1:39:11
that's more of like an scp like a little bit that's really more like an scp thing
1:39:16
where they're like oh we have this mysterious thing let's categorize every single thing it can do
1:39:23
to remove every single possible mystery from it i guess that's me
1:39:31
have fun with that encyclopedia of horror things you aren't afraid of
1:39:37
that is actually like a really that's a great summary of scps here's what this is
1:39:42
here is like how you can theoretically neutralize it here is like all the limitations of its
1:39:48
powers by the way it's also locked up so you have to worry about it and it's like what the hell is the point of this
1:39:55
where exactly did all of that come from i'm not entirely sure about the origins so i'm not gonna say because if i even
1:40:02
hazard the gas and get people mad i mean i know it started as like a like a crowd
1:40:07
wikipedia-ish project where everyone just kind of like made up their own things
1:40:13
and then they kind of like you know then like you know as the nature of those things go they like
1:40:20
expanded in time and everyone added their own scps to it and everyone felt
1:40:25
the need to like add more like change more lore or whatever and just kind of
1:40:30
like grew out of control
1:40:36
so it's just kind of like creepypasta but you know even more nerdy and boring um
1:40:42
yeah i mean there's some merit to some of the ideas but like
1:40:47
i just don't find the idea of already defeated in pre-contained horror things
1:40:55
all being in one area yeah like that's just that's like that's the end of the story
1:41:01
i guess that's true it's sort of after the fact after the the hazard crews come through and cleaned up everything yeah
1:41:08
i mean which is like meat in and of itself that makes like what they do interesting
1:41:13
it makes scps themselves less interesting hey did you ever play
1:41:19
that game uh viscera cleanup detail uh a little bit this is just one of those stupid
1:41:24
tangents yeah yeah i just i love the idea of that game where you you come in after the great thing you know or the
1:41:30
horror movie thing has happened and you're just a janitor just mopping up oh yeah like that's
1:41:36
basic fantastic premise for a game i love it i can't remember i think
1:41:41
i'm pretty sure i got it for free as part of some like monthly
1:41:47
promotional maybe like a twitch maybe it's like a twitch prime thing i'm not sure hm interesting
1:41:54
okay so kennedy runs back to the group and she announces to everyone that oh someone
1:42:00
grabbed me and then noah points at her and it's just like i see what you did there you almost had me and i thought
1:42:06
for a second that he was going to say oh we all know you and mr cooper are banging we don't care
1:42:12
such a wasted opportunity yeah i mean you see what we're doing even when we're trying at the workshop and
1:42:20
i know i'm sorry i'm sorry everyone it's like i mean i'll try to shorten them that's all i
1:42:26
can this movie insists that you do this kennedy shows the nasty wound she
1:42:32
somehow got while her back was to a stone wall i mean as we've already discussed yeah also that like happens things get tense
1:42:39
happened in such a ways to also not ruin her clothing right she has to pull up her shirt to
1:42:46
show a long scratch wait a minute that doesn't make sense oh man
1:42:52
there are so many problems with this oh this movie's terrible [Laughter]
1:42:58
i don't have to keep saying it yeah yeah it's it's like even when you like start to
1:43:03
think about stuff like that then you'll like remember some extra detail and it's like okay yeah you can't salvage this
1:43:11
yeah i would have had her going through low bushes because then she could have had little cuts you know and then one
1:43:17
could have just ended up being the monster and it's like too deep and just like what the hell is this you know that kind of a thing yeah because sometimes
1:43:23
you do get weird scratches under clothing like it'll like reach up like while you're trying to get through something
1:43:29
yeah but like you saw her back the whole time yeah
1:43:34
yeah this doesn't make any sense if they had not shown that scene you know because then she could have come
1:43:40
back and you know you wouldn't have known what happened or did not you know so you could have just whatever you
1:43:45
imagined would have made more sense literally all you need to do is just not show her back while that's happening
1:43:52
and the whole thing still has some possible deniability to it
1:43:57
i mean we do find out later though that this thing really can't hide and it also makes a ton of noise
1:44:02
so there's no way it could have like snuck up on her and just scratched her you know but that's a whole other can of
1:44:08
worms yeah we'll we'll get to that we'll get to it
1:44:14
you finally hear the first roar of this thing it sounds to me like a mix of an angry bear and a lion growl it's hard to
1:44:21
say but that's often what they do for monster roars you just mix a couple of large mammal yells together
1:44:29
noah takes his camera back i can only assume that he is determined to die on film he's just like i i got it
1:44:36
i gotta i gotta have this for posterity see okay that's doing this again this movie has a weird
1:44:44
it keeps doing these found the footage ish yes little like segments of filming and i
1:44:51
wonder if if this was intended to be a found footage movie that they just like
1:44:56
couldn't make into one i don't know maybe i mean they would have had an additional character who was
1:45:03
always holding the camera if that was i mean maybe that just would have been noah yeah it should have been i mean he's
1:45:09
already kind of a creep anyway yeah i don't know he's like he already likes to silently film people so yeah
1:45:16
a lot of these like problems probably could have been alleviated if it was a
1:45:22
fountain footage movie because he could have had that scene and then from their perspective you know you
1:45:28
could have like hidden things so the rocks weren't her back was invisible or whatever
1:45:34
or she could have even just been like off camera when that stuff was happening well yeah like you said you could just
1:45:39
take a scene out and it would have made sense i think this whole movie would have gone down another point for me if it had been
1:45:45
shaky cam or not shaky cam there is some of that if it had all been found footage because then it would all be horrible
1:45:52
shaky cam and you know just fake realism uh i'm glad we've gotten out of that
1:45:57
phase of cinema i mean yeah but like the movie doesn't even fully dedicate to that though
1:46:03
after noah gets the camera he miraculously manages to get decent shots of what appears to be a large goblin of
1:46:10
the lord of the rings variety uh yes at least that was my first thought when
1:46:16
i saw it like yeah yeah it's like an orc or something i mean it's a guy in a rubber suit it's not a bad suit i have to say
1:46:24
but the eyes leave something to be desired they are real i forget we call it uh like foamy stuff
1:46:31
where the the eyes are supposed to be so that he can see through i assume it's a guy it could be a girl but whatever but
1:46:38
it looks weird and sort of insect-like i think it looks acceptable from a distance but when you get too close it
1:46:43
doesn't look right at all yeah and the movie also later on
1:46:48
insists sun holding on the creature way too long so you can
1:46:54
really just drink in the details yeah just don't don't do that not filming the creature
1:47:00
is like the easiest thing to do in a horror movie yeah i actually really like the shot
1:47:06
that noah has of the monster that he gets because it's you don't really see it directly and it's moving around you
1:47:11
can only kind of see its shoulder in its head yeah i actually thought it was kind of creepy i don't know yeah that was
1:47:16
pretty good it's just later on you get a lot of full body it's just leering yeah
1:47:23
and everyone it's just like don't do that so yeah shaky cam does break out in earnest and i just wrote so much shaky
1:47:31
cam everyone runs oh yeah mr cooper says get back in the truck but it's not a truck it's a subaru
1:47:39
it would have actually been great if someone had said that you know and he's like it's not a truck's a subaru it's like it's a truck
1:47:46
i thought actually for a second they had they brought a second vehicle and they would have gone to a real truck
1:47:51
oh man you guys prepared great oh yeah that's right they get in the car
1:47:56
and you know there's the old staple of you know you you turn the ignition on the car with your keys and the car
1:48:02
doesn't turn on you know or maybe just stalls but this is a new car and they can't do that so all they have is to the push
1:48:09
button start and so they just put a red light behind it so the guy just keeps pushing the the start button and it won't start
1:48:16
i have to say that watching somebody anxiously push an auto start button
1:48:22
looks really silly like it's just yeah no that's it's not great
1:48:28
writing notes for this film you know as i watched it i have a lot of
1:48:33
things i write and then i cross it out because it's contradicted later or otherwise just messed up
1:48:40
so at this point i just noted that nobody has tried using a phone yet even though they're clearly in trouble and they're trapped in a car
1:48:46
that doesn't work so if they call the police now i mean my guess
1:48:51
as i was writing is like yeah it might take 40 minutes for a squad car to roll up and you know that's usually more than
1:48:57
enough time to get killed by a monster so even if you do call the cops it doesn't make any difference so why you
1:49:03
might as well just show people calling right away just to prove the pointlessness of it it actually you know yeah
1:49:09
well thankfully we do see that later on and they do eventually use their phones i
1:49:16
mean way too late yeah but you know they try way too late and i love that the teacher just can't come up with an
1:49:22
excuse to get the police out there he just completely [ __ ] that is very strange he just kind of like fumbles
1:49:28
around with it like his only options are either to like not say anything or say
1:49:35
a creepy boss to monsters after us just say that you have like you deal with like an animal attack
1:49:42
well yeah just or that you're in physical danger you know you don't have to get super specific yeah you just kind
1:49:47
of like dodge us around because he's like well i don't want to say it's the rake but it's like you know
1:49:54
you don't have to just say it's a person attacking you yeah it's such a weird conversation
1:50:00
that's a later incompetence but first there's this part mr cooper says the battery is dead yeah i would have loved
1:50:06
to have seen an earlier scene where he he's got like a half dozen stupid accessories plugged into his car while
1:50:12
the engine is off the air conditioning was too cold so i opened the car door crack and took a nap
1:50:19
also this electric drinky drinky bird i know it's a power drain but i just love
1:50:24
it take care check out my little ice maker i use it with this little blender so i can make
1:50:30
margaritas and here's those billy big mouth bass it's like it's like just
1:50:36
unplugged some of this what are you doing man you knew you were driving out into the desert
1:50:44
but you know i i choose to believe that the rake is a creature of entropy and he causes everything to not work around him
1:50:51
oh that's awfully convenient well remember earlier the mom was trying
1:50:56
to open a door and couldn't for some reason either she forgot how or maybe the scene doesn't make any sense unless
1:51:03
the door like the door handle just jammed up for no reason yeah but don't
1:51:09
don't give them credit like this that's not a thing they planned come on
1:51:14
they do mention the phones at this point you know when they're all trapped in the car eventually yeah but they say that nobody has a signal
1:51:21
so there's that answered you know but maybe they can play some candy crush before they're all gored to death
1:51:27
the monster harasses the car for a while then it opens the passenger rear door and drags out poor kelly did it always
1:51:34
know how to open car doors and even if it didn't why was it unlocked did it unlock of its
1:51:41
own accord or like when the battery is dead do all the doors automatically unlock is that a safety
1:51:47
feature i mean i don't know it doesn't make sense no he should have just ripped the door off of his hinges
1:51:53
because then that would have proved two things one that the director cared about the movie and two that the monster is
1:51:59
really strong um yeah nobody here nobody's destroying a car for this
1:52:06
movie yeah man this is my subaru you are not tearing that door off no that's true
1:52:12
it's that someone's car they're not uh they're not destroying a car over that yeah this isn't uh
1:52:18
maybe if it was a shittier car but uh it's not that bad and i just want to
1:52:23
take a moment to acknowledge kelly and to mourn her because she is a nice character she's sweet
1:52:30
she's kind to everyone she just was bored you know she was probably evading
1:52:36
as i guessed earlier maybe dysfunctional parents or a rough home or something and
1:52:41
she gets dragged away for no reason like she's like the last person i wanted to see die in this whole film
1:52:48
you know i was so sad when it came to this point because it made me realize that this movie wasn't gonna end well
1:52:55
for anybody i guess uh yeah at that point you kind of like like once they kill off the one
1:53:01
character that's like redeemable and likeable you can kind of just assume that they're gonna kill
1:53:07
everyone yeah jade tries to hold on but she's not strong enough you know whatever she's she's doing a tug of war with a monster
1:53:13
so you can't really blame her for this but she does spend the rest of the movie blaming herself for this
1:53:20
i don't know i suppose you would yeah i mean it's like the one piece characterization she has now just give
1:53:26
her that yeah bright lights fill the area the weird old man and the white truck has arrived
1:53:32
and he's got a shotgun they're like oddly suspicious of a savior i mean they were begging for help
1:53:39
and trying to call the cops moments ago and then kelly was dragged off presumably to her death
1:53:46
and then this guy shows up and they're like can we trust him i don't know if we should go you guys were just begging for
1:53:51
help what do you what is this discussion you're having what if he's teamed up with the monster
1:53:58
yeah i mean also better ending if he had been ooh maybe yeah oh
1:54:04
honestly yeah yeah okay he like leads him into a room and it's
1:54:10
like got like a garage door on one side and it's all like built for security and he just locks them in and just opens the
1:54:16
garage door and the monster comes see that yeah he leaves me alone if i
1:54:22
feed him now and again that would be yeah something like that would be good i like that but
1:54:29
well i don't know if it would but at least it would have been fun yeah i don't know the movie needed something
1:54:34
like that though well i mean he would have explained him better because we get some characterization from this old man
1:54:40
here in a minute and uh it doesn't really explain why he would be hanging out and not killing this thing i mean he just says he can't
1:54:47
but that's that's nonsense there's always a way and also like if he thinks he can't kill it
1:54:53
what's not only the point of him being there but also the point of uh
1:54:59
everything he does in the movie past this point yeah
1:55:05
i don't know yeah because like yeah no i'm just saying it like it doesn't make any sense the
1:55:12
five of them drive to the old man's one story ranch house there are three huge
1:55:17
floodlights on his roof it looks like a great place to conduct an illegal car race
1:55:22
at least if you've seen like a fast and furious movie like one of the early ones before they were like doing super hero stuff all right let's just focusing on
1:55:29
the grill there's this great shot of the white truck when they're getting out of it and you see that the uh the flashlights on
1:55:37
top they're supposed to be like in a rack or something but they didn't want to do that so they just strapped a
1:55:42
couple of big flashlights to the top of this guy's truck and then they put like napkins underneath it so that it
1:55:48
wouldn't scrape the paper i'm just like perfect nicole that's
1:55:54
seamless loopy magic one of them says what's with all the lights are you scared of the dark
1:55:59
and he's just like i am scared to the dark tonight you should be too the old guy his actor
1:56:06
is acting he is trying so much harder
1:56:13
than everyone else i'm not saying it's much better it's not much better but it is funny how
1:56:20
much more effort he's put in yeah i don't know this this actor his name is marshall hilton but no i mean
1:56:26
he's trying so much more i don't blame him for any of this you know it's not his fault no
1:56:31
like a lot of these actors will just kind of like dormlessly walk into a scene like
1:56:37
and he's like no look i have problems and it's like
1:56:42
it's so refreshing just that little bass line it's like all
1:56:48
right movies they can have characters yeah that's what's happening here
1:56:54
yeah almost forgot they walk inside and the old man says his name is james noah asks if that is
1:57:02
his first name or his last name and the old man just looks at him for like a really long time
1:57:10
gonna lie that made me laugh it was yeah i thought it was a pretty good joke but just like why why why are you asking
1:57:16
you yeah no it's great it's just like it's important i i need to know
1:57:21
is your first name or last name man it's james james thanks for bringing it up it's painful to me
1:57:29
so yeah there's no decent audio equipment so everything sounds all echoey and flat inside
1:57:35
i mean it's not a big deal i guess but it's if you're this brewer guy i mean
1:57:40
he's a titan of industry he doesn't need fancy equipment he doesn't need professionals
1:57:47
he just you know you just need to have a camera and a will a will to make a movie i
1:57:53
i will say though if you're going to spend the entire rest of your movie in a house
1:57:59
maybe just go in on some sound yeah it's like yeah it doesn't have to be good we're
1:58:05
just dubbing it just yeah it just has to not be the smartphone yeah because it sounds like the echoey
1:58:12
stuff you would hear in a real estate video tour of a house that's yeah
1:58:17
i'm not saying you'd vastly improve this movie but there are just a lot of little
1:58:23
things you could do that would just make it such a better b horror movie
1:58:29
maybe we're being a little too hard on this film i mean well everything's relative i feel a little bad because i
1:58:34
couldn't figure out what the production number was for this film it's just too obscure that they don't even bother mentioning it maybe this is a really
1:58:41
good product for how little he spent maybe this is a mostly free movie or you
1:58:47
know maybe just a couple of grades but like you said we can't in which case amazing we can't know for certain and
1:58:53
also i feel like you're doing a disservice to uh well the high quality short films you
1:58:59
can see on uh you know platforms like youtube yeah speaking of which we should do
1:59:06
an episode or two every now and then where we just go through some great shorts we found because there are some
1:59:11
amazing short things on the internet oh yeah absolutely i'll say like that kind of thing is why i don't
1:59:18
feel too bad picking on this stuff because like there are people who work with less who get way better results
1:59:24
yeah so the old man brings them all into his kitchen he
1:59:29
drinks out of a hip flask and he explains that the monster attacks people and only comes out at the equinox which
1:59:36
is two things they already know uh yeah also he pulls out a
1:59:42
very large badass looking life yeah he does he says like oh it can't be
1:59:47
killed and they're like well how do you know that he's like he pulls out this big crazy knife and he's just like
1:59:52
well i'm pretty good at killing people no not people i'm a hunter i'm a retired hunter
2:00:00
it's interesting they just listen to him talk and he's telling them mostly stuff that they already know which is to say he doesn't
2:00:06
tell them a lot but i was wondering maybe they're just humoring him because he's a drunk and dangerous old man um yeah i mean he
2:00:13
don't argue with it i don't know if that's the motivation but he does strike me as a drunken
2:00:18
dangerous man yeah i mean look if you haven't watched this movie or are going to watch this movie i
2:00:24
cannot overstate how large that knife is he's practically a short sword
2:00:32
good lord he says he's been dealing with this thing since before you were born
2:00:38
he says olivia's and i had the captioning on and yaz is spelled y-a-s
2:00:47
it was a nice touch i wonder if if director brewer wrote that himself which is all it is
2:00:54
honestly i didn't watch it with subtitles on i wouldn't know but uh well the audio is terrible so i was just
2:00:59
trying to make sure that i could actually hear what people were saying throughout it's really annoying to have to replay a scene when you didn't like
2:01:05
it the first time sure yeah well i also i just don't think the director has that much say in what the
2:01:10
uh the to be closed captioning decides to go with
2:01:16
he made an exclusive deal with toby he got to write all of the closed captioning
2:01:22
so the guy says you don't fight what you can't kill he explains that he's a semi-retired
2:01:27
hunter he lost his brother to the beast 36 years ago and they see a picture of him together with his brother and
2:01:34
they're wearing stuff that makes it seem like it was probably not 36 years ago
2:01:40
yeah i mean i don't know i didn't stop long enough to really peruse it but it seemed like they were wearing like the
2:01:45
neon hunting camo stuff that is more recent than that yeah yeah whatever yeah i don't know
2:01:53
that's actually the thing okay fine but yeah then he i don't know at this point he actually gives a pretty decent
2:01:59
performance he seems genuinely crushed by the death of this brother you've never met and died like 36 years no
2:02:05
that's what i'm saying he i don't know if he's like he's he's this movie has
2:02:11
an actor in it and he's the only one yeah
2:02:16
i'm not sure if he actually cries but it seems like he does which is honestly impressive when you can just muster
2:02:21
tears on command yeah i mean he's like it's like he's kind of a weirdo oh speaking of which jade does that too so
2:02:28
i'll give you yeah yeah yeah you know that her sadness which we'll get to in a little bit she's the other one that's not i mean i guess like not to like be
2:02:34
pretentious about it she's performing he's acting in a man
2:02:40
i feel like there's a difference yeah well she can't do the irritation acting earlier in the movie
2:02:47
it's a weird effect because this side character is on such a different level from everyone else that it
2:02:53
makes everything around it feel weird it makes me sad because when i'm
2:02:58
watching this hunter explain his story and just be really sad and maybe almost forget about the entire rest of the
2:03:04
movie for a moment like it was that good yeah yeah i know am i watching a movie this seems like a
2:03:10
movie yeah it's like there's like this weird sort of pseudo reality and then there's like
2:03:15
oh there's the guy it feels like unreality stepped into like
2:03:23
into his reality when they when they arrived because it's like yeah suddenly a whole bunch of characters showed up he's just the guy
2:03:31
now there are characters here so everyone gets to have their scene now
2:03:37
this is the part you know like in a zombie movie when you're all trapped together so you all get to have a speech
2:03:43
yeah jade gives her you have no idea what i'm going through speech
2:03:48
she storms off to the bathroom mr cooper says let her go like i don't know why he would say that but then noah says no i
2:03:56
don't think i will rather dramatically yeah but also makes a lot of sense
2:04:02
that's like the least awkward thing he knows see this is the thing this it's like they're trying to reform each character
2:04:08
like real quickly in these last few moments before they're all torn apart one by one yeah so yeah mr cooper and kennedy hug and i
2:04:15
just wrote please guys call the police already lives are literally at stake yeah they still haven't yet no they have
2:04:22
a landline they know they have it they still haven't called jesus christ
2:04:28
jade weeps in the bathroom she finds a straight razor and the medicine cabinet god damn it movie really
2:04:35
really we're going to do this in this movie uh you're gonna be you're gonna make me
2:04:41
comment on this oh god what the deal on the serious subject in this serious movie about the
2:04:47
internet creepypasta monster yeah so i mean i guess she contemplated
2:04:52
suicide and then contemplated suicide yeah i can't i can't i can't break into
2:04:58
the song but no um no one knocks on the door and interrupts her yeah and i guess from
2:05:05
there on they have kind of an understanding and respect for one another i mean they have a couple more scenes where they do stuff
2:05:11
and it's nice yeah but i mean this is sort of the beginning of it yeah that's nice to like finally yeah have these
2:05:17
characters form relationships 20 minutes before the end of the movie yeah it's a shame they were doing this
2:05:23
the whole time and weren't just being weird and aggressive to each other the whole first half
2:05:29
first two thirds let's be honest here yeah mr cooper calls the police but cowardly doesn't mention that kelly was
2:05:35
kidnapped and possibly dead so i mean yeah this is the point where this happens he's just like um
2:05:42
please just come i i can't be specific yeah it's like just say there's a guy
2:05:48
you can just lie to the police i mean i like hey like for the record legally
2:05:53
speaking what are they going to do fine well yeah yeah legal legally speaking about suggesting lying to the police
2:06:00
that's probably a crime yeah uh but i mean wait a minute guys wait a minute you had
2:06:06
us come here and save you for the wrong reasons but yeah i think come on understandably
2:06:13
if they were able to deal with the rake problem maybe they'd understand you would
2:06:18
mr cooper goes back and tells the rest it's going to be an hour but then the rest of the movie takes longer than that so the police just
2:06:24
never show up for no reason i mean i guess they just ignore it yeah probably because he put in a bad phone call
2:06:32
wait a minute later on a car shows up and the hunter guy just says oh it's just a tourist and you know they go in
2:06:38
and later on you know they find someone died in there why wasn't that just a police car that
2:06:43
would have made so much more sense yeah peter that would have made a whole lot more sense oh cause they would have tied
2:06:49
up the whole thing oh god yeah i see we can't keep doing this but yeah it's hard not to yeah
2:06:56
like you see what i'm saying though right where this movie is yeah look what you're doing to us we're like this movie
2:07:02
sets stuff up and they're like blatant the ways in which it could pay off but it just
2:07:09
refuses to do so like this this movie demands
2:07:16
that you sit here and examine it and figure out how you would have made a better movie
2:07:21
this is the scene in the movie where the old man describes the monster you know basically in really broad terms
2:07:28
he's just like it's got long claws and a big eyes or whatever and interspersed in the scene are clips
2:07:34
of kelly desperately trying to evade the monster in a cave or something yeah and just
2:07:40
getting killed but in a way to me it feels like they were supposed to have a whole thing where they go save
2:07:47
her and she's just a little injured but that doesn't happen so it's just
2:07:53
it's just all pointless yeah the whole thing see this is the yeah because i wrote a note when that first scene
2:07:58
happened where i was like because my assumption was that she would escape and show back up and
2:08:04
it'd be kind of like a surprise but yeah and i was like wow okay yeah she'd save them or or they would save her somebody
2:08:11
would save something yeah and then it was kind of like well okay it kind of would have been nice to like keep that a surprise right
2:08:18
i i assumed they were spoiling a thing that was going to happen yeah
2:08:24
but here i'm going to i'm going to switch this up a little bit i'm going to do a reverse workshop i'm going to figure out a way to make this worse so
2:08:31
i'm going to have the ending be that kelly did survive but it's because she
2:08:36
had to turn herself into a vampire oh no i can i could one-up you on how to reverse workshop this because it
2:08:43
was a i was no no i was seriously worried for a minute that this was like gonna go in this direction
2:08:49
there's like a brief you know i'm kind of skipping the head here there are a couple of scenes that show her
2:08:55
just kind of dealing with the monster just kind of like menacing her you know
2:09:00
yeah i mean this is this is the scene yeah where she basically gets bitten on the leg and then you never see her again yeah my concern
2:09:07
when this stuff was happening was like oh
2:09:12
yeah no no i think i see what you're about it's like the creature is not really attacking her
2:09:19
is this movie gonna do that did it bring her to a cave yeah for a
2:09:26
reason and i was like this movie seems like the kind of movie where they might do that
2:09:32
and it was like watching this and i'm like to be clear if they did that i would not have picked this movie i just
2:09:38
want to say when like nah no thanks and i'm calling this no i know but it was like kind of like
2:09:43
you know like am i gonna have to call this off an hour and a half into this movie because uh because of this [ __ ]
2:09:50
because this is really gonna be how they're going thankfully it doesn't but it's like the movie you was like yeah
2:09:56
edging real close with that kind of thing yeah you know honestly the thought did
2:10:02
cross my mind and i'm i am grateful for the small victory that it did not
2:10:08
occur no i don't it's like it's like it's like the [ __ ] you have to give this
2:10:13
movie credit for is so the bar solo oh the movie didn't go there
2:10:20
yeah i guess you have to give it credit for that but it's like yeah i don't know i feel like that's like yeah
2:10:28
generally expected that uh you know like i mean it happens more than you'd like
2:10:33
in movies like this but uh the real basic of like yeah just don't be just
2:10:38
don't be creepy about that kind of thing yeah
2:10:44
so yeah in case you guys listening didn't know this about us we actually do
2:10:50
have some standards uh you heard it him first folks i
2:10:55
don't know i mean like to be clear also i wanted to pick a better movie i have a better movie picked out for next time
2:11:02
okay thank god yeah no i know i should have laid this out way earlier we're not
2:11:08
gonna make a habit of digging around in the worst movies this is a rare occurrence you know i
2:11:13
think every now and then it's nice to cleanse the palette yeah with a with a bad one but generally speaking i think
2:11:19
we're gonna be sticking with better better more notable things things you actually want to hear about yeah in fact
2:11:26
uh you know without giving it away i found a uh nice not too well known horror movie has
2:11:33
you know won a few awards but i don't know i don't think people really talk about it and uh
2:11:38
i think it'll be interesting to talk about so it can only be high spirits with steve
2:11:44
gutenberg no it's the reboot of the leprechaun franchise
2:11:50
starring sheamus no i'm not doing that we're not doing that
2:11:56
oh my god honestly you frightened me more than this movie
2:12:02
i've seen just enough of that to know that that would have been a terrible choice
2:12:07
oh yeah okay to be clear even if we i mean i suppose we'll probably it's not impossible that we'll you know
2:12:14
eventually discuss the leprechaun movies yeah or any other bad movie but we're
2:12:21
not discussing the leprechaun reboot because it's uh not fun that's just not fun it's not a good
2:12:27
movie yeah i think that's the biggest thing it should just it should be fun it should be fun for the audience and you know for
2:12:34
ourselves if it's not fun then you know what are we doing no yeah right yeah i mean like this is bad but like i don't
2:12:40
know i'm still again i'm kind of having fun with it and also there is yeah we're we're having fun at its
2:12:46
expense yeah also i will say coming up soon there is a scene with a bit of tension
2:12:51
i'll i'll give it a i'll give the movie credit for it okay uh let's see
2:12:57
noah shows the footage he took of the raker you know on his little camera
2:13:02
and the old man just shouts into the view finder screen uh yeah he's so old
2:13:07
but i said the rake not the raker and also to be clear this
2:13:12
old man is so old that uh moving pictures on the screen terrify him it's
2:13:18
maybe the only bad choice of this actor although i wonder if he was told to do it i would love to see a behind the
2:13:24
scenes thing where he's like refusing and they're like you will do this you will do what i say yeah why would i
2:13:30
why would i why would i shout into a screen that doesn't you should just just do it uh
2:13:36
yeah just to be clear when we said your character was a puncher we've been like a hunter-gatherer caveman
2:13:43
i am brian brewer i'm the director producer the executive producer
2:13:49
the editor and the star of this movie you will listen to me
2:13:55
also again to be clear the star of this movie is he basically doesn't push the plot
2:14:02
forward at all and he's always just kind of in the background there are very few scenes where he is
2:14:09
like you could say that he is the lead character yeah which is like i mean sort
2:14:14
of at the end i i mean you know man not to like well no we've already
2:14:20
spoiled it that's literally just due to process of elimination yeah
2:14:26
so yeah i mean we're getting to near the end now yeah there's a lot more scenes but i think i might just start skipping
2:14:32
over this because who cares well we've kind of glossed over some of the like individual stuff it's like it's
2:14:39
not really worth it yeah so the hunter says that you know that the
2:14:44
raker can't be killed but i was just thinking that it doesn't seem to be that strong so why don't they just hold it down and then
2:14:51
just park a car on top of him [Laughter]
2:14:58
oh my god that's a really good that's would that have been great if that was the ending
2:15:04
yeah not to like sidetrack too much again but here we go
2:15:10
how many horror movies end with them just capturing the monster almost none and i love it when it
2:15:15
happens yeah it seems to promise a sequel that it never delivers yeah like he said the reaper doesn't seem that strong i mean
2:15:22
he has the claws but just yeah just like hold it down and just put something heavy on it once
2:15:28
again i do yeah or just encase it in cement or or any number of things yeah yeah it's a very defeatable monster put
2:15:35
it like in a burlap sack well no it couldn't be burlap i mean it's claws seem kind of sharp so you
2:15:41
know something really strong you know i don't know some kind of like metallic tarp or a net
2:15:47
or something yeah jade mourns kelly noah tells a sad story about his mom
2:15:53
dying in a car accident i don't know why he's bringing this up i guess just to be relatable
2:15:58
yeah i think it's it has something to do with jade not blaming herself for letting go of kelly so they sort of share in
2:16:05
mourning yeah i mean it's kind of nice in a better movie this would be a good scene but i mean this is the only times they
2:16:12
they have this kind of a moment so yeah i don't know it's not bad it's just kind of who cares
2:16:18
kennedy and mr cooper sit down and have some down time conversation shouldn't they be saving kelly i mean i
2:16:25
thought that was the whole point of this movie yeah i mean isn't that the feeling you had
2:16:30
when she got kidnapped like oh the sweet innocent girl who did nothing wrong that everybody likes wouldn't they all just
2:16:36
go save her i did think that was eventually going to something was going to happen with that that's why i assumed that when they did
2:16:43
those cutaways it's like oh she's gonna get away yeah and then she's gonna come back
2:16:49
later on and they'll like she'll reunite with her sister and there will be like
2:16:54
some kind of arc there yeah maybe in a better movie instead you get a scene where mr cooper
2:17:01
says to kennedy i see you you're smart you're funny
2:17:07
you're kind three incorrect assertions
2:17:13
yeah not to be cruel but she is absolutely none of those things no yeah
2:17:19
she's been nothing but mean and frankly kind of dumb the whole movie like yeah
2:17:25
you know i mean that's the role yeah no i have to be clear i have no problem with her character being the main girl
2:17:32
you know that is this place so finally someone arrives you know this is the point when they think it's the
2:17:38
police but it's just some random person mr cooper and noah go out
2:17:44
to see who it is i was thinking at this moment is there more than one raker because if not then
2:17:49
it might be a good idea to lure the creature away from kelly by going outside getting it to come after you
2:17:56
that also would have been a good way to just keep her alive you know because he's only going to do stuff for a day right so maybe they should have just
2:18:04
spent the rest of the movie delaying him so that kelly would live oh god yeah i got to stop trying to fix
2:18:09
the movie that would have been good though no it's like keep saying it this movie demands that
2:18:16
you find ways to fix it it's like fascinating in that regard
2:18:22
it's like a lot of a lot of movies i was actually like a lot of movies can just be bad but this one is really bad in
2:18:29
ways you see the little like hint of like oh okay yeah that's just no it's easy that's how you fix it
2:18:37
wouldn't it have been great if the hunter guy you know he says oh it can't be killed you know and they could have
2:18:42
said like oh well why he's like oh well i shot one with a shotgun or i stabbed it or whatever and then the next you
2:18:49
know the next day or the next year it struck again the same as before and then
2:18:54
later on they could have had a scene where there was multiple rakes but he didn't know that
2:18:59
or rakers whatever yeah so he's you know so he could be
2:19:04
leading them out there yeah here's the hunting ground here's where i killed it and he actually finds that creature's
2:19:10
body and he feels really really bad yeah i could have been stopping him all this
2:19:16
time i could see something like that oh you know what that would actually oh
2:19:22
seems to always be where it needs to be peter i'm sorry i have to workshop things again
2:19:28
okay so all right that big but only this just this one that beginning scene
2:19:35
with the parents and the kid the dead or the mom when the rake comes to kill them
2:19:42
manchester fight back and wound it and he as a kid sees that the creature is able to be
2:19:48
hurt and later on he uses that knowledge to help the hunter hunt down the
2:19:54
creature and kill him yeah because spoiler alert the way it currently exists is the film his having
2:20:00
wait did we explain this yet but yeah mr cooper's a little kid so yeah there's there's that yeah but also
2:20:07
him being the little kid at the beginning reveals nothing and it helps nothing no yeah uh
2:20:13
yeah there's no arc there's no i don't know why it's even in there actually i'm not sure
2:20:19
why it's in there well that's why i keep saying that like i feel like the movie feels like it was written all you know
2:20:24
lean your way where if you went back you would go you and you took a look at stuff that happened
2:20:31
previously you'd be like oh right i foreshadowed something there
2:20:36
i need to use that and then you would re-rearrange things fix things up and
2:20:43
instead the movie just continues on with new things happening
2:20:49
without any regard to the past stuff happening so anyway to the next inconsistency
2:20:55
um yeah they get to the car you know they find no one in it except for some red
2:21:00
raspberry looking jam spread out all over the place how how convenient for them but they don't
2:21:06
have to cast any other characters yeah there's not even a corpse it's just like horse break
2:21:14
thank god yeah it would have been funnier though if it had been like a mannequin and it cuts
2:21:19
off just below the neck so you can't see i bought this at a department store
2:21:26
down comes the raker onto the car roof noah and mr cooper go back to back
2:21:32
facing their lights both ways as they're walking away like a crab i thought that was a cool idea actually this is like
2:21:39
the one scene in the movie that even hints at the idea that that there could be tension
2:21:45
so oh so that's the tenth senior yeah i'll give i'll give them credit it's like
2:21:51
the bare minimum of what you do with a movie like this but it's there you know yeah i don't really explore why
2:21:58
the thing's light sensitive or anything so yeah i mean whatever
2:22:04
like i said the movie doesn't seem terribly interested in dealing with the rake at all
2:22:09
so that just fits sure it is a weakness why who cares
2:22:16
unfortunately this is a horror movie so batteries are always running out super fast noah's smartphone is almost dead
2:22:24
mr cooper my phone is almost dead oh wait i've got my portable charger on me
2:22:29
we're totally safe who knew spending 20 bucks on a handy portable battery would one day save my life
2:22:36
i'm just imagining it turning into a commercial i'm sorry no yeah fair enough
2:22:42
man this is so useful just like put it right in the middle of a horror film man we were right about to
2:22:48
die weren't we i'm so glad i have this portable charger i mean this movie isn't
2:22:53
well known enough to attract product placement but it does seem shameless enough to do it
2:23:00
he doesn't have that charger so noah's phone goes dead so the two of them make a break for it noah immediately trips
2:23:08
just leave him man nobody would hold it against you mr cooper just go
2:23:14
i mean come on man as soon as you run it's like the first step he trips it's just like
2:23:22
i mean like what are we supposed to do with you noah i guess i'll give the movie credit for being the guy to do that
2:23:29
so the raker grabs noah's ankles and this is the second time the monster has grabbed somebody's ankles and just
2:23:34
yanked on them it seems like a remarkably unscary way to attack someone uh it does
2:23:41
just kind of tug of war also it being the fact that the teacher was able to uh
2:23:47
you know hey spoilers grab noah away from uh the rake kind of undercuts this
2:23:53
thing being scary because i mean like it feels like you just like i mean at that rate why not
2:23:58
just punch it yeah you know what i mean kick his ass
2:24:04
i think the monster's weak from having eaten too many people i mean at that ready it's two people look i'm
2:24:12
sorry if if the teacher can overpower the monster yeah just like flash some
2:24:18
lights at it and get in the circle and just start kicking its ass what's it gonna do yeah
2:24:24
and then you park a car yes yeah this monster is too defeatable
2:24:30
so only now does the old man finally grab his shotgun and go outside he scares the the monster away with a flare
2:24:37
flares come in packs so maybe give everyone an extra yeah gosh thank you this guy's just
2:24:44
hiding that that actually would have been super important later on in fact
2:24:49
very soon kennedy hugs mr cooper and kennedy
2:24:55
thanks the old man for you know protecting them and stuff belatedly let's see oh yeah earlier she also
2:25:01
showed some appreciation to cooper for essentially putting up with her this is her arc for the movie
2:25:07
i mean at least she has one jade tends to know his wounded legs
2:25:13
and you know he's just like well why are you doing this and she's just like we're friends aren't we you know which is something he said earlier you know
2:25:19
they're doing that scripty thing you know you repeat a thing you said earlier to show a bond
2:25:24
that's nice i guess she rolls up his pant leg and you see the absolute lack of a wound
2:25:31
which is great it's just like some red smear that someone put on his leg
2:25:37
i love it because she says that looks pretty bad i mean the
2:25:43
uh noah thanks here the share moment i think she meant that the idea of the wound
2:25:49
looks really bad
2:25:56
looks terrible it's interesting the next scene is noah
2:26:02
going to charge his phone it's mundane but i thought at first that it was a clever thing to
2:26:08
do because you know maybe things were going to work out and you were going to need that phone but uh he
2:26:14
spoiler alert dies shortly hereafter so there's no point in having a shot of him charging the phone
2:26:21
uh yes there is is there uh isn't that what causes
2:26:26
spoilers the power to go out oh god i forgot about that no you're right
2:26:32
yeah it's it's just for him to create more chaos yeah oh no
2:26:37
oh god i forgot my hat oh that's so that's so ridiculous yeah
2:26:44
the power goes out yeah this is like the next page in my notes i totally forgot yeah so the power goes out and and no
2:26:50
it's just like i think i blew a fuse when i plugged in the phone what if what kind of a house is this
2:26:55
yeah i was gonna say like oh okay you know what i have to give the movie a little bit of
2:27:01
credit because you know what when i was uh living in mapleton oregon
2:27:07
i had to deal with that kind of thing all the time where you couldn't really i couldn't
2:27:13
have the refrigerator the ac and
2:27:18
uh the microwave on at the same time and you had to make a choice
2:27:24
so it happens but uh that being said i feel like that has a little bit too modern for that but yeah
2:27:31
yeah i mean als this old man he's a hunter he's been dealing with this monster for
2:27:36
36 years twice a year because it's every equinox and he probably
2:27:42
bought this house i don't know if he designed it but the fuse box is outside
2:27:48
so why would why why why would you do this to yourself old man yeah it's it's like the
2:27:54
house is designed to kill him exactly that's that's exactly what it is and also as i said before i think the
2:28:00
monster creates entropy everything breaks around it the batteries run out cars don't start
2:28:06
house fuses just blow i'm sorry i i really hate that idea because that like
2:28:12
excuses all of the bad coordination in this movie i like it
2:28:18
it's like the final destination films you know where like death is just encouraging the monster to win somehow
2:28:24
i mean that's fine because it's like that's like creative at least
2:28:31
like this is just that's just an excuse for the same old [ __ ] there's this weird shot of the raker
2:28:38
running past the front of the house like he's going like a thousand miles an hour i don't know that it matters or anything
2:28:43
i just it's just such a strange shot i just wanted to note it so that maybe the monster has super speed but i mean he
2:28:49
never uses it later so i i don't know what what this shot is supposed to mean yeah well it's also especially weird
2:28:56
because later on all it does is uh menace people like a member of the putty
2:29:03
patrol yeah the putties you mean from uh powering yeah he just kind of stands there like
2:29:10
moving its arms and it's like all right dude no i'm like tell what am i re-watch that
2:29:17
re-watch that last little bit in the house when the power goes off and tell me you can't you can't see it
2:29:23
well i mean yeah it's a 90s reference only people who've actually watched that era of power rangers are going to know
2:29:30
what the hell you're talking about that's you know that's fine that reference was only for them
2:29:35
it's a little gift from us to you yeah but you know what let's uh enjoy it
2:29:43
now i'm not going to make him see no i refuse to apologize for it i'll reference what i please and
2:29:49
yeah really if anything it's your fault if you don't get it
2:29:54
yeah so i'm confused by this part i think i might have mis-watched this because
2:30:01
originally i wrote the old man fixes the fuse and then i crossed it out and then i
2:30:06
wrote the old man fails to fix the fuse does he drop the the
2:30:13
fuse is that what happens um as near as i can tell he
2:30:19
gets out to fix the fuse he sees the creature
2:30:24
out in the like edges of the light from his flare
2:30:30
and spontaneously decides to commit suicide
2:30:37
yeah i thought maybe that was after he had met something i thought i'd miss something because it doesn't really make
2:30:42
sense i mean earlier he did say he's like i'm never gonna run again yeah so he just you know but dying
2:30:48
he decided it doesn't help you know yeah he decides he's never gonna run again before
2:30:54
helping everyone get the fuse fixed so yeah a little selfish on his part to be
2:31:01
honest yeah i mean
2:31:06
he should have like reached for it like he was about to fix it and then he like looks at them through the window because they're all like crowded around the
2:31:12
window like the scooby gang watching him trying to do it and he should have just winked at him he'd
2:31:17
be like yeah i'm sure you guys will figure something out whatever see you yeah wake them
2:31:22
swallow the fuse and then walk out and get killed by the rage
2:31:28
over my dead body i think that's basically what he does
2:31:33
yeah oh you want this fixed maybe you should come out here and do it yeah
2:31:38
i mean there's basically no reason for like he like hears the creature the other rake
2:31:44
like around but it's like dude you know it's there
2:31:50
nothing changed just go fix the light it's been like that for 36 years it's
2:31:56
like yeah like all the time it's weird because it just kind of feels like
2:32:01
well twice it feels like the writer didn't properly come up with a
2:32:09
reason to not fix the the circuit breaker you just
2:32:14
yeah once again something doesn't work the old man points the shotgun and it just
2:32:20
jams as he tries to fire it nothing works yeah so he fights the raker kind of awkwardly
2:32:27
and he loses right away and everyone inside gets to watch the raker feasting on the old man's bowels yeah rest in
2:32:34
pieces old guy it's all downhill from here you know what it honestly is
2:32:41
i think it's mr cooper i will say i will say except for one
2:32:46
pretty funny moment coming up but uh we'll get to that
2:32:52
um i think it's mr cooper he says it's 4 a.m so they have two hours until sunrise so all they have to do is make
2:32:58
it you know and they've got some candles and stuff they could just hole up only now do they lock the doors so that
2:33:05
the doors have been unlocked this whole time just again this just makes them look like morons but they lock two of the
2:33:13
doors and then they hear a third door open so i guess they didn't know about that one yeah
2:33:18
and so they go to investigate the noise of the door opening and an albino goblin
2:33:24
emerges from the shadows i mean i mean you've gotten a few good looks at
2:33:29
it beforehand but uh this is probably yeah
2:33:34
this is probably the worst of it the longest the most sustained examination of the costume yeah kind of
2:33:41
looks like the creatures from uh the descent i was gonna say yeah a little bit like
2:33:46
the descent i still like lord of the rings work or gobble sure yeah although i don't know why it might like
2:33:52
it doesn't look 100 like it but it reminded me also those creatures
2:33:57
from that movie feast i don't know if you remember that i'm not sure if i've seen olive beast it
2:34:03
reminded me a little bit of the monsters from pandorum that were like humans that turned into monsters that hate people
2:34:09
yeah i mean i guess there's no two ways about it
2:34:15
it's a decent enough costume but the design is pretty generic it's not bad and i think if it was
2:34:22
utilized in a better movie it wouldn't have been bad at all i mean it's a full body latex suit so the guy has total
2:34:28
freedom of movement it's natural looking yeah it's not bad the face is a little
2:34:33
rough but only if you look at it for too long so it should have probably been moving
2:34:39
without facing the camera as much yeah i but yeah i mean credit required still
2:34:45
it's a better costume than this movie deserved it really helps salvage the movie
2:34:53
especially for horror films you really have to spend the money on the creature just to
2:34:58
make it resemble a film you know if you if you can't even do that then you don't really have a movie yeah i know i won't
2:35:05
say like i'll give you credit for that because there are some movies that just like really cheap out on that stuff but like you
2:35:12
know the movie had the priority of at least you know get a half decent costume for the
2:35:17
monster well done brian brewer well done
2:35:25
so yeah the raker uh rips up noah and then gets scared away by flashlights
2:35:30
i guess i mean sometimes he seems to be scared by flashlights and other times he's not it's a little inconsistent yeah other
2:35:36
times he can uh stare right into a road flare and not be bothered at all or spoiler
2:35:44
alert for later uh just stand with partial sunlight on his face and not seem to mind oh man i can't wait
2:35:51
yeah we're getting there mr cooper doesn't look very concerned that noah has been fatally wounded
2:35:58
i mean noah's just laying there dying and i was just thinking like should we put pressure on the wound
2:36:03
no let's wait and see what happens it's in god's hands now yeah what do you like
2:36:10
they all just kind of let him die yeah i mean i don't think well sort of jade
2:36:17
gets really mad but i mean you know she didn't help very much to stop it either no
2:36:22
i mean really but she gets so mad she gets so mad that she just grabs a
2:36:27
flashlight and just runs after the raker to do something i mean i don't know why yeah
2:36:33
also all it does is give him an opportunity to kill her real quick yeah okay peter also it's killing me that you keep
2:36:39
calling the rake the raker i mean i know the movie is called is it really called the raid yeah i mean i know the movie's
2:36:45
called the raking but it's it's it's just the rake oh i'm okay well i'm sorry that's how i wrote
2:36:52
it i just said no i know i just like i'm sick i don't know what this thing is no i know
2:36:57
i'm just i'm shocked that this is the thing even i i'm actually kind of pleased that it's a creepypasta i bet it's better in
2:37:03
whatever form that is than it is in this movie i will say i do
2:37:10
wish i had like maybe had a little extra time to listen to a few more stories three
2:37:16
i have listened to a few and they're not bad the thing about creepypasta stories like
2:37:23
ones dealing with the rake is that they're invariably how like a like
2:37:28
fake detailing of someone encountering a monster so there's only there's only so
2:37:34
much you can do with that but like as a consequence there's also only so bad it can get
2:37:41
yeah the man it's funny because it kind of feels like the
2:37:47
limited focus of those types of stories create a like a floor
2:37:54
where it's like it can only get so bad because it's someone relaying how they encountered
2:38:00
the creature you know what i mean they can't oh yeah you mean because of the filter of their experience yeah cause
2:38:06
like you can't like it's generally i mean generally speaking not gonna get too sidetracked or like to like
2:38:14
off the rails it's gonna be hey i saw this thing maybe i ran away or whatever
2:38:20
and then that's the end of it they're never gonna be like art but it's like oh okay all right that
2:38:27
was creepy enough it fit like the format okay yeah i mean so like generally
2:38:33
speaking i feel like the few rake stories have random but yeah they're all right
2:38:39
i mean i don't think anyone who's like listening this is going to be inspired to like
2:38:44
read those stories but uh i mean if people have i don't know
2:38:50
maybe they'll get something out of this i don't know maybe yeah yeah i heard to say it
2:38:57
i mean i want to speak to like authoritatively yeah
2:39:02
fair enough so yeah like i said jade gets mad she grabs a flashlight she walks after the
2:39:09
rake and just gets killed well no not killed she gets grabbed by the neck thrown her ankle shatters
2:39:16
and then the rake runs in after her and yanks on her leg until the leg gets ripped off i think
2:39:23
but they don't really show it there's so i'm not sure there is some decent gore effects there though
2:39:30
like yeah there's some good close-ups of a broken i will say it's actually kind of weird especially considering some of
2:39:37
the stuff you see immediately afterwards the gore effects on that scene they're good you know credit where credits do
2:39:43
yeah i mean probably the best in the movie it's weird this movie isn't actually that gory
2:39:49
yeah no not really but you know it's a good effect and jade does the uh you know go on
2:39:55
without me i can't do anything yeah and i love that they listen to her it's such a co-ed college thing where
2:40:02
they're just like whatever okay bye yeah i didn't like you anyway
2:40:07
yeah you didn't like me and i didn't like you so i didn't buy i mean look to be to be
2:40:14
fair i feel like if someone gave me that speech i'd probably if i didn't think i could
2:40:19
save them i'd just go i can spend too much time worrying about that i mean only since you asked i shall
2:40:26
go i mean that's the excuse at a certain point
2:40:31
it's like even if you don't say anything i'm i'm getting they should have had her change her mind halfway like as they're
2:40:37
leaving like wait wait come back and just keep going
2:40:42
i can't make it because yeah she does die seconds
2:40:48
afterwards so yeah yeah it might as well have been that i god
2:40:53
i feel like you could make a movie with a lot of those like farcical ideas of like yeah
2:41:00
that would be actually really funny to have that be in the movie i guess i don't i mean it's like the uh
2:41:07
it's like the old man who like just can't convince those kids to not go out there
2:41:12
oh yeah it would be in that movie absolutely yeah which i okay i was i was thinking about it and it would be so it
2:41:20
would be so much funnier if it was like a like super irrelevant old tiny bigotry
2:41:28
like they were like irish ghosts or something so he's like warning people about the
2:41:34
irish out there and it's like what else can i listen to that you sound like you sound like a
2:41:41
you sound like a maniacs like that you got to watch out for the hessian yeah it's like uh i'm sorry
2:41:50
yeah so this is this is right near the end of the movie so yeah let's just try to just
2:41:55
they ditch out on jade she gets eaten off camera which is just kind of shameful as a film maker you can't even
2:42:02
dignify the second best actress with a good death mr cooper and kennedy
2:42:08
go to climb out a window it's apparently two hours you know remember they said it was two hours until sunrise and i guess
2:42:15
that's now because it's kind of daylight out there now this is my favorite scene this this part
2:42:20
right here kennedy is about to go out first she stops and says
2:42:26
i can't go without you and then without a single moment's thought
2:42:32
teacher's assistant mr ethan cooper says okay and just leaves first i like just
2:42:41
you might as well just shoved her out of the way i gotta get out of the way you're going too slow it's
2:42:46
it's a brief scene but uh it's memorable for that you know you could see many guys do that in horror
2:42:53
movies no like never it's it's it's beautifully craven
2:42:58
it's it's just it's the greatest moment of this entire movie it's like it not only not only is it craven
2:43:06
the movie doesn't portray it as craven yeah but he's just like well if you're gonna
2:43:12
you know get out of the way i'll yeah i'll go yeah no this is it's just treated as yeah no she just said she
2:43:18
basically just said you can go first that's fine like there's no there looks like the movie passes
2:43:25
no moral judgment on him for doing that no not really
2:43:30
so yeah he gets outside and of course she crawls out after him and just gets dragged right back inside
2:43:36
as we all thought would happen yeah bravo i just want to give you a standing
2:43:42
ovation mr cooper no save that for landing mr cooper runs to the door to go back in
2:43:48
to try to save her oh yeah that's right you guys locked all the doors what an oopsy doopsy
2:43:55
yeah he finally finds a door i guess this must be the third door that the monster went in
2:44:01
he runs inside finds the raker holding the seemingly life lifeless body of kennedy aloft with a single pale goblin
2:44:08
hand and yeah this is the point when sunlight is dappling the raker yeah i keep wanting to say the rayquaza
2:44:14
the rake's face and i just wrote shouldn't he be more bothered by that because i mean uh yeah
2:44:20
this was like his whole thing yeah it's yeah to be clear it's it's bright out
2:44:27
and you can see entirely too much of the rake
2:44:32
yeah also the cops should have been there like two hours ago uh yeah yeah that's besides the point that was
2:44:38
earlier but i mean like i said hours have passed more than enough time
2:44:43
oh yeah and there's this weird part where as the monster is holding up her body
2:44:49
either she says or he says i remember you and i don't know if it's the monster
2:44:55
saying it or if he's puppeting i think kennedy to make her i think he's puppeting her to say it
2:45:01
you mean like in killer clowns from outer space when the the sheriff is puppeted by the clown um yeah exactly
2:45:07
that way yes that'll remain with me forever because i saw that as a little kid and i remember that part where the
2:45:13
uh the dean from animal house is just dead and it's just like all we
2:45:18
want to do is kill you ah that's a
2:45:23
god that's a good thing yeah yeah i know we will definitely do that yeah another time
2:45:29
but yeah yeah i guess he's just like puppeting her and i guess i guess the rake can puppet people to
2:45:35
talk maybe he just has this power i mean this is one of his weird powers like when he was able to reach through a stone wall
2:45:41
and scratch her back that wasn't the power don't go on don't do it it's not the power
2:45:48
bad filmmaking is it's not power mr cooper suddenly remembers his own backstory of having watched his parents
2:45:55
be murdered by the same thing yeah i love it he reaches for his wound which
2:46:01
i guess must you know like there's an old scar i guess it must be on his shoulder they don't show it there but you just
2:46:08
infer it because they show a flashback of the big rubbery monster hands scratching this little boy's shoulder in
2:46:13
the car ah i'm not gonna kill you but i'll give you a little scratch
2:46:19
the raker forces his finger claws through kennedy's neck from behind and she died i it's actually a really cool
2:46:25
death oh yeah i think it's great it's it's a it's a fun effect i enjoyed it
2:46:30
yeah it looks really good well it should probably have a little more blood since there isn't really any but it's a cool
2:46:36
thing it makes him seem strong yeah if the monster is strong this is the only time he demonstrates it uh yeah like i
2:46:42
said it's a it's not a gory effect but it's fun it's neat yeah and then mr cooper
2:46:49
sees this and then just bravely closes the door and waits until the monster leaves
2:46:56
god it's so it's so great it just holds under the knob it just listens it's so great to have such a
2:47:04
relatable main character in a horror movie one who has no problem leaving
2:47:09
behind this yeah just a wrench of a man
2:47:14
yeah you know what because like who can say that you wouldn't be the guy
2:47:20
to slam the door right in the face of the monster and just go oh god oh god i
2:47:26
hope it doesn't come through yeah which reminds me of before this the the
2:47:31
most shameful scene i'd seen in a movie was in that movie uh leviathan when uh
2:47:37
yes when there's like a leech attached to a man's body and he's like reaching for hell help me please and the guy just
2:47:43
gets so weirded out by the scene that he just flees before his friend can be helped oh yeah oh man
2:47:50
that's another good one yeah yeah such a shameful thing
2:47:56
i like a good shameful scene in a horror movie i don't know why i think it's because it hits different parts of you
2:48:02
you know like your pride and stuff you're just like oh wow yeah that wounded me a different way
2:48:08
yeah there's something to that but i mean like i mean at least in leviathan well i think i guess in this one too
2:48:14
uh it could be a source of comedy i mean it's both it's both i mean this one's
2:48:20
really funny because it's also framed almost like a comedic scene because he could yeah he's just like i'm
2:48:26
just gonna close this well yeah you see the full body shadow monster you know going like a booger and he's just
2:48:33
like close the door sure yeah
2:48:38
makes sense to me yeah he just waits until he hears glass break and he knows a monster left i guess
2:48:46
although spoiler alert it didn't leave so what did it do just broke something and waited yeah whatever who cares yeah
2:48:51
also like left into the sunlight yeah where would it go god damn it this whole last bit just
2:48:58
like i don't get it yeah wouldn't it just go into hibernation in a room you know or
2:49:04
something yeah it's bad exactly this would do like dismissive hand waving just yeah yeah
2:49:10
yeah yeah honestly kennedy is dead
2:49:16
her body's on the floor mr cooper actually i think it's on the bed mr cooper once again he only looks
2:49:22
vaguely concerned he closes her eyes with his hands oh and then he pulls out her gift the
2:49:28
one that he wasn't allowed to to open yet you know but now it's tomorrow so he gets to open the gift see he's a rule
2:49:34
follower you know this is important i swear like i hate that of all the setups
2:49:40
to pay off it's that that's the one they go with
2:49:46
he opens the present and it's there's a little note inside that says you're worth giving country music a chance
2:49:52
kennedy and it's two tickets to something i didn't even bother to see what it was
2:49:58
yeah dude it doesn't matter whoever might just say like garth brooks or something sure that makes sense well
2:50:05
it's 2017 there's got to be someone you know newer than that i'm sorry country people i don't know your stuff
2:50:11
uh oh wait wait hold on tyler make something i don't know
2:50:17
oh that i don't know that yeah yeah i don't know they had two tickets to tyler mcdialer
2:50:24
but uh unfortunately they didn't make it yeah so mr cooper opens the door to leave he
2:50:30
stops at the front door and just kind of looks out and he has this reflective moment you know as if like oh man i was so helpless when i was a
2:50:36
little kid watching my parents die and then as an adult i had all these choices i could have
2:50:43
done to save these people but i didn't and i'm gonna have to reflect on this for the rest of my life this is going to
2:50:50
be painful for me and then he just dies uh okay you're kind of glossing over it because
2:50:56
he doesn't just uh he doesn't just like the movie doesn't just imply that he's
2:51:01
killed because a hand reaches out from within the room and pulls him back in
2:51:08
it is shot and framed like a joke like a punch line from a comedy
2:51:15
sketch yeah where he's just pulled in he's like whoa and the movie just ends right there
2:51:21
right there like i mean he even hold he even waves his hands in the air like i didn't
2:51:27
expect this yeah and that's the end of the movie that's it
2:51:32
you've been raked not not maybe howard first time um
2:51:38
but you know it's like that's the final shot in the movie and it feels like it's like the
2:51:45
it's like the end of the comedy sketch well i think maybe he was since he was the director i think he was trying to
2:51:51
soften a rather bleak ending by having it be a little silly so i guess it kind of does that i think you're giving it too much
2:51:58
credit i think it's weird the monster like pretended to leave and then it just came
2:52:04
back to kill him in the middle of daylight yeah i think it's weird that the monster that hates the light without
2:52:09
the daylight that's the weird part to me well also that yeah there's a couple
2:52:14
inconsistencies in this film jacob yeah weird it's almost like it's really bad
2:52:19
[Laughter] okay so yes that's the movie um i don't know if there's anything notable
2:52:25
in the credits because i turned this crap off as soon as it ended yeah same here man i don't know maybe there's a
2:52:31
mid-credit scene i don't care yeah sam jackson showed up at the end
2:52:37
you think you're the only one that rakes things i wanted to see how many roles brian
2:52:43
brewer had given himself in the movie but i i just yeah yeah i just couldn't
2:52:48
muster the will i'm sorry yeah it's just too much there's only so much a man can bear yeah i mean to be
2:52:54
to be clear by the end of the movie you're not going to feel like sitting through this it's not like yeah i'm kind of making
2:53:02
the ending sound funny it is funny it's not funny enough to like justify
2:53:09
sit through it like you're you're out at that point oh wait a minute i think i did let the credits run because i
2:53:16
i spaced out i mean i wasn't paying attention so i'm sure i was just you know doing something on my phone but there
2:53:22
was a part at the end i thought there was a secret ending i forgot about this yeah because um on
2:53:28
2b it just plays into the next movie on what i don't know some kind of suggested
2:53:33
list i guess from what you just watched yeah and it started playing something called the retreat yes
2:53:39
and when it did i'm like the soundtrack was great the cinematography was good it was like sweeping over a forest and i'm like
2:53:46
oh my god did he do something great with his oh no this is a hole
2:53:52
yeah i didn't i didn't think it was a different movie but i did yeah i guess for whatever reason it does
2:53:59
go into the retreat i haven't watched it but uh
2:54:04
better cinematography yeah just those couple seconds of footage it seemed pretty nice okay i'll give the retreat a
2:54:11
strong maybe maybe it's good not an expert okay so this movie yeah
2:54:16
yeah right this movie the raker the one that we just reviewed okay first of all it got 12
2:54:23
it's the ranking oh what whatever whatever it's called yeah okay the
2:54:29
ranking featuring johnny the raker it's got 12 on rotten tomatoes 12
2:54:36
jacob yeah i mean that's better than i thought yeah metacritic didn't even bother to
2:54:42
give it a score acts like it doesn't exist yeah that makes sense and just you know for an extra number i
2:54:48
it has four and a half out of 10 on imdb which seems way too generous yeah what the hell is that about it
2:54:54
yeah i don't know i i don't know how that system works and i don't usually bother to bring it up yeah i guess fair enough
2:55:01
maybe it's more customer based and you know people are more generous with a horror film you know if you hit certain
2:55:07
beats i don't know to some extent i am a little bit of that kind of a fan i think if you do a certain amount of things my
2:55:13
satisfaction reaches a minimum to where i'm not unhappy i watched a movie but that doesn't mean i want to spread that
2:55:19
out in the world you know what i mean like i'd rather movies be made better yeah i mean that's why like well like to
2:55:25
be clear like well i think this is a bad movie and i like i've suggested a lot of things that are different or you know
2:55:32
they'll improve it it's because i like i'd like to see more good movies out there
2:55:38
and i feel like yeah maybe brian brewer will surprise us in the future i mean maybe i
2:55:45
don't know i'm open to that idea i haven't seen his other movies yeah i don't know i feel a little bit
2:55:51
bad because like i don't like movies to be bad but man i gotta be honest this one's pretty bad
2:55:58
okay so on that note how would you rate this film jacob ooh
2:56:04
strong three out of ten hmm interesting i thought you were gonna give it a two no no
2:56:12
no i've seen twos like a two is this movie but like
2:56:18
somehow more incoherent and the monster looks dumber yeah i think once you hit a certain
2:56:24
threshold of badness you actually have to inspire active dislike and hatred for
2:56:29
a film yeah like you have to have lost something for having seen it
2:56:35
like the world is a less good place than the movie exists yeah i mean like that level of bad i mean like okay i'm gonna
2:56:40
like i don't want to judge a movie without seeing it but i'm going to do this i'm
2:56:46
looking at movies right now right now on to be i'm thinking i'm looking at stuff that i would probably rate like a two
2:56:53
i'm looking at [ __ ] like clown face which is like it's like just some dude
2:56:59
with suspenders with a clown mask it's like that's probably just gonna make me feel bad and it's just gonna be [ __ ] you
2:57:05
know yeah the the movie clown i don't know if you ever saw that that's probably a two
2:57:10
for me i i really hate that movie yeah yeah i mean like and that was directed by eli ross oh
2:57:16
wait is that the one with the uh the demon skin okay i demon skin clowns here's the
2:57:22
thing i could never rate that the two because i enjoyed the premise too much yeah sorry that's too good to not give
2:57:29
some credit for yeah well it was also at a time when i was watching multiple
2:57:35
clown werewolf type movies or i mean you know where like you become a clown like as a curse or a suit
2:57:41
they also had that in a couple other movies yeah babies uh weirdly common for those kinds of movies i don't get that
2:57:47
but uh yeah odd theme to keep coming back
2:57:52
okay so i would rate it hmm let me think it took bravery to make
2:57:59
this movie it also took bravery to watch this movie
2:58:05
i i wish i could say this is the worst movie i've seen but i'm a horror fan so
2:58:11
you know i'm with you i i think 3 out of 10 is is a proper score yeah it's bad
2:58:17
but it's not the worst it's uh it's it's below competence but it's not
2:58:24
utterly incompetent you know like there there's enough here there's little sparkles in the poo you
2:58:30
know little bits of corn that like make it okay i guess yeah yeah
2:58:35
i don't see doing a two or one unless i really just actively hate a movie or just you
2:58:41
know left a bad taste in my mouth or whatever yeah i mean yeah i i feel like even like
2:58:47
an especially bad movie with bad effects that's like if it's trying
2:58:52
i'd still give it some like good will just because you were yeah the attempt was made
2:58:57
you're not yeah it would have to i think i i do feel like it would have to be like a movie that left a bad taste in my
2:59:04
mouth in like nothing like because i don't mind if the movie has like a dark ending or whatever but if it's just like well what the hell
2:59:11
was the point of this yeah i think if these characters had remained more two-dimensional if they
2:59:17
actually had stayed unpleasant the whole movie i might have given it one less just because of how unpleasant it would
2:59:23
be to go through the whole thing you know with people never learning anything or growing as characters so i guess i'll
2:59:29
give the movie credit for that at least they bothered i mean it was ultimately pointless because they all die
2:59:34
but at least it showed that the people had some dimension before they died i
2:59:40
mean yeah i would even like you know there are movies that would rate higher but have
2:59:45
worse character development in them so i mean yes i'm going for it
2:59:51
all right i'm going to do the the imdb keywords there's only six this time hell yes so it's pretty quick
2:59:59
yeah i mean this is you know because this is all determined by popularity and people just actually bringing stuff up
3:00:05
so yeah we're probably one of the only people in fact we have to be
3:00:11
the people who have raided we reviewed this more thoroughly than anybody nobody we are first in the world
3:00:17
here jacob hey first of all could be the case yeah yeah so so there's there's not much here
3:00:24
so yeah i'll just without further ado let's let's read them up okay first one darkness
3:00:32
yeah sure two car won't start
3:00:38
that's so specific why would they oh no i that's something i would definitely rate in a horror film because
3:00:43
there's a lot of movies that wear cars no it is but it's just like that's not even like a big thing within
3:00:49
the movie remember there was that car commercial for somebody i don't remember which company it was but they were just
3:00:55
showing all those scenes from horror movies where they were trying to get a car to work and like you know they were screaming and stuff like come on come on
3:01:00
come on i do remember that yeah it was a good app yeah um oh yeah so number three
3:01:07
urban legend yeah i guess in the movie it's an urban
3:01:12
legend i don't know if a creepypasta counts i mean it sort of does
3:01:17
yeah i mean yeah okay i'll count i think it does close enough yeah
3:01:23
four monster yeah i mean there is a monster in it
3:01:29
five killed off camera yeah there's a couple of those actually
3:01:37
and number six next slashing
3:01:42
who gets there i mean i guess well it's it's kennedy at the end with the fingers through the back of her
3:01:48
throat it's not really a slash yeah i don't know if i have to jesus this might be one of the first
3:01:53
ones i have to like really strongly reject that's not a slashing
3:01:58
wow yeah yeah i guess it's more of a gouging yeah gouging stabbing it's not slashing
3:02:05
sorry man whoever wrote that up uh you're wrong
3:02:11
well i mean in your defense i mean you might be right because people will give little recommendations for the keywords
3:02:17
they'll vote them up or down and nobody voted up the relevance of next slashing everybody
3:02:23
agreed to the rest of them except for that so yeah listen semantically it should be
3:02:29
stabbing i'm not gonna say anyone cares i'm just saying if we're talking about accuracy
3:02:36
yeah so yeah that was the raking jacob how you
3:02:41
feeling um haggard tired
3:02:47
uh depleted yeah i mean this is like to be honest this is already a long day and then i had to
3:02:54
like sit through this [ __ ] so like i'm probably gonna do that after this like i'm just i'm tired oh yeah yeah yeah
3:03:02
definitely [Laughter] well
3:03:07
listen for you know the handful of people who've made it to the end of this podcast i just i hope you have a great
3:03:13
rest of the day and i'm just grateful that you chose us to listen to us pick apart a movie
3:03:19
you'll probably never watch yourselves yeah no yeah to be clear uh don't watch it listen to us describe it
3:03:27
uh i mean you've already sat through the description if you're at this point but yeah you know what i mean don't watch it
3:03:35
it's bad so until next time i'm peter
3:03:40
uh i'm jacob and this has been gorman on gore
3:03:46
bye now good night i'm done yeah this is [ __ ] i'm going to bed
3:03:56
much longer than that movie deserved i probably should have abbreviated it yeah whatever
3:04:15
you know what noah you're growing on me okay
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