In order to cultivate the happiest of Halloweens we have an especially festive film for your listening entertainment. The retro Halloween horror nostalgia classic the WNUF Halloween Special! Kick up your heels and bask in the season as we regale you with tales of 80's style commercial breaks, two well-meaning newcasters and an ambitious reporter who gets in way over his head when he and a team of paranormal investigators brave a haunted house on live television. We also discuss Thundercats, James bond, horny bigfoot movies, which Halloween candy is best, and what Halloween means to us.
Our Website: https://gormanongore.buzzsprout.com/
Email us! gormanongore@protonmail.com
Give us something sweet
buymeacoff.ee/GormanOnGore
In order to cultivate the happiest of Halloweens we have an especially festive film for your listening entertainment. The retro Halloween horror nostalgia classic the WNUF Halloween Special! Kick up your heels and bask in the season as we regale you with tales of 80's style commercial breaks, two well-meaning newcasters and an ambitious reporter who gets in way over his head when he and a team of paranormal investigators brave a haunted house on live television. We also discuss Thundercats, James bond, horny bigfoot movies, which Halloween candy is best, and what Halloween means to us.
Our Website: https://gormanongore.buzzsprout.com/
Email us! gormanongore@protonmail.com
Give us something sweet
buymeacoff.ee/GormanOnGore
0:01
let them know it's halloween, hit it!
0:16
[Music] so
0:29
[Music]
0:44
by the pricking of my thumbs something wicked this way comes it's halloween happy halloween everybody
0:52
happy halloween jacob
uh happy halloween peter i'm glad we're
0:57
recording this yes we are definitely recording this on
1:03
halloween it is the day of yes [Laughter]
1:09
because that's how this works yeah yeah and welcome back cats and kittens this
1:15
is our halloween special and it features a halloween special
1:21
oh man i gotta say halloween is my favorite season well no okay halloween's not a season it's a
1:27
holiday fall is my favorite season and halloween is in that season so
1:32
both of those things i just i don't know i feel like everybody has a time when they i don't
1:38
know when they wax and wane you know like the moon uh i'm not sure when my waning is like
1:43
when i'm at my weakest it might be spring i think that might be when i'm when my power is the lowest
1:49
but something about the fall the uh the the gathering dark and the coldness it's
1:55
just i don't know i i just shine more like i feel more of my my mystical essence oh man i just eat this holiday
2:01
up i love this stuff you know i do too but uh it's kind of a
2:06
shame there's not a lot of um halloween decorations right here we are
2:11
not very festive in in san francisco apparently i mean i don't know if i
2:16
guess like it might be true in some other neighborhoods but uh definitely not here well it's different
2:22
or at least it feels different uh i mean during the pandemic you know all joy was canceled so
2:29
i don't think we even decorated last year for halloween or christmas or anything you know so i wonder if people
2:35
are still debating amongst themselves about how much they want to celebrate even if they normally would
2:41
today i was going to decorate my whole yard and then i was going to talk about it but i got tired so i'll do it
2:48
tomorrow so it's a future promise to myself to you know to finally decorate everything
2:55
take a look at the house alexa
3:00
alexa buy porn uh like the thing i mean
3:07
i could see i can't unplug it because like i need that for some reminders but it like
3:12
[Laughter] he only does this like once a podcast and then never else
3:19
any other time of the week even on you know the most eldritch of holidays
3:25
the uh the hoary old halloween all hallows eve the hollow tide
3:30
you're still having the intrusive elements of technology just just having a stranglehold over your life jacob
3:38
yeah i know oh uh before we get into uh you know the
3:44
madness of of the holiday and everything we you know we our previous podcast was
3:49
about malignant and in my haste to get it out i realized we didn't even rate the damn thing so uh why don't we just
3:56
like reap that real quick like right now you know uh sure i as i told you before we
4:02
started recording i have been going back and forth about what i will rate it so i
4:07
i'll let you go first jacob so i can gather my thoughts so yeah what are you doing are you here are you sure you want
4:13
me to to lead off all right just just do it just do it
4:20
i think you know peter 10 out of 10 baby that's why you go see
4:25
movies is on the off chance you're going to see something wild like malignant
4:31
you know in a way i i understand because it hit me in that way but i'm trying to be a diplomat for all
4:38
people so so i've been going back and forth i i was thinking if they're serious about
4:45
the movie i was thinking like a four out of ten but if they're not serious and it's on purpose i would give it a seven
4:51
out of ten so i'm gonna default to optimism and i think i'm just gonna give it a seven out
4:57
of ten and and assume that they did everything on purpose
5:02
the i to me i guess it doesn't matter if it was on purpose or not some of the greatest works of art have
5:09
probably been mistakes uh don't ask me terrible accidents yeah
5:14
i can't actually back that up with any like actual examples but maybe who knows yeah i mean there's just something
5:20
serendipitous about it and i know that not everyone's gonna like it i mean yeah also you guys should go listen to that
5:26
podcast you know because we're just you know we're just hitting it out of the park with these things our reviews are
5:31
bombed but no yeah it's uh yeah it was a good episode
5:38
a little informal because you know we threw it together real quick but uh yeah no it's it's good stuff and like i
5:45
i don't know yeah i i'm embarrassed by it but i am yeah the more time has passed the more
5:51
fond of it i have become it's not a good movie but it's an effective movie and bringing
5:57
me joy so i guess yeah i think seven out of 10 is fair yeah so it puts it in an unfair
6:04
category with people who probably made things in a more earnest and honest attempt to make something good
6:10
but whatever you know like you gotta factor in a little bit of like luck and circumstance you know
6:15
yeah but also like i'm sorry but we don't owe those people enjoyment of their movies
6:22
and you know honestly i was thinking the other day that like there's something about gabriel the the evil person from
6:27
malignant that almost has kind of a like a freddy krueger vibe like you know that kind of way where like it's an evil
6:33
character that people really love and respond to so like yeah i don't know like i feel like you could do something with it yeah
6:40
it's like a franchise or something i don't know yeah he's he's weirdly iconic
6:45
i i like him we'll see whether or not like we're way off you know i love that like we're
6:51
doing this right when the movies come out you know so that we can just make some real like bold assessments and we
6:57
won't know if you know until like years later whether or not any of that will play out you know
7:02
i i mean whatever else i'll stand by this i mean if anything i might uh end up liking it more in time
7:09
yeah sure oh yeah and uh in other random news halloween kills came out a little while
7:16
ago and uh so yeah another michael myers movie everybody so you know congratulations
7:25
i i should see that one but i have a very little desire to
7:30
i don't know i i i i eventually i'd like us to cover those
7:36
but i really hate i i hate four five and six
7:41
in the holiday movies yeah so bad and it's a shame because i like both
7:47
ends of the franchise i like the beginning and i like the end stuff uh like when it gets up to around h2o i
7:53
started having fun again but just those three in the middle by mustafa akkad they're real hard to get through they're
7:59
they're quite a slog for me so i will dread one day we will probably cover the franchise and
8:06
you know just look forward to me just like slinking down in my chair just being miserable having to cover those movies
8:13
see that's kind of a shame for because like i am not a big fan of barab zombie ones
8:20
so oh yeah those yeah okay yes i wonder if we're going to sync up and
8:27
i think we probably have the same opinion on
8:32
a rough opinion on halloween three but like i think we're probably gonna i don't know i i like i don't i don't
8:38
know how many of these movies we're actually going to enjoy [Laughter] sure i actually kind of like the rob
8:45
zombie movies i'm just going to warn you now everybody that i i kind of you have to look at
8:50
them a certain way i mean like i look at it as more like a weird music video like rather than like a movie per se
8:57
you know i don't know it's like a weird graphic novel alternate reality revision of the
9:02
character you know and looking at it that way just like as its own thing i don't hate it
9:09
um i don't know that's almost dangerous to say because i was just thinking like my mind immediately went back to all those
9:15
topless scenes and i'm just like you know that was way past the time when that was okay um
9:20
yeah maybe i should revise my opinion i mean look i i will
9:25
you know i'll give him credit for that he's like the last guy doing that in his movies
9:31
yeah and like i don't know credit to him for like getting these these poor women
9:37
to go along with it is it because he was like a you know like a music star do you think that's
9:43
why he got away with it i don't know yeah i don't know uh
9:48
i mean yeah like oh god i don't know how to like articulate my thoughts on this uh so
9:56
i've dug us into a whole jacob this is my fault i'll dig us back out again
10:02
okay i mean subject change yeah oh just the other day this this is
10:09
really stupid but i'm gonna bring it up anyway i was just watching that four minute video you know have you
10:14
watched any of those uh netflix bots made a video about this or that series um
10:20
no i remember listening to some like deeply troubling stuff about that so i decided
10:25
i uh i wouldn't contribute oh what'd you hear what'd you hear i don't know anything about it i'm baffled by the
10:31
whole thing i it just like i mean okay like i don't i don't think
10:37
that peter this like maybe a little bit more serious than we want to be delving into with the podcast what but like well i
10:44
mean like they like you know prey on kids and lure them into content that is like
10:49
increasingly more questionable oh i see what you're saying oh okay well
10:56
i know there's literally a thing i don't know i don't understand and so yeah maybe i
11:01
should have researched this better before i brought it up on a recording but i just saw this thing and it was like it
11:06
was making fun of horror movies and i was so pleased and it's just it's just called like uh netflix bots made the first is either a
11:13
halloween movie or like a horror movie you know like i think it might have been a halloween special but it could be oh okay you know i think you might be like
11:20
okay because i was thinking about like the weird elsagate stuff yeah where they had all the characters just pacing
11:25
around on like predetermined tracks and like and kids would like yeah just watch them just walking around because you
11:32
know when you're a little kid like that's all you need is just a character you like you know just walking around doing stuff
11:37
sure yeah that's not what i'm talking about i think that's like a weird chinese company and like that stuff might be illegal now
11:44
yeah yeah but this is equally stupid it's you know maybe more so i i can't tell if it's written by real
11:51
people or not but anyway i watched a four-minute video called mr puzzles wants you to be less alive
11:59
and it's it's just like i don't know a weird amalgamation like it's like some kind of algorithm that like studies what made
12:07
movies successful like horror movies and then it just throws in phrases and like
12:12
the semblance of events that made several movies you know good you know and puts them together in a way
12:17
that makes no sense at all so like it ends up being like a saw film and they just keep like mentioning other
12:22
things along the way be like oh yeah your name's jennifer and you've got a body you know like they're just like
12:28
trying to mention jennifer's body you know that sort of a thing like weird awkward winks at like various films
12:35
i mean i feel like that's eventually just how movies are gonna get made i you know i was thinking of that i i
12:42
actually kind of want that to be the future because i like improvisation so i mean they used to do that in old next
12:48
generation episodes of star trek where they're just like uh computer uh play with these three different instruments
12:54
and play at this tempo and i want it to be kind of a somber mood you know and it would just make something up you know so
13:01
i wouldn't mind that oh yeah yeah all right computer i want i want tom cruise
13:06
to be deep faked into a mummy movie but i want it to actually be good uh could
13:12
you do that error you know you're probably just like impossible impossible
13:17
[Laughter]
13:27
i was about to try to defend tom cruise but i can't because he's a creepy weirdo so yeah
13:33
i mean he's finding certain things but yeah i don't know it is weird how like he's like a pretty i think he's just
13:38
still a pretty popular actor but i don't know yeah he's just i feel like i've never seen
13:44
a movie even it's like classic stuff i mean we're like the movie really benefited
13:50
from him being in it you know yeah but that's neither here nor there on
13:55
this gorman on your horror podcast well maybe i don't know incidentally because you made that terrible mummy
14:02
movie but yeah sure and i guess you could look at him like straight on uh there is the horror
14:09
of the uncanny valley yeah and i heard a rumor that he will like stay in a weird icy chamber before he goes on set to do
14:16
a scene i don't know if that's true i i want it to be true yeah that's fun
14:21
to be like yeah like just emerges from like a stasis pod
14:26
yeah oh yeah i wonder if they could be like talking about one of those like um i was
14:32
watching a video about how like wrestlers deal with having their bodies repeatedly beaten up for our
14:38
entertainment despite the fact that we consistently mock them for it all being fake yeah
14:44
and uh yes that's their life summarize yeah like
14:49
yeah i mean uh there's there's something like sad about that on a deep level but they
14:57
do like have these like ice therapy chambers like that where they'll like go in for like you know maybe 10 minutes or
15:04
something freeze their body and then come out and be like all right well
15:09
that may be undid a day i know that they do like pure oxygen to help people in in
15:14
basketball games and stuff like that so like i wouldn't be surprised if there was a hyperbaric chamber or something
15:20
like that it does kind of help you heal um you can't do it for too long apparently you can breathe too much
15:26
oxygen which sounds ridiculous but whatever also it's like super flammable so you know pretty easy to blow yourself
15:32
up yeah but yeah no that's all i was thinking is i wonder because like tom cruise is kind of famous for doing his
15:38
own stunts if he's like kind of messed some stuff up over the years and that's the uh that's what he uses yeah maybe
15:46
yeah maybe it's like in uh nothing but trouble when like you know that judge goes into his bedroom and just takes off
15:51
like his whole face they're all like prosthetics and like a fake wig and a fake nose and fake ears yeah oh boy you
15:58
know i'm i'm sad i even just remembered that movie don't go watch that don't don't yeah don't don't do it
16:06
it's not a good movie chevy chase isn't great no i mean also riddler media did a
16:12
video about that so like go watch that instead yeah yeah exactly watch someone summarize it for you don't don't don't
16:19
sit down and watch those two giant baby monsters in the junkyard that part's real upsetting in a way that it's not
16:25
meant to be yeah it's like they are very gross yeah those babies gave me nightmares
16:33
so today jacob on this our halloween special we're covering the wnuf halloween
16:41
special uh oh you know where we are
16:46
you know what this is a good time we can actually just play the trailer so let's do that oh sure
16:54
don't check your dial folks you didn't tune in to transylvania's public access station
16:59
no sir tonight is halloween is satan's night the night of the devil
17:09
reporter frank stewart has a special halloween treat in store for viewers tonight he'll be leading a group of
17:14
paranormal experts through the infamous do you know what happened here in the weber house when people got killed their
17:21
son went haywire frank stewart and his team of experts will conduct the first ever live on tv
17:27
seance evil works in mysterious ways frank it's unpredictable are there any spirits in the house it's scary
17:35
it's not that's far out there something strange going on in this house animal mutilation paranormal disturbance
17:42
with devil worship hold on this is not staged hello is this the work of the devil
17:48
folks we are going where no camera crew has gone before father perform the exorcism this is not some halloween
17:53
prank the grisly evidence of the supernatural is real [Music]
18:00
we'll be right back you're watching the wmuf halloween
18:08
special [Music]
18:18
okay i think that's it so yeah the uh the wnuf halloween special the the little movie that could or at least in
18:24
my estimation you know yeah so well okay first of all you need to know some facts before we even get
18:29
into this this is a specific kind of movie for a specific kind of person i watch
18:34
this every single halloween ever since the first time i saw it which was a couple of years ago i mean this only
18:40
came out in oh god 2013 i think actually i could be wrong about that anyway it's fairly
18:46
recent it's a soothing movie it reminds me of the terrible old local
18:52
access tv shows that i had to watch back in the 90s when i was a little one
18:59
so like i don't know would this be entertaining to someone who doesn't already have that nostalgia
19:04
i i don't know for sure but uh yeah there's something kind of comforting about it to me
19:10
i uh i did show it to my sister and her husband
19:16
last halloween oh yeah that's right and how did that go uh their their reactions were mixed
19:27
interesting all right um but but they they did like the commercials well i mean that's what it's
19:33
about i mean and also yeah we need to explain what what the hell this movie is okay so first of all this is an 81
19:39
minute movie and 25 of those minutes are commercials so yeah over
19:45
one quarter of the film is all just what would normally be considered filler
19:50
i don't know if you've ever watched an old vhs tape or an old recording that's been you know brought from those
19:57
times but the longer ago something was the more fascinating the old commercials
20:04
become it's things you take for granted the everyday humdrum mundane stuff that
20:09
was so important to you to a certain piece of time you know like your childhood
20:14
or just sometime when you were in a certain place that it just gets lost because of how common it is you know because people
20:21
don't really value commercials it's like garbage you know it gets in your way and you just want it gone you know
20:28
you're trying not to think about it usually you'll get a few catchy jingles that'll like sort of roll around in your head for years to come
20:34
but it's one of those things that i think historians and other people will really delight in because it gives you a lot of
20:40
strange information it gives you context you know for like how people were living
20:45
their lives and what they felt and what they desired you know and that's what this movie is it's a big
20:51
examination of of 80s ads wrapped around the pretense of a a story
20:58
about a live news broadcast that goes terribly wrong with horrifying consequences
21:06
also it was shot cheaply so not everyone's gonna be able to put up with that this was made in five days well it was
21:13
shot in five days and it costs approximately fifteen hundred dollars or at least that's what
21:18
the director says so this is about as indie as it gets folks
21:23
uh it'll probably be the cheapest thing i ever cover on gorman on gore well i don't know i guess we'll see but
21:32
most of the actors didn't get paid they just liked to be there and they used uh an enormous amount of stock footage and
21:38
just old you know vhs stuff that nobody wants and just mingled it in
21:44
yeah so it's it's interesting in that way that it's i don't know i feel like they do a lot with with a little but
21:52
yeah also you need to like think of the function of a film at least i like to especially for horror films you know
21:58
it's a recurring theme here on gorman and gore is how you can utilize a movie or you know even
22:04
just more broadly a genre to you know to optimize your life yes for things you
22:10
like so for halloween you know you're you're carving pumpkins you're decorating your house
22:15
you're getting in the festive spirit this is that movie for me i love just having this movie on in the
22:22
background you know just bowling through the cheesy 80s ads and like the
22:27
the corny old like terrible halloween jokes that the newscasters make this is like
22:33
i don't know sitting by a fireplace with like hot cocoa for me you know
22:39
that's perfect in that sense but it is very specific and it also is very backgroundy like you
22:46
for most of the movie like especially the first 20 minutes or so they're not even going to the the
22:52
newscast like live thing you know where all the action really happens so you can skip almost like
22:59
yeah a quarter of the movie and not really miss anything come to think of it yeah but but i like that maybe that's
23:07
part of it is that like i like the unhurried way the movie goes about its life
23:12
or its existence i should say it's just like no i'm not gonna i'm not gonna quickly
23:17
do anything you know we're just gonna show ads and just enjoy ourselves you know
23:23
uh yeah it just it does feel more authentic at least that way yeah it rides a line it doesn't quite
23:30
hit utter authenticity for one thing if you've watched real 80s ads on an old
23:36
broadcast they're way more repetitive and they're way less interesting so like
23:41
the sad thing is is that because these ads are a little more varied and a little more interesting
23:46
it actually makes it less realistic it's not yeah i don't think you'll ever fool anyone i mean even
23:53
though the the the makers of this movie like chris la martin la martina he tried
23:58
to fool people he he made 50 copies of this on vhs and he hid them at like horror conventions he threw them out of
24:05
the windows of his car he like left them in uh thrift stores and at pawn shops he was trying to create like a whisper
24:12
movement you know like a like a campaign oh sure like and uh house of leaves
24:18
yeah or you know blair witch but less successful blair witch was a huge success so yeah
24:25
yeah i guess this is more abortive but this is a little indie guy trying his best
24:30
and i don't know that it you know it actually succeeds in like in a way like the war of the worlds you know did in
24:36
1938 you're not gonna ever convince anybody that the murder
24:41
that happens in this movie actually did happen oh wait murder yeah well you know i don't want to spoil it but you know
24:46
bad things happen and uh but that's almost not the point at least not for me yeah i just i don't know i
24:53
really enjoy the journey you know it just feels like a real like nice peaceful walk down an autumn trail
24:59
you know with like the orange leaves falling down around you you know you're just just loving the the holiday you know
25:04
just basking in in the fallness of it you know the halloween joy
25:11
yeah and then some horrible murders yeah and then at the end yeah
25:16
spoiler alert i guess like a handful of horrible murders yeah well i mean the whole movie builds
25:22
to that yeah well and thank god it goes somewhere in fact maybe it's better we do tell you
25:28
because some people will get mad because they think nothing will ever happen you know and i wouldn't blame them because it takes a very long time and as like
25:35
the pressure builds in the movie they keep cutting to commercials on purpose because that's what newscasters would do
25:41
you know when there's like a difficult moment they're like i i don't know how to cover this instance just cut to a commercial yeah and you
25:48
watch like an ad about tampons or something oh yeah that's well by the way yeah we gotta
25:53
i'm gonna be briefly describing each ad as we go through them and like what we're going to have to choose our
25:58
favorites but i'm going to say right now that that that tampon ad is like it's up there for me it's one of my favorites
26:06
um hi uh i really like the one uh was it galaxy pilot
26:12
i was gonna say like i i i feel bad i didn't record it because i could not figure out what the plot was you know
26:18
they tried to explain what's happening in that show and it's like yeah it's three or four sentences
26:23
and each sentence makes it more convoluted like oh well this ship is missing
26:29
and does this mean that the pact between this person and that person is broken well i don't know they're
26:35
like oh god what are you talking about it's like babylon 5. yeah yeah well actually it also uh
26:41
reminded me because i used to see commercials for uh the show space above and beyond
26:47
that kind of like that or it's like man i guess that could be cool i am
26:53
never going to understand what they're saying or what the context is because i'm not watching that show
26:59
yeah it's like i i do appreciate that when they don't even try to explain what's
27:04
happening yeah so yeah this is a found footage movie
27:10
but it's this is one of the better versions i would argue uh this is more in line with as i
27:16
mentioned before this is more like the war of the worlds brought broadcast you know from 1938 where they're trying to fake everyone out well orson welles
27:23
denies it although even when he was doing the broadcast uh i was just reading about this like
27:29
just a few minutes ago apparently the police tried to break in and stop the broadcast from finishing
27:34
because it was upsetting too many people i had never heard that before and i'm just so pleased as punch to hear that
27:42
hey for god's sakes turn it off that's pretty funny oh god
27:49
yeah they didn't um they didn't have any ads in the show and normally they did so you know if you're if you're getting
27:55
mad at your podcast for having these ads interspersed amongst you know your quality content
28:02
just know that that's always been the case they've big business has always been sticking
28:07
its butt into everybody's business so yeah i mean even back then in 1938 you know but they didn't have any sponsors
28:13
for that particular section so they didn't have a reason to stop and that's when they were going to tell
28:19
people it was fake was any time they stopped so they went through almost the entire broadcast freaking everyone out
28:25
and they didn't say anyone was like they started getting phone calls from like the chief or police or whoever and
28:32
just being like please tell them it's not real and it was right at the moment when the
28:37
the fake news broadcaster in the story was being killed by poison gas
28:43
like oh well too late now [Laughter] you know
28:49
that's why we have commercials so you don't think any of this is real hopefully you're not upset yeah yeah and
28:55
to make it a terrible mistake yeah you know hopefully you don't think that two people are alone in their rooms
29:03
recording a podcast together it's all halloween jacob it's all real
29:10
yeah yeah and i i mentioned in a previous podcast which still has yet to come out
29:16
that this is also similar to ghost watch the bbc uh publication or whatever you
29:21
want to call it it was a live broadcast a real one and it happened on uh in 1992
29:28
and uh they pretended that they were visiting a house of a of a haunted
29:34
manor or it wasn't a manner it was just a house and they had a ghost lady named pipes and the little kid in the house he
29:42
he thinks it's like a friend you know like captain howdy like in uh the exorcist where like at first they thought it was something just playful
29:49
like oh yeah we could we call her pipes because she she bangs on the pipes and uh and then it turns out it's like
29:55
this horrible dead woman and you actually see part of her in the in the movie well not a movie it's a broadcast
30:02
where like they partially open a door and you see her silhouette and she looks horrible it's so good because you never
30:08
even see oliver this is part of my jam i guess maybe
30:13
this is yeah maybe this is just my bias because i really like you know the the wnuf is also like this
30:19
where it's a little subtle you know it just implies some horrible stuff it it doesn't always have to lay it on
30:26
thick it just lets you like your mind go to work on the implications of something you know just going on in the background
30:33
it's uh yeah i was gonna say it uh it doesn't feel the need to show a uh a giant blair
30:39
witch monster like in that new blair witch movie is there another blair witch beyond the
30:44
second movie uh yeah it was like a prequel or something i don't know i i actually kind of like
30:51
the second blair witch movie but it's not book
30:56
yeah that's what i'm thinking of now they just called the they just call it blair witch um oh so it's some kind
31:03
of a sequel okay yeah yeah i was disappointed to learn that um
31:09
oh yeah and then they used a giant witch monster yeah yeah which is like come on
31:17
uh that's that's a choice all right then um yeah i don't like that at all come to
31:22
think of it i never did hear any cases of people getting in actual pain or trouble because of blair witch which is a shame
31:28
because it seemed like that like that ad campaign where they pretended it was all real and the actors were dead
31:34
i just thought that was so good you know they had the fake documentary that was on the sci-fi channel at the time
31:40
yeah and you know they made they made up a town you know it's near burkittsville but i don't
31:45
think blair actually exists where the movie takes place you know but that's a similar premise as well
31:51
although the downside is that it's all shaky cam and the characters are incredibly stupid
31:56
at the end and you want them to die the upside of the wnuf halloween special
32:03
is that they're all fairly competent news people they know exactly what they're doing and
32:08
they don't like the disruptions that are happening around them you know like i relate to that you know i like a young
32:15
or maybe not not a super young well okay i like a professional of some sort you know who's just getting aggravated with
32:21
like the dystopia that's happening all around them what is that noise i didn't plan for this
32:29
yeah that is fun the main character of this wnuf movie is uh what is his name
32:35
frank yeah i keep wanting to say french stewart but no that's the guy from third rock from the sun
32:40
that's frank stewart we could just call him anyway yeah yeah maybe i will the guy's real name is
32:47
paul faronkov i love this guy he's got a great voice he's a comic of some sort
32:52
and so he's got a real good repartee he's witty and he's also real mean-spirited
32:58
and it really it plays out well in the movie it rides a line that i like because i don't like it when any character is too
33:04
unpleasant and becomes too unlikable because most humans aren't like that you know people will usually have flaws but
33:11
they're not going to be like horrible in every way like it's only in a couple of ways maybe
33:17
oh i thought this was kind of funny he has a an unpredicted role on the uh on
33:24
the episode of veep as a journalist oh really yeah oh that's cool
33:29
yeah i thought that was kind of funny i didn't realize that i had watched the chris la martina film
33:36
before i saw this see i i don't know i i hesitate to bring it up but i guess i sort of have to
33:42
anyways it's good for his for his filmography if i do
33:47
okay i guess because i'm sure i'm guessing it's the most shameful sounding one
33:54
yeah yeah here we go call girl of cthulhu
34:00
yeah that's the one i saw hell yeah listen it was it was free on amazon
34:08
for a while not anymore and and i was just like well listen i mean i don't even have to pay for it you know
34:14
like i'm kind of a lovecraft fan like should i watch this all right i'm fine and yeah he shows up in it in fact
34:21
actually most of the cast of this movie in wnuf is also in that movie because these are the same people you know with
34:28
the same director so in fact actually they were raising money for call girl of cthulhu while they were
34:34
filming wnuf so it was happening at almost the same time
34:40
in that movie paul faronkov plays a john to the uh
34:45
to the woman that's been infested with a cthulhu monster you know tentacle thing
34:50
so then he gets killed by her like i forget exactly how he dies i think he's crushed to death or something
34:56
you know the usual thing yeah yeah anyway i hope i see him in more things oh yeah and that was uh that's
35:03
what i was getting at also you know like i said frank stewart or french stewart you know whichever you prefer
35:08
he he's not as unpleasant as the man is in almost i i almost like shuddered to
35:14
bring it up again but a tales from the crypt episode season 2 episode 16 television terror
35:23
where it's a it's a news host and he's investigating a haunted house live it's almost the exact same premise
35:29
and he is just such an unpleasant man that everyone's like rooting for him to die
35:35
so when all of this stuff starts to come alive people are like you know like they're demanding to keep it on the air even
35:41
though the man's like screaming for his life it's actually a really good episode
35:46
everyone's just like yeah do it do it it really freaked me out as a kid i don't i think it's a pretty effective
35:52
episode but he's not a very nice guy you know i mean and that is essentially the amount of story you get in this i
35:59
mean because the wnuf halloween special it's not trying to do any heavy lifting it's just you know it's doing just
36:04
enough so you know you get a gentle news broadcast with people making polite jokes you get some weird ads and then you get
36:11
frank stewart going into a haunted house that he doesn't believe is haunted which
36:16
i love you can you know you can tell right off the bat that he has no belief in any of it and he's just trying to manipulate people into getting ratings
36:24
i can tell he's probably like like a real ambitious son of a [ __ ] behind the scenes hey so i just found something real quick
36:30
i'm gonna send it to you it's a pre-order sure i guess campaign playing
36:36
on a kickstarter and it might be relevant to your interests
36:42
oh yeah that's right i actually just saw this um yeah uh chris lamartina doesn't really have um
36:48
a lot of money so he yeah he he does a lot of kickstarters and stuff he also did a gofundme
36:54
back in 2020 for the sequel to this movie and i don't know where that is in in production i'm hoping he's making it
37:00
i was going to wait till the end of this to talk about that but yeah no sure he's still turning this stuff out so i know
37:06
i'm happy that he's still he's still working when he made wnuf he was 27 so
37:13
he has the makings to be someone who will haunt us for years to come
37:20
for good or bad you know yeah i'm hoping for a good couple of decades
37:25
of this guy's work so yeah bring it on chris i'm all for it baby yeah i mean
37:31
delivering movies as good as call girl of cthulhu and
37:37
dead teenagers we're set well listen he's working with lydia
37:44
yeah yeah and i have to say i'm not i'm not really a fan of like the uh
37:49
yeah the low budget exploitation stuff usually and call girl at cthulhu was 100
37:54
that but i'd really like wnuf and i think it's because
38:00
he has such a dedication to the authenticity of it i mean i don't think he ultimately succeeded in it being
38:07
utterly authentic but it's authentic enough he described it in an interview with someone
38:12
that it was sort of like you know he's trying to make almost like a christopher guest movie except some murders happen
38:18
so and i think he succeeded in that uh i don't know it's got a nice video right here where like it's real kind of warm
38:24
and fuzzy but it's also got some weirdness and darkness and it's got a bit of the
38:29
i don't know the societal issues that came out of the 80s that we never quite entirely solved you know the the
38:36
obsession with with satanism the war on drugs the the total disregard of the poor you
38:42
know all of that yeah yuppy lifestyle
38:48
i love that one ad where i forget who it is there's some guy like proposing or something or giving a jewel to someone
38:54
and he says like i love you and he's got like the closed mouth like just burying his teeth while he's saying it like
39:00
that's how intense his love is and i'm just like that is such a rich guy face you just made you know like an
39:06
80s rich guy face i love you i mean it's kind of like i don't know
39:13
you probably grew up watching like jewelry heads like that which were just like oh yeah weirdly weirdly intense
39:20
yeah the the ralph lauren perfume commercials and like you know all those all those diamond commercials zales yeah
39:29
which i guess i mean i don't watch much tv i don't listen to much radio but i feel like you don't get a lot of diamond
39:36
commercials anymore at least not no you still do well not the same
39:42
yeah yeah no it's not like that but they i mean those guys are still making money and they always will oh sure even though
39:48
we can make diamonds with machines like we have no reason to value them anymore
39:53
i know and now they devalue diamonds for being too perfect you're like oh this is a cubic zirconia because it has no flaws
40:00
it didn't have to be ripped from the earth you know by the labor of man
40:06
you didn't have to destroy the environment to get this so it's not worth anything guys yeah i put it in a chair or something
40:12
yeah this isn't a conflict diamond so uh it's worthless yeah
40:18
these aren't blood diamonds i need i needed someone to have died for me to value this
40:23
and put it on the ring of my of my wife i don't like the hell i'm sorry did we
40:29
go too far guys we might have got well uh no but also just
40:36
that's a pretty successful racket they've built up and i mean especially just when you think about like
40:41
for the sake of individualism maybe just like pick something that isn't a diamond you know but no yeah almost nobody does
40:48
that they also don't really hold their value i i went through a hoarding phase for
40:54
like uh gold and silver and stuff i've sold it all so so please don't come kill me
40:59
looking for it it's all gone but yeah i i just i don't know i've seen so many movies you know
41:05
with like that little black pouch you know like the felt pouch with the diamonds in it that i kind of wanted one
41:10
of those i'm just like would it be worth it to have a little pouch of diamonds and the answer is no it's it's not worth
41:16
it the markup is like too high and it depreciates as soon as you get it home like a car but with even less reason
41:23
because they're diamonds they're like indestructible yeah you know even just sitting in your house
41:28
they're not worth as much as what you paid for them and they don't really gain in value it's
41:34
yeah it feels almost exclusively like a like a sham for jewelry yeah i don't know why it's
41:40
like that tradition i guess yeah well i mean
41:45
i'm sure heavy marketing and lobbying on the parts of those companies to like keep
41:51
that big diamonds well yeah yeah i mean yeah if we're talking like dollar dollar value it's
41:58
probably cheaper to just buy an ak and raid one of those like russian warehouses where they just keep that
42:04
stuff in giant bins yeah you can make diamonds out of peanut
42:09
butter i don't know if the audience knows that you can just compact it with a great deal of force and any like
42:14
amount of protein can be compacted into diamonds you know there's also protein in meat so
42:20
you could crush a human hypothetically into a diamond so you know
42:27
oh you don't even think about everybody someone should do this because i'm sure as hell not gonna do it but uh that's a
42:33
good general horror premise it's like a killer who like crushes people into diamonds it's easier to do it with coal or oil or
42:40
other things that have like a lot of protein oh
42:45
yeah a person yeah it'd be more meaningful you know like you're wearing your your defeated
42:50
foe yeah yeah yeah okay so yeah so we should get into it
42:55
already i mean there's actually not a whole lot to talk about in a good way that's a weird thing to say but it's
43:02
delightful that we can we can just kind of pass over it and you know once again i'm going to lie and say that this is
43:07
going to be a short episode it's never a short episode no i mean i'll do my best
43:13
i mean even malignant was getting up there yeah yeah it was i i know i made
43:18
all these promises i can't keep them i have no discipline or rather we don't you know i don't hold us to anything
43:24
we're just gonna talk until we don't feel like it so it's as long as it's gonna be and you're gonna like it
43:30
or you get it or you can turn it off no please don't do that please please don't go or at least like wait for the bluetooth
43:37
yeah won't you add yeah are you suffering from erectile
43:42
dysfunction no we're not doing any ads yet no well we probably will eventually
43:47
i guess i don't know i i haven't really made up my mind on that but uh i'm not worried i think it'd be fine no only in their eyes i think it'd be
43:54
like a fun thing to do especially if we do choose something like blue chew really you want to just darken our our
44:01
reputation immediately we just go right to wait what does that even do is that the one that makes makes your pp hard is
44:07
that what that does well peter actually what glue does is
44:14
i mean it is like a penile e.d pill so
44:19
you know yeah god it's such a racket because no one's gonna complain if they're if it doesn't work i saw an ad
44:25
the other day for a local like erectile dysfunction surgery clinic of some sort some kind of
44:32
plastic surgeon or something and i was just thinking like how good that would be because if it doesn't work
44:38
you're not going to complain because it's so shameful so you're just like taking rube's money and it almost
44:43
doesn't matter what you do like you can try something and if it doesn't work they're not going to say
44:48
anything you know it's just over i what do you see are you saying we should
44:54
like stop the podcast and make dick pills well i mean it's probably a good money
44:59
source but no let's not do that okay i feel like it's deeply immoral and wrong
45:06
let's see i don't want to burn bridges with yeah yeah yeah hey hey peter hold on i'm
45:11
going to like clap here maybe cut that part out see
45:16
just which i'm sure is a reputable company yeah okay 100 jacob yeah yeah
45:24
money back guarantee everybody coming soon bluetooth for women yeah it's a
45:30
4.5 rating on inner body dot com all right well i mean from a reputable
45:36
source like that i mean how could you go wrong yeah
45:42
so anyway let's get to the movie shall we yeah sure
45:47
for lack of a better segue i just want to like note that right off the bat uh you get this like
45:53
what i call a soothing vhs hum at the very start you're either in or you're out as soon
45:58
as you hear it if you've never heard a crappy old vhs tape it's gonna annoy
46:03
you you know people will say that vinyl records are better because they have that warm hum but you know what that warm hum is
46:10
that's inaccuracy that's like little flaws and stuff people will lie and say it's something else but no i mean like
46:17
it is nice on a record it is not nice on a vhs but it is yeah of its time
46:23
so yeah like i get the hallmark of the age yeah i can understand like people having
46:29
nostalgia for it but there's a reason why there isn't yeah like a real market for like
46:35
getting stuff on vhs like there can be with records you know well for one thing
46:40
it doesn't age well the vhs is the way it's recorded it's like a magnetic seal on on strips of tape
46:47
and over time it degrades even more than it normally would like it starts crappy and it gets worse
46:53
yeah to the point where after a while it's unwatchable so after a few years i actually have a number of old vhs tapes
46:59
up on a shelf looking at them right now and i don't even have a vcr anymore so i i don't
47:05
know what i'm going to do with these things they're just going to sit there forever they're probably unwatchable at this point anyway yeah i had to throw
47:11
mine out which was a bit of a shame especially because i had uh transformers
47:16
in the movie on vhs the michael bay one or the nose one
47:22
yeah i went and like traveled in through like a time vortex
47:27
and got the michael bay transformers movie on vhs i don't know how long they were making
47:32
vhs i would have been entirely shocked a thing that didn't happen in this reality but in another world entirely
47:41
yeah yeah so yeah for this movie it was digitally recorded and then they
47:48
they recorded it onto a vhs tape and then they took that vhs tape and then
47:53
they recorded it onto another vhs tape and then they recorded that vhs tape
47:59
back onto a digital recording so you know they put it through like essentially like
48:04
it's almost similar to the filters you get on you know like a video editing thing except it's real you just
48:10
intentionally ran it through some real rough filters you know like lost data made it sound bad and look weird and old
48:18
and uh you know i have to say it works it's it looks quite effective even though the acting and you know it's a
48:23
little too winking at the audience to ever really feel like you're for sure in the 80s it does look like
48:29
they are and you know like the costumes are good it all feels fairly authentic i'm quite
48:35
pleased with it yeah uh oh also as long as we're talking about general aesthetics um
48:43
you should look up the cover for this video because it's given me strong goosebumps vibes
48:49
with the the shocked kid yeah i wonder if they spent the the most
48:55
money on the whole movie for just that shot of just a kid shocked like sitting in front of a tv with a mask on
49:02
i mean honestly it does look like it has the most production value of anything in the movie
49:09
yeah well i mean it's supposed to imply you know that this is a real thing that happened and that a kid watching tv would be shocked by it
49:15
yeah it didn't happen it claims it happened in 1987 and i was surprised because i was gonna
49:22
pick this movie apart and be like oh well these things don't line up properly because they make references to movies
49:28
that happened in the 80s and i thought for sure i would win i would win and i would find something so that's what it
49:35
is for me it's winning where i find something that didn't fit you know like it didn't line up properly
49:40
but it actually it all it all does i you know so i don't know so even in my like nerdy
49:46
like you know hyper critical fashion i still wasn't really able to pick it apart
49:51
at least not in that respect you know which means the movie beat you yeah it did i was beaten yeah i didn't win i
49:58
lost so the movie starts with an ad about stds you know as as all good movies do
50:05
sure wait stop think there's nothing sexy about stds
50:11
do people still say std because like i feel like in my head it's always going to be std i think before that it was vd
50:18
and then yeah now it's something else and i've already forgotten what it is what is it now sti i think that's what they're called now
50:25
yes yeah i think that is the the correct term i mean i feel like std is a bit more uh
50:31
catchy also more fun to say yeah somebody stopped me i'm i'm
50:37
browsing through wikipedia because you mentioned the movie set in 87 and i was like oh hey there's a tag down here what
50:43
other movies are set in 87 oh fox catcher is how's that relevant good
50:49
yeah i don't know but not at all yeah well this is set in 87 so like the
50:55
relevant stuff would all be from before that technically yeah yeah well that's true yeah
51:01
anyway so this is wnuf tv 28 uh you know everybody
51:06
of a certain age i suppose well i mean we still have these gibberish abbreviation you know names for things
51:13
we got kcpq up here in seattle you know and a bunch of others that i've
51:18
forgotten almost all of and yeah there was a long time where all
51:24
of the joy in your life was relegated into the narrow pipes
51:30
of terrible old local tv channels
51:35
that would have showcased theaters it'd be like once a day you know or once
51:40
a week even where you'd just be like all right here's the one thing you might like
51:46
you pathetic person you know like um it'd be like late saturday 2 a.m we're
51:53
watching poltergeist you know although it would sound way less good you know because it's you know it's all recorded
52:00
you know on on this horrible analog stuff so it would sound like somebody was talking from behind a box you know
52:05
like oh it's all in fear they really overused the uh the oral excite things or whatever like a lot of
52:12
rumble to the to the sound yeah i mean i feel like texas chainsaw massacre
52:19
i mean i feel like you know not to like be too like kids these days but like
52:24
listen the kids these days they gotta be made they can just watch whatever they want i know i mean like media only
52:32
became good within like the past two decades that is the way to put it i don't think there's a thing
52:38
yeah everything is better now everything if you don't like what's going on around
52:43
you you just stare at a screen that has a thing you like on it you don't have to engage with people you don't have to
52:50
change your reality you know you don't have to make friends you can just stare at a screen you know
52:56
that's all i wanted as a kid all i had was a game boy and that thing was crap it was black and white and it
53:03
was like a brick it was real big i remember throwing it against the wall once
53:09
it always like strikes me as i was playing tetris it wasn't even a good reason to throw a game boy
53:14
oh jesus um but i like that always strikes me as funny because you get people like
53:21
complaining about the mono culture or whatever but it's like it's it has never
53:26
been easier to avoid that yeah like i actually think the only thing that's lost is a shared
53:34
continuity we've all had and yeah i think i've heard this it might have actually been something on red letter media where they talked about the
53:40
cultural diffusion where we all had a thing in common when everybody would watch gilligan's island
53:48
and you know gilligan's island was not good it was like i think it was on like
53:53
nick at night when i was a kid so i mean this is a little past my time and i still saw it but we all did and because
54:00
of that we all had that cultural milestone so that's the one thing i think that we might lack somewhat from
54:06
previous eras is we don't have as many things that we can relate on it's like everyone has to tiptoe around each
54:13
other's feelings and people don't try to be nice you know about things i've most people
54:18
have real big opinions about movies these days you know or about everything really well you know i actually
54:25
i think that to a degree that's true but i don't think that's really gone away because i mean
54:30
especially with like social media i haven't seen it but like everyone's talking about uh
54:37
that netflix show squid game squid game i was afraid to bring it up because i still haven't seen it
54:44
but yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry it's like like people watch they still have like a collective media
54:51
consumption that they engage in it's just that it's yeah i mean i think that's what game is maybe a great
54:56
example of it because uh that's yeah maybe so or like bird blocks or whatever
55:02
i mean maybe that's like a less good example but like that's like a great example oh like i don't think that like the
55:08
corporate like the general like corporate culture of the like days past would have been like you know people are
55:14
gonna love like a korean show about a death game yeah yeah that really doesn't occur to
55:22
no so i mean like i don't know i think in maybe in some ways society is both good
55:29
and bad and that things are sometimes better or worse than they used to be
55:34
well really that's a surprisingly milk toast opinion jacob
55:41
how very lukewarm and neutral of you no but you know what i mean no
55:49
you're right i mean every every era has its ups and downs and things
55:55
they do the wnuf tv 28 evening news opener and i love it because it's just
56:01
an amalgamation of like terrible looking stock footage of like a city skyline and like people
56:07
dancing and i i i don't know i just love like the the both like authenticity of
56:13
it but also the laziness of like what i knew actually happened you know where they're just we have so much of this just this
56:20
useless footage of people going around doing stuff we can put as much as we want here
56:26
so we got two hosts you got gavin gordon in a dracula outfit he's basically fred willard you know in
56:33
like a christopher guest movie he's you know an amiable older man who likes to make kind of dull dad jokes
56:39
and then you got deborah merritt an adorable older lady she's actually maybe my
56:45
favorite character but like they imply that she lives an incredibly lonely life because at the
56:50
very end they're just like so what do you what are you gonna do for halloween and she's like i don't know i'm just i think i'm
56:57
just gonna hang out with my cats
57:03
that made me so sad i'm just like really okay anchor lady you think that people would want to hang you know
57:10
um but now i'm just gonna go i'm gonna go shut myself away repent and just listen to the clock tick
57:19
for a bit of fun uh you should look up her imdb page
57:26
oh uh what's your favorite uh lyanna shamish yeah now
57:32
but i'm gonna i'm gonna name some titles real quick uh oh my god
57:38
synthetic
57:43
okay seriously i'm actually a little
57:49
i'm a little surprised yeah actually yeah i did not look into her her imdb stuff
57:54
at all oh my god all right oh [ __ ] wait she was also in color girl of cthulhu
58:00
let's see yeah like i said most of them do show up in both the devils play things
58:07
my god uh vampire sisters she
58:13
has a type of content she stars in it seems interesting
58:22
i don't i i'm honestly surprised because i she plays this nice woman role
58:28
so well i thought that this was her whole thing so i i am genuinely shocked holy hell
58:35
all right then um that is interesting maybe she's got enormous range you know
58:40
like is this a thing she's doing like is this like a role that she's like descended into i've never seen her other
58:46
work at least not enough of it to get a sense of it you know
58:51
okay it is also funny how many times she plays a character just named mom
58:57
uh oh okay so maybe that is from uh because yeah she's very she's very
59:03
much like you know the sweet lovely mom you know like just adorable
59:08
sure and then also she's in movies like synthetic what was that i can't even say it
59:16
syntheticity yeah it's like sensitivity but with like sin
59:21
oh sensitivity oh i'm sorry yeah yeah yeah
59:27
interesting no no she's uh she's great yeah i don't want to make it sound like like
59:33
that's some sort of insult against her no like she like she should do more things and she's wonderful in this
59:38
yeah she's only in the first 20 minutes you know because she's part of the newscast so yeah i mean also like to be clear
59:45
this is mostly just kind of funny because it's like seems very against type for her
59:51
yeah well that's the thing yeah i i'm genuinely shocked like when i started seeing something like really all right
59:58
well you know you take what you can get i suppose but yeah yeah yeah that is
1:00:03
very interesting all right so there are three topics for the
1:00:08
newscast that they discuss i like actually that they just sort of lay it out before it begins so it's like
1:00:14
you get a sense of what's going on and also this is just something newscasts do where they're like well here's the three things
1:00:20
so there's a religious organization that opposes halloween just in general
1:00:25
there's a controversial ad for the governor's race i like that one of them is clearly evil
1:00:32
i'll just say that now yeah you know like it's not it's i thought
1:00:39
that they would muddy the waters but i think this is part of how you know that this isn't a super serious movie because
1:00:45
of just the governor's ad yeah yeah which we'll get to and then you know of course then there's
1:00:52
frank stewart live at the haunted house it's the weber house where a kid went crazy back in the 60s and killed his
1:00:58
parents you know that old story
1:01:04
a tale is always time yeah and then we and then you know and then it begins i mean then it really begins because if
1:01:11
you know we start with the newscasters and you're like okay well this is gonna be it right wrong
1:01:16
this is one of the only movies that has the the cojones to just just descend into
1:01:24
ephemera and nonsense it's all just ads i mean really like i'm here for the ads but this is a good movie to zone out to
1:01:32
oh if you want you don't have to but i mean but yeah you can totally just not pay attention to the ads just in the same
1:01:39
way that you don't pay attention to real ads you know you can perk up when they say something weird but you don't have
1:01:44
to pay attention and you know i'm going to describe some of these maybe in detail but a lot of these i'll probably just gloss over because that's that's
1:01:50
how you're supposed to take it yeah i will say the first time i uh i re-watched this movie just to kind of
1:01:57
like get some notes i did find myself after like 20 minutes
1:02:03
realizing that i just hadn't written down anything because i just like
1:02:09
i was just like zoning out and i'm like oh damn all right no i need to like
1:02:14
actually watch this it's a good movie to just string up halloween lights you know or do some
1:02:21
kind of arts and crafts stuff yeah i like it too it's good for domestic labor
1:02:28
that's my recommendation so yeah thumbs up for that i don't know does that sound stupid
1:02:34
maybe but think of like all of the movies like that that people do for christmas like like rudolph the
1:02:40
red-nosed reindeer how many people actually sit and watch that movie i mean what if you ever even have if you
1:02:46
watch it at all it's almost always that people turn it on and ignore it until yukon cornelius shows up yeah because
1:02:53
the part where he fights the abominable snowman is like the best part yukon cornelius here
1:03:01
yeah yeah oh god that's like i mean i just remember like i remember as a kid
1:03:08
like doing something and then i would just hear that sad song that the little like lady dosings you know be like no
1:03:14
maybe it was the mom yeah there's always tomorrow
1:03:20
for dreams to come true yeah it's just like oh god it's like trying to put me to sleep here man yeah
1:03:28
all i'm saying is to each their own you know i'm glad that this is doing this for halloween like they're giving us one
1:03:34
we don't got enough of these for this season no you know for this holiday yeah i mean like
1:03:41
like the movie christmas the movies that like genuinely try for
1:03:47
it are so just awful like bland hour i haven't seen it you were
1:03:53
talking about that before we started that halloween tree that just
1:03:58
looks like oh dumb [ __ ] yeah i was gonna originally i was gonna
1:04:04
base this whole episode off of making fun of ray bradbury's the halloween tree because of how much i hated that well i
1:04:11
was gonna say movie but i think it's sort of a made for tv special kind of a thing and yeah so let me briefly describe it
1:04:18
from my inaccurate childhood memories i'm not even gonna bother to look it up yeah so a kid a kid dies or is kidnapped
1:04:26
by death or somebody some kind of spectral figure and he has a lot of friends who really love
1:04:32
him so right off the bat unrealistic but but no they go on a wild adventure
1:04:38
through history to see like the various aspects of where halloween came from and
1:04:43
this is written by ray bradbury who is a very soft and sentimental writer and he loves you know like the the joys of
1:04:50
childhood and like the sacredness of the time stephen king kind of borrows from his
1:04:55
love i feel like for some of his works you know like it feels very heavily borrowed from ray bradbury's
1:05:01
childhood optimism you know yeah the idealism of it yeah so yeah anyway uh the kids they go back
1:05:08
and they see like oh there there's day of the dead you know you eat the the skull candies so there's the uh
1:05:15
offerings of food for the ancient egyptians you know all these all these things
1:05:21
that are not halloween i i'm just gonna say it they're not uh they're they're things that are like briefly like or
1:05:27
associated because they're in a similar season or they're a similar subject matter but they don't
1:05:33
they did not create what halloween is now you know like it's it's misleading it's propaganda and i should be
1:05:39
defending it because i love halloween like i should be kissing its butt and going along with the lie but i have i
1:05:46
have a stickler for the truth and you know and honestly in the end modern halloween is mostly
1:05:52
from irish and scottish people who like to do vandalism around this
1:05:58
time of year and and paying penance for it you know like
1:06:04
it's it's it's it's it's bribery to prevent being attacked by people
1:06:09
literally trick-or-treat and there was a long tradition like especially like in the 1920s and before
1:06:15
where uh kids would steal gates they would steal an entire gate and walk off with it and you know they thought that
1:06:21
was so funny it wasn't just a gate to your front house sometimes it was the gate to like
1:06:26
your sheep pen or the gate for where your cows are and the animals would get everywhere you
1:06:32
know and the kids would laugh and laugh it's just the the pranks that they
1:06:38
pulled were not fun you know there was a long tradition in detroit of burning down abandoned buildings around
1:06:45
halloween they'd call it hell day sometimes it was in the week sometimes it was on the same day
1:06:51
so anyway all i'm getting at is that even though this movie is like you know the wnuf you know like there's there's a
1:06:57
later part where harvest it's a religious organization it talks about how halloween is like the devil's birthday
1:07:04
or whatever you know they have some nonsense thing it's closer to the truth that most people are willing to admit
1:07:10
i'm i'm willing to admit that that's kind of true but i love it anyway you know it's just like well
1:07:16
i know that at least for in america halloween came from a tradition of bowing to the
1:07:22
wishes of violent children you have to like channel their rage into activities so
1:07:29
they don't destroy our our livelihoods you know children of the corn style you know
1:07:34
yeah put on costumes and stuff go to parties so that you're not like throwing you know crap all over my yard or whatever
1:07:41
you know or trying to burn my house down like for the love of god children
1:07:47
so i i was gonna bring this up but i think this is kind of funny because um in
1:07:52
iceland a lot of those sort of like mischievous ideas
1:07:58
of like what kids would do during the holidays didn't happen on because they really i
1:08:04
guess like have halloween the way you would think of it but uh they would do it around christmas time yeah and
1:08:10
uh they have got some like if you want to look this up uh look up uh
1:08:16
the yule lads sometime and uh it's it's great because it's basically a
1:08:22
succession of terrible little like gnomes that i guess like i'm sure there's
1:08:28
probably some cultural tradition for this but it's like watch out for the yule led that eats your
1:08:34
skier which is like yeah yeah i've read about them yeah it's like a series of themes
1:08:41
who just steal valuable things that your household makes you know like you got the milk drinker and you got all these
1:08:46
things yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then there's like the one where uh kids like dress up as like a horrible
1:08:54
monster with like a horse skull head and you basically have to do
1:08:59
like an icelandic rap battle with it or yeah
1:09:04
something i forget what answer my riddles or i take you to hell yeah yeah yeah yeah but anybody it's
1:09:11
basically like yeah you have to like rhyme with me or like give me treats and i can't remember the name of it is but
1:09:18
no yeah i love that stuff and i think we just have to embrace that part of ourselves so i don't i don't
1:09:24
mean to impugn halloween and i also don't mean to say that it's that it's evil or whatever but but more
1:09:31
that it's part of ourselves it's an essential part of the human condition you know like that like i said this is
1:09:37
this is fall for me is like embracing the possible adversities of life you
1:09:43
know the fact that we grow old and die you know that we're scared of our own shadows you know all of that stuff
1:09:50
and i love that a lot of these old holidays are just a bad day before the good day you know like all halloween i
1:09:56
was gonna say uh halloween is from all hallows day you know it's the day before
1:10:02
the day the catholics would praise all the saints but no one remembers that crap you don't care
1:10:08
we just like the bad day that came before you know like a cursed day
1:10:14
that preceded it i've heard actually tales of um the day before christmas being a bad day
1:10:19
i have a great story from uh the enchanted world series you know the uh those old books that you people used to
1:10:26
have on their shelves the black ones were the good ones because that was all the spooky scary stories with like
1:10:31
spirits and stuff and there's a very scary story about a woman who goes to church too soon
1:10:37
it's like it's too early in the morning before christmas
1:10:43
so like she gets in there when all the dead people are there having like a weird kind of like upside down
1:10:48
ceremony or whatever or you know or a mass like a mask and so they
1:10:54
yeah so they get up and they're all like skeletons and they're trying to grab her and she like runs away screaming and then like you know she wakes up some
1:11:00
people and like by then enough time has passed that it was the morning and now it's the good day you know
1:11:05
so like i love that weird kind of pagani like juxtapositioning of
1:11:10
oh well if you have a good thing you got to have some of that bad thing yeah i mean you know what
1:11:16
if if you really want to think about it the purge movies are basically holiday
1:11:21
movies everyone needs a purge that's basically what i don't agree with
1:11:28
that at all that's that's basically what halloween is if you really think about it
1:11:33
i don't like the i don't like the childhood prince i'm not a fan of any of that
1:11:40
i'm not because that sounds like i you know i'm endorsing like frat pranks and stuff you know
1:11:45
theft and like vandalism and violence no i you know
1:11:51
i think there's a difference between acknowledging we have those feelings and encouraging them if you know what i mean
1:11:57
sure i think it's more just i don't know i feel like christmas is the up and halloween is the down that's the way i
1:12:03
look at it in my own life you know like and they're both equally valid if you know what i mean exactly you can't have
1:12:09
one without the other yeah yang yeah like the purge is good and then the
1:12:16
day after when the purge is over is also good because it's not unless you have a forever purge and then it's forever
1:12:24
but i even say i need to see that i want to see that i i didn't see it i don't want to know how it ends i i hope
1:12:31
in that fictional world they don't kill each other forever that's that's really depressing oh yeah i bet that's how it
1:12:37
ends well oh yeah i did see like in the in like a trailer that used they used to
1:12:43
freeze bad ombre and i'm like yeah this feels like it's gonna piss off the right people for me
1:12:49
sure yeah it's timely
1:12:55
and that's all we're going to say about that okay so so yeah so the very first ad oh god
1:13:02
we've hardly gotten anywhere so yeah the very the very first ad is for the the pumpkin
1:13:07
patch at high pike farms and i love these like corny old ads for like yep you can go out and pick a pumpkin you
1:13:13
know that whole thing riding the hayride scarecrow hall of fame
1:13:18
price is so low you'll think we're out of our gourds i did want to shoot myself a little bit
1:13:23
the first time i heard that i'm not a huge fan of silly puns
1:13:31
oh i don't know i feel like you have to use them carefully it's a dangerous weapon
1:13:36
you have to use it wisely yeah then we got an ad for the wnuf reading
1:13:43
club i only wrote this one line for it visit your local library today and ask
1:13:48
about all the excitement and i was just thinking like you can do one or the other pick one you can't do both
1:13:56
you're not gonna you're not gonna have any excitement if you go to the library i feel like that's like what they're implying if they're just
1:14:02
like you go ask them about all the excitement at your local library and it just shows like it shows
1:14:08
stock footage of just the dreariest looking library building like all their funding has been cut for
1:14:14
like 10 years yeah oh yeah and then the third ad is for uh
1:14:19
this is one i give the award for the most egregious use of uh stock footage it's a it's that ad for orange blast off
1:14:26
the orange soda it's just like it's just clips of oranges and then
1:14:32
clips of spaceships and the only way they combine them is just by having an announcer try to make it sound like it
1:14:38
makes sense it's just like hey god you got your your pure orange flavors and no unnatural
1:14:43
sweeteners check you know just like whatever dude it's just the best you got
1:14:49
oh hey peter i like i have a question for you and this is very unlikely sure but i was thinking
1:14:56
about it so you guys in case you brought it up and i had a note about it so that pumpkin patch at high pike farm
1:15:04
yes do you think that that could theoretically be a reference to the actor
1:15:12
hi pike there are some references to things
1:15:17
other things i found in the movie okay i don't remember where it's hidden in one of these ads i found
1:15:24
a few like sometimes i'll use an address that seems to allude to a movie
1:15:29
yeah i found one or two things like that so it's possible because that's thank you because it's like it's like
1:15:36
it's a pretty deep cut to reference high pike especially because he has been in
1:15:42
damn near nothing it's probably just a coincidence but yeah i know what these guys do i
1:15:49
i like the idea you know yeah also this is mostly directed by chris uh la martina but he
1:15:57
employed the use of at least five other directors to help do the commercials so
1:16:02
even if he has a plan i don't know necessarily that they all followed the same plan if you know what i mean so
1:16:08
like i think that they were left to their own devices so it's possible that
1:16:13
you know you could have weird anomalies in certain ads just kind of thrown in there
1:16:19
yeah i'll choose to believe uh that's the case sure why not yeah
1:16:25
next we have my least favorite ad in the whole movie it's the ad for the halloween makeup kit
1:16:31
by frank johnson and there's nothing wrong with it other than the fact that it's like a guy using a high squeaky
1:16:37
clown voice and i just hate that guy's voice yeah i hate it to death
1:16:44
halloween makeup kit by france johnson this is oh
1:16:49
it's the nail's a chalkboard for me yeah but it's not even unrealistic because like
1:16:55
no it it's definitely the kind of ad you would have yeah in fact i've seen that ad i don't remember what the real
1:17:00
company's called but yeah no that's that is a real thing i guess that's part of why i like this
1:17:06
is that even though this all seems made up and it is it is all based fairly closely on real things like
1:17:13
that's the weirdness of it it's just like this this is weird in a real way
1:17:18
yeah not a totally authentic way but yeah it's interesting how derivative it
1:17:24
is for things you would never think about i mean i think that's part of why i like it it's got the this mundane minutia of
1:17:30
stuff that people just tend to forget about yeah like later on they have that ad for
1:17:36
like a pumpkin carving kit and it's got all the horrible little knives that never worked okay uh
1:17:43
it looks like crap my sister got two of those that we're gonna be using so uh
1:17:49
let's see congratulations what i use is a nail i poke holes
1:17:55
i'll tape an image to a pumpkin with something i've drawn and then i will poke it out with a nail and then i
1:18:03
just cut that with a knife that's uh kind of not too wide you know because you want to be able to like round
1:18:08
corners and stuff you don't need a kit and for the for the spoon you do need a wide spoon and you
1:18:14
want to place the base of your thumb like right where the uh the spoon like the the concave surface
1:18:21
meets the the stick i don't know why i'm giving these instructions but whatever you know maybe you're carving a pumpkin
1:18:27
right now a little gentle listener yeah go go get a wider spoon you're probably not using
1:18:33
a wide enough one because it really tires out your arm scraping out all the guts
1:18:38
you want to keep your hand as close to the scraping surface as possible that's what yeah that's what you want
1:18:43
yeah it's like general halloween stuff like for example what i will often do
1:18:49
is i will intentionally seek out a pumpkin that seems deformed in some way
1:18:55
and i'll kind of work out a uh a generalized theme based on
1:19:00
yeah what it would you know like it has a bunch of lumps maybe it's like a you know guy with like bad acne or like
1:19:07
you know maybe this yes can i wing it or at least i you know i liked it
1:19:13
another fun little trick is that you can cut out the base of the pumpkin rather than the top so that you don't have to
1:19:18
like mess up the top and have it like fall in if you cut it wrong so then you just lift up the pumpkin to
1:19:24
put the candle in there and you don't have to reach inside a pumpkin to pull out a candle when it's burning and hurt your hand
1:19:32
i actually had a year where i had a really tall pumpkin and it got so hot in there that it created some kind of a
1:19:38
superheated chamber and it trapped the air too much and so
1:19:43
then like it was so hot i couldn't put in my hand to put it out so i poured in water and the water
1:19:51
turned to steam and then like i don't know how it worked but like it became a funnel of fire that blew up into my face
1:19:58
yeah i it was amazing i've had that happen before
1:20:04
so it's not just me like i feel like i almost imagined it because of how strange that was but yeah it was some kind of strange like backdraft situation
1:20:11
where like it's just like superheated air just like blew out just like i know it wasn't like yeah it wasn't
1:20:17
like fire but it was like definitely like some like hot steam uh when i did that
1:20:24
hmm maybe that was it i don't remember anymore i thought it was fun i don't know it happens
1:20:31
pumpkin carving that's not a joke it's not a joke everybody
1:20:36
so over three and a half minutes into the film and we're only just getting back to the broadcast
1:20:42
no look this is how we always do it is we always like get like two hours in or five minutes in the movie and then you
1:20:49
know let me finish it out in like uh in like an hour or so well yeah there isn't as much to discuss
1:20:55
in this but i i feel like in a way this is dangerous because it it it seems to make me want to like diverge more you
1:21:01
know to where oh sure oh man we'll be at this for like five hours you're just like here's another thing
1:21:07
from my childhood whatever i'm fine with that i'll try to
1:21:13
edit it down for you sweet folks so that you don't have to deal with all of it oh god
1:21:20
but yeah it's just like watching regular tv folks you know yeah i you know if it gets too bad we can do it we can do
1:21:26
another two-parter why not work for the halloween special part
1:21:34
yeah of all of all the movies it's uh we do it for uh the wnuf holiday special yeah i'll just
1:21:42
save these the second half for like next halloween and like nobody will remember the context
1:21:48
like what even is this as promised here it is so um
1:21:54
oh yeah they have some halloween safety tips yeah officer howard bookwalter
1:22:00
this is the part where the kids would zone out and leave the room at any news broadcast when they have the
1:22:05
safety part this is the part where everybody zones out but adults will sit there and pretend they're listening but
1:22:10
kids will yeah i remember as a kid i would just leave when they started talking about something that makes my life safer and more secure
1:22:18
oh yeah so yeah they just say have an adult handy inspect candy so you
1:22:25
don't get stabbed with a needle containing the aids virus oh that old gag yeah
1:22:31
oh you got me again hey uh i i love the modern the modern information of that where it's like
1:22:39
you know watch out you know someone might give out weed candy
1:22:44
someone's just sitting there like like nefariously like stocking up but like 200 dollars worth of like pot candy like
1:22:52
it would be so expensive right yeah it's like as a joke i'm gonna get some kids
1:22:57
high it's not gonna hurt them and i don't i will i've wasted a shitload of money and like probably
1:23:05
nobody will know it's me and i'll never know what happened to them
1:23:10
why would like why would you do that as far as i know the only cases of kids
1:23:15
being hurt by candy were when parents killed their own children with poison
1:23:20
and then tried to say it was strangers so like they would poison the candy and be like oh it was
1:23:26
it was it was someone else who did it yeah i don't think there was ever any real cases of it i think it was just a
1:23:31
weird fear that's just always been in the back backs of people's minds you know
1:23:36
i just trust of strangers yeah yeah it's just kind of funny i remember
1:23:41
hearing weird uh weird reports about like oh if it's partially opened you can't eat the candy
1:23:47
and so like i remember like my mom would try to take away like a snickers bar that was a little bit open and then i would just like
1:23:52
tuck it away be like oh yeah it's gone don't worry about it yeah no i'm just like it's like it's funny
1:23:59
how like as society has grown the safer and safer
1:24:04
we've had to reach like to ever more illogical extremes
1:24:10
you could because like you could conceivably like as unlikely as it is think oh sure maybe some sicko would
1:24:16
poison candy but then like it just doesn't happen so you're like
1:24:22
well okay yeah i guess it just doesn't happen so now it's just like you know now
1:24:27
you know now strangers are getting your kids high on their dollar
1:24:32
yeah also you would be able to trace it back to them regardless you know because yeah
1:24:39
like they can't go that far you know like you would be able to figure it out it would be a radius
1:24:45
and then you find the person with the poison or whatever or who bought drugs recently yeah this thing is like that's such a
1:24:51
like that's such an easy to track crime but it's like like why
1:24:58
you know what i mean like yeah i guess if you wanted to get caught and thrown away in jail
1:25:03
forever for doing something horrible but like how many people actually do something unforgivable that like you
1:25:09
might die in prison if you were like convicted for poisoning children oh yeah yeah halloween candy yeah yeah
1:25:15
like if anyone actually did that yeah your life is over yeah
1:25:21
killing kids why i'm a criminal and i hate that
1:25:28
so anyway they fast forward past the cop talking you know because it's all frankly it's all crap anyway yeah just
1:25:35
use your common sense kids don't run out in traffic don't talk to strangers i mean if something is weird with your
1:25:41
candy don't eat it but it's never been weird with anyone's candy i guess if it's open and it's got weird stuff on it
1:25:47
yeah i mean you know i guess i don't know just make your best judgment call
1:25:52
my best advice is that if there's a bowl of candy on a doorstep
1:25:58
the candy should go to whoever gets there first that was my role so
1:26:03
we would all run up there you know take turns trying to pour the whole bowl into our bag you know
1:26:09
as as crummy little children yeah okay so what's his name gavin gordon yeah he's
1:26:15
the you know he's the male you know he's the dracula newscaster guy yeah
1:26:20
he asks a horrible little joke thing you know of deborah he's like what's a what's a vampire's worst
1:26:26
nightmare and uh deborah correctly guesses sunlight and he's like no
1:26:32
tooth decay you know and that's that's rough even for a dad joke that's rough you know
1:26:38
like that hurt me a little bit i'm just like ugh i i like it i i i like his character a
1:26:45
lot oh no no it it yeah i don't mean to say that yeah i know i love his character i
1:26:50
mean he totally reminds me of fred willard you know just an amiable old guy just telling ridiculous silly jokes
1:26:57
you know and they have the kind of polite forced laugh that's just real fun he seems like he's really enjoying
1:27:03
himself i love both these actors oh yeah they're great but yeah no this is just
1:27:09
it hits close to home i guess it just reminds me of real real corny newscasts you know we still
1:27:14
get those people are still corny you know that hasn't ended so so yeah you'll still see this on tv this
1:27:22
kind of this kind of horrible dreck [Laughter]
1:27:27
so then they have the ad for dr allen's cash for candy program well i guess it's not really an ad it's you know it's a
1:27:33
feature of the the news broadcast you know they say something like what's a dentist's worst nightmare and the
1:27:39
guy's just like halloween halloween's a dentist's worst nightmare
1:27:45
and just the tone of his voice will be locked into my brain forever well partially because i watch this movie
1:27:50
every year but also because they they play it several times and yeah and his weird tone of voice and
1:27:56
like the corniness of it it's it's ear wormy like it just like crept into my brain so like every now and then like if i'll
1:28:03
think about this movie like it's actually one of the first lines that comes up like just from out of the depths i'll just like quietly hear like
1:28:09
halloween halloween's dentists
1:28:21
that woman's really uncomfortable look on her face when the dentist is like yeah pinching her cheeks and opening her
1:28:28
mouth that's a veronica stanzi she's the producer who's you know also later in
1:28:34
the bit with uh frank stewart and yeah she looks genuinely uncomfortable when dr allen's like
1:28:39
holding her mouth open while she's standing there yeah i didn't ask you to do this
1:28:46
oh yeah also i love the sunglasses on the hanging skeleton in the back of his office that's always good when someone
1:28:51
does that yeah no kid needs to eat five pounds of candy
1:28:56
says who dr alan says who let me just live my life why don't you
1:29:02
also that candy usually that lasts a while at least yeah that's the other thing
1:29:08
kids kids are different and um i remember eating candy and waves i usually go chocolate first and then i go
1:29:14
to fruity stuff and then yeah and then after that it's like the horrible stuff that i don't
1:29:19
like nougaty things or uh candy corn uh halloween peeps that sort of thing
1:29:27
i know it's divisive to to crap on candy corn but yeah it's not even bad it's just not it's not
1:29:33
for me it's you know it's it's just kind of meh okay i will say i did
1:29:40
specifically go up and buy candy corn for myself
1:29:46
yeah there you go i mean yeah yeah i did not people like it weirdos like
1:29:52
jacob like candy corn uh i mean i like normal stuff too which
1:29:57
side do you eat first yeah do you eat a white tip first or do you go orange bottom first
1:30:04
uh well i guess like in this game i i always prefer the candy pumpkins you know oh okay
1:30:11
yeah but yeah i don't know uh way to duck the question jacob well no okay no i i guess i like
1:30:18
okay white tip first obviously yeah i feel like yeah i feel like you got to go white too yeah
1:30:24
but no like if like i'm what you know i'm saying i can't i count the candy pumpkins is like part of the same like
1:30:31
family as candy horn you know i got a broader question sure for things that
1:30:36
have heads you know like uh like those teddy graham bears do you go head first
1:30:41
because i feel like i always went head first and it's like a weird almost a superstitious thing like i don't want it
1:30:47
looking at me while i eat it um yeah i suppose i'm like if you like
1:30:54
i do do that to this day i don't have a rational reason for doing
1:30:59
it but i feel like if you asked me as a kid i would say
1:31:04
in some durian to like put it out of its misery yeah i was like that with the easter bunny
1:31:11
chocolate bunnies as well i usually go head first i mean i guess you kind of have to because that's the the narrower
1:31:17
part yeah yeah i also i hated that bug eye bunny eye looking at you
1:31:23
oh i always like i used to pick that off yeah it's somehow different interesting
1:31:31
yeah so yeah so he's got a cash for candy program that's dr alan the dentist in
1:31:37
exchange for one pound of candy he will give you one dollar that is a horrible exchange yeah
1:31:43
no i feel like he's reselling it on the side like this is just some kind of side hustle where he's just selling it for
1:31:49
way more than that yeah yeah oh yeah this is when i first wrote that note you know remember you were just
1:31:54
talking about veronica stanzi and like you know how he's holding her mouth open and i just wrote i know that woman dr
1:31:59
alan is examining she's in call girl of cthulhu this is before i realized that
1:32:05
they all are like the whole crew yeah yeah
1:32:10
she plays like a punk girl in it and she is she's good in that i'm gonna have to watch call girls
1:32:18
it's up to you jacob yeah i mean what whatever yes yeah i guess
1:32:27
that sucks i don't know yeah i guess i can't recommend it to people i don't think i even finished it yeah it's it's
1:32:33
a strange one i mean i like some of the weirder troma stuff so like maybe i'll like this
1:32:38
yeah i guess it's kind of in that ballpark yeah i don't know we'll see all right so
1:32:45
next now my favorite joke in the movie a horrible yeah is it a joke well i guess you could
1:32:51
look at it that way it's a joke on the children
1:32:58
as colonel cochran would say yeah yeah it's a horrible horrible news story
1:33:03
of a boy shot by a man colonel john regis who's having a vivid
1:33:09
vietnam flashback isn't the kids in like a little commando uniform
1:33:14
wearing a camo shirt [Laughter]
1:33:20
it's really it's really bad and yeah and there's no i don't know i can't think of a delicate way to put it but yeah he's
1:33:27
he's a little asian boy and so i guess it triggers the memory and
1:33:33
like it's it kind of it makes me sad because i don't know most of this actually up
1:33:38
until the end is pretty borderline heartwarming you know it's family-friendly it's kind of just sort
1:33:44
of mild yeah yeah and then they're just right in the middle of it there's just this real intense story
1:33:50
about a kid getting shot to death yeah and then you like they talk to the grieving mother
1:33:58
and then they fast forward through most of it and then at the very end they're just like he now sits on death row
1:34:04
awaiting execution whoa whoa wait a minute yeah
1:34:09
now two people have died i mean like you know i don't think he's responsible enough
1:34:15
despite all that you know oh god i feel like they're just trying to like throw it in real quick and they're just
1:34:21
like anyway well whatever that happens
1:34:26
i guess it's sort of commentary on something i'm not quite sure what or maybe it's just a just a joke in poor
1:34:33
taste i suppose i mean that is like that's a thing the news does is they
1:34:38
will like casually go back and forth between a kind of a cute story and then something
1:34:43
really messed up yeah actually that's actually almost exactly how this movie ends i mean we'll
1:34:49
get there when we can yeah yeah which i love you know deborah is just like looking sad for a
1:34:56
second and she's like we're doing christmas skipped right over thanksgiving
1:35:02
oh yeah and this is finally finally when we get to the political ad attacking state senator walter dandridge
1:35:09
so apparently he's putting cancer-causing barrels dumped into the drinking water every day
1:35:16
every day it shows a certain commitment you know
1:35:22
what i mean like every day it seems like it would have happened once and it would be embarrassing
1:35:27
because it's like no i'm going to keep doing it i mean it's ongoing yeah
1:35:33
he's in the pocket of big whatever company is doing that well yeah they actually said that i mean
1:35:39
he okay so so dandridge blocked 34 programs you know that would have helped clean it
1:35:45
up and then he took 600 000 from toxic waste companies i don't know what that
1:35:51
means but that is very funny to me like i wonder if they just took any company that makes something and they're
1:35:57
like yeah it's a toxic waste companies it's like well i mean i'm sure you make some yeah
1:36:02
it's hard not to at some point you know in the manufacturing process uh i mean i i grew up watching captain
1:36:09
planet i assume that's a thing sure yeah paid for by mark mike barlow
1:36:15
okay so yeah i think mike barlow is the quote-unquote good one and walter dandridge really is an evil one it seems
1:36:23
like he never he never bats away this accusation about how he's just
1:36:29
just thoughtlessly endangering everyone's lives with his position you know
1:36:34
just like letting people do whatever i wish people were this transparent in real life
1:36:40
we already talked about pumpkin carving nonsense so yeah this is when we finally get the ad for the the carvo lantern
1:36:47
and yeah those kits never worked for me like little bits would bend or break it was yeah
1:36:52
pathetic and ineffective which apparently you bought so good luck i guess but maybe they're
1:36:58
better now uh no are they no i definitely had an issue with one
1:37:03
breaking last year oh all right i wonder if they've never changed it you know over
1:37:10
what is this now 40 50 years oh 100 they haven't they look exactly the same
1:37:15
yeah so then we get dr allen he actually does get his own commercial
1:37:21
he's on dentistry commercial and i don't remember anything about it except that at the very end he gives a really
1:37:26
uncomfortable smile it stays on him for just a little too long yeah and i kind of appreciate that
1:37:32
we're just like oh please could you cut away cut away stop it
1:37:38
i mean that's like that's local commercials man yeah
1:37:43
then we get an ad for frank stewart's live tour of the weber house he's got a lovely voice i love his voice oh he's
1:37:49
great and this is when you first hear about the uh quote-unquote spirit board murders yeah
1:37:57
you also get the uh two like hack fraud psychics oh i love
1:38:02
the heck fraud psychics in fact actually i think that lady psychic is maybe one of my favorite
1:38:08
characters like she plays it so seriously well yeah we'll get to yeah yeah she's great
1:38:15
back to the news governor's race 87 and then they just fast forward through
1:38:20
it although you see just enough to know that robert gandrich is is both wrong and and as i said possibly
1:38:27
evil he just says you accuse me of corruption what about
1:38:34
your infidelity apple's an orangish fella okay also i know this isn't like a great metric to
1:38:41
use for a politician because like they all kind of look evil but he looks real evil
1:38:46
he does he has a scally face yeah the poor real life man
1:38:54
okay so then they segue into a description the newscasters now
1:38:59
describe frank stewart's upcoming live newscast the weber estate has been boarded up for 20 years
1:39:05
the movie takes place in 87 so the murders would have had to have happened in 1967.
1:39:11
and as i said before it actually does line up i was a little sad later on they have a little montage you know like they
1:39:16
have that fake video of a reenactment of the murders yeah and i thought at first that they were going to make a mistake
1:39:23
and have the kid in the photograph who was the real kid be the one that they have depicted you know because that
1:39:28
would be a real amateur mistake yeah you have like the same person do everything
1:39:33
but no it's actually a different person playing the kid from the 60s and then a kid from the 80s pretending to be a
1:39:40
kid from the 60s which is really funny to me yeah with like the weird long hair and just
1:39:46
kind of like staring off into space their house is really nice i'm sure they
1:39:53
just the director probably got permission to film out in front of a nice house for like a couple of parts
1:39:59
for all those outdoor scenes it looks almost like the the house from home alone you know it's like it's real nice
1:40:04
brick work and it's got like pillars and stuff it's way too nice to sit there abandoned for 20 years i was just
1:40:10
thinking like even if someone had murdered their parents in a house i feel like that would have been bought
1:40:16
anyway yeah someone would have put up with it uh yeah i feel like i would
1:40:23
buy a murder home if i uh had the funds for that i don't know if i would
1:40:29
but i don't know it's hard to pass up a bargain though and also the housing market is so bad right now oh god yeah
1:40:36
here in the u.s it's unlivable really so yeah i mean yeah if you cut the price in half
1:40:42
yeah maybe i'll live in a murder house i mean i won't like it but at least it'll be mine
1:40:48
oh i know i feel like there would be something like kind of comforting to like the idea of having a bunch of like
1:40:54
damned spirits also living with you my stepdad yeah it's like they used to
1:41:00
live right next to a graveyard he
1:41:05
no i he lived right next to a graveyard like right across the street and i remember i once asked him like well
1:41:11
what's it like like living right next to a graveyard and he's just like quiet
1:41:17
i i mean yeah so you know there's that i suppose
1:41:23
oh yeah and then they go to frank stewart live while he's standing outside of the weber house
1:41:28
deborah like asks him to you know to explain what's going on and he's like oh yeah sure thing witchy poo
1:41:34
which i just love it's such a weird thing to say to her yeah that's a little that's a little
1:41:40
inappropriate frank stewart i like it though yeah
1:41:45
and here we go yeah and then after that they finally get to the part about the the religious organization that opposes
1:41:50
halloween it's like the part that sucks all the joy out of the room for everyone
1:41:56
they're a little too early in the game but they do they use that term uh fair and balanced that doesn't come up until
1:42:02
like the late 90s no you know whatever i guess they want to signal to the audience that that a not fun
1:42:07
conversation is about to ensue they go
1:42:12
have a little bit with harvest i don't know what it spells out but it
1:42:18
is a very long abbreviation h-a-r-v-e-s-t with like a period after
1:42:24
each it's a religious organization run by a nut named angela harris
1:42:30
i'm glad that they cast someone who who seems legitimately kind of nuts she has a very long speech that they let
1:42:37
her say in front of a you know a live audience which is unfortunate
1:42:42
she's initiating a nationwide prayer chain organized by harvest i was hoping there would be clips of them like not
1:42:48
having enough people i just thought that'd be really funny the longer she talks the weirder it gets
1:42:55
at first she's just like oh well you know what's you know you just think it's all so harmless but then there's so you
1:43:00
know you don't know where this comes from and this is all so weird it's like oh well you know it's a reasonable argument but by the
1:43:06
end of it she's just like there are goblins in the candy
1:43:12
what are we what are you saying here you might have won some people over if
1:43:17
you kept it a little more reasonable but like she couldn't keep it reined in she had to just belt it out sure i mean
1:43:24
i feel like that's like almost this is the devil's playground we are at war i mean i feel like that's maybe like the
1:43:30
most realistic part about that is like people like that absolutely do not have any
1:43:35
eye for optics well i don't know i feel like she's the fact that she's running the organizations speaks badly of the
1:43:42
organization you're supposed to have that as like your second or third person you don't want that as your front man
1:43:48
who's doing all the talking yeah you need yeah you need someone else you can keep a clear head
1:43:55
you don't want the the raving lunatic zealot out there and out front and center
1:44:01
well but that's the thing is like with those kinds of organizations those are the people who rise through those ranks
1:44:07
yeah yeah maybe just through the strength of her conviction yeah
1:44:13
so then deborah gets pretty spooked by the whole thing she's like oh i feel like i need to go to church after that one which i love it's such a like a
1:44:21
vague and diplomatic way to just try to defuse the moment after
1:44:27
all that i'm not gonna point fingers or anything
1:44:34
then we get our first ad ad break for phil's carpet warehouse i'm gonna warn you right now guys start
1:44:40
there are three of these in the movie yeah starring anthony fantano
1:44:47
that's that's a joke it does kind of just kind of look like him anyway whatever oh okay yeah
1:44:53
i didn't know this guy's name the actor i'm like is that is that who that is
1:44:59
now there's gonna be like one guy who gets that and they're gonna think it's funny whatever
1:45:04
yeah you're welcome that guy yeah he really does look no actually i like
1:45:10
this ad i i don't know why i think this might be one of my favorite ads which is very strange to say because it's repetitive
1:45:16
yeah and they play it several times and it's just like a guy talking like he's got a he's badly cut out and he's
1:45:23
in front of bad clips of carpet and he's just like how can you let it go on any longer
1:45:29
yeah you gotta buy a new carpet well and i don't know it's got the banjo it's just i don't know it just feels like
1:45:36
something everyone has seen it it's almost comforting in a way no it's like it's quick which i like like it's like
1:45:42
carpet ads and mattress ads that's like the big the the big two as
1:45:48
far as like local commercials so i think that's kind of it yeah the only thing that would have made
1:45:53
it more authentic was if it was a furniture company instead and it was going yeah
1:45:59
yeah i know you've seen like a seems like a furniture company was like going out of business like every year
1:46:05
we were going out of business again guys i i remember reading about like what the um
1:46:11
there were there was some kind of like legal loophole thing because like there was like
1:46:16
especially within like the greater seattle area i can't remember leaving the company but there was one that was
1:46:21
like four years who was going out of business yeah
1:46:27
yeah i think it was just a lie because i i remember that around here yeah being a thing where like
1:46:32
i think he was just getting attention by just claiming bankruptcy or whatever you know
1:46:37
financial insolvency just to get people to come in like vultures and try to circle him you know
1:46:43
he's like wow it's a reverse trap i've got you now yeah i do think but i do think they
1:46:49
eventually like crack down on that i would imagine because i haven't seen as much of that yeah
1:46:54
we still have flynn's carpet sense around here which is a local thing for us
1:47:00
in the washington area yeah yeah he's a he's a he's a he's a rotund
1:47:05
older gentleman and in his earlier ads from years ago he was always talking about his wife and
1:47:11
how she ruled his life and left him in misery my my wife
1:47:18
insists that we have to have another sale and so we're you know we're gonna just pull out all the stops this time
1:47:23
here at flynn's carpet center i i really liked those ads because they were just like so completely tactless
1:47:30
yes it's just like and you know i guess he was probably going for that but you know he hit it he hit that bull's eye
1:47:36
yeah yeah my nagging that is super local
1:47:43
ruins my business by making me do another insane it wasn't quite like that yeah it was
1:47:50
more like yeah it was more like i don't know how to describe it no yeah it was just like a guy
1:47:56
just shifting responsibility for everything you know it was just like ah my wife is telling me i have to do this
1:48:02
yeah whatever dude it's your company yeah actually that we would be really
1:48:08
funny because like my wife is pushing me out of the business she's done a hostile takeover and i i've
1:48:14
lost all of my assets so this will be the last time you see flynn oh [ __ ] wait wait was it
1:48:20
was still in the guy who would like i know people say this but not many people pronounced it this way because
1:48:26
you would say washington right some people in washington say washington i know but like he did that right i
1:48:33
don't remember if he did or not okay because i i remember like there was something maybe there was one really prominent ad where
1:48:39
like because like i grew up in the area and i didn't realize people pronounced it that
1:48:45
way until i saw the ad i don't know if that i don't think that's an accent i think that's just people being weird i yeah maybe that's
1:48:52
how accents start i wonder if that's just it is that someone's a little weird and slur something and everyone's like i
1:48:58
guess i'll just say it that way yeah i can see that i mean like it's like i don't know i like the idea of like
1:49:04
pronouncing florida florida florida yeah yeah people actually do that no yeah no disrespect to people
1:49:12
from florida yeah i mean they're wrong but it's like a fun idea to do that
1:49:17
going out to the club in florida okay
1:49:29
it's a little like that yeah yeah i've known some salesmen who talk that way yeah
1:49:35
it's kind of real so i'm allowed to say it anyway
1:49:41
back from phil's carpet warehouse yeah we didn't get an we get an ad then for
1:49:47
hazel wood oil this is also a good ad because it's just shots of beaches and birds and stuff you
1:49:55
can tell it's one of those how do you describe that it's like a an apologetic
1:50:01
ad you get from an oil company that's ruined something recently so they're just like we're doing our
1:50:07
part are you doing yours we're sorry like yeah great yeah with
1:50:12
without like the most commercial salary is great because they never like explain the full
1:50:18
depth to which they like [ __ ] up the environment but it's just sort of like a generic yeah we made a mistake it's not
1:50:25
like oh yeah uh we we have like irreparably damaged this
1:50:31
area for at least a decade yeah as california reels from yet another
1:50:38
catastrophic oil catastrophe yeah no that's real fun this makes this ad even more pertinent yeah
1:50:46
really nice and they do use the term unavoidable accidental oil spills which i just thought was the funniest thing
1:50:52
yeah god there was no way we could have stopped this yeah it's both an accident and unavoidable
1:50:59
it's both of those things okay peter i just realized the next commercial every
1:51:04
awful anecdote for this oh um the ad for tokens video arcade and
1:51:12
pizzeria oh no the wait was it the next one was the the derby isn't it oh no no
1:51:17
it's not you're right okay oh no that's two ads from now jacob okay i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i
1:51:24
like my notes or not god okay fine it doesn't matter i mean these aren't these aren't terribly
1:51:29
important i think they repeat themselves so yeah there's an ad for an arcade gallery yeah
1:51:35
it sounds rad as hell to me in the east wing of chestertown mall i wish that like
1:51:42
you could i mean like you obviously could do arcades but like nobody like wants to invest the cap no one doing
1:51:49
that anymore i don't know because you have to buy each machine you know which is over ten
1:51:54
thousand dollars i don't know what it is but and then you have to maintain them and everyone treats them like crap
1:52:00
and i guess you don't derive enough money from the coins anymore because inflation keeps going up so i
1:52:07
wonder if it's not worth it anymore so i had an idea about this and like also like if anyone's listening and thinks
1:52:14
this is a good idea feel free to steal this idea because i would like to see this
1:52:19
so like there are still arcades in uh japan for example
1:52:24
they've got like a pretty lively scene for that stuff and i think one of the ways that they
1:52:31
make money is by making it a like a premium experience oh i think it's like for example they'll
1:52:39
have like the gundam game where you like step into like a recreation of the like
1:52:47
gundam cockpit pod it's not just like you go into like a shitty coin operated
1:52:53
you know like well we used to have we did used to have a company called what was it called the
1:52:59
other side or whatever yeah a lot of stuff like that yeah yeah and that company also caved in so i i don't know
1:53:06
i don't think it doesn't play well here i guess i feel like i mean like obviously
1:53:12
i don't think that would work for for uh for gundam in america but like i feel like there is like
1:53:18
there's like maybe a business model for like doing sort of like a premium experience like that where it's like hey
1:53:24
this isn't just like playing it on your computer and this is bigger you know yeah i mean like you get some like
1:53:30
service you're like there's like a nice environment you know what i mean you like i i don't think the
1:53:35
[Music] the g coin operated thing works anymore but i don't know i feel like there's
1:53:41
something we do have some arcade stuff it's it's usually hiding in in theme bars nowadays
1:53:48
yeah you'll you'll have more than one thing happening yeah so it'll be like an ice cream bar
1:53:53
and an arcade or you know or just a regular bar sure and an arcade yeah just so you can
1:53:59
go do something else in the meantime i feel like i'd probably do that if i was a business owner because i'm a
1:54:04
coward so i would just hedge my bets yeah yeah and just do two things kind of okay
1:54:10
yeah yeah there was at least one doesn't work you got the other there was that uh the tablet they went to that good uh
1:54:16
that good ice cream place and also just like coincidentally had eight pinball machines
1:54:23
yeah yeah i've already forgotten what it was called but no i know but like that was like that was a good bundle i think
1:54:29
you know it's like have the good ice cream as the selling point and then you can kind of go and go like oh hey they
1:54:36
have black knight all right i'll play that yeah oh i love black knight that is maybe one
1:54:42
of the best pinball oh yeah yeah absolutely i don't have any pinball really my personal fave anyway yeah i
1:54:50
also like that one for bram stoker's dracula just because you can get dracula gary oldman you know to be like yelling
1:54:56
wind way too loud i don't know why they let it get so loud
1:55:03
[Music]
1:55:09
like pinball machines were pretty good like that was it the elvira one it was pretty fun too oh yeah yeah the addams family one that
1:55:16
one's pretty good yeah it's famous okay like if you asked me i would say i
1:55:21
have not played a lot pinball but i guess i have all right yeah really
1:55:27
i'm not good at pinball but apparently i have opinions yeah
1:55:34
so then we get a few of these i love these old kind of quaint tv ads for like
1:55:39
upcoming movies yeah so the first one we got is uh for sunday at 7 p.m on the
1:55:44
wnuf family showcase dog gone it dreadful looking made for tv movies
1:55:52
about a woman almost murdering and then kidnapping a dog yeah and the dog finds a new leash on life uh this is just her
1:56:00
she puts her life on pause oh god what i really like about it is
1:56:05
like it does remind me of wretched time that i'm glad we're past but it does remind me of those times
1:56:11
where like it would be a bad movie and like the narrator has to like sell you on it oh
1:56:17
yeah they'll try to charm you into watching it be like maybe if i say things in a cute enough
1:56:23
way you'll watch this boring movie about a dog also this is like
1:56:28
these uh at least a dozen movies have they have like
1:56:34
that's the premise yeah my personal favorite is turner and hooch yeah with uh
1:56:40
with uh tom hanks it took me way too long to remember tom hanks's name uh that one also got a remake recently
1:56:47
what yeah really uh well yeah oh god why would they do that
1:56:52
oh tv series 20 21 oh yeah
1:56:58
those were the good old days before uh tom hanks is a head turns into a potato yeah
1:57:04
he just happens at some point he's a cute little dog though i don't know what breedline is but uh
1:57:11
and it's just like you mean in the new show or well no no yeah the new one or i don't know maybe it's the same one
1:57:16
uh just like a brown celebrity big ugly like mastiff dog that was like a giant orange dog yeah i like him
1:57:25
all right yeah now we get to the ad you were talking about oh sure the ad for the demons of demolition derby at the
1:57:31
river hill fairground one night only so i have i'm sorry i feel like why would they only do one night uh
1:57:39
well in my case i know specifically why they did one night only
1:57:45
uh this is an incredibly dark anecdote i'm sorry um
1:57:50
the it's like i i never went to one of these shows
1:57:56
i never really had the opportunity but i did get offered one time and just
1:58:02
due to circumstance i didn't show up and this like specific
1:58:09
time i did not show up there was a horrible accident
1:58:15
where someone in the audience got killed by like a flying fender or
1:58:20
something and both of my youngest cousins were there to see it
1:58:27
oh wow i and like i think i think about that a lot because it's like that'll probably that would
1:58:33
have like messed me because i was like i was pretty yeah i mean they were pretty young but like i was also young
1:58:39
enough for him it was like something where i was like in hindsight i'm like man i'm really glad that i just
1:58:46
know that happened and i didn't have to see that happen yeah it was like weird about stuff like that
1:58:52
you know yeah it could have been the time when when you show up and then like and then you just get crushed by the tire instead of someone else well yeah
1:58:58
yeah yeah i mean but yeah that's the thing is like i never there was never like an opportunity or never like a
1:59:04
desire to go like before then but it was just like that one time i could have gone and then something
1:59:10
like that happened oh shucks i missed it well i mean you don't know
1:59:17
maybe it was awesome yeah that's that's unfortunate yeah so i mean i'm sure wait do other
1:59:23
countries even have this crap i'm sure they they must people drive cars into each other for
1:59:29
sport right i mean is this just an american thing uh i'm not sure okay i will say like
1:59:34
other countries do have things like this but it is almost exclusively an american
1:59:41
thing yeah well you're missing out folks because i've never watched this crap i never went to see it but i i always
1:59:48
loved the ads just because of how big and boring oh yeah sundays i think when you're there you're just watching cars
1:59:54
like yeah it looks cool yeah
1:59:59
you get a whole seat but you'll only need the edge yes
2:00:05
yeah i bet though when you're actually there it's just like cars like really slowly circling around each other in the
2:00:11
fairground i've watched why am i here i've watched videotape of it and it's like
2:00:18
there's like was a truckasaurus or whatever the robot that comes out and breathes fire and
2:00:24
like that's neat and like eats a car yeah but i mean like aside from that i mean
2:00:30
it's not that it's not that great looking do you want to have fun with monster trucks
2:00:35
uh play the video game monster truck man this all right
2:00:42
i don't know i don't think i actually you know that probably doesn't even run on modern windows anymore
2:00:47
oh is that a really old game i feel like you're making a dated recommendation yeah naturally play
2:01:00
yeah probably not dear god yeah yeah speaking of we're old by the way yeah
2:01:06
you just made a 30 year old game joke yeah yeah oh geez
2:01:13
i feel really bad because after that ad you get poorer weatherman carl and his entire segment gets fast
2:01:19
forwarded through you only see like the very end of it where he so he's just like waving his hands over the maps
2:01:26
you know you don't know what he's saying until like the very end and he's just like oh there's a big storm coming back
2:01:31
to you guys okay and it's a shame because he's in a cowboy outfit and his hat is too small which i find funny yeah in a childish
2:01:38
way also i just like trying to analyze where i think the movie is supposed to be
2:01:44
happening but they're actually not clear he puts his hand over like the entire american northeast so it could be like
2:01:52
any of those states you know it's like anywhere around here i guess peter because there's like a big storm
2:01:58
front apparently coming in this might have a small correction to make apparently apparently it is possible to
2:02:05
run monster truck madness on windows 10. oh thank you chicken
2:02:11
[Laughter] you've done the world of service yeah
2:02:25
someone yeah i'm sure someone does gavin gordon and deborah merritt i believe her last name is
2:02:30
they say a few last little jokes before before they finally end their broadcast you know they're wrapping it up yeah and
2:02:38
you know they're gonna pass it off to frank stewart in his own broadcast and yeah and this is when you know gavin
2:02:43
asks her if she has any plans and she's just like no i'm going to go sit with my cats
2:02:48
yeah i don't know if i'm meant to be sad by that made sad by her words
2:02:54
but they do they make me sad it's yeah it's all come on deborah it's a little depressing
2:03:00
well yes and no i mean she lives because uh you know because her life is boring
2:03:06
unlike some other people we deal with
2:03:12
jesus thus ends their their broadcast this is like the first 20 minutes of the movie
2:03:18
yeah if you have no interest in the cutesy ramblings of two co-host co-anchors
2:03:26
and you know and the ads you can actually skip that entire part of the movie in fact that can give you the
2:03:31
exact number if you want to just drop in on the part when it gets to frank
2:03:37
stewart going to a haunted house it is 20 minutes 17 seconds exactly
2:03:43
do that if you have no patience for this gobbledygook yeah but then again if you don't what are you
2:03:50
doing here you know like why would you get this far
2:03:55
so yeah we get an ad for the law offices of feinstein and golden plat it's got some dry electronic doing stuff
2:04:02
music that i really like some of that good old-fashioned 80s synth
2:04:08
back when it wasn't cool it was like it was to denote that new and impressive technology was being
2:04:14
utilized for a business we typed things into a keyboard
2:04:22
that's the real 80s folks you guys trying to like think that it was this golden time
2:04:28
it was a harsh time for all of us yeah and granted i you know i was born in 83
2:04:34
i'm you know i'm only just i wasn't really a kid of the 80s i mean i i was just i was physically there
2:04:41
somewhat i mean there were some like lingering after effects of that in the 90s
2:04:47
yeah well that's the other thing i mean every decade that comes afterwards it doesn't always know what it's going to be right away so you you get a lot of
2:04:54
holdovers you know you got all the old movies and tv shows yeah there were so many shows that just had lasers and
2:04:59
robots even when neither of those things were appropriate listen i really appreciated that
2:05:06
yeah especially for like the intro intro sequences you know you would just see like green and blue lasers just be like
2:05:12
like spell a name or something like i think i guess it was like think
2:05:19
one like kids incorporated yeah i mean like also you get like i mean i guess like the
2:05:25
i mean i feel like you get like more lasers the deeper you get into the 90s because like you get a lot of like
2:05:32
well you get a lot of like the post power rangers stuff you know what i mean
2:05:37
and well those are functional lasers yeah i meant more like aesthetics oh sure they didn't know what it was
2:05:43
maybe i should say beams but yeah whatever yeah it's not actually from no it's not emerging from a device in order
2:05:50
to harm someone it's it's like a yeah it's an artistic choice you know sure yeah
2:05:56
it's because it was the first time they were able to make such shapes on a screen yeah and they're just like well
2:06:01
that's cool we should do this for everything and they did
2:06:06
they did jacob uh damn right they did so yeah then we get another ad for the
2:06:12
late night movie 11 30 pm sarcophagus i feel like mummy terrorizes new york i
2:06:19
feel like i would have been really that's like the whole plot i i love it because it's like it's again
2:06:25
it's one of the laziest ads there's literally just a shot of new york like the skyline
2:06:32
and then there's just a shot of a mummy walking forward and that's the movie it's just like
2:06:37
that's it but that's these two things folks but that's how long those movie ads were and
2:06:43
i feel like that would have sold me yeah as a kid that would have been like well okay i like muddies
2:06:48
and i like yeah but no i mean the how i started my horror movie loving career was just
2:06:55
digging through the the scraps that were given to me by these terrible local channels yeah
2:07:00
with real vague promises oh and then we get uh an ad for wind-up
2:07:07
wildlife video cassettes that just have videos of animals
2:07:12
yeah it's like 19.95 a month for a monthly cassette vhs cassette that would be steep even today that
2:07:20
feels unbelievably wasteful for like a really crappy footage of like you know a gorilla or
2:07:26
whatever i see 20 a month see i feel like that's that is steep but also like offhand i
2:07:33
can't remember how much zoo books used to cost yeah because that's essentially what they're making fun of here it's like you
2:07:40
know those zoo books where you get a book every month books make more sense and they're probably cheaper i don't
2:07:46
remember what the ads are you know what i'm gonna look it up right now okay although granted i mean
2:07:51
i don't know if they're gonna like have the prices or whatever but i wonder if they're still in business wouldn't that be weird uh that'd be fun
2:07:58
i mean i don't i wouldn't do it but i think the idea was made they were founded in 1980. uh stuff is
2:08:04
showing up so i think it's uh oh okay well when i clicked on zoo books it brought
2:08:10
me to the national wildlife federation of ranger rick uh
2:08:15
i don't know what this crap is just barnes got two books barnes and noble looks like it's offering a year
2:08:21
subscription for 25 that i mean okay actually that's small
2:08:27
okay yeah that's actually pretty good all right i guess what did
2:08:33
could look for old ones what did it cost
2:08:38
uh it was 6.99 an issue i guess is that in the past or is that right now
2:08:44
i mean i guess even whatever back then it wouldn't have been that thing but it's like
2:08:51
i don't know it feels scammy to me but yeah 20 bucks for a crappy cassette
2:08:57
yeah yeah i don't know it's like whatever
2:09:02
anyway although it's funny because that is just totally like those like publishers clearinghouse type
2:09:07
or you know i forget they had a few of those things those companies where like you get onto a mailing list and they
2:09:14
mail you like a cd every month and they just kind of take advantage of the fact that people are too lazy to stop
2:09:20
oh we're just farming sorrow we were actually pretty into them i was actually like okay this is bad i used to be
2:09:27
really into them but like i got scared of the issue with spiders in them i didn't want to read them anymore after
2:09:32
that i think i used to see zoo books at school so yeah maybe they weren't a scam
2:09:38
you know maybe i'm being too hard on them the cassettes in this in this ad
2:09:43
excellent thinking about that i should have just asked my because like they would like
2:09:50
you add them to like like a zoo books binder hannah man when you got them
2:09:55
because they were just like a little like addition to that i should just ask my mom to like
2:10:01
get rid of the spiders because i like i really did like please take the spiders out of here yeah yeah i
2:10:08
like i don't like i don't know it's like uh maybe it was like the completionist in me in any case i
2:10:14
stopped reading them after the spiders i must have the spiders there but i cannot deal with the spiders
2:10:21
so yeah i feel like that that must have been the logic at the time that's the only thing i can think
2:10:27
of next we get an ad for oak and bear outlaws on the range
2:10:34
which is mostly fast forwarded through yeah it doesn't look terribly exciting but it does remind me of kenny rogers
2:10:41
stuff in general you know kind of a bigger gentleman a bearded man out on the range pointing guns at things
2:10:49
some kind of private justice scenario i'm sure yeah frontiersmen solving their
2:10:54
own problems the american way yeah who doesn't love private jobs people come to
2:10:59
court with a gun he won't answer for himself
2:11:08
the american way yeah the american way uh where it's not you know he said she said it's just he
2:11:15
said [Laughter]
2:11:21
you guys like the searchers wait what oh yeah and then we get an ad for a
2:11:26
1-900 monster one of those atrocious total telephone scams yeah where you pay
2:11:32
like a high fee to start and then a lower fee to to persist on a very boring telephone line you know
2:11:39
they have canned jokes pre-recorded messages you know it says specifically in the
2:11:44
commercials if you're a kid you need to ask your parents permission
2:11:49
that is the result of a legal thing that happened but actually the original ads i remember this the the original ads
2:11:55
didn't say that no and so they were so they were farming children yeah and then they got in trouble so then they
2:12:01
had to say specifically like no no ask your mom's permission before you you
2:12:06
know before you do this stupid thing yeah it was later found that that doesn't work either and so they eventually
2:12:13
banned all of these companies they're like this crap does not fly anymore no but like that thank god well yeah like
2:12:20
first of all thank god second of all gosh this was really like
2:12:27
a prime time for scamming people yeah it was some good scamming yeah i
2:12:33
mean like you kind of think about it and it's like obviously from an ethical standpoint you
2:12:38
shouldn't do that but there's party that's just like if you had just been like a little bit older and a little bit more savvy like
2:12:45
damn yeah you could have made some dosh you know and then uh seriously and then got you get into suit out of oblivion turn
2:12:52
it into an annuity or something i don't know yeah sure or or just deal with lawsuits for a couple of years in
2:12:58
english yeah how is ms cleo doing probably not great probably not great yeah i have to imagine
2:13:04
yeah for those of you who don't know she used to run a psychic telephone line business
2:13:11
similar in nature you know a toll thing yeah and she would give false readings
2:13:16
to people and uh yeah and then they eventually took her down as they took them all down
2:13:22
yeah that lady was a famous one yeah but uh there was a lot of them you know
2:13:28
she i think she was one of the best well she had charisma you know like yeah i mean like
2:13:34
obviously she shouldn't have been doing what she was doing but i almost can't fault her for it because she was so good
2:13:40
at it you know yeah she yeah i mean at least that gave people some false hope and stuff like i i actually
2:13:46
like that better than you know these ones that targeted children yeah you're just kind of farming like
2:13:52
the hopes and dreams of adults who are voluntarily giving away their money yeah i can hear some fortune
2:14:00
cookie nonsense from you that's not so bad to me i mean like it's still bad like who are they hurting
2:14:05
really well i mean they're like okay a little bit obviously hurting people
2:14:10
but yeah yeah it's like better than preying
2:14:16
on children because like what child is calling this cleo we'll only find out later that tons of
2:14:23
children called that's miss cleo funny idea just like be being like a kid
2:14:29
who's like really into tarot readings or whatever
2:14:35
yeah my sister was i mean granted she was a teenager by then but yeah well okay first yeah i mean like first of all
2:14:41
everyone's interested in tarot readings as a teenager i wasn't i was the recipient a couple of
2:14:48
times that was my eldest sister heidi she went through a very definite incense and tarot phase what's that she would listen
2:14:55
to enya when that was current hell yes burn incense and and play with tarot
2:15:01
cards you know like that's the way to be i uh i was okay as a lass of the 90s i will say uh
2:15:08
this is like very specific to my high school thing but i really appreciated that there was like a strong
2:15:15
a sense of solidarity between like yeah do you like enya and incense crowd
2:15:21
and the like yeah we're learning programming crowd
2:15:27
and so yes oh yeah so it was like all the computer dirks and all of the like
2:15:33
i'm really into like spirituality people hung out together at my school
2:15:40
i always thought that was very that was very funny man they must have made some interesting babies i oh
2:15:47
yeah i mean i never checked up on it but there were a couple of people that's just like yeah that probably went somewhere weird
2:15:54
cool good for them i know yeah i'm happy they're happy oh yeah
2:16:00
it's it's more like generally ha funny to like think back on but i mean i don't
2:16:06
know like you know sure no no actual judgment like whatever do
2:16:12
it do what you're doing we're proud to them so finally we come to frank stewart's presentation the real destination of
2:16:18
this film it's the the weber house in river hill township i actually looked it up balodipedia says
2:16:26
that township government is used in 11 u.s states
2:16:31
kansas michigan missouri minnesota new jersey north dakota ohio pennsylvania
2:16:40
south dakota and uh wisconsin so one of those is where this movie happens
2:16:47
i mean it doesn't matter but i was trying to narrow it down i wanted to get it down to one state
2:16:52
i just wanted to guess new jersey it feels dirty to me in that way but the accents are wrong so i guess it's
2:16:58
probably not new jersey so i don't know maybe uh ohio or indiana or something um yeah i
2:17:04
guess i don't i have a strong reason to believe this but i did assume that it was taking place in ohio yeah you know
2:17:11
it's weird i've never been there but i just it seems like a middle place where generic white people will live you know
2:17:17
yeah i will i will say that's yeah that seems like that's the case from my west coast perspective i've never been over
2:17:24
there no yeah but like the thing is so i also like yeah it's like it seems like a very middle
2:17:29
of the road kind of a place but i also like know people who live there who have like
2:17:34
experienced some of the like craziest [ __ ] that i've heard in my life so
2:17:40
i don't know yeah i heard a joke the other day that you know the least believable thing about the black widow
2:17:46
movie was that you know as a child you know natasha romanoff wanted to go back to ohio
2:17:56
like nobody wants to go back there yeah well i mean yeah the lady is actually a common sentiment like i mean
2:18:03
i don't know that many people from ohio but i don't like none of them we don't know yeah yeah none of them want to go
2:18:09
back so anecdotally i don't know okay so this movie occurs in one of those 11
2:18:16
states you know sure take your pick yeah choose your favorite so i i have the uh
2:18:23
the intro for frank stewart's section so i'm going to play it right now jacob all right here we go
2:18:30
20 years ago the weber house in river hill township was the site of ghastly depravity a case the local police dubbed
2:18:37
the spirit board murders now wnuf tv 28 takes you on a horrifying journey
2:18:43
through this supposedly haunted estate come with me frank stewart and a team of paranormal experts as we seek to uncover
2:18:50
the mystery there's even a call in seance you can be a part of tonight we will figure out if the weber
2:18:57
house is really haunted if ghosts do exist and if we the living must fear
2:19:02
them
2:19:16
this guy this guy should do like i don't know horror narration
2:19:22
yeah no i like i was saying before yeah paul faronkov he's got a really nice voice i love listening to him i feel
2:19:28
like he helps legitimize the whole movie i mean i don't want to poo-poo everyone else but what i mean is like as soon as
2:19:34
you hear them speak you're like oh oh i see what we're doing here okay i no yeah i see i
2:19:40
i totally get what you mean because he does center in the movie a lot in it like
2:19:46
that's that's a hell of an accomplishment because like a lot of movies can uh can say that one guy does that he goes to
2:19:54
introduce his producer and she comes out of the van with a chainsaw which is uh funny and also kind of mean just
2:20:01
i oh what a joker it also like immediately made me like
2:20:06
this character the producer is a jerk yeah that was like all right yeah that's
2:20:12
kind of messed up gotcha frank yeah okay wait hold on
2:20:17
i i've sorry i i did want to ask since it's like a pretty consistent group who
2:20:23
is your favorite background freak weirdo in this halloween sand
2:20:28
of just all the people i love all of them yeah no um
2:20:34
that's a hard one um i i feel like most people are gonna go for the guy that's sometimes called acid dracula
2:20:42
he's the one who gets real upset and he finds out someone actually died in that house yeah yeah oh i love that guy but i
2:20:48
don't know i actually like i i get torn between there's there's two different girls in the audience and i
2:20:55
like them both there's one with a big orange bow in her hair who's i think she's like a pumpkin like yeah weird
2:21:00
pumpkin costume yeah she doesn't say anything she just like stands in the background and makes like adorable faces
2:21:07
i like her and then there's also the other one who frank talks to later and i actually have a little bit of their
2:21:12
conversation because he's very mean to her and i think it's funny where she's again very s it's another
2:21:19
very sweet girl but like a little vacuous and you know and frank's not having it so yeah
2:21:25
maybe you know what i think i'd have to go with the guy in the back in the ape costume i think he's my favorite i he's
2:21:31
up there i do also like the lady with the devil orange because i i think i
2:21:37
think that maybe the one that she humiliates later on
2:21:42
she does say something that might be the one i was talking about yeah yeah yeah yeah she's the one that just like talks
2:21:48
about ghosts yeah yeah yeah we'll get to that yeah they all have their charms
2:21:54
see there's just a group of people just standing out in front of this really lovely house that doesn't look abandoned
2:22:00
you know which is funny i mean they probably couldn't afford to like make a house look abandoned so they just had to like
2:22:07
you know get permission from the current owners the director to film in front of the house
2:22:12
no no don't be putting dirt on my house you can film there for a couple of hours but that's it
2:22:18
i almost expect to see that lawn jockey out in front like in home alone you know that everyone keeps knocking over when
2:22:24
they go to deliver something i don't know if you remember that from home alone uh yeah i do you all know
2:22:30
what i'm talking about and right before frank goes to commercial he's accosted by some anti-halloween protesters so he just
2:22:37
cuts things pretty sure those are the harvest folks you know like they keep trying to warn you like in little subtle ways this
2:22:43
isn't going to go well for you frank yeah you got people who don't want you to be here
2:22:48
so then they they have an ad for phil's carpet warehouse again i'm not mad to see it again
2:22:54
no i mean it'd be weirder if there weren't repeats yeah well there's not very many there's
2:23:00
not as many as there really would be no and you know thankfully yeah but the fact that there's any is a little
2:23:06
surprising it's just the fact that this was made for like no money yeah by somebody who had no expectations
2:23:13
about selling the movie or anything doing things on his own terms you know like that's part of what i appreciate
2:23:19
about it is that weird indie mentality it's quite nice yeah i guess i mean i
2:23:24
don't know i'm sure people will be irritated we're just like really going to watch the same crap again but you know what this
2:23:31
is how it be you know yeah and then we get an ad for chase street family center big guys small fries
2:23:39
the only qualifications are a loving heart a desire to help and a clean criminal
2:23:45
record sure you can't have touched any children
2:23:50
not a one if we hear that you've touched any children you are out the door
2:23:56
fella and then we get an ad for nelson computerized tax prep on five discs
2:24:04
oh god five discs i remember those days had like load of game and it would like
2:24:09
take like hours yeah i i played boulder skate i remember that
2:24:14
oh my god i never played the earliest one so i don't know the horrors of all that uh
2:24:22
uh baldur's gate uh five cds yeah
2:24:28
oh god i guess that's the magic number yeah although it was also great too
2:24:33
because like nothing it was tied to location and it was an open-ended game
2:24:39
so you had to have all of them it wasn't like oh god yeah yeah because you walk off the wrong part of the map
2:24:45
yeah oh yeah yeah it was like all right well you you you entered like winterfell and now you have to
2:24:52
insert disc three it's like god damn it again man yeah never never go back
2:24:59
you only want to go forward with technology oh yeah okay yeah there are like some like legitimate concerns with
2:25:04
like having games entirely hosts on streaming services but good god
2:25:10
oh here's that ad you were talking about oh yeah yeah the ad for galaxy pirate and the laser brigade
2:25:16
i wish i had written down the lines because i was so i was baffled into just into silence by it i know that's like
2:25:23
that's perfect though it's like that's how those ads are i mean like even the yeah it's just like shots of guys
2:25:28
sitting in a seat you know like in a pilot seat and then there's just like just all this mumbo jumbo being pulled
2:25:34
to you like at a rapid fire pace yeah um i can't remember what channel it was
2:25:39
but like occasionally i would get like a a bbc ad for star trek or something and
2:25:47
i don't i don't think i was watching bbc but it would be like it would likely describe without bothering to like
2:25:55
try and lure anyone else in what's going on with you know like the dominion war or
2:26:02
something and it's like this is oh god completely incomprehensible where
2:26:08
the brain what is good what is this and that's just how those ads were
2:26:15
yeah this is true and like i say that as someone who like
2:26:21
i do i do like star trek but good lord
2:26:26
yeah so yeah they're back at frank stewart's thing i like that they had this weird moment
2:26:31
where he just he just proves that it's live by like almost challenging the you know the
2:26:37
people around him to do something weird and then they do yeah yeah just like everything goes on live television and
2:26:42
then there's like a weird laugh yeah i actually have that recorded so here we go anything goes on live television
2:26:51
i just love that guy in the background frank interviews a few of the people in
2:26:57
the audience yeah i keep wanting to say audience like whatever this thing in the crowd behind him do whatever there's a
2:27:02
man in a bunny outfit he confirms that the weber's son killed his parents and then he talks to a witch lady who is
2:27:09
like real excited to describe the blood and brains of the crime scene he was like oh yeah i was sprayed all
2:27:15
over the place and then dracula yeah then we get acid dracula that's the
2:27:22
director likes to call him that because the actor that played him he did the method thing where he
2:27:27
pretended that he was a man you know who went to this thing but then took acid right before the interview so like it
2:27:33
was just dropping as you know they began to talk to him okay i will say i do i sympathize with this character because
2:27:40
i remember the time that i went to that seattle zombie walk and dave painted me
2:27:46
in that exact same blue makeup yes i distinctly remember that zombie
2:27:55
and yeah it is not a good look on anybody no it's certainly yeah for a zombie or for a vampire no yeah yeah
2:28:02
there's a very good reason there are no photos of that surviving
2:28:07
oh no i still have that picture wait do you i do yeah okay
2:28:14
hidden in my phone okay maybe i'll use it as the image for the youtube videos yeah please please don't
2:28:20
because i can't remember which picture it was yeah you're holding up a mug or something i don't remember why but uh
2:28:27
oh you know it was probably it was a long time ago yeah let's see i was probably a mike's heart could be yeah anyway
2:28:34
so yeah so he he goes to ask the vampire guy you know like he's like well what do you think about all this and he's just
2:28:40
in just terrified silence you know he's just so horrified he's just like people died here
2:28:47
frank's just like yeah that's why we're here i love that guy because that's actually kind of how i felt i didn't know about
2:28:53
the whole back story about you know like you know how he's supposed to be on drugs or whatever i was just thinking like
2:28:58
he might have just come along you know just to to do something well yeah he didn't know what it was about yeah that was my assumption like oh my god
2:29:06
yeah yeah like i mean my assumption that was his like friends dragged him along
2:29:13
yeah that's good reluctantly yeah yeah like he was just like all right hey we're
2:29:19
gonna go to do these it's like all right okay yeah okay so then they they finally have a
2:29:25
little video where they explain what happens at the weber house so there was a boy named donald weber he
2:29:32
was obsessed with a ouija board he eventually blamed it for the wanton beheading of his two parents as
2:29:39
they slept in their beds so you know it's that old thing this isn't in a lot
2:29:44
of horror movies from the 80s there's like rock and roll horror movies where they
2:29:50
make it seem like the music has made you want to kill your parents
2:29:55
or help you descend into satanism or whatever it was always ridiculous
2:30:00
and it was it was something that people would sometimes claim in real life because they could yeah people believed them so
2:30:07
they just said it like they they they were able to get help yeah they blamed the devil or whatever yeah yeah and well
2:30:14
i mean like honestly like you legitimately had issues like blame with satan and you're going to get
2:30:20
a better treatment than if you said it was like some mental illness or whatever
2:30:26
you know yeah and that's kind of like no one wants to hear about that yeah i mean that's best
2:30:31
think about it but it's true then we get the anonymous cop but like he's too backlit so you can see like a
2:30:37
lot of him it's not a good anonymous anonymous cop yeah well i thought that was intentional
2:30:44
yeah it might have been so he says he saw a headless woman in the house when he goes in there for whatever reason and
2:30:50
apparently the entire police force knows about it but doesn't talk about it like he goes out there and they're like what you saw we've all seen and we don't talk
2:30:58
about it i i don't know this is a personal theory of mine i think that this cop isn't a
2:31:04
real cop i actually think he's a paid actor oh yeah why frank stewart yeah to look like a cop and just make up the
2:31:11
story because i couldn't even figure out why the cops were in there in the first place you know like why would they just wander into an abandoned house
2:31:18
to see a headless woman there was nobody in there yeah no that's obviously a fake
2:31:23
cop it's yeah i i guess i can't confirm that it feels that way yeah i mean i don't
2:31:29
know it doesn't pass the smell test for me and then frank goes around and kind of roasts people in the crowd for a
2:31:35
while yeah yeah i thought they were some solid bits so here's that part where he's talking
2:31:40
to that the devil horned woman yeah i think no i feel bad for her
2:31:47
yeah so yeah i recorded a little bit of that so i'll play that okay
2:31:52
the question was that i've been asking everyone here uh for a while is do you okay do you
2:31:58
believe it try to focus here do you believe in ghosts yeah well no yes i yes we'll know
2:32:05
like like friendly kinds like happy ghosts you know like when your grandmother passes away but you know
2:32:11
like my mom told me you know she would always be there and you know she'll look after me like that's like
2:32:16
like she's happy yeah and you believed her when she said that
2:32:37
like please don't crush your pure spirit like hello
2:32:42
it's like leaving santa claus too yeah oh my god okay grandma's dead she's not
2:32:48
coming back yeah okay i actually have like
2:32:53
um maybe we should like save this for the christmas episode but like my grandma said that to me
2:32:58
like a very early age oh god all right
2:33:03
i mean like i don't know whenever you like mess with me but it was like in hindsight it was very funny to be like
2:33:10
i don't know four or something of my grandmother would just be like yeah yeah i still believe in santa do and he's
2:33:17
like well okay i guess not not anymore
2:33:22
there was a santa but then i shot him yeah yeah i told him not to come back because you
2:33:28
were bad yeah okay yeah that would have done it
2:33:34
yeah you got to twist the knife as an adult
2:33:39
like i don't know like i don't even think she was being mean about it i just don't think that she had like the
2:33:45
awareness to like think about how mean that would that might be to say to a child
2:33:51
yeah so next frank goes to just ask the ape guy like the guy in the ape suit
2:33:56
what do you think about all this yeah and he just he just hoots and like beats his chest and i was just like oh man i
2:34:03
love how method this guy is yes right on that's why he might be one of
2:34:08
my favorites i'm not sure but yeah yeah yeah oh yeah there was also that girl in the hat or no she wasn't in the hat it was
2:34:14
the guy behind her wore the hat and there was that stupid joke where he was just like oh yeah i've seen a
2:34:21
ghost who's wearing a top hat and then like right behind her there's a guy in a top hat like in a ghost outfit booming
2:34:27
around that was good oh and i tried to i tried to catch him in a lie
2:34:32
because like there was a part where the the first guy frank talks to you know he's just like oh i don't know about ghosts but if i see him i know who to
2:34:39
call you know frank's like well who do you call he's just like ghostbusters
2:34:46
i mean that was um that's pretty good the movie actually came out before 1987.
2:34:52
so you know what you win you win movie you didn't you didn't contradict yourself
2:34:58
i wanted you to but yeah you did yeah and then we get a bunch more ads because
2:35:05
you know that's most of this movie yeah okay gordon's petting zoo
2:35:12
we get epsilon airlines which leaves no impression with me at all no yeah okay
2:35:17
and then we get chicago lightning thursdays at 9 on wnuf tv guide calls it
2:35:23
hot fresh and bad to the bone i mean if tv guy says it's good that's
2:35:29
all i need yeah that's true and there were not multiple tv guides so
2:35:34
you had to believe what they said yeah the word of tv guide cannot be
2:35:41
contradicted no they use actually a great example of like you kind of had like that was kind of it
2:35:48
you know as far as like tv reviews dumb little handbook that told you what
2:35:55
tv shows to watch well yeah that's the thing it's like you didn't have a lot of alternatives i almost kind of want that now
2:36:02
well maybe not no i don't know how hard it is to look things up like where anything is it'd be nice if it was
2:36:08
somehow consolidated yeah i guess but it's just like that's like a great example of how the
2:36:15
consensus opinion has like dissolved and yeah i don't know yeah i think i feel
2:36:21
like you know in general more deserving stuff has been able to flow to
2:36:27
the top sure i don't know whatever so back to the special yeah frank introduces dr lewis and claire burger
2:36:35
yes i love these people oh there's so much brought a cat in his arms yeah right off the bat you get a cat i'm just
2:36:41
like yes awesome i mean it's basically the uh the pair from the conjuring movies yeah no
2:36:48
this is a much more plausible version of this and actually i think more respectfully
2:36:53
done i mean the conjuring ones are like they're like weird christian superheroes i've said this in other podcasts oh yeah
2:37:00
but these guys are more like they're more like benevolent charlatans you know like which i like
2:37:06
i actually think the lady is real but but the husband is clearly not he's just kind of a tag-along but he's very
2:37:12
self-serious which is funny oh i mean guy i guess i guess how i view it is like yeah i
2:37:18
feel like the woman believes her [ __ ] but it is [ __ ] well okay that's true
2:37:25
yeah probably however everything she says
2:37:31
in this the movie is kind of true almost totally yeah but like i i but what i'm saying is
2:37:37
i don't think it's like a power sling yeah maybe not so yeah frank plays another pre-recorded
2:37:44
intro to describe the careers of the burgers the founders of the massachusetts center for psychic
2:37:50
phenomena which i bet is just like a house you know like
2:37:56
i love everything in this montage by the way claire is seen using a crystal ball yeah which is very funny to me professor
2:38:03
finger is seen pointing oh sorry yeah school for gifted psychics yeah
2:38:09
right yeah yeah she points at a shrunken head as if it's like the cause of a problem
2:38:15
which i just thought was really funny yeah oh god oh there it is okay
2:38:20
okay it's like a good anecdote from the scene the man putting the headphones on
2:38:26
the cat yes well i was going to get to that you know that is the funniest thing
2:38:31
[Laughter] i'd like i'm sorry i'm like
2:38:37
re-watching that scene muted oh yeah it's so stupid i i what i wrote was then
2:38:44
dr lewis invalidates any credibility he might have had by putting earphones on a cat i know it's like
2:38:50
it's like who's like first of all that is very cute and i love it but also like who is that
2:38:56
supposed to convince what what are you doing with this yeah
2:39:02
yeah i want his consultation on this matter it's very strange and then there's
2:39:08
actually more than one shot with the with the headphones on the cat which makes it seem like it's a sustained practice yeah you know like not just a
2:39:14
one-time thing like do you guys do this a lot what is he listening for does he tell
2:39:20
you things maybe they like have the cat listen and then they see how he reacts and they're
2:39:26
just like they from his body language they infer whether or not something bad happened yeah i mean it's like there
2:39:31
must be some evp here the cat seems very upset cats are especially uh sensitive
2:39:37
to ghouls yeah the ghouls they emit a psychic
2:39:43
emotional projection you know that the shadow can pick up on yeah okay i know we've said this before
2:39:49
but the goal is so funny
2:39:55
also okay you know what that's that's the difference between like malignant and uh was it sinister or is it what
2:40:02
whatever has the goal is like just this the sinister or the other one
2:40:08
yeah whichever other yeah it's like they're basically the same creature
2:40:13
but they just don't give it a they're just not stupid about it in in the
2:40:19
you know i mean like over the top and there's a difference and sinister doesn't understand the
2:40:25
difference yeah i get that one mixed up with the one with the red-faced guy who looks like darth maul and yeah
2:40:32
but oh my god yeah that one sucks insidious and so yeah sucks too because they use that um
2:40:38
like like tip toe through the window yeah so it's like that's not scary it's
2:40:44
like that was like literally a joke on spongebob squarepants yeah that's a song
2:40:50
by tiny tim yeah yeah that's the thing we're sung by time it's like you know i might like i'm not gonna like
2:40:57
impugn his musical talent because like i don't know like i don't know that's
2:41:02
but it's like it's not horror to to play the explain the song that like
2:41:08
literally everyone who listens to that scene knows that song first from
2:41:14
spongebob squarepants or really anywhere else it's an absurd song yeah yeah
2:41:19
that's like it's just like god you know whatever it's just like
2:41:24
there's a way to do that kind of thing and there's a way to not do that kind of thing and it feels like very easily
2:41:32
avoidable despite how many movies like fall into that trap
2:41:37
yeah so yeah so the couple they do briefly explain
2:41:42
their system yeah i actually already mentioned it yeah the psychic emotional projection so essentially big emotions
2:41:49
make big ghosts that's kind of their theory sure like if you die in a very emotional
2:41:55
way or you're very upset you make a very powerful ghost
2:42:00
claire claims that she can see auras and knows if someone is lying or is a good or a bad person
2:42:06
frank asks if his aura is good and she just says i see an aura
2:42:13
i love that this is like yeah well you know i'm not going to go into the specifics but i can see what you got there yeah i
2:42:20
swear yeah well you certainly have one frank
2:42:26
they also claim their cat is clairvoyant as well which yeah again that's very funny yeah yeah
2:42:32
how would you figure that out i guess like the cat acts weird sometimes and they're just like oh he must be seeing the future yeah but
2:42:38
that's it that's every cat who has ever lived there is not there's not a cat who
2:42:45
doesn't act weird about stuff that you can't see yeah i mean like uh
2:42:51
yeah i mean i phoned a number of cats and they'll just like stare off into a
2:42:56
corner at something like i don't know you can't see it i don't know what they're saying yeah i don't
2:43:03
know what they're staring at but they can see it well i don't think they're seeing anything no cats are just uh inherently
2:43:08
weird well yeah yeah sure yeah i don't think it's like no i don't think they're actually looking at ghosts
2:43:14
but it's like yeah that's just how cats are
2:43:21
frank's talking to them about this and then he sees something move around upstairs and i actually thought that there wasn't anything i originally when
2:43:27
i saw the movie i thought he was just making it up but then when you actually replay the clip
2:43:32
which i did you actually do see someone moving around up there although i still think that maybe that's
2:43:38
a plant he could have just hired any number of people to just walk around up there
2:43:43
briefly oh yeah you look weird for the first one i assume that's a plant
2:43:48
it's hard to say one way or the other but yeah it's it would have been very easy for him to do and it would have been a great way to
2:43:55
stir up interest for what is otherwise going to be you know in his estimation probably a
2:44:00
very boring thing yeah yeah go to an empty house and do a seance and then leave
2:44:06
yeah and then we get dear lord five ads i have them all listed we get a an ad for dandridge
2:44:13
running against mike barlow for governor uh you know this is standards to probably bad one but
2:44:20
i didn't write anything else about it yeah yeah and then we got an an ad for uh fate
2:44:26
talk fortune hotline so yeah this is the miss clio app call me now another 900 number yeah
2:44:32
yeah the cards don't lie okay i wasn't doing the accent but yeah
2:44:40
sorry no i mean whatever it's like no okay that was that was her bit no yeah she also wasn't jamaican she
2:44:47
was fake yeah i know she was like yeah oh my god yeah
2:44:52
she's a charlatan yeah i feel like that like
2:44:58
two dollars for the first minute 45 cents for each additional minute yeah i feel like they actually like hurt me
2:45:04
more than the scam because it's like i knew the scam but it's like oh she's
2:45:09
actually not jamaican that like i heard
2:45:19
everything i know is a lie no it's kind of messed up it was actually i was shocked everybody
2:45:26
was so yeah then we get an ad for the 18th
2:45:32
annual greek festival i guess just because they had some stock footage of people in greek outfits dancing around
2:45:38
yeah yeah sure there's a festival whatever we get an ad for clean earth society
2:45:44
which is basically just them being like don't litter yeah it's like all right whatever
2:45:49
oh um speaking of which i just realized i actually heard that there are more ads on the dvd version than there was in the
2:45:56
original version of the movie so i'm not sure which version uh same version you're watching man i
2:46:02
watched i think i have the one with more oh okay uh also i will say
2:46:08
like like greek cultural thing that like yeah that hits home a little bit because
2:46:13
i also live very close to an irish cultural center oh that's funny yeah
2:46:20
cool i mean i don't know it's like i'm not saying it's like funny or bad or whatever but it's just
2:46:26
like i don't know i mean it feels like kind of like a denomination of like white people that like
2:46:33
i'm not like against them having their their thing but it's kind of like but it's kind of bad but you know what i
2:46:39
mean but it's kind of like okay you know what i'm not against them but nice i wouldn't marry one or anything no no no
2:46:45
but what i'm saying is just sort of like whatever your other man
2:46:50
oh i see yeah okay well greek is very specific i feel like irish is less well
2:46:56
maybe that's not fair but there are so many irish in the us yeah i think there's more irish people in the us than
2:47:01
there are than there are in ireland yeah yeah yeah it almost just feels like
2:47:06
like they've taken over the culture in a way or maybe not you know sort of mainstreamed it i guess
2:47:13
you know yeah it's one of those things where it's like i i can't i mean i guess maybe this is just like
2:47:20
for my upbringing but like i can't imagine like having like
2:47:26
a particular tie to my particular like white ethnic upbringing you know what i
2:47:32
mean i don't know i've got a little bit of that i thought everyone kind of did i mean i i think he's just kind of picking
2:47:38
shoes when you're in american mutt you know as well but yeah but that's what that's what your favorite is well yeah
2:47:44
but that's what i'm saying is like i understand that i i understand a little bit less being like
2:47:51
i'm like a proud irish american after like hundreds of years of your family being
2:47:58
here like i mean at some point you have to like recognize that as being a little silly
2:48:05
right you know no i i disagree okay
2:48:11
i think you can be proud of your nonsense forever i mean it's it's part of who you are i guess but if i knew
2:48:17
which caveman clan i came from i might actually be proud of it be like i'm i'm the the proud progenitor of the
2:48:24
snake cave clan you know or whatever okay that'd be kind of cool okay peter well uh i'm pretty sure that i'm like
2:48:31
related to uh sweden's worst serial killers maybe i don't know should i be
2:48:37
proud of that sweet i mean i mean yeah
2:48:46
i guess you're right i mean that's kind of fun sure i don't know i i just i don't know i i
2:48:53
think it's good to honor your roots it's it's it's just a way of reminding you of where you came from it's a nice way to
2:48:58
help stay sane also you know yeah looking through family trees and that whole thing yeah i mean i also really
2:49:05
like to think about how like i might be related to a cop who like
2:49:10
burned down an old folks home and killed like 26 elderly people
2:49:16
well you know i mean yes we weren't there we don't know the survey yeah maybe there was a really compelling
2:49:21
reason yeah i mean maybe every single one of those old people were really bad yeah maybe they're all
2:49:28
very like ungrateful losers and backgammon or whatever the hell they played over there
2:49:36
and they had it coming
2:49:45
not talk about old man death anymore ain't no ladies that's true too he also
2:49:50
killed the woman sure yeah no more yeah no more elderly genocide
2:49:56
talk yeah well i mean that's enough well until for one until late until later on
2:50:01
in the movie where that also happens yeah you know whatever sure spoiler alert
2:50:08
oh yeah so then we get the next ad after the clean earth society one is uh it's for a show called armed to strike
2:50:16
yeah wednesdays at 11 p.m on wnuf it's about a vigilante war vet
2:50:22
so it's kind of like a rambo show he just kind of yeah takes justice into his own hands or maybe death wishes more apt
2:50:29
you know because he's just shooting people on the streets yeah or cleopatra 25-25
2:50:35
sure yeah proud work if ever there was one uh
2:50:41
damn right okay so they finally sent the crowd away so then it's just frank and the burgers
2:50:47
and i think there's two cameramen i only found out later because i think they
2:50:52
they said that two guys were missing and i can't figure it out otherwise i
2:50:57
believe there's like an a camera and a b camera i think yeah yeah i guess it doesn't ultimately matter but
2:51:04
it's weird when you think of it that way because later on you know they're crowding into a haunted house and it's a very intimate setting and it's odd to
2:51:11
think that there's actually two more people in the room with them yeah
2:51:17
yeah i guess it is like i don't know that also happens in the tales from the
2:51:22
crypt episode uh the camera guy actually [ __ ] interacts and then he gets killed damn it peter
2:51:29
i mean you should watch that episode guys it's pretty good that's all i'm saying that's you know it's pretty good is it free on netflix
2:51:35
it actually is free on youtube you can watch all of this tales of the crypt episode it's just just free oh yeah no
2:51:42
one cares the audio not the audio well probably the audio but mostly the visual quality is crap i think it's like you
2:51:48
know it usually maxes out at 360. sure but okay yeah you can watch whatever you want just go
2:51:53
look it up yeah i think it's called oh you know what television terror
2:51:59
it's pretty good actually yeah i think it might be one of my favorite episodes you know i remember oh god this is really bad i remember i actually like
2:52:06
explicitly you gave me enough a series of episodes to listen to and i do remember listening
2:52:12
to them while i was playing overwatch on youtube so all right listen to
2:52:19
well yes i was like playing i was playing the game i was playing overwatch and uh
2:52:25
i listened to him on youtube so yeah yeah all that stuff's on youtube nevermind i'm uh
2:52:31
yeah yeah watch it for free yeah you lazy bastards it's yeah
2:52:37
but uh yeah or get the really cheap cardboardy box sets that i got there
2:52:43
that were so cheap nobody cares about this show
2:53:01
i wouldn't change places with anyone tonight
2:53:07
will cough pumpkin faces and watch the witch's flight
2:53:13
welcome back everybody this is the second half or second one third of the halloween podcast gorman on
2:53:20
gore was that uh wnuf halloween special that tim curry
2:53:25
halloween thing he did absolutely the 1986 tv movie the worst witch i
2:53:32
actually have the lyrics for the whole thing here i'm tempted to just just sing the whole thing yeah it seems like that's pushing the
2:53:39
envelope on infringement but yeah i just i love it and every halloween
2:53:44
on facebook i always post the uh that song for everyone's enjoyment or puzzlement depending on you know where
2:53:50
they stand on them on the issue uh yeah i mean i think it's fun
2:53:55
anything can happen on halloween your dog could turn into a cat
2:54:02
it's a very silly just little kids song and and tim curry sings it with like 1
2:54:07
000 commitment and that's really what sells the whole thing so yeah you should look up that clip if you have never heard or
2:54:14
seen this before also if anyone knows where that tambourine is that tim curry waves around in that
2:54:21
little sequence i would pay a lot of money for that i think it was filmed up in canada if
2:54:27
you could dig up that that moldy old tambourine from some you know film institute or wherever it is yeah
2:54:35
i would love to have that prop that would just make me so happy um i mean there's literally a line in in
2:54:42
the sequence where he asks for it and then it's thrown to him has anybody seen my tambourine
2:54:48
and he starts like you know shaking around yeah it's it's a good time you know i don't think i've ever seen
2:54:54
the whole thing it is not a good movie it's it's of its time you know it was
2:55:00
for children yeah it was poorly made it's kind of like harry potter if it was like feruza bulk
2:55:07
she's like a witch that sucks uh she has no powers and then you know as she throughout the adventures she like
2:55:13
learns to use her witch stuff sort of like i don't know we call it an analog for puberty or something like that like
2:55:19
it's uh it's a growing up story about a young witch coming into our own
2:55:26
and it's it's filmed poorly it's a made-for-tv thing it looks like crap but yeah kids of of the 80s and 90s such as
2:55:33
myself i don't know we have a certain fondness for it if you saw it if going back to it i don't know it would be harder you know
2:55:41
yeah i can only i can only advocate for nostalgia to a certain extent
2:55:46
which leads us back to the wnuf halloween special hey brought it back around
2:55:52
good job yeah segway baby i'm getting so good at this aren't you
2:55:58
all proud of me how far i've come
2:56:03
where were we so i think we had just finally gotten to the part where frank stewart uh the burgers you know
2:56:10
the paranormal couple and the cameraman walked into the
2:56:15
to the weber house yeah where the spirit board murders had occurred finally we're at the movie
2:56:22
yeah i mean really yeah as i mentioned before or at least i believe i did you know the first 20 minutes are all
2:56:29
just the newscasters kind of just bantering and doing their little kind of boring newscaster bits
2:56:34
and so you can skip all of that if you if you don't care for it and just get right to this part about 20 minutes in
2:56:41
and i do love this whole flimflammery of it with claire like feeling the walls for malevolence
2:56:47
and frank just wants results and so he's just like well what are you feeling right now and
2:56:52
she's like listen it takes time i have to feel the essence of the house he's like no no just give me some first
2:56:58
impressions like just say something so i can make it into a sound bite yeah this is just like i don't know it feels bad
2:57:04
in here i uh i i kind of wish that ghost hunter shows had a guy like that
2:57:13
yeah someone just pressuring them yeah i mean i guess like seriously where are the ghosts i mean i guess uh what was
2:57:18
that that guy is like zach baggins or whatever he's actually kind of like that
2:57:24
how is he yeah okay um is that is that you endorsing zach baggins and his misadventures of ghost
2:57:30
hunting yeah i get i yeah i guess yeah you know what sure watch ghost adventures
2:57:37
maybe not demon house is that what it's called i've never seen the show yeah not demon house not demon house
2:57:43
oh yeah don't watch that okay yeah just to be clear yeah yeah
2:57:49
oh man i'm looking i don't think any of those ghost hunter shows are good just for for the record i mean i love the
2:57:54
premise but you know right off the bat it's like those bigfoot shows you they never find anything and so it's all just kind of
2:58:01
flummery you know they just wander around and get scared of their own shadows and stuff yeah i suppose so but
2:58:06
oh man how how good would it be if one of those like bigfoot uh
2:58:12
shows actually like discovered bigfoot and then of course the story got leaked yeah it
2:58:18
would leak before the the episode but like i'd want to see it if it would happen
2:58:23
i would absolutely have to see that man that just just made me realize that would be an amazing film to make you
2:58:29
could take any of those bigfoot idiots because you know they would do a movie for you oh sure just have them do their regular episode
2:58:35
but then it ends with a real sasquatch showing up and just killing them [Laughter]
2:58:40
well maybe not the guys who are like like a fake worse than death be like listen he's attracted to your pheromones
2:58:46
but i'm a male it doesn't matter he's dominated you and now now he has to finish the deed
2:58:52
no please no okay sorry let's get like give me
2:59:00
a black comedy but uh yeah okay one there at some point we will have to
2:59:07
unfortunately probably cover one of those horny bigfoot movies because there are
2:59:13
there's so many of them yeah there's a lot of horny bigfoot movies yeah yeah it's weird
2:59:19
i i don't get it uh second of all why is that a thing uh
2:59:25
we uh maybe we can go into that in a later episode so i'm sure there yeah i don't
2:59:30
know what i don't even want to get into it right now yeah it's a whole can of worms yeah
2:59:36
also secondly i don't think that would work on the uh hunting bigfoot people who go
2:59:43
out looking for bigfoot to kill bigfoot oh would you say do they is that what
2:59:48
they're doing i thought they were just going to go take pictures or something i think it i think it is called hunting bigfoot but there is one where like
2:59:55
explicitly their goal is to find and kill bigfoot which is psychotic
3:00:01
that is so dumb yeah like i'm saying like you finally find your life's ambition and then you just immediately shoot it well yeah yeah and almost like
3:00:08
now well also just like if there is like a bigfoot out there and it is like a uh
3:00:15
you know like a biological miracle like a unique being
3:00:22
it would be monstrous to kill it yeah yeah you would want to capture it
3:00:28
and let it spend the rest of its life in in in misery in a laboratory okay no okay look there's a
3:00:35
i feel like there's oh wait i used to think as a kid that it would
3:00:41
have been really funny in harry and the hendersons if that's how the movie ended with him in like a lab and they're just like taking tissue samples and stuff uh
3:00:48
yeah like uh you'll be fine harry just don't squirm around too much when they put in a needle
3:00:57
another 90s reference bumping me out pretty early on [Laughter]
3:01:05
sorry i don't want big food but yeah anyway all right most versions of bigfoot are very nice
3:01:10
except for the ones that are rapists and are for some reason like really attracted to human women
3:01:16
yes yes like why would that even occur to them yeah we can't get into that but yes
3:01:22
come on we're all terribly intrigued by horny bigfoot and his desire for women
3:01:29
uh bones we'll see him for another time yeah we must move up we must we must proceed
3:01:36
okay so almost as soon as they get in there the burgers
3:01:41
and frank they hear footsteps upstairs so i mean that that could be father matheson who i forget whether or
3:01:47
not he's actually been introduced yet he like steps out of the shadows at some point i think it might be either this scene or
3:01:52
the next oh yeah he's just like yeah it's right after that so i assume he's upstairs making noises to like add some
3:01:58
creepiness to the to the broadcast but it might also be the the actual bad
3:02:03
things that you know later occur doing it as well so i don't know um yeah i'm not sure
3:02:09
i mean i'd like to think that it's a little ambiguous yeah i feel like i feel like frank stewart's a fraud and i feel
3:02:15
like he would just pay people to do little things nothing big but just enough you know like just to spice
3:02:21
things up a little bit because you know he has no intention of anything happening here he doesn't actually believe the weber house is
3:02:27
haunted i tend to believe whenever there's a
3:02:33
decision between whether or not it's frank being a fraud or not i'm gonna opt to frank being a fraud
3:02:40
sure that's what that's my assumption so yeah so shadow gets loose you know their cat yeah he gets out of uh i
3:02:47
believe it's louis's arms you know the the husband of the duo and he just runs upstairs and i love watching them and
3:02:53
because they're in like their 50s or 60s or whatever just like hobbling after the cat like a little too slow like the
3:02:59
cat's not going fast yeah but it's just fast enough because it's kind of a casual stroll yeah that it's just
3:03:05
besting these old you know these old fogey uh paranormal researchers
3:03:11
oh yeah so this is where it is in the notes i'm yeah i said it too soon this is when father mathison just like steps out of the
3:03:17
shadows apropos of nothing he just just appears out of nowhere it's pretty great yeah he's like here's father matheson
3:03:24
he's totally been here the whole time so then for the next part we get veronica stanzy out in the safety
3:03:31
of her van she's reported that a huge storm front is coming in but they're going to keep broadcasting anyway
3:03:37
i love her job by the way just the fact that she's just a spectator and mine are
3:03:43
spoiler alert but as things go wrong she is very committed to just keep rolling
3:03:48
through the whole thing this is like we are gonna keep going yeah no matter what folks uh no sacrifice i'm in this van
3:03:56
and i i'm loving this yeah yeah no sacrifice of yours is too great for me
3:04:02
yeah some of you may die but that's a sacrifice i'm willing to make so sayeth
3:04:08
lord farquaad okay so yes then we get back to the commercials because that's what this is all about
3:04:14
right folks so we get an ad for mr chip's computer learning center you know one of those really boring ads where like it's just
3:04:20
people typing on computers and they're like hey learn how to be less crappy at your job you can come do this for a
3:04:26
couple of hours on evenings yeah learn how to play solitaire yeah yeah i think there actually is
3:04:31
solitaire in one part when they said like oh games development you know it has to show like the most boring game you could come up with yeah yeah like
3:04:38
moving cards around that's great folks i mean i hate to say it but you know at
3:04:44
the time that was kind of true yeah i mean you know you worked with what you had and
3:04:49
honestly i shouldn't tease too much because i actually did play solitaire for a number of years on my phone and
3:04:54
elsewhere oh yeah absolutely everyone did let's be honest everybody
3:05:00
it's not just me no it was that or hearts you played one of those boring card games sure by yourself
3:05:08
while you were waiting at a bus stop or something yeah or mahjong that's not a good one
3:05:14
yeah okay so yeah then there's a an ad for for bitter bitr the broadcast institute
3:05:21
for television and radio which is one of those technical ads you know for like a company like it sounds
3:05:26
like one of those ones that might cave in just like the very next year i don't know if you guys have ever heard those things but there's
3:05:32
a lot of things like that where it's like technical colleges are almost always bs yeah well i don't know i guess
3:05:38
i can't say that with confidence but quite a few of them cave in because they don't actually result in people getting
3:05:44
jobs so it just kind of feels like people wasted their time and they don't get like a degree or
3:05:49
anything so you don't get the respect of a regular academic degree yeah so it's just so
3:05:56
it always felt real risky to me there was a brief time in my life when i considered doing some kind of a technical degree but
3:06:02
when i went there to do a tour of the place i don't remember what it was called but it was some local place it was in like a strip mall and
3:06:09
it looked real weird and funky and i don't know as soon as i got there i'm like yeah this is probably not a good
3:06:15
idea i'm glad i didn't
3:06:21
and then we get a great ad for some tv show it kind of looks like silver spoons or one of those types of shows it's i
3:06:28
think it's called like king's castle or something like that but it's it's i listened to it multiple times i couldn't
3:06:33
figure out what the the thing was called and they don't actually show the title but whatever it is it's wednesdays at 7
3:06:40
30 p.m and it's a very special episode where this blond-haired curly yeah this curly blond-haired guy like the uncle
3:06:47
comes over to this family and it's just like drinking all of the vanilla extracts and you know and
3:06:53
they're making little jokes about it it's exactly the episode you don't want to watch because it's a bummer oh yeah
3:07:00
but but luckily they they that show looks awful yeah it is great though because they they
3:07:06
interrupt it with a fast forwarding sequence it is nice just because it skips over things that are just a little
3:07:12
too dull so the uh the uncle starts to say i don't have a drinking problem and then
3:07:17
it just like cuts out and just fast forward stuff
3:07:22
thank god for that the dogs are barking jacob's dogs are loose yeah i'm gonna
3:07:27
try to i'm gonna try to edit all that out but we'll see if any of it gets through blame jacob this is this is his fault
3:07:33
yeah he lives around animals yeah i guess yeah i guess that is true yeah it's my fault
3:07:39
well sort of i don't know you can't really control the impulses of animals luckily the one that i live nearby is
3:07:45
relatively quiet i mean she whines but it's in such a way that it can't really be picked up on my mic so you know i'm
3:07:51
just gonna pretend like this is some outrage or something you know sure gonna get jacob's goat a little bit
3:07:56
no yeah as you do so okay and then the last ad for this break uh there's a psa for uh
3:08:03
parents against partying uh pap i guess this is probably my favorite ad this is
3:08:08
the one where they're playing spin the bottle but it's all like drugs yeah playing with drugs is playing with death
3:08:16
they spin the bottle and it goes around and around to like pills and and like needles and stuff and then it just ends
3:08:22
on a gun you know be like oh no i almost wish it had gone to like a skull and crossbones or something well
3:08:27
no no doesn't it uh it goes to a little uh grave marker oh does oh yeah i
3:08:34
forgot i thought it was a gun yeah no yeah it's like a oh my bad yeah i'm here to keep you on us all right
3:08:41
well thank you for clearing that up jacob you know that would have discredited the whole podcast uh you know what a little bit to a degree yeah
3:08:48
no i know that sounds like sarcastic but no i that really did help thank you
3:08:57
you know sometimes it's hard to thread that needle of being jovial and like a little kidding but not too kidding you
3:09:03
know sure you're just like wait a minute are you making fun of me right now like no i'm not uh whatever
3:09:08
i like i generally assume that when people are like joking with me uh
3:09:13
but it's like in bad faith and they actually mean it yeah you son of a [ __ ]
3:09:19
no it's nothing like that um i used to have that as a question i would i would ask people who are real
3:09:25
self-conscious especially in school every time you walked past a group and you heard them
3:09:32
laugh what percentage of that do you think it was about you like you know you're neurotic if you
3:09:38
think it's like 100 you know like you think everyone's always laughing about you
3:09:44
like they've noticed something about me and they find it funny oh no i i i would never assume that
3:09:50
people are uh laughing or were like laughing at me at school because uh yeah that was no
3:09:57
laughing matter it's all serious business okay so back to frank during the break
3:10:04
the burgers were able to pick up some evp some electronic voice phenomena by
3:10:09
asking questions to an empty room and you know the burgers frank and father mathison listen and they actually get a
3:10:15
nice recording of someone saying leave really loud and i love that like people don't want to believe it frank's just like i'm not
3:10:22
sure no it clearly says leave here let me play it for you
3:10:31
i mean is that a breeze no it's it's someone's saying yeah i mean it's clearer than it would ever
3:10:37
be in real life unless it was like yeah yeah and if you've watched any of those
3:10:42
any of those shows they're all like you know they'll hear like someone drop something and they'll be like oh it's a
3:10:48
child telling us to get out oh really i thought that was you
3:10:53
coughing like no it was a phenomenon see you know what i oh god and you know
3:11:00
the cat the cat is still yeah i i would uh i would really respect uh like a host
3:11:05
or a crew member on one of those ghost hunter shows that they were willing to like actually get hit by something you know
3:11:12
well like struggling like like like a flying object from like you know allegedly like a pulse or something you
3:11:20
know that would be pretty funny yeah and he's just like knocked out cold and they have to like drag his body away i
3:11:26
mean maybe not like that far but i mean like you know just you know
3:11:31
take a heavy book to the dome or something you know yeah well the last time i looked up poltergeist activity which was a long
3:11:38
time ago i knew i recall that even though it would like throw around things with great violence it would almost
3:11:44
never break anything and it would just do it in unnatural angles that's like he tried to prove it was a real poltergeist not just a a girl
3:11:51
who's really unhappy with her family like discreetly throwing objects when people aren't looking in the room you know which was like 90 percent of the
3:11:58
real stuff yeah they would wait till people were looking the other way and then they would throw a watch or whatever
3:12:08
i'm sorry i don't mean to poo poo all of this supernatural stuff but yeah i i find it very interesting even just
3:12:14
from a what do you call it a disprove disapproving angle or you know like a critical analysis oh yeah it's pretty
3:12:20
fun i i i love this occult novel yeah yeah i mean same here i you know that like aliens uh and you know
3:12:27
so some of the fun conspiracy theories are fun or you know i mean like less serious
3:12:33
conspiracy theories i guess yeah like rapist yeah yeah peter
3:12:39
that's exactly i like come on really like you like i was kind of like
3:12:47
joking about it but we're actually going to have to do a bigfoot movie now oh god all right well we'll see
3:12:53
oh i can't even think of one that was good i i think they were all just uniformly tough yeah peter i can't think
3:12:59
of anyone that's just good either so uh you know good job
3:13:04
uh we could do demon warp that's you know oh yeah it's like cheating because it's not entirely about suspect yeah
3:13:11
maybe we'll discuss it later all right anyway anyway anyway back to
3:13:17
it i love the lady who plays claire and see if i can find her name it's an older lady
3:13:22
i don't know if she has a picture here which makes it harder to find her on like the imdb thing uh oh uh helen merry
3:13:29
ball she plays it so serious she seems like a real medium and it's
3:13:35
just so much fun because people are just making fun of her and stuff you know we're like giving her a hard time and she's so grave about everything
3:13:42
she asks father matheson to do an exorcism and he just kind of ignores her which is pretty great he keeps just
3:13:48
sidestepping the issue any time anyone brings it up so you're gonna you're gonna exercise the spirits he's like now
3:13:55
it's you know the the church has to agree we probably should have discussed this before we started filming i mean it's
3:14:01
embarrassing now i thought i was just gonna stand here
3:14:06
and you know and just discuss the ghosts is funny that every time there is mention of an exorcism in the movie they
3:14:13
always have to do the well officially the catholic church doesn't recognize you know like exorcisms or whatever but
3:14:21
then there's always like the secret sect of like okay but but seriously secretly
3:14:27
they do yeah yeah like but for real you're gonna do
3:14:33
it right i mean you have someone on speed dial you can get you know like some kind of archbishop or something all right
3:14:39
or you know no you got to go right got to go right to the pope's secret swat team paranormal monster killing oh my god
3:14:48
how do you blow that that is such a good idea yeah whatever
3:14:54
i've never seen that portrayed in a movie uh well no but yeah
3:14:59
the group heads down to the basement because they're gonna go do like a seance he wants to film there to do it but they hear a crash come from the room
3:15:06
they were just in and they head back and all of the burgers evp crap their all their gadgets have been smashed to bits
3:15:13
and they're just you know they're a little bit upset to say the least
3:15:19
yeah i like to be annoying that's pretty good because in the background louis is just like this costs 1 000
3:15:26
which in 1987 that would be a lot i mean i guess even now but you know in 80 that's a lot
3:15:34
a lot more so then during the confusion frank just sends it to another commercial so we get
3:15:40
treated to another batch so we get an ad for avalon beach rentals
3:15:45
via garland travel says it's cheaper in october and there's a haunted house out on the pier i was just thinking like
3:15:52
they must have had just like stock footage of beach houses and they're like well listen wait a minute this is like halloween no one's no one's renting
3:15:59
beach houses this time of year so you have to like say something about it in the ad like oh the rates are way down you know
3:16:06
you could just come be in this this cold ass beach house while it's abandoned
3:16:12
yeah i mean i should i do tease but it is like that's literally what i'm doing in
3:16:17
november i'm gonna go to a beach house because i i like a creepy stormy wavy
3:16:22
existence i'm just gonna get drunk and read books and stuff
3:16:27
and watch the waves because it's like right on the on the this we call it the uh break water
3:16:33
like right above like a concrete thing so if there's going to be like a tsunami that hits the pacific ocean and washes
3:16:41
into the puget sound and wipes this all out that'll be the time when it happens you know like the one time i'm really
3:16:47
close to the beach and i'll just get washed out to see i mean they're like you know beach
3:16:53
houses are fun i do that uh every now and then uh when
3:16:59
i'm sold in oregon just you know go uh you know chill out the beach house for
3:17:04
few days you know cool it's relaxing all right so then next we get an ad for
3:17:10
stay short tampons this is my second video okay okay i'm you know two girls playing tennis
3:17:17
it's really fun i mean yeah i was just thinking thank god i was so scared there wouldn't be an
3:17:22
awkward tampon ad in this i mean there's gotta be one right you need at least one of those
3:17:28
to make people like sort of look away and be uncomfortable okay i will say it's a bit of a shame they don't do the
3:17:34
blue liquid thing oh yeah that's true although i guess that's more of an i don't know i think
3:17:40
that's more of a 90s thing but yeah they probably did that in the 80s yeah then we get an ad for the american
3:17:47
electric company which i have no notes for so i guess it was boring uh yeah
3:17:52
yeah we make power or something then there's an ad for wnuf friday nights uh
3:17:59
the quarry so this is like the midnight heavy metal rock
3:18:05
we call program they you know they give people a hard time for
3:18:10
living an irresponsible lifestyle but this is the only time when they allow them to listen to their music you know
3:18:16
in the comfort of their own homes at freaking midnight yeah turn it up everybody
3:18:23
yeah to be honest wake the neighbors with rock that does seem like the worst time to be
3:18:29
uh listening to rock music yeah having said that that's exactly what yeah yeah they're ghettoized heavy
3:18:36
metal fans and then they gave them crap for doing it it was like oh they're up at all hours of the night playing their
3:18:42
music i was like well gee that's the one time you let them do it some of the bish
3:18:48
if they're not watching they can listen to you
3:18:54
um thank you for that peter yeah you need more excuses for me to just
3:19:00
pretend to play an electric guitar all right so back to the special producer veronica stanzi has to like
3:19:06
assure us from her van that the destruction of the burgers equipment was not a scripted event like yeah we didn't
3:19:12
intentionally just destroy their livelihood that was an accident but we're going to keep playing the footage anyway so let
3:19:19
you let's just keep it rolling folks which is pretty great i mean i feel like that that would have probably ended it
3:19:25
if it was a more responsible broadcast but you know
3:19:31
i'm guessing both frank stewart and veronica stanzi have no interest in doing things the proper way they just
3:19:37
want good television yeah they're just like yeah just keep it rolling man because you know it just keeps getting
3:19:42
worse and worse from here and uh and they they knuckle down through just about everything really
3:19:48
so yeah so frank the burgers and father matheson have gathered at a table for the scheduled seance and viewers are
3:19:55
encouraged to call in which was a terrible mistake
3:20:00
just like why would you nobody who calls in says anything useful or good yeah
3:20:06
they're all bad calls and it's great because you know that's what live events are like where you have no control over people i guess
3:20:13
they must have the producer like trying to scream them but you know they're just going to be like well behaved for the
3:20:18
for that part of the call and then they'll just go nuts when they're on air yeah because
3:20:23
i don't think that's yeah ever a good idea i used to um listen to this guy i can't remember it's
3:20:30
like he was like he had sort of like an internet radio show thing i guess it was like
3:20:36
and he would do that and it was just kind of a known thing on the on 4chan
3:20:44
they just leave those priorities on here and so you know every single time it would just
3:20:50
be like people saying the most heinous stuff and he would just get like
3:20:56
he would just get still like you could like you know he heard him one time like throw a mug
3:21:02
and like break it he was like furious he like kept
3:21:07
doing it it was like i mean
3:21:13
you know you wonder how much he was like playing along but he did seem just like genuinely furious that they were making
3:21:20
a mockery of the show well i i have to imagine just in my mind you know that the story is that everyone
3:21:26
around him is like encouraging him to keep doing it even though he hates it it's like they're not taking me
3:21:31
seriously no you got to do it it's the biggest thing everyone loves this part of yourself i mean i do wonder about the
3:21:36
because he does have a guy who screams the calls and he talks to him so like i feel like
3:21:43
he if he wasn't on it yeah maybe everyone is messing with yeah
3:21:51
so first we get ian from fairview who just says iron maiden rules white lion sucks
3:22:01
which you know true yeah i mean well i don't know was iron maiden ever actually cool i
3:22:07
think they were cool because people wanted to ban them and stuff because it was like vaguely occulty or something but i don't know it
3:22:14
always seemed real nerdy to me even back in the day i mean i like iron maiden but yes
3:22:21
it's kind of you know like they sing about the rhyme of the ancient mariner you know what i mean like that's not like super cool stuff well i think that
3:22:29
that stuff became controversial and cool yeah sorry
3:22:34
i guess sort of a like chicken before for the egg kind of a thing like they were singing about dorky
3:22:40
stuff but because it got made into a controversy it became cool yeah so yeah maybe that's it and you
3:22:47
know good on them i'm glad every time a a dorky kind of obscure thing becomes
3:22:54
real big sure well they were never obscured no no no no no you know like when something gets more prominence
3:23:00
you know yeah by like trying to ban a book or a movie or something you know that kind of thing i don't remember
3:23:05
white lion i don't recall if they suck or not were they one of those lamb bands like with the glitzy hair and stuff uh
3:23:12
yeah i have to imagine i didn't listen to him bunch but i'm not wasn't a big fan
3:23:18
i'm gonna i'm just gonna look up a picture of white lion i don't know there's actual white lions no i want the
3:23:23
band damn it sick freedom roy no oh you know what the internet's feeling
3:23:29
hey what's going on
3:23:35
oh yeah yeah this is totally some big hair yes yeah there we go also just like they look like they suck yeah yeah i'm
3:23:41
sorry white lion guys you can't uh you can't google something as generic as white lion you have to specify it but it's like
3:23:48
the band or like white lion fursona if that's what you're looking for you know whatever
3:23:54
white lion not porn like in like all caps yeah come on
3:24:00
guys come on choking up the internet with this nonsense with your deviant art
3:24:07
i don't think the thing anymore i hope not uh
3:24:12
if we're being honest oh you know what it is yeah okay you know whatever people like
3:24:19
uh oh yeah so people like your things i mean yeah you know i used to watch
3:24:24
thundercats i understand all right okay but for real though thundercats
3:24:30
sucked it was bad show the intro was great yeah that's the thing yeah yeah it was such a big switch
3:24:36
people liked the intro and they maybe liked the general idea i don't think anyone actually liked
3:24:44
uh thundercats i would be surprised if very many people actually sat and watched the shows
3:24:49
because yeah they were they were just dreadful okay so yeah so next we get fran from chestertown who asks whether or not they
3:24:55
could contact her dead grandmother and call her a [ __ ] that's probably my favorite
3:25:01
yeah i like the way she says it she puts a real emphasis on the old b word there you
3:25:06
know call her a [ __ ] everyone's just like
3:25:13
i you know come on this is serious we have a real paranormal couple here
3:25:18
we want some real calls they're so mad some people would say that uh
3:25:24
cursing is an art sure and also you know my apologies everyone
3:25:31
i try not to swear well i keep everything to pg-13 but yeah but i feel like i feel like
3:25:36
the b words are right you know generally speaking i'm not being derogatory toward women only towards the dead grandmother of
3:25:43
fran who was clearly an unfit grandmother uh yeah i mean i don't i
3:25:49
don't like to run that one around but uh you know no yes it feels a little out yeah a little outmoded a little
3:25:56
dare i say it's sexist i because it's yeah because i remember back in the day it used to be used for
3:26:01
everything it was like a blanket term for like things you didn't like from certain people yeah certain female people so yeah
3:26:09
yeah just you know it's a little uncreative i think yeah i had three older sisters and i feel like when i had
3:26:14
to start you know resorting to the bee is like when i was running out of stuff like i was just frustrated
3:26:20
like whatever it's like giving up you know i okay yeah for the record i would have uh
3:26:26
never called one of my older sisters to be worried because uh that uh that would
3:26:33
not have slide oh well no i i did get in trouble yeah i mean yeah that was part of it it was a whole thing
3:26:39
but you know what we were on our own a lot you know single mom that whole deal
3:26:44
like five kids so we were like orphans we we related to like annie and stuff i'm not gonna go into like my sad
3:26:50
backstory but yeah yeah i i will say for anyone listening uh beer was essentially a uh feral child
3:26:58
so we have to be lenient you know you have
3:27:05
to humor my uncouth ways yeah my primitive demeanor [Laughter]
3:27:12
okay so anyway back to the movie father matheson asks claire about the presence in the house you know like well what's
3:27:17
with it is is it a spirit or spirits and how are they feeling and she just says that you know whoever it is an entity or
3:27:24
entities they have a deep sense of betrayal and a call for justice you know which i
3:27:30
i believe this is accurate that's the interesting thing about it is that everything that she predicts
3:27:36
ends up being more or less true but just not for the reasons they thought yeah i mean not to spoil what happens later
3:27:43
but you know there is something in the house and it does have a strong sense of betrayal so yeah i don't know is she
3:27:49
reading that or is it just a guess that just happened to be correct i'm not sure yeah hard to say
3:27:55
and you know the burgers are increasingly upset by the loss of their cat and the equipment well the cat's just lost you know like they haven't
3:28:01
found it yet but this is great when they're like lewis especially it just keeps having these terse little conversations with frank like while he's
3:28:07
trying to do the broadcast but what are we going to do about the broken equipment he's like listen listen my producer will work this out with you
3:28:14
we'll talk about it later i'm trying to work here i feel like
3:28:19
that's maybe one of the most like unrealistic parts those fake ghost hunter people are always
3:28:25
insanely wealthy it like it kind of it sucks it's it
3:28:31
seems like they have a um yeah like like it's a very pricey hobby they're in
3:28:36
you know where they're just willing to throw away cash on on whatever this stuff is i can't
3:28:41
imagine an evp unit would have been all that expensive i feel like lewis was cheated you know well i mean what would that be it would
3:28:48
just be like a recorder you know and maybe like some audio processing unit or something like it wouldn't be that
3:28:53
expensive oh actually lewis you got taken for a ride man i could buy an evp
3:29:00
well i mean anything is evp all you have to do is record anything in a room i
3:29:05
could just leave these mics on that i'm talking into right now for hours and just wait for like a blurp
3:29:12
or a weird noise and then you know just say that it's a dead child and suddenly i got a career in the paranormal
3:29:17
industry uh yeah but i'm one that kind of looks like a phaser from star trek that's kind of neat
3:29:23
oh i see yeah i wouldn't mind having one of those weird things that like egon had in ghostbusters you know like with the two
3:29:29
little things that go up i don't know what it was trying to detect but it looked pretty cool yeah i think it it
3:29:35
it was like a go a ghost unit you know like uh i forget what it damn it you know
3:29:41
our mutual friend dave he knows all of this crap i'm sure he's furious yeah let's see right now as soon as he hears this
3:29:48
how could you not know this whatever dave i know that this stupid thing was a prop from some other movie
3:29:54
that they just bought you know like so it wasn't even the original thing it was made for you know like it's it's all
3:30:00
nonsense it's detecting things that aren't there oh okay all right well i mean since we're making a thing okay uh
3:30:07
p e meter also known as uh an r scope which i like that name
3:30:13
or yeah cool and it detects psychokinetic energy there you go nice
3:30:20
how would you detect it yeah okay that's cool that they're trying yeah
3:30:26
i mean as fun as would be to really go into the science of ghostbusters the fake science
3:30:35
okay and so i think this is the last call they get they just get an anonymous call which is really funny like the producer just
3:30:41
green lights it they're like they refuse to say who they are but here's the here's their their their
3:30:46
thing anyway and it's just that lady you can tell it's angela harris from harvest and she's just like this has blasphemy
3:30:53
you're all gonna burn at the fiery pits of hell and i do like that claire especially of the burgers just seemed really hurt by
3:31:00
the call it's like she's never had that before i i have to imagine as a paranormal researcher you're going to
3:31:05
get that every now and then and that you would probably probably learn to deal with it with a certain amount of a plum
3:31:11
but uh yeah she just seems like i don't know i mean she's a sensitive soul so maybe she's always like that you know like
3:31:17
maybe maybe it hurts her vibes if someone says her whole career is not
3:31:25
oh yeah and then frank asks if the spirits have any stock tips that they can give you know like for the future
3:31:30
and uh you know claire gets really mad because that's an incredibly insulting question
3:31:35
she's like no this is serious frank you know like you brought me on here to do this and you know she's gonna go further
3:31:40
but then you hear shadow the cat yowell from off screen like something terrible is happening to the cat so they have to
3:31:46
get up and run after it and so you know frank just tosses it off to some more commercials yeah we get um oh this is the ad for phil's
3:31:54
carpet warehouse for the third time so you know they just fast forward through it like thank god i mean i actually like
3:32:00
this ad so i probably would have just sat through it anyway but you you have to pull your punches a little
3:32:06
bit you know like listen you don't have to sit through the whole thing again so yeah i think it was a good choice though i
3:32:12
think that of all the ads i mean it's short it's to the point it's kind of i don't know it has a certain catchiness
3:32:18
i feel like it was a good a good choice for a multiple ad use it's also the kind of ad you would get a
3:32:24
ton of oh yeah in these stupid local broadcasts and then we get an ad for uh board and
3:32:30
wax presents feel the steel a heavy metal compilation tape
3:32:37
you know it has all these like fake songs on there which is pretty great i wrote a few down
3:32:42
so yeah we got pumping the brakes on you got some confederate dollars
3:32:48
i i don't even know what that would mean but that's interesting and then there's a love is bloody axe
3:32:55
and then you've got like megan in parentheses so it's like i guess it must be a love song to megan but it's just i
3:33:01
love it because it's just nonsense you're like out of context it makes no sense at all and you're like love is
3:33:06
bloody acts like what i don't know i feel like but it's from megan it's a love story i feel like i would probably
3:33:13
like that song if it were real yeah the song i would like the most is
3:33:19
this is the fourth one i wrote down because they do sing a little piece of
3:33:24
it in the song and the commercial heaven is afraid
3:33:33
sounds like a cool song that's the one you you know you freak out your christian neighbors with you know you play it real loud and you just
3:33:39
like stare daggers at them you call them square
3:33:45
as all rockers do yeah what are you square
3:33:51
we should bring that back and there's a band called a rotor which i i have to imagine is based off of the
3:33:57
rotor move yeah it's got the same periods after each letter you know r-o-t-o-r
3:34:02
um i'm not sure if i could recommend that movie it was once covered on red letter media it's got a horrible dancing robot in it
3:34:09
which is probably the best part of the movie uh yeah well no though that's a it's a fun little round yeah
3:34:15
but i mean peter the best part about the uh the movie is it's completely out of nowhere downer of an ending
3:34:23
yes i yeah where i well i don't know i guess we can like spoil it since nobody cares
3:34:29
or the main character just nobody just gets like so like you know they defeat rotor and everything and it's like hey
3:34:36
the heroes one and then just like he gets like randomly gunned down in the uh the parking lot and it's like all right
3:34:42
movie over yeah i used to love that in certain video games for instance in the very old
3:34:49
goldeneye game from the n64 you know the james bond game that they can't recreate because the licenses are too complicated
3:34:55
there's this great part in one of the uh in one of the episodes or what do you call it one of the chapters you play where one of the
3:35:01
characters is like oh i'm so glad you told me this information james i'm gonna go tell the russian
3:35:07
government and we're gonna clear all of this up and after that like after those interactions are over
3:35:13
it gives you like a happy ending no matter what happens so i i would always shoot him in the back right after he turns to leave
3:35:20
because nothing stops me from doing it but i just think in reality james bond
3:35:25
would be like why did i do that i just ruined everything
3:35:35
just like i'm gonna go clear your name james you know because that was he was arrested by the russian government so he's just
3:35:41
like oh oh no you won't [Laughter]
3:35:48
there was also a really great part where when you're leaving the uh forget where they are it's like the russian embassy
3:35:54
or whatever and you could shoot people a certain way in the game in the neck where they would like grab at their neck and then die and
3:35:59
it would take a long time like a half like 30 seconds of like clawing at their neck before they just roll over and slowly
3:36:06
die and if you shot your your uh your companion natalia in the neck right
3:36:12
before you went out the window she would just stand there with you like normally but for some reason it wouldn't
3:36:18
end it because she didn't die immediately and it would allow her to do that animation in the background so
3:36:24
if you shot her in the neck right as you go out the window it shows like james bond doing a pose in the background is like natalia like
3:36:30
grabbing at her neck and like rolling over like
3:36:36
[Music]
3:36:47
oh yeah because what i was saying has everything to do with our horrible no i'm saying like
3:36:52
i mean it has nothing to do with our diversion but anyway sure
3:36:58
i was reading some diversion number two okay i'll make it quick i was writing some uh
3:37:04
comic i can't remember the name of it but it was kind of a fun idea because it was like james
3:37:09
bond and it like played it straight for like for you know almost the entire first
3:37:15
issue and then james bond just over like the james bondish character just gets like crushed to
3:37:22
death by a trap nice and it's like oh okay the story is actually about uh getting a bunch of
3:37:29
like kids that he's had over the years to come together as like a super spy
3:37:34
team so it's like all of his like you know manly conquests over the years
3:37:40
you know he has like yeah the bonjour yeah so it's just like yeah he has like six kids
3:37:46
these are the bond bastards yeah oh i thought it was a funny idea that is funny
3:37:53
so yeah uh bleak end and rotor uh just just retracing our steps oblique ending
3:37:59
in rotor which is briefly mentioned in the band you know in this a in this ad like a fake band
3:38:06
it had a man getting shot in the back when he was going to reveal information which then made me think of golden eye and james bond shooting someone in the
3:38:12
back for no reason when he was about to reveal information and then that came with like james bond just dying
3:38:19
uh and his illegitimate children saving yeah you know so yeah
3:38:25
you know yeah this is a this is some perfectly reasonable stream of consciousness
3:38:31
okay so yeah then we get an ad for the cloverland shooting range you know where it's just all these
3:38:36
people like practicing and it's you know it's got to like hit the bricks rambo there's a new big guy in town it's you
3:38:44
you know which is like i mean as a non-gun user it it feels a little creepy to me
3:38:50
just like all right whatever i've been to a gun range a couple of times and each time i felt a little uncomfortable
3:38:56
everyone's just standing in stalls shooting forward but you could easily just like you know
3:39:01
turn and blow someone's brains out i mean that's a totally ridiculous thought to have but i never shook it you know i
3:39:07
was just like wow this guy could just kill me right now and it would take a really long time for anyone to find out well peter
3:39:13
why do i have some news for you i've seen some live leak videos and that is
3:39:18
not an impossible thing to have happen oh my god really oh god i thought i was
3:39:24
being unreasonable well i mean yeah like statistically that is unreasonable but it has happened
3:39:30
probably okay come feel the warm embrace of the second amendment
3:39:36
i will i will add for shooting range and then we get an ad for uh it's like a
3:39:42
psa for the committee to end drugs it must not have left an impression with me because i wrote absolutely absolutely
3:39:48
nothing yeah and then we cut back from commercial to
3:39:53
absolute chaos someone has killed shadow what the burgers are inconsolable let's
3:39:59
just say it's just it's just absolutely they have gotten a hand on the cat
3:40:05
was bigfoot involved um we all know that sasquatches hate cats
3:40:11
no i was implying something far worse um oh god no i see okay i'm sorry
3:40:21
dear lord because when you see the cat i mean that would have been a very a very bad end for that kid oh yeah
3:40:27
i was going to make a pound the [ __ ] yeah all right okay so
3:40:34
but i was gonna do it in a james bond voice you know that that would have happened oh yeah he's always making jokes like that
3:40:40
someone was pounding this [ __ ] but no yeah so frank is just trying to hold
3:40:46
things together as like the burgers are just flipping out but you know even he seems a bit shaken which i i actually appreciate the fact
3:40:53
that even though he is a little heartless and ambitious and you know and uh insincere he is still upset by the
3:41:00
fact that someone just smashed a cat flat on the floor to the point where like when the camera cameraman is trying
3:41:06
to look at it he's like no no don't look and you know the guy does anyway which is pretty great and yeah they
3:41:12
flattened the cat whoever did this it's just i don't know what they did to it they must have hit it with it's like a wily
3:41:19
coyote like hit with a boulder kind of flat you know they're just like smashed all over the place
3:41:25
i mean i'm not sure whether or not i wanted to see the sad remains of the cat but yeah yeah we get to yeah i mean
3:41:31
i could have gone without to be honest well that's the weird thing i mean very little happens in the movie i mean if
3:41:37
we're really being honest here so you almost need it just to be like yeah something real happened
3:41:42
and there it is but but as soon as you see it you regret it it's an interesting tight rope they have
3:41:48
to walk we're just like well we could imply cat murder or we could show cat murder so sure i guess we'll show it a
3:41:54
little bit at least we didn't have to watch it happen thank god so then we get the producer of veronica
3:42:01
stanzi apologizing for the graphic image imagery but insists that the halloween special will continue after a short
3:42:07
break like uh that was pretty bad anyway uh
3:42:13
we're gonna be moving on here in a minute veronica she already filmed that bit
3:42:18
with dr ellen the dentist you know his cash for candy program so they just play that again and so once again you get
3:42:25
that you know that that stupid part with him being like halloween halloween is is
3:42:31
a dentist's worst nightmare and this is part of what it's just locked it into my brain forever
3:42:36
i'm never gonna be able to unhear that it's precisely the kind of corny
3:42:42
nonsense you see in like every single news ad since like the beginning of news broadcasts
3:42:49
like i i don't think it was even the dentist idea i bet you anything it was it was it was veronica stanzi being like
3:42:54
all right listen i'm gonna like ask you what a dentist's worst nightmare is and you're gonna say halloween you know but
3:43:00
be real emphatic about it well i'm not sure if i feel that way
3:43:05
it's like no no you have to say it like this then we get an ad for joey's pets on
3:43:12
shadow brook road and you know shatter brook road as at least i know is the road that van
3:43:18
helsing's house is on in uh the monster squad movie that was in 1980 whatever so
3:43:23
that's a fun little reference where is it sorry
3:43:28
no dead scientist no i'm sorry like i can hear some like noise from
3:43:34
upstairs sorry oh good is this is this the part where we hear you die you know live oh no not
3:43:41
like that probably not i was getting some phantom wrestling before we started recording it was
3:43:47
creeping me out because nothing was moving in my room but on my headset i could hear something making a little wrestling noise and i never did figure
3:43:54
out what it is so you know there might be like a tarantula in my room or something i don't know yeah or a bagool
3:44:00
a yeah i looked at too many photographs and you know he insinuated himself into
3:44:05
my consciousness or whatever that nonsense plot was we're gonna just never we're never gonna
3:44:11
stop making fun of that ghoul but yeah recently what a dreadful plotline
3:44:20
then we get an ad for good standings bar and grill they have a famous chili chili cheeseburger and then they proceed to
3:44:26
not show a chili cheeseburger which is just really funny yeah they also kind of like our famous burgers
3:44:32
i think it looked like hash browns or something yeah
3:44:37
they have local bands called paper trail and clothes for repairs which are like you know wonderful local nothing bad
3:44:44
names you know yeah those guys are going nowhere clothes for repairs
3:44:49
yeah like why would you call yourself close for repairs because like if you put that up on a marquee it would make
3:44:55
it seem like no one should come see you you know oh yeah barenaked ladies made sense because it
3:45:00
actually encouraged people to they wanted to see some bare naked ladies but yeah clothes for repairs it's just
3:45:05
like this building is condemned the band you know whatever
3:45:12
oh yeah and then we get an ad for from kiss premium wine cooler you're like in a corny dracula voice
3:45:18
love it a big weird looking jar of red stuff just like rises out of the dirt with a
3:45:24
hand holding it up like oh look at this you should get screwed up on this oh i
3:45:29
like that bottle design it's neat it is a cool bottle yeah
3:45:34
and then there's just a shot of a guy sitting by himself in a dark room just like pounding it down like just straight from the bottom
3:45:41
yeah this is how this should be consumed it's like look okay obviously that's what people are going
3:45:48
to be doing with that kind of drink but like yeah
3:45:54
no it's implied oh yeah and then we get an ad for the
3:45:59
the demons of demolition derby this is the second time they've shown this i forget was it friday friday friday or
3:46:05
sunday sunday sunday in real life well i don't know sunday sunday is the
3:46:11
real one so maybe it was friday and yesterday i forget friday friday friday
3:46:18
watch cars drive around in a circle i think we've already discussed this so yeah we can move on
3:46:25
about the people who died uh you know when you weren't there i like okay obviously that would have
3:46:30
been deeply traumatic but like i don't know and i wish i had been there yeah a little bit i don't know it probably it
3:46:37
probably would have been the most exciting thing that happens so yeah yeah i mean you don't even need to go to another one after that
3:46:44
yeah i'm done with what are like more people gonna die probably
3:46:50
well hopefully not uh then we get an ad for all the shops at chestertown mall
3:46:56
got the tokens arcade and pizzeria where the fake actor zachary bannon from the hit show galaxy pilot is gonna you
3:47:03
know sign autographs and stuff i probably would have been pretty into galaxy pilot if it were a
3:47:09
real show i wonder if i would have been into it
3:47:15
maybe but even if i was i probably i probably would not have been into it enough to go meet the guy and want him
3:47:22
to sign something actually i don't know it might be fun though just get a picture of him you could show kids at school or whatever i don't know what it
3:47:28
is but i get kind of like hurt hercules like the legendary journeys vibes from
3:47:34
the picture yeah it does have that vibe for any of you who used to watch kevin sorbo just
3:47:40
ripping it up on daytime television it was a fun show yeah it had some good episodes i'm not
3:47:47
going to say the whole show no yeah there was a few that weren't bad and now he does christian inspirational
3:47:53
films yeah i mean that's kind of fun too like god is not dead
3:47:58
feels like extra washed up because it's like sometimes isn't it i think i feel like it i mean oh god
3:48:05
well like what i'm saying is it's like you know sometimes when an actor just kind of like disappears from public life
3:48:10
after they've had like uh because i feel like when something like an actor just kind of like bows out of
3:48:16
acting after they've had like a long successful show it's like yeah they probably made enough money
3:48:23
well they're they're good i would respect that but like yeah
3:48:28
if they still do stuff after that and it's like significantly lower
3:48:34
quality it's definitely that they blew their money and now we're just scraping by
3:48:41
yeah that makes me sad you know i mean i liked him before i like him a lot less now
3:48:47
because yeah he he is kind of a disagreeable guy all right then moving on um we then get
3:48:54
an ad for video world video rentals which are very much
3:48:59
they've gone the way of the video i mean i really don't miss vhs tapes at the time i did i remember when we were
3:49:05
transitioning from dvds uh you know we're from vhs2 dvds
3:49:11
there was this weird fixation i remember like remember when they used to have a debate about whether or not
3:49:17
full screen was better than what do you call a wide bar or whatever the hell we we actually use now
3:49:24
it's a ridiculous argument it's just but at the time i guess maybe because we were used to it filling up the whole tv
3:49:29
screen we assumed that we were missing stuff if it wasn't all there i remember seeing ghostbusters 2 in theaters and
3:49:35
being like why is it like a wide strip of a bar like where's the rest of the film
3:49:41
i mean sometimes like we did resist yeah we were part of the problem yeah
3:49:46
i mean that was also kind of funny because i i feel like what caught people is that vhs is such a thing for such a long time
3:49:54
i think people just kind of assumed that the format wouldn't change at any point
3:50:00
you know i guess yeah maybe people just got too set in their way yeah well no because i definitely remember people
3:50:05
being like you know like oh my like bhs collection is like worthless now or
3:50:10
whatever you know like i definitely remember people being like or you know like what's next you know i mean like
3:50:15
you know this idea of like well shoot the seal's broken you know
3:50:21
yeah well vhs tapes were a real crappy oh yeah yeah you know so
3:50:26
in hindsight i mean honestly like some stuff is held up better like a laserdisc as stupid as they are like looking they
3:50:34
actually look real nice i mean like they're huge impractical shapes no one can play them anymore but
3:50:40
as a as a medium for storing a movie it's way better than vhs which like degrades over time and looks like yeah i
3:50:47
mean i think that you know there's probably a good reason why uh teachers every now and then pull out the
3:50:52
uh the laserdisc player you know also because it's really expensive well yeah they probably just wanted to like
3:50:58
justify the cost to themselves i have to make use of this for a certain
3:51:04
amount of years otherwise you know why would i have gotten it one time my uh science teacher brought in uh of all
3:51:11
things gattaca on laserdisc which oh yeah it was great that's kind
3:51:17
of science yeah yeah uh although uh the teacher made it clear we were watching it for uh uma
3:51:25
it's like okay it was like a very funny thing but also like probably
3:51:30
would get in trouble for saying that now yeah maybe maybe maybe you should have
3:51:36
admitted that i mean you could just think that you don't have to acknowledge it
3:51:42
plus you know that's a good movie about eugenics and whatever you know like i could see that being kind of a discussion yeah i mean go watch gattaca
3:51:50
everybody it's a good movie yeah why are you watching this [ __ ] yeah why are you listening to us
3:51:57
go watch young hot ass ethan hawk pretend to be an uber mensch you know so he can fly into space
3:52:04
or whatever is that what that might be it's very inspirational oh oh that's right yeah the space
3:52:10
program wouldn't let like weakened people go to space because it's you know it's like a waste of resources if you know you're going to die of heart
3:52:15
disease in like 30 years like why bother you know so i i have to imagine that at the end
3:52:21
of it you know when he flies into space with the rest of them that he'll die of a heart attack and he'll like be like laughing hysterically as he dies
3:52:30
oh i fooled you guys a spoiler for that movie sort of well whatever it's pretty old
3:52:37
it's old it's old we're old segwaying from that uh we also get an ad
3:52:44
for the shining trapeze gentleman's club 12 pm to 2 a.m daily
3:52:49
eggs and legs special breakfast buffet and half price lap dances
3:52:54
oh god i can't imagine i've heard some people saying like hey you should just get a buffet at a strip club they're real cheap and whatever but like i don't
3:53:01
know i don't know i don't know if this is gonna like make me seem like a pansy but i've never been to a strip club and i
3:53:06
have absolutely no inclination i i just feel like i would i would die of the shame of it or and i don't know and the
3:53:13
indirect embarrassment you know like especially if you're going at a weird time of day like to go get some eggs at
3:53:18
their sad buffet and you just see people like walking around kind of pretending to dance because like you're the only person in
3:53:24
there i don't know i feel like i would just die inside a little bit you know i feel like
3:53:30
i i've never been either i would i think i would theoretically want to go but uh i think
3:53:38
i would mostly be there for the wings if we're being honest yeah i guess if i
3:53:43
had something else to do you know like i don't mind in movies they have those you know kind of sleazy bar scenes where like there's
3:53:49
women dancing but then there's something else going on if i could deal with the something else going on and then just
3:53:55
like glance off to the side every now and then and there's like you know a lady in a cage that would bother me less
3:54:01
i guess i don't know maybe that sounds weird but you know what i mean you know it's like a side thing i don't want it to be the main attraction
3:54:08
okay actually i want i want that scene in the movie though really they're like at like the like cd strip club and
3:54:13
there's just one dude who's like just demolishing a pile of wings yeah
3:54:20
he's like i just come in here for the wings man it's real cheap it's the best buffet in town don't tell
3:54:26
anybody okay so oh yeah then we get a really sad
3:54:32
ad for the lifeline suicide prevention hotline let a stranger be a friend
3:54:38
yeah and yeah i don't have a joke about that i don't comment on that
3:54:43
yeah if you're sad get help i'm not going to get into it though so yeah
3:54:49
so back from break frank father matheson and the camera guy or camera guys i think there might be two
3:54:55
they're down in the basement frank insists that father mathison commences with an exorcism you know and to myself
3:55:01
i was just saying like dude you dumb priest just do it i mean like would it hurt to just like pretend to do one it's not like it
3:55:07
matters really you know i guess if you were a real priest that like you know that's like that's not good for the whole image or whatever
3:55:14
but you know as we find out later this is not a real priest so you know they just just do whatever you want
3:55:20
it seems like the guy's taking it all very seriously so maybe he's very method or maybe
3:55:25
he's just actually like a catholic and you know he'd be too embarrassed to pretend uh or you know it'd be weird
3:55:31
though because he he was hired to do it so yeah you think he would be cool with it
3:55:36
i mean my thinking is that uh he doesn't want to get arrested by vancon for uh impersonating a priest
3:55:46
oh man what a weird ending that would have been you know you could have the secret vatican swat team show up and
3:55:51
arrest him they're real i told you they were real and then like they put like a black bag
3:55:57
over his head tell everyone tell the world
3:56:03
i'm just looking at pictures of we're gonna put you in the z library right next to the frozen corpse of
3:56:09
hitler i hate to stop i'm just like browsing pictures of chicken wings now it's like
3:56:16
this isn't helpful so yeah so father matherson begins the
3:56:21
rites but they are interrupted by a slam from upstairs someone has locked them in the basement
3:56:30
wait a minute did i have this in a weird order uh
3:56:36
yeah that does seem like an odd order effort i feel like i really skipped a hit goddammit i've ruined the whole thing
3:56:42
it's all ruined guys well they do get locked in the basement we'll get back to that
3:56:47
because i feel like wait a minute wait a minute wait so let's see oh yeah the burgers have just left okay that's where we are i'm i'm sorry everybody i've
3:56:54
skipped ahead so later on they do get locked in the basement and later on there is an ad
3:56:59
for what is essentially a titty bar with a buffet so
3:57:04
just look forward to that i like also like like eggs
3:57:10
just feels that feels kind of gross i don't know they'd probably be like lukewarm um
3:57:16
this makes more sense i just realized yeah because this is the part where frank is like trying to get father mathis in to to speak for a while he
3:57:23
keeps asking him questions and and father matheson you know the sham he keeps like looking like thoughtfully
3:57:29
like up into the ceiling or down into the floor with genuine dread
3:57:34
the reality of the place is just seeping into a soul like he just can't handle it
3:57:41
frank doesn't have a lot to do so he just plays a pre pre-recorded segment about satanic worship which
3:57:47
very much like taps into that satanic panic that was so prevalent in the 80s and 90s although
3:57:53
there's two instances that they talk about one is about a lady who kills like 19 animals in service of someone that
3:57:59
they only refer to as the dark lord that one might be real but then there's another one about a smashed puppy that's
3:58:05
left in a church and i think i'm theorizing anyway but i think that
3:58:11
that's actually a plant i don't think it was done by satanists i think it was done by
3:58:16
by some other people in order to to to rally people to their cause yeah i
3:58:22
could be wrong but i i think i mean you know turns out in real life that was mostly what was
3:58:27
happening yeah that's true there was actually people who were
3:58:33
convicted in court of uh of practicing uh satanism and whatever and you know only years later like only
3:58:40
recently have some of those things been overcome yeah it's actually really depressing and i advise everyone
3:58:46
to not look into it unless you you know you're looking to figure out how to prevent things like that from happening
3:58:52
in the future yeah i mean that yeah it's interesting to read into but it's very much a uh the bad guys win kind of
3:58:59
a scenario yeah yeah kind of a bummer so yeah so they play the satanism
3:59:05
sequence and then frank just straight up pleads with father matheson to do an exorcism he finally agrees and then
3:59:11
satisfied frank cuts to commercials and we we get an ad for the burger's book
3:59:17
after they've left which i don't know why i just think that's really funny like after they've abandoned the project the broadcast they they have uh
3:59:24
their book abomination the devil in akron which actually sounds like a cool case i
3:59:30
kind of wish i you know got to see that oh yeah and then we get a sultry ad for
3:59:35
uh york ridge popcorn oh i'm steamy i'm hot
3:59:40
i'm going to explode which is always i don't know it's a weird ad but it is something that has been done
3:59:47
in reality i believe it's based off of something i don't remember which ad it is but i i believe there was a popcorn ad that
3:59:54
was almost exactly like that from the 80s it's that good
4:00:00
okay so i think i had the pages reversed on my little crummy script here so yes and then you get the ad for video world
4:00:05
video rentals you get the ad for shining trapeze you get the suicide prevention hotline
4:00:11
and then they try to do the exorcism and then they're locked out in the basement so there we go now we're back up to
4:00:16
speed father matherson is checking out from reality he's just crumpling to the floor
4:00:21
in like the midpoint of the basement stairwell you know there's like you know there's that part where you round the corner and he just like he just slides
4:00:28
down onto his knees like he's just he's just having some kind of a breakdown pretty understandable i think
4:00:34
and uh yeah frank is trying i think i think so too yeah and uh and frank is trying to break out
4:00:40
he's calling to veronica you know the producer in the van to do something she says she's sending a second guy with
4:00:46
another camera or maybe it's a third guy it's just sending another person and in the meantime enjoy these important
4:00:52
messages so they get even more ads you get an ad
4:00:57
for the upcoming program a dr blood ranch presents monsters invade the wax museum
4:01:04
which is pretty fun it's a fun one although i i feel like dr blood ranch's evil
4:01:10
cackle is not very convincing to me i don't feel like this guy has done a lot of evil cackles in his life yeah
4:01:17
you really got to put your you got to put your chest into it but he kind of does like kind of like a
4:01:24
a real wimpy one so you know he should have done another take dr blood wrench i believe that guy might actually be the
4:01:30
director of whichever commercial that is you know that might just be the guy so you know
4:01:35
i'm sorry that guy can't go better next time i like a good cat yeah i mean that's like
4:01:41
one of the things you have to do that's part of my job i mean yeah i mean that's the part you should enjoy the most it's like the best
4:01:47
part you know so we we come back from break and there's a very worried veronica stanzi
4:01:53
she sent in the third camera guy or at least she mentions it as the third so i believe there was two like an a camera
4:01:58
and a b camera in there but i i can't prove it so i'm just gonna take them at their word yeah his name is connor so he's a doomed
4:02:05
intern and that that is 100 what he is he's just he's probably there to get college credit or something and they send him in
4:02:11
with a camera and he doesn't know what to do and he's breathing like right into the into the the the mic
4:02:17
so it's like real heavy while he's like nervously looking around corners like
4:02:23
which is pretty great it's always fun yeah he rounds a corner and he gets just bowled over by a dude in a flannel shirt
4:02:29
with like an axe and so uh yeah he's dead so they just cut away from him
4:02:35
down in the basement frank demands that he just do his exorcism to clear it all up and he finally admits that he's not a
4:02:42
priest he's just an actor and i love it because frank stewart's just like what you'll never work on this town again
4:02:50
it's weird that like even in this moment when frank sin feels like he might be in real danger he's still trying to get the
4:02:56
priest you know the priest actor to do an exorcism like come on man you can pretend right
4:03:02
i guess he's just trying to roll with the punches yeah yeah but uh yeah the basement door is locked but uh but then
4:03:08
suddenly it unlocks itself which i mean to them that should be a real bad sign because that means that someone walked over there and unlocked
4:03:15
yeah but nevertheless you know veronica wants to cut to another commercial break and
4:03:20
he's just like no we're gonna go where we've never gone before and he's gonna go out there but you know
4:03:26
but not with father mathis in there he's he's wet himself he's peeing down on the stairwell and there's this really great
4:03:32
angle of the pee dripping down from like the foreground while like father matheson is sitting in the background
4:03:40
it's a very artful pee shot so uh you know kudos mr lama la martina
4:03:46
frank goes out into the hall and he immediately gets knocked over by a masked man with an axe i think it's
4:03:52
the same guy and they just cut to we are experiencing technical difficulties i mean that's great
4:03:57
that they just ran out of commercials or they didn't have time they're just you know that's real panic when like you have to
4:04:03
go to the you know to the technical difficulties card on your screen
4:04:09
i mean did they run out of commercials how could this have happened it would have been a good time to make
4:04:14
money i mean everyone's watching oh yeah honestly go back to franka's wine cooler
4:04:19
from cause wine cooler get screwed up this halloween everybody
4:04:25
see i don't know yeah i feel like companies probably wouldn't want to be associated with like an eye or murder
4:04:32
but same time well yeah reputation-wise
4:04:38
it's a hard choice i think [Laughter] like at the end of uh the howling when
4:04:43
the you know the one werewolf lady gets shot down and then they just cut to a commercial and it's a dog food commercial with like a dog eating out of
4:04:50
a bowl very good i mean you know that dog food company was probably said
4:04:57
yeah and then it did yeah and then the broadcast just goes to static
4:05:02
and i was just thinking like remember static jacob you know when tvs actually had that it's been a while i don't think they'd
4:05:08
do that anymore you know it just goes to like a black screen now they don't show the the files bit of a sham
4:05:14
i have kind of a love-hate relationship with with static as a kid i kind of like the white noise i remember actually
4:05:19
falling asleep beneath a a tv that was just onto a static channel even though that seems really creepy
4:05:24
nowadays yeah i was gonna say because of things like yeah essentially
4:05:33
yeah yeah but i don't know it was kind of comforting but yeah but at the same time
4:05:38
when when you walk into a room that had static playing on a tv and it wasn't your doing uh that's super creepy and it
4:05:45
was yeah it really was kind of frightening yeah it always felt like it was on the verge of something just showing up on screen i
4:05:52
guess that's part of it you know like there's this anticipation that something weird is about to happen yeah so yeah i
4:05:58
feel like we really lost that that was a good horror element in our in our collective lives when we all had static
4:06:04
to be creeped out by bringing back static it was like super loud
4:06:14
so yeah so we cut back to a very bound and gagged frank stewart everybody else
4:06:19
is dead they just pan over some crazy person is taking the camera the burgers are dead they never left they're just
4:06:25
dead in the basement father matheson's dead the camera guys are dead
4:06:31
everybody's dead dave except for frank stewart two religious zealots are on the show
4:06:36
now there's a man from behind the camera and then a woman who's none other than
4:06:42
wait for it angela harris founder of harvest oh surprise surprise everyone
4:06:48
the leader of like the creepy religious organization is also a murderer
4:06:53
i think it's implied that this part was never broadcast because otherwise it all would have been solved because the very
4:06:58
next scene the short broadcast where they say everyone is just missing so i i have to imagine that this is the
4:07:04
tape of the person maybe just the the literal camera of the uh the cameraman before he died you know
4:07:10
like they didn't show it to anyone yeah anyway they they un-gag frank stewart they mock him you know they say he's a
4:07:17
sinner or whatever and then they uh they pull out his tongue and then like the camera moves just long enough i
4:07:23
assume so they can put a fake tongue in his mouth you know i don't want to like ruin the movie magic or whatever but you know it's all one take so i'm pretty
4:07:29
sure they put a fake tongue in his mouth with like blood in it and then when they go back they saw off his tongue and it
4:07:35
looks horrible like it is a pretty good tongue cutting off scene you know it's
4:07:40
pretty odd definitely a top five yeah i mean we don't have very many of those i mean what is it like this and
4:07:47
like old boy you know some other stuff yeah i'm sure there are others there's got to be and it's great because
4:07:53
frank stewart also like his anguish almost sounds silly but like in that real life kind of way
4:07:59
where like you know you haven't composed yourself you know you're not prepared for the idea that someone might cut off your
4:08:05
tongue at any given moment so he's just sort of like it's a weird mix of like pain outrage terror and despair you know
4:08:12
just like i thought it was a good good frank
4:08:18
stewart oh you know what hats off to paul paper scrapers uh did it too well yeah he took out a lot of stuff
4:08:24
that was his that was his stick was taking bits so that he could use them i don't remember why
4:08:30
i think he was like well probably uh eventually yeah i think it was like two like he had to
4:08:36
like replace body parts to keep living yeah which is weird you know like
4:08:42
did he have did he have to do that his whole existence or is this a recent development
4:08:47
the mythology of the jeep creepers monster is very strange yeah it's also really strange how
4:08:53
immediately worse those movies get after the first one i actually prefer the second
4:08:59
but i understand that's it yeah maybe we'll fight about it in the future
4:09:06
but uh yeah i think part of it is i really like a good revenge story and they have the like angry farmer father
4:09:11
that i i really like his story yeah i guess and also the fact that he isn't a screw-up he actually succeeds i mean
4:09:17
sort of spoiler for that movie a little bit but not really i mean yes but at what cost
4:09:24
yeah so yeah so they mock frank stewart as he's bleeding out from his tongue wound
4:09:29
and uh you know they bid us all uh and adieu and uh and then we get a very brief clip
4:09:35
of the next day's regular wnuf newscast in which everyone is only reported missing you know we have
4:09:41
deborah merritt and gordon gavin you know just talking about it and it was like we all thought it was a big
4:09:46
prank but after several days no one is laughing and then you know deborah's just like
4:09:53
anyway and now we're all getting ready for the christmas time and it just cuts the table
4:09:59
and there's there's something deeply troubling to me i mean i guess that's real life but
4:10:05
we all think that we're all so important but that's kind of how it is for everybody you know as soon as you're roadkill and you're dead
4:10:11
everyone eventually everyone's just going to be like anyway let's just get you go on with that yeah yeah
4:10:17
well what can you do me except just not die what can that's my plan
4:10:23
other than that yeah and you know yeah that's that's the movie everybody that's the wnuf
4:10:29
halloween special estimated budget one thousand five hundred dollars
4:10:35
seriously they made this for nothing it was really hard for me to get this dvd by the way
4:10:40
at least at the time i i don't remember when i first saw it but you know it was probably a little after 2013
4:10:46
and i ordered the dvd before it existed and then they kept making promises
4:10:52
it took me an entire year to get it and they kept being like well it doesn't exist yet but we'll probably print them
4:10:57
out soon and they said that like several times over and they you know you know how like when amazon screws up in order
4:11:03
and they're like it looks like this is taking a really long time do you want to cancel the order and i kept being like no
4:11:09
i want this dvd i will wait however long it takes yeah
4:11:15
so i went to great pains to get this dumb thing i mean originally they weren't even on dvds i don't think i think it was
4:11:21
exclusively vhs's and it was trying to be you know like a whisper campaign creeping people out
4:11:27
i guess i didn't succeed but you know whatever for my purposes this is perfectly fine
4:11:32
you know like i don't have to take this as a real thing i just think it's very entertaining it's just kind of a
4:11:38
you know kind of a black comedy more or less you know a seasonal trifle you just have on in the background while you're
4:11:44
well you're putting up your lights and all of that you know so this got 64 on rotten tomatoes
4:11:51
kind of i mean this has less than 50 ratings so i think that's less uh scientific like when the when the number
4:11:57
is too low it skews the the overall rating so like when you look w and nuf up
4:12:04
on the rotten tomatoes it doesn't actually show the score you have to go like look at it look into it because like i don't think they stand by this
4:12:10
number there's like well it's currently this so yeah
4:12:16
in the eight years or so since this came out it's become sort of a cult classic i i'm
4:12:21
glad i'm not the only one i was reading a few articles of late where people were saying that this is just something that they'll put on in the background for for
4:12:28
halloween like just a regular thing and uh yeah i think it's really effective in that way i mean
4:12:33
you have to think of it as like it's a it's almost a movie you could have on in the background in like a hipster bar for
4:12:39
like the holidays like it's real good for that kind of a thing because it really doesn't demand your attention and
4:12:45
you don't have to pay attention to any one part of it i mean not really you can just kind of let it go
4:12:51
and just like perk up when something is of interest to you like an ad you like or you know when someone says something funny
4:12:59
so yeah i don't know is it not a traditional movie like where it doesn't have a super convoluted plot or it doesn't demand
4:13:06
your attention i mean i guess not but you know this is a little indie film and i i feel like it really punches above
4:13:12
its its weight on all of this you know i think it was very effective in seeming very 80s ish
4:13:18
it harkens back to a simpler time when uh most of our media was crap yeah
4:13:26
no i uh it's a fun movie i uh i'll probably put
4:13:31
it on uh one of the carving pumpkins yeah sure there's also a wnuf christmas
4:13:38
christmas special ad yeah i can't speak all of a sudden they did like a i think it's like a prequel
4:13:44
ad you know because it because frank stewart does it you know but then later he's dead so
4:13:50
i i like that those like future promises that they they never keep you know
4:13:55
because he's dead so i guess harvest succeeded because nobody knew they did it so i suppose
4:14:01
their evil plan worked you know they planted some dead bodies like a crushed puppy at a church they killed everybody
4:14:07
at this thing i'm not sure what they were trying to do i guess just make it seem like halloween
4:14:13
is bad in general i mean i don't know if it's a very good portrayal of the evils of a religious organization
4:14:19
kind of a thing i mean i like the ending but you know i don't know if it's like
4:14:25
you know what do you call it like an honest portrayal or whatever like i don't know if it makes a good point i don't know what do you think
4:14:31
yeah i mean i mean their motivations are pretty simple but um
4:14:38
yeah like how they how they go about like trying to like achieve it uh i don't know feels a little i don't know
4:14:44
yeah i guess like even this yeah it it doesn't feel fully fleshed out you know
4:14:50
yeah now speaking of which they are thinking about making a sequel i think they're
4:14:56
they're they've already done a gofundme for it and uh the director said it's it's sort
4:15:01
of like jerry springer hosted an episode of sightings so it's like a making fun of all of the 90s tropes the
4:15:08
way that this movie made fun of all of the 80s tropes so i hope it's another halloween special and i think they
4:15:13
should bring back frank stewart even though he's dead i don't care just like bend reality or whatever
4:15:20
or have him like have a surgically grafted-on tongue and he doesn't want to talk about it or something i don't care
4:15:26
um and he might be a little bit too silly for me they threw me in a ditch if they didn't find me for a month
4:15:33
because i love that guy i love paul faronkov i want to see him do more stuff yeah yeah and he's of that age where he would
4:15:39
probably look that way for a number of years maybe decades you start getting like a little salt and
4:15:45
peppery so like between like 35 and like 65 you know
4:15:50
like he's some kind of indeterminate age where he could have been through you know going through all those decades
4:15:57
so i don't know would people who didn't grow up with this crappy local tv stuff enjoy this i'm not sure yeah i heard to say i mean
4:16:05
but yeah but for me yeah it really it scratches an itch that i didn't even know i had like it's it does make me
4:16:13
appreciate this sort of a thing like i don't want to have to go dig up old 80s commercials and stuff this is better for
4:16:19
me this is this has like been curated so i don't have to you know i don't need to go look up old ads for like
4:16:26
doublemint gum with like the doublemint twins or whatever or uh that wonderful nutrient ad
4:16:33
forget what when that was made but yeah i always think of that one when i think about classic commercials
4:16:39
what is that one i'm not sure the guy eats a nutrigrain bar and he has
4:16:45
such a like he feels so good after eating a nutrigrain bar that he's like all right
4:16:51
i'm quitting my crappy job i'm gonna become like a ceo of my own company i'm
4:16:57
going to marry this woman in the office and like he gets like a couple of other
4:17:02
people to like have new program bars and they also just like it's
4:17:07
it's very insane but it's uh it's funny wow that's interesting that reminds me of that old milk
4:17:13
commercial remember that one where like there's a hot lady and then there's like a little kid and he's like oh you don't like me now but after i drink my milk
4:17:20
i'll be this strong strapping lad in a couple of years and it shows him like growing up as he's done that
4:17:26
is weird it is a little weird um it was very effective i remember as a
4:17:32
kid i'm like that's awesome yeah i can drink milk so i can milk will make me
4:17:38
strong so i can bang much older women i yeah i can bang someone 20 or 30 years
4:17:43
older than i don't know what that means yet but it's probably a good thing pretty sweet i'm glad she held out for
4:17:51
me that would have been a great way to end that commercial where she's just like you know what i will wait
4:17:58
i was like oh all right am i a child bride now is that what just
4:18:03
happened yes yes some troubling implications
4:18:09
yeah so um yeah i mean like i said this is a favorite of mine uh so
4:18:14
i mean just to cut to the chase i think this is a maybe a seven out of a ten for me because it's good but i just
4:18:21
don't think it's for everybody or at least i don't know if everyone will put up with the slowness and the dryness of it
4:18:28
well i don't know it's not super dry but you know what i mean like not a lot happens really
4:18:34
it's kind of a sarcastic take on things i like and i think a lot of other people would like it too i you know i just want
4:18:39
to spread the word a little bit and just you know let people make their own i think it was a good choice to cover
4:18:45
this hey yeah i i guess i yeah i would i would give it a seven as well you know like i
4:18:52
said there are i've you know a few nitpicks and it does rely pretty heavily on nostalgia but you
4:18:59
know i like it it's fun yeah
4:19:04
it is a gimmicky thing but i just think it's a very effective uh gimmick like it does what it did quite effectively
4:19:12
and so now i shall mention there's only 19 imdb plot keywords for this one so
4:19:19
yeah it's not not not even a full 20. and frankly none of them are super interesting so i'm just going to kind of
4:19:24
rattle through these we got halloween i mean yeah it's very halloweeny so that
4:19:30
is the most relevant so yeah i agree well maybe not because then the next one is retro and retro horror so yeah maybe
4:19:37
it's a little split between those things i mean it is if i were to describe this movie quickly it would be
4:19:42
halloween retro horror so you know basically and it is very good retro not all retro
4:19:48
in fact i don't know arguably most retro isn't very effective because it's hard to thread
4:19:54
the needle between being too earnest and not earnest enough like you can't be inauthentically
4:20:00
winking too much but you also can't not wink because then it's too dry and boring yeah
4:20:08
so you have to like you have to get things just right where like it's just a little silly you know and i feel like
4:20:13
this movie does that quite well yeah all right then we have three costumes we have halloween costume and then we have
4:20:20
witch costume and then we have dracula costume sure yeah i love acid dracula as
4:20:27
we mentioned before yeah the man who was so upset to hear that someone had died in the house that he was standing in
4:20:32
front of like wait what are we doing people died here yeah it's been empty
4:20:38
for 20 years dude how did you not know this i want to go home
4:20:45
then we got news reports and news reporter yeah both of those are pertinent nobody's
4:20:52
listed any of these as relevant by the way so i think maybe like one person or one or two people put these up and
4:20:58
then no one's responding including me by the way i mean i shouldn't complain while i'm also not
4:21:03
doing it so yeah you're part of the problem i can't be bothered yeah we're just we're part of the the
4:21:09
system you know keeping the man down chris la martina deserves better than us
4:21:16
okay then we got psychic axe seance
4:21:21
cat okay yeah we should stop for cat cat it's very central to the the burgers
4:21:27
power psychic couple yeah i love that like the cat was supposed to help them with everything and then it just dies rather unceremoniously
4:21:35
i mean i want to say a cat dying was funny i wonder if they ever recovered from this oh no i was realizing no they're dead so they never recovered
4:21:45
totally forgot yeah yeah yeah yeah well at least now they don't have to worry about it because they're dead
4:21:51
we got found footage yeah that's technically what this is vhs tape
4:21:57
that's actually more relevant than most times anyone's ever said vhs tape in a
4:22:02
description of a movie i mean this is made to look as much like a vhs tape as they possibly could and yeah bravo by
4:22:09
the way like they used a very simple process but it looks quite effective you know
4:22:14
who knew it was actually easy to downgrade things rather than upgrade them just run it through a vcr a couple of
4:22:20
times then we got fake documentary i mean no that's actually not what this is
4:22:27
no it's a fake broadcast it's not a documentary well wait there are some i guess
4:22:33
technically there are fake documentaries they well they have those little fake oh things in it you know like there's the
4:22:39
part about satanism and there's you know uh there was a part about the witch board murders at the
4:22:45
weber house you know i guess those are kind of fake documentaries i don't know that's stretching it though
4:22:53
yeah i don't like that and then we got trick-or-treating which uh yeah yeah trick-or-treating also doesn't
4:22:59
happen in this so yeah that's just straight up wrong they do talk about it though i suppose you know there's a fixation on the halloween candy so i
4:23:06
don't know maybe indirectly and then we got uh videotape the year 1987.
4:23:13
that's that's real like right on the nose i mean this didn't actually get filmed in 1987 but it is funny that now
4:23:18
it can be cataloged in movies that are supposed to have occurred then and as far as i could tell it's accurate
4:23:24
you know they actually lined up all the dates so it's uh it's about as real as as a real 1987 tape uh yeah why not
4:23:32
and lastly but not leastly we have a ouija board and you know that's it
4:23:39
i mean i don't know i feel like that summarizes the movie fairly well i suppose i would have mentioned something
4:23:44
about tongue mutilation i feel like that's kind of a big thing but i know maybe they didn't want to give it
4:23:49
away or maybe a murdered cat yeah i don't know maybe that's more of like
4:23:54
stuff for the uh does the dogdy.com you know that's more there yeah yeah
4:24:00
all right any parting thoughts about uh wnuf halloween special you wish to impart to our audience before we go
4:24:07
jacob i mean i think i'm i think we're good i think i you know we made our case
4:24:13
we presented our our findings we've uh we've cut the tongue out of the things we didn't like
4:24:20
no we didn't really do that i'm sorry yeah it's bad it's a bad symbol
4:24:25
we buried the evidence we experienced technical difficulties more than once yeah yeah that happened
4:24:31
i'm only like 70 sure i'm recording right now on on reaper so
4:24:38
after discord screwed up no it's though little buttons the lights are flashing the lights are
4:24:44
blinking we're good i'm gonna be very upset if we have to redo this
4:24:49
yeah i have to do it a third time on this halloween how could we have wasted
4:24:56
uh this time right before halloween when we were when we totally recorded this uh right jacob yes
4:25:02
that was quite wasteful of us yeah good cover yeah no i i i just want to wish you all out there a happy
4:25:09
halloween i hope that you uh got the [ __ ] costume you wanted you know you were a sexy whatever
4:25:15
i hope that if you went to a costume contest that you won or at least got an honorable mention
4:25:22
or if you if you went on a bar crawl that no one broke your costume
4:25:28
has happened to me more than once yeah just you know enjoy the season and uh
4:25:34
and savor these times that we all have together and the warm glow of the of the of the autumn pumpkin
4:25:41
spice era you know just just have a good time everybody you know so uh yeah i think uh i think that about does it for
4:25:48
us uh yeah i'm sure sometime later i'll be like oh i totally forgot this thing or whatever let's get the hell out of here we've
4:25:54
done enough yeah right i mean this is good
4:26:00
so yeah so until until next time everybody i've been peter uh
4:26:06
i'm still jacob
4:26:11
and this has been gorman on gore
4:26:44
anything goes on live television okay
4:26:50
all right
English (auto-generated)