Gorman On Gore EP12 Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

Welcome to our frightmare, boils and ghouls! We finally delve into the Cryptkeeper's first foray into cinema with the 1995 classic (?) Tales From the Crypt Present: Demon Knight. It'll be a scream! Am I using these puns correctly? Starring William Sadler and the incomparable Billy Zane in one of his best performances. Good, sleazy fun. Excellent gore effects. Questionable, two dimensional characters! What more can you AXE for? Speaking of which, let us know what you want us to do next! Or don't. I'll just be over here rewatching Secrets of the Cryptkeeper's Haunted House...

Website: https://gormanongore.buzzsprout.com/

Spotify:  https://open.spotify.com/show/7hjbpX0bPx79p0YY9ACvq7

Apple podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/gorman-on-gore/id1579271619?i=1000530712722

Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xODI4OTY0LnJzcw==

Email us! gormanongore@protonmail.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/gormanongore

Just going to quietly put this here:
buymeacoff.ee/GormanOnGore

gormanongorecom.wordpress.com

Transcript

0:10
[Music]
0:30
okay i was watching the end of dr sleep again the other day and i remember there's that part at the
0:36
end with that little girl abra i think they call her in the movie how like she picks up the thing that danny torrance
0:42
has where he can trap ghosts in a box this is a weird random thought but i was just thinking there's this embarrassment
0:49
that crosses her face at the very end of the movie
 just to give away that whole thing 
where she walks over
0:54
and and she's like oh well okay there's this dead woman in the bathroom i need to go just cage a spirit and then she like
1:01
closes the door and that's how the movie ends and i was just thinking like is that an acceptable term for using the bathroom
1:07
you know like would people take it that way they're like i gotta go drop some people off by the pool
 i gotta go cage
1:13
the spirit
 peter what the hell is dr sleep
 is what
1:19
dr sleep is the sequel to the shining 
 they made a sequel to the shining
1:24
did you
1:30
what the hell
 this happened uh a couple of years ago ewan mcgregor who plays danny torrance was great in it
1:35
 it was a whole thing jacob a whole thing
1:41
we're definitely going to do an episode about it by the way i was just mentioning it because i just saw it again the other day
1:46
what was this like a box i so just so it wasn't like
1:52
a it's almost like a theater movie like a direct-to-video no so this is like no it was
1:59
what the hell it's a real movie done by reality yeah i know i am like
2:05
you would have
2:14
yeah it was based off of the book stephen king did a poll and he's like hey would you guys rather i write a
2:21
sequel to the shining or yet another dark tower series and unfortunately the
2:26
dark tower series almost got enough votes even though there should never be any more of those so he's just like all
2:32
right fine i'll write a sequel to the shining and then he did and he called it dr sleep and the rest as they say was history
2:41
rose the hat what the hell what yeah jesus grandpa's like what the [ __ ] are with
2:47
the sorry um what is with
2:52
crow daddy this is listen there's a there's a bunch of gypsy folk in the movie and like it's
3:00
problematic that they have them as in the enemies but like it means that all their names are crazy this
3:06
huh peter i'm sorry uh this also uh
3:11
i i'm surprised this is a thing this also looks dumb as hell and yeah no here's the thing it should
3:18
be and it's it's not you know a great movie but it's it's it's not bad okay peter can we we'll have to like i
3:25
said we'll have to review it yeah here we i don't want no i want to think about the fact there's a
3:30
sequel shining can we let's let's just go
3:35
let's go you know how a lot of a lot of podcasts will start with a nice little side
3:41
thought you know like it's like when you come in on a news room you know and the camera kind of pans in and they're having like a quaint little conversation
3:47
in the background and then they turn and they're like oh hello there uh i was trying to do one of those except with dr sleep i didn't know that
3:53
you didn't know about the existence of the movie i just assumed you did yeah no i mean i guess like thanks for filling
4:00
my mind with that now yeah so i guess my little anecdote is totally lost on you and anyone in the audience
4:06
who hasn't seen that movie yet yeah that feels weird that was like a big thing
4:12
i guess yeah all right kinda it wasn't very well received it was kind
4:18
of like you know when you make a sequel to like blade runner or whatever it's like people aren't gonna like it no matter what and yeah expectations well
4:25
yeah i mean god can imagine if they made a sequel to blade runner jesus
4:30
yeah i know perish the thought peter i actually i love 2049 i don't
4:37
want to poop on that movie no okay peter please i i hate to be oh this is weird
4:42
because i i was like i'm the one trying to like get things back on track we're going to talk about
4:47
uh reader beware have you gotten to that part yet jacob you're you're in for
4:54
a creep is how that influences right
5:00
yeah here let me give it a shot greetings boyles and ghouls
5:05
welcome to another thrilling episode for those of you who don't know this is
5:10
gorman on gore a spoiler heavy horror film podcast where we delve into the nittiest of gritties
5:17
i am your host peter gorman with me once again is my indispensable co-host jacob
5:23
jacob we've already spoken but where are you at in a vague state of denial
5:30
over the state of things but i mean otherwise yeah i'm doing fine jacob did you ever
5:37
read any of any ec comics uh yes but not growing up because i
5:42
think those are yeah i think i accidentally read a prototype like the very first edition of tales from the
5:48
crypt because it was included for free with some other comic book yeah i'm like yeah i
5:53
later on sought them out actively as just sort of a i mean because they they were legitimately controversial uh when
6:00
they were released so i was kind of like i'll check them out let's see how bad it is turns out pretty damn to be honest
6:08
yeah it's more like i don't know it's more like the secret is that he's a vampire or you know he's an ex it
6:14
doesn't have to be any specific thing yeah it's like it's like it is it's funny to think about what were like
6:20
cultural controversies like the culture war back then versus now where like
6:26
yeah i mean like yeah like you know people reading like dmx lyrics in congress or whatever and
6:33
then it's like what if our kids are reading comics about ghouls and ghosts
6:43
jacob you brought it up so now i have to invoke rip dmx who just died like yo
6:48
yeah yeah that's true i said yeah i wasn't trying 409 2021
6:53
which is right around when we're recording this crap i have no idea when this is going to publish but yeah he
6:58
just died and you've just walked all over his grave what no i didn't i thought it was funny that they were
7:04
reading out his lyrics i mean he probably thought it was funny too i'd laugh yeah well maybe he did
7:11
yeah yeah you know okay i guess that's true i'm just saying like it's it's just kind of funny because it's like
7:17
i mean like the culture is always stupid it's never not going to be stupid but it was especially asinine back in
7:24
the tales from the crypt days because yeah it literally was just what if kids
7:29
read about ghouls and ghosts but if there's implied murder yeah
7:34
they're gonna they're gonna learn about spooky things and it's like what and what what's happening like what is
7:40
happening after that who cares yeah i remember in the first issue of tales from the crypt and one i
7:47
read there was one where it was two guys who were hunting a vampire and the vampire looked just like the one
7:52
from nosferatu you know like real emaciated and pale with like a pointy angular face yeah
7:58
and so like the more experienced guy kind of backs up and then like this cowardly guy's out front he's like oh
8:04
the vampire's coming protect me from him and he's like wait a minute i gotta get this thing out of my bag he's like oh
8:09
the vampire is coming even closer please help me he's like wait wait wait just wait a little bit longer he's like oh
8:16
now the vampire's grabbed my neck he's going to bite me and then the other guy's like oh well you know i'm actually
8:22
also a vampire so now we're both going to eat you you yeah i mean well i mean yeah that's also
8:28
it is funny that how like how many times the like creepy like stereotypical like ending of the tales
8:35
from the crypt comic is uh completely nonsensical yeah it's just kind of like crappy
8:42
twilight zone yeah i mean like i mean that's the thing it's like it's
8:48
it's funny it is literally just kid's horror it's it is yeah
8:54
i would say inequality it's like maybe a step up from like goosebumps if only
8:59
because yeah bad things do happen instead of only kind of happen in that yeah
9:05
there are some consequences in entails from the crypt episodes and in the comics you know and that's
9:10
why we are talking about this tonight because we're going to cover the very first tales from the crypt movie
9:17
i thought there was only three are you yeah yeah yeah i talked about this briefly earlier that there's actually five yeah hold on
9:24
oh my god uh let's see or are there like tales from the crypt like related to because there's one
9:31
sales from the crypt from [Music] 1972 which is a british movie oh
9:38
there's also the vault of horror which was part of the whole ec comics thing
9:44
yeah they had a couple different titles that were similar yeah yeah yeah after that there was demon knight pordillo of
9:51
blood yeah uh which we will not be here ever and then uh ritual hey no we we might
9:57
but but we will not be liking it yeah because i didn't like it either no house of st
10:02
how about listen to dennis miller he's not funny or corey feldman be like weird and
10:08
incestuous um i'm more okay with that that's right if we're like if we're being
10:13
honest from a critical standpoint that part doesn't bother me as much
10:18
i'm not saying it doesn't bother me i'm saying dennis miller is someone he was on snl
10:24
less offensive less offensive than dennis miller yeah that's like his big movie too you know
10:30
like i don't know did he ever do another one when he gets to talk that much well he's in like disclosure but he didn't
10:35
really say a whole lot in that one let's say what was he even in oh okay he
10:41
they made a joe dirt too oh god i am i think i vaguely remember
10:47
i'm finding out all all sorts of stuff why you still these bad movies they keep oh okay film
10:54
premier league crack all them right yeah that makes sense
11:00
see you were saying that okay so there were a couple prior films that you know had invoked the name but i was thinking
11:05
you meant maybe some after the fact like maybe they did a national lampoons thing where like they just put their name on a bunch of stuff oh no yeah it's not like
11:12
it's like a creep show thing where like just don't even bother after two
11:17
i hardly even bother with the first two to be honest i actually think i like the second creep show better than the first
11:23
one a little controversial with a lot of the the hardcore fans yeah they want to see a dim-witted stephen king grow fern
11:30
on his testicles for halloween i shook oh no not those two
11:35
for halloween i showed my sister that movie and she uh i guess hadn't really she knew who
11:42
stephen king was and like some of his like movies of books yeah he had never seen him before
11:47
so i like it it was like a third of the way through that that segment when i was like
11:53
that's stephen king that's the perfect way to do it just drop it on him like a bomb
12:00
that's stephen king right there you see i mean you wouldn't believe it master of horror
12:06
i mean they just like i do i do like that whole segment but it it's a little embarrassing
12:12
yeah meteor [ __ ] i although i didn't you know i rewatched
12:19
it that makes me sad that he didn't guest star in more movies like that just because of how like
12:26
god-awful and abrasive his performance was well if you want i can actually compile
12:31
a list of all of the movies he's in because he's actually in quite a lot of his own movies is he i remember him yeah
12:37
he's a preacher at the grave in pet cemetery really a graveyard keeper
12:43
in sleepwalkers that's one of his worst scenes where he walks back and forth between a couple different characters
12:48
and he's like i guard the thing at night i don't want these kids coming in here and like no one wants to talk to them and so they keep sending them into other
12:54
people yeah you need to go talk to the forensics guy hold hold on i am i'm looking at
13:00
his wikipedia page he was in sons of anarchy too wow which is a very funny guy he was
13:06
also he was a truck driver in the stand i remember that i do remember that he was in it too
13:14
recently as the pawn shop guy who like makes bill denbroe pay way too much
13:20
money for his own goddamn bike uh you son of a [ __ ] funny story i did not
13:25
see in chapter two oh okay well i actually like it but a lot of people didn't they got um shall we say mixed
13:32
reviews so uh it's not for everybody i guess but yeah stephen king shows up yeah
13:38
probably the last thing he's gonna do before he dies uh jesus
13:44
if i have anything to say about it yeah he's not there he's really not that old i mean well i
13:50
mean 73 it's like pretty old but like no he's pretty old yeah i don't know maybe yeah writers do tend to live a long time
13:56
though yeah yeah anyway he's sending that tourist energy out
14:02
there so we got something special for you all
14:08
tonight from the literal middle of the 90s in service to and then aging hbo
14:14
cable television series emerges a surprisingly fun little horror film by the rather long name of
14:21
tales from the crypts presents colon demon knight
14:26
yeah but
14:32
universal pictures is proud to present the motion picture directing debut of
14:38
one of america's most talented and respected artists
14:45
oh hello kitties so glad you could join me your pal the [ __ ] keeper has gone
14:52
hollywood in a big way i'm directing my first feature film
14:58
care for a little shriek preview for my big scream premiere i wanted lots
15:06
of suspense special effects
15:12
violence [Music] the kind of thing you could really sink
15:17
your teeth into frights camera
15:23
action it's about a chase through the ages a
15:30
race against time the war between god and evil
15:38
come on
15:54
[Music]
16:03
oh i love those titles and you'll love demon knight
16:11
and ladies if you think demon knight is too gross and yucky
16:16
thank you
16:24
i didn't look up the tagline this time because i wanted to guess one too oh so i'm gonna guess what it is before i look
16:30
it up so i'm gonna guess uh hmm let's see something dumb that the
16:35
crypt keeper would say because i don't know for those of you in the audience from the crypt
16:41
peter this is fun because i know i know what the i know what the tagline is this time
16:46
oh yeah okay oh yeah the [ __ ] keeper is full of puns
16:52
he's hammy as hammy it can be so it's gonna be something hammy
16:58
you know with a terrible pun and it's gonna be stupid it's probably not going to add anything to the
17:04
conversation because his job as host is to say almost nothing he just says some
17:09
stuff like a carnival barker and he's like and here's the show you know so it'll probably be like
17:15
let's see uh uh i was gonna say like fantastic but no there's no you need a death quote in
17:20
there yeah i feel like uh you know these guys a veritable spooktacular no they've
17:26
never used veritable that's way too big a word yeah uh peter you can do it a monster mash no
17:33
let's see frights camera action that's what i would call it oh my god that's so much better and that's so much better
17:40
than the tagline they use i think it's actually something he says in the movie maybe yeah
17:46
okay peter are you ready for the actual uh the tagline all right hit me with it
17:52
ready for your dead time story
17:57
oh that's terrible oh god i like yours better that sucks
18:04
well wait dead time story they're like hey this movie will put you to sleep i mean yeah i guess that is the
18:10
implication there it's a gentle story to lull you off to betty bye yeah demon knight
18:16
wow that is dreadful okay yeah yeah that's a bit of a bummer that tagline sucks the movie is not that bad
18:23
no the movie has a lot of flaws i'm gonna say that right out of the gate but i also love this movie well okay i'm
18:29
going to say for personal reasons there's a thing where you see a movie at a certain point in your life and it just hits you
18:35
perfectly at that point in your life you know what i mean yeah that's what this movie did for me
18:41
i was you know a teenager oh man i'm old but yeah in 1995 when this came out
18:47
and this is this movie is built for teenagers despite the cursing blood and nudity no what do you mean this is
18:54
essentially a forbidden movie yeah what do you think of this fight is like it's hard to get it to teenagers
19:00
especially initially oh yeah you know once it's out in the ecosystem i mean it's perfect for kids
19:06
the immature positions the two-dimensional characters the blood guts and explosions the ridiculous
19:13
amount of toplessness yeah yeah it's just 14 year old just all over yeah
19:19
like if anyone's like on the radio and watching you know listen to this podcast like go watch this movie
19:25
it's got some got some boobs would they yeah they would appreciate that but i don't know if they would
19:31
appreciate the aging special effects you know which were questionable even when it came out
19:37
oh i'm going to disagree no i like it but but it's corny you know at some points
19:42
some of it but like some of it's pretty good to be honest i'll i'll defend the special effects yeah all right well yeah
19:49
we'll get into it we'll get into it but no i i think this hold up
19:54
so don't you just love an endless stream of corny puns from a hammy host yes uh it's the only thing that brings
20:02
joy to my life yeah i mean it's really it was such a selling point in the the show for
20:07
twilight yeah i keep almost saying twilight's up four tales from the crypt
20:13
this is the sixth season of tales from the crypt this is when the show was beginning to crap out by season seven
20:18
they diverted all of production to the uk they said it was to freshen things up but i believe it was because they were
20:25
running out of money and they just bought the rights to some crappy british show that never came out and just call
20:31
it tales from the crypt i can't prove that but but it's all british in the seventh season and then
20:37
it all just ends so i wonder if they were doing the movies as a way of branching out a bit before it was too
20:43
late you know before the star had faded forever that is kind of the impression i get so i mean like there are some
20:50
i mean jada think it's in the movie before she was a thing yeah she she
20:55
still is a thing well i don't know i'm just saying that like the movie has it feels like they were going for like
21:01
some maybe not great star power but like they were like they were going for something yeah it's a bold movie i actually think
21:08
it's an effective movie i think it was a great introduction yeah apparently they had written two
21:13
other movies for tales from the crypt both of which they found sufficiently unacceptable that they took this movie
21:20
this movie was not written to be as tales from the crypt movie this was actually originally written
21:26
like i forget what it was i think maybe a couple of years before tales from the crypt even came out
21:31
and they just bought the rights to it i can kind of see that's funny they're just like well this is pretty
21:37
good so we'll just use this it doesn't feel like it tales from the crypt story it's like i think in some ways it does i
21:43
think they they jazz it up with enthusiasm in a way that feels very tails from the crypt but i wonder if it
21:48
was quite maybe it was more serious before they they put their pass on it yeah yeah but i'm just saying like the
21:54
overall tone is not very detailed from the crypt to me at least
22:01
yeah i mean especially i don't know it feels more like uh i guess more of an electric traditional
22:08
horror action thing which is not really tails from the crypt there's not a lot of like i guess that's true dark irony
22:15
or whatever well regardless i am so so glad that they just lazily reused the
22:22
intro sequence from the show for the film because it never gets old to me i just love it every time i see it like my
22:28
heart just sings with joy when that gate opens up for the first time
22:35
it's cute i like it there's a lot of ways you can watch tales from the crypt for free on youtube
22:40
because apparently hbo doesn't care but most of them have the beginning taken out i hate that i want to watch the i
22:47
watch the show more for the intro than for whatever the episode is um that's how much i love it
22:53
damn all right in case you've never had the pleasure it's a pov camera sweeping
22:58
past an opening gate which has like a cool dragon decal on it and you go up the yard of a creepy old mansion through
23:05
the dusty halls and past old furniture you go down the back stair into some deep ornate and medieval looking stone
23:11
masonry steps that lead to uh crypts the camera zooms in on a propped up
23:17
coffin and out pops the [ __ ] keeper shrieking with laughter
23:24
as a kid this is gold because every time he did that when i was like eight or whenever however old i was at the time i
23:30
actually had that apprehension they're like ah we're going to the coffin but i don't want her because he's gonna laugh in my face nice it's great for kids
23:37
that's that's very funny i guess when i was younger i did think the crypt keeper was kind of creepy
23:44
yeah i mean it's weird to think it's a really effective i don't call it a dummy or an automaton that's a very intricate
23:51
puppet they have for this thing yeah i saw the credits after the fact there was five puppeteers
23:58
for for the crypt keeper oh yeah yeah it's very elaborate it's just one of those things like
24:05
he's very silly looking when you go and look back now but i do just i don't know i still think
24:12
he stands up no no i mean like quality wise sure i'm just saying that when
24:17
he's very goofy looking despite him being creepy you know what i mean and it's i guess part of the problem yeah is
24:24
that he's got human sized hands because they did the the swedish chef thing where like you know two arms are
24:30
underneath his dummy body and cut up so when he's talking he's got these two hands that are like almost vertical and
24:37
they kind of wave stuff around he was like hey like it makes him look really manic like he's got really short arms
24:43
yeah but that's just how they had to do it so danny elfman did the theme song
24:50
apparently not content to have been famous for doing the simpsons theme the 1984 batman and a slew of the earlier
24:57
tim burton films like edward scissorhands and beetlejuice personally i think the tales from the
25:02
crypt's theme song sounds a little bit like the beginning of the simpsons theme song they both kind of do this like
25:09
[Music] thing yeah i can i can see that only
25:14
temporarily you know i mean they go different directions i mean the tales from the [ __ ] theme is done on a harpsichord and it has all the little
25:20
spooky things in it yeah there are some honestly like there's some familiar notes there
25:27
but yeah there's some real quality and just i love when they get a real orchestra guy or a real theme guy to do
25:33
a theme that kind of thoughtfulness goes a long way and helps prop up a franchise
25:39
that perhaps otherwise might not have deserved it you know like tails from the crypt yeah exactly
25:45
but that whole opening sequence is really beautifully done whoever orchestrated that i mean just like chef's kiss you know it's just perfect
25:52
the episodes themselves were often cheaply made and cornerly acted but in a way as long as you bookshelf that with
25:59
some good stuff at the beginning of the end and you have a corny host who says some handy stuff you know like that's
26:04
just that's just the license to print money yeah it is kind of interesting because
26:09
i feel like if you're tales from the crypt fan you definitely remember the series being of a higher quality than
26:16
the uh series actually was because yeah well there's like i don't know four or five episodes i think are
26:22
really good and then everything else is mediocre too bad after that yeah and
26:28
they have some positive memories about like um how that was the uh the one you showed me about the uh
26:35
guy who is handcuffed to like the dead guy to a cop oh i forget what that one's
26:41
called but yeah it's got the guy from twin peaks in it yeah or at least i think it's that guy
26:48
he's like a yeah he's a crook that's on the run he's attacked by a cop out in the desert he kills the cop but the cop
26:54
manages to handcuff him first and then right before he dies he like eats the key and then smugly smiles which is just
27:00
great [Laughter] come get it now i think
27:06
i would be misremembering this i feel like that was like you specifically asked me over to watch
27:14
that episode of tales from the crypt at one point oh yeah no that's that is uh
27:19
100 my mo i will just hand pick good episodes of something i like
27:25
or at least notable ones you know be like hey this is worth a watch sure i'll just have it on in the background i mean
27:31
why not yeah it's a way of lying to people and be like yeah every episode is this good like no it's not it's totally not yeah
27:38
that's that's a cruel joke to play on someone just to show that episode and then yeah yeah no the entire series it's
27:44
like just as good oh whatever i mean it's kind of like you think you can play like the best song
27:50
yeah yeah when you play like yeah you play a good song from a band and you're like oh wow that sounds
27:56
really good i'm gonna go buy that album albums crap yeah that was the one good song jacob no
28:02
i know i i was going to think of it of an analogy but i i can't think of one time
28:08
that's happened to me musically no and like that oh god now i'm just like we're getting
28:14
into tangent territory be like now i'm just thinking about i i used to love because you you would show off like
28:20
episodes like that but like we would also like yeah but it was like when we would like do the uh
28:25
the group magic the gathering games down there uh i'm going to be entirely honest frankly
28:32
a very not very well kept room sure a dungeon
28:38
to be honest yeah it is dungeon like i'll i will freely admit that
28:44
uh those are good times though so yeah where the hell are we uh
28:50
we have not we are at the intro that's right yeah the yeah we have the intro i
28:55
talked about the theme song so then we cut to a bloody bed where a woman with
29:01
an affected sultry voice tells her apparent lover on the phone about how turned on she is to have brutally
29:07
murdered her husband moments before immediately we see that the film isn't going to waste time pulling punches
29:13
let's just get right to it folks sexy lady on the bed in black lingerie talking about how how much she loves
29:20
murdering i will say also this was the point where i also like i checked
29:26
the the time on the movie and realized that it was a full-length movie i
29:32
thought it was like a tv like yes i thought it was a made-for-tv movie it is a short normal length movie but it
29:38
is normal length yeah no no i'm just saying like i had that moment where i was like oh right this is like a movie
29:44
movie a real movie yeah they're gonna waste time yeah
29:50
there's a pretty obvious redub of that poor woman's voice in her black undies she has to be in this she has to be in
29:57
the sleazy opener scene and she doesn't even get to have her own voice featured i mean
30:02
i don't know if you look at her speaking it's pretty obvious and i was just thinking how sad that must have been for that poor lady
30:09
she's just like i want to just i need to get featured in a movie i know this isn't a good role i just i have to get
30:14
my face out there i mean i think people will understand in my family i mean you know it's a role i get to act and stuff
30:20
and then she she probably went to the theater not knowing and then it's some other woman's voice
30:25
on her body and she's like no why have you done this that's a really
30:31
depressing narrative they hadn't really considered to be honest unfortunately that is
30:37
something i am going to keep coming up with for horror films from like the 80s and 90s where i occasionally sympathize
30:42
with the women in these these dreadful movies and what horror it must have been like just to get through it you know oh
30:48
no i'm not saying don't do that i'm just saying i hadn't considered that that might be okay
30:56
i hadn't considered that woman's feelings no jesus christ peter that's not what i'm saying wait move on move on
31:03
move on yeah yeah moving on so she's melting her husband in the
31:08
basement in a tub tubble in a tub of lie i think
31:14
i don't know what it is it's real bubbly and you know traditionally when you melt the corpse it's lie that you use because
31:19
it's easy to get and uh and it works pretty well not that i'm advising people on how to
31:24
dispose of the body but you know uh take notes that's the way to go people at home looking to dispose of
31:31
bodies it's real smelly though so you gotta do it someplace where no one's around uh lots of scented candles
31:38
basement yeah uh donut go nuts your imagination's the
31:45
sky it's weird that she's clever enough to melt the body but she's not clever
31:50
enough to clean up the crime scene she's just laying around maybe it's
31:56
an erotic thrill to be in the crime scene i was thinking that that's a possibility
32:02
and i was also thinking that she might be in her lingerie or whatever her undies because maybe she was you know in
32:07
something else but then she murdered her husband and she was in the middle of cleaning up and then she's like i just want to bask in this murder for a while
32:14
yeah i mean that'd be for you know that's pretty cool i like that let's go with that
32:19
sure yeah she's a toe freak so she bands herself at least i mean so
32:26
you know at least she cleans herself i mean that's important yeah you gotta clean yourself and then you clean the crime scene actually wait maybe cleaning
32:32
yourself is the last step i don't know whatever for a hypothetical murder you know i mean
32:38
so you might get evidence on yourself but you don't want to spread it around while you're cleaning yeah i don't know you probably clean yourself a couple of
32:44
times hypothetically audience you are blessed but you should clean you should go like american psycho you want
32:51
to put up plastic wrap over everything newspapers you know you want to you want to have absorbent stuff that will catch
32:57
the spray gotta catch the spray yeah absolutely you can't just let it go willy-nilly over the covers like she
33:04
does that's so hard to get out exactly also frankly yeah yeah if you're thinking
33:10
yeah gas is the way to go well it's expensive but like just saying
33:17
what do you mean like wait gas to incapacitate are you talking about to blow up the house oh no
33:24
maybe making it look like an accident would be good oh no no to kill because like that [ __ ] like oh i think yeah
33:30
i'm just saying i look like a suicide yeah yeah exactly that's what i was talking about like shoot there was a guy in world war
33:37
ii or whatever who would like go into people's houses and like gas them he was like serial killer what
33:44
something or i didn't know about that or i don't even know oh yeah it was more messed up he wasn't a serial killer he
33:50
would just go into people's houses and gas them and they would be like paralyzed it was like he was just like
33:56
checking to see what the gas would do to people jesus christ i've never heard that story
34:01
oh wait really that definitely helped yeah the mad gasser of mattoon
34:06
wow yeah he so he didn't kill them he just he just knocked them out or something right or make them so they can't well yeah yeah because no they
34:13
were awake he would just paralyze him with cast it's like batman gas you know that villains would use where they just make
34:19
you like fall over for a minute yeah yeah yeah you just go around doing that all right they never caught the guy
34:25
wow but uh interesting yeah yeah anyway sorry i was just thinking about it anyway
34:31
just thinking about gassing people ah no i mean i just like you know when
34:36
you have the subject of like murder it's like you know my options
34:42
okay so up until this moment the scene is shot as if there will be no actual
34:47
nudity and then suddenly bam the movie's like no we'll show you everything if we feel like it
34:53
it's funny because i i didn't remember too much about this movie when re-watching it i made a note that it was
35:00
funny to me that the beginning of the movie has more nudity and frankly violence than the uh actual
35:08
movie for a while yeah yeah but then i was like oh you get to that sand and it's like oh
35:14
nevermind that one scene coming up yeah i think it was like a c it was like they
35:20
probably did like a an algorithm and they're just like wait a minute we are low on nudity our nudity
35:26
meter is run out we have to bring it up i i mean i hate to say it but they kind of did need to
35:33
because like i feel like i feel like it's a little bit i mean like i feel like the tales from the crypt movie has to be a little
35:38
bit sleazy oh boy yeah well this movie is sleazy in
35:44
a lot of different ways yeah not just the nudity but just in lots of ways oh oh yeah definitely i'm just like i i
35:50
feel like they kind of had to at some point yeah so her husband reanimates from the dead
35:58
and he slogs his semi-melted corpse upstairs pretty good drippy corpse effects it
36:05
kind of reminds me of the the tar man from return of the living dead i love the way anyone's fingers press
36:11
against the wall the ass kick like fall off yeah
36:17
that's so gross that's great for those of you who haven't seen it in return of the living dead the very first
36:23
zombie in that movie is a man in a bucket called tar man like by the fans who has a great animated face but his
36:30
head gets knocked off with a baseball bat and then he keeps coming after them which is pretty great that's
36:36
probably that's top tiers on the effects right there that was that yeah i was about to say even if you never watch
36:42
return of the living dead which we will review at some point but just watch that scene look up tarman for return of the
36:49
living dead and just watch that part it's so amazing you can even skip the rest of the movie
36:54
i oh the whole movie is kind of great but i mean that scene in particular though just perfect zombie thing oh yeah oh it's
37:01
like i love a good decapitation it's one of the few movies where like
37:06
or i guess like even media where the zombie is given a lot of personality
37:13
just kind of like by the the effects but also you wonder like how it got to
37:20
be the tar man and whatnot whereas i feel like when yeah other media tries to like inject
37:28
some like uniqueness into zombies they'll be like and here's some weird power it has
37:35
target wasn't that powers creepy looking he's just a weird guy in
37:40
a bucket or a barrel or whatever so the lady mistakes
37:45
his gooey footsteps for her lover until it is too late they do that thing where she's got the like a cloth over her face
37:52
and she's just like hey what kept you hey what's that weird cologne you're wearing you know that you'll see bad
37:57
horror movies watching enough bad horror movies like that at an affirmative enough age did put a
38:04
huge fear of blindfolds in there yeah that's true and also of just being
38:10
too naive with people around you and not investigating circumstances
38:16
those kind of things stuck with me i don't care how much i trust someone i would never
38:22
put on blindfolds ever not doing it i feel like there's an unspoken rule
38:28
in bedrooms where you should always sleep with your head furthest away from the door so that when people come in they can't
38:34
just like catch you unawares and kill you oh you're really quick you better believe the other way facing
38:39
the door so it's like i can open my eyes and see what the hell is coming in i also make sure to lock my doors all the
38:45
time even though that we can realistically get through the grade
38:50
yeah okay the corpse gets really close to her she's like ah the bad clone blah blah she takes off the blindfold she sees the
38:57
guy she gives off what i would consider a rather bad scream
39:02
he's raising a hatchet he's going to kill her and then the [ __ ] keeper calls cut because he's directing the scene
39:08
whoa twist i guess or whatever he criticizes the zombie man who it
39:14
turns out is played by john larroquette you might know him from night court if you're like 40 or 50.
39:22
he hasn't done anything too famous i'm sorry to sound so dismissive i like
39:27
that he was in some movies and stuff but mostly he's in tv now you know it is
39:34
funny how obscure her reference that was to the point where i had to look that up myself
39:39
i saw it it was like that's definitely that's a reference that's like a guy
39:46
somebody right like oh yeah yeah i'm a couple decades
39:51
too young to get that although i don't know that he was ever that big and i'm sorry to i don't mean
39:57
to crap on john there again i like him but i was just thinking like what if they had gotten tom cruise in 1995 you
40:03
know they still could have done that yeah he wasn't that big yet if if it was tom cruise in this movie that would have
40:09
like added maybe half a star to my review you know like holy crap things were like yeah he
40:15
wasn't that big at the time and like people would probably check that movie out because of that
40:21
yeah or maybe they should have gotten stephen king he'll apparently do anything
40:26
oh that would have been perfect he'd be like you call that acting and
40:31
he'd be like uh well i mean i'm more of a writer like shut up no it's like i said like stephen king he
40:38
needs to be in more cameo appearances because they're always good he should be like the stan lee
40:45
and just be in everything or you know like the uh quentin tarantino and uh bring everything that he cameo down with
40:53
him which which i have to yeah i want a scene where i
40:58
say the n-word like i have to admire his ability to
41:04
because he knows it's not like he's unaware but he'll just put himself into a scene and he's like yeah i'm ripping
41:10
this again i wouldn't go that far but yeah but i would say that he does pull it down a little bit in
41:16
some of it maybe like i guess like pulp fiction is like the one where he doesn't but he
41:22
gets like three lines yeah like i said i thought the [ __ ] keeper
41:27
was gonna razz on the woman for a bad scream because honestly a lot of horror movies are made or broken by a good
41:34
scream queen you really need to believe that performance to sell the whole movie that something scary is happening and
41:39
that she's an imminent terror for her life but you know they were already giving her a hard enough time and so they're
41:45
like ah let's just have him like razzin on the guy i mean he all he did was stand there and raise up his arm to hit
41:50
her with a hatchet it's not like there was a lot you could do to act that scene i guess a lot of people debate that like
41:57
kane hotter is like a great jason because he's sort of breathed heavy when he like ran through walls and stuff but
42:03
i never really to be honest i never really saw a big difference between the various jason's yeah yeah so kane hotter
42:10
fans you know right now your letter it's like it's hard to tell because also those
42:15
movies are such they vary so much in quality but it's hard to it's hard to get too much of a read on that kind of
42:22
thing yeah well i guess some of that is a stylistic choice because by the time kane hotter
42:27
was jason he was already an indestructible monster man you know in prior ones i kind of liked
42:33
it actually when he was a little afraid to get hurt you know yeah yeah like a human being he could be
42:38
knocked over and stuff but i guess there was a big power creep in those movies where each
42:44
sequel he got a little stronger you know completely bonkers
42:51
what are they doing a reboot of that because like they're gonna do it eventually but like they already did it
42:56
didn't go super great they made a new uh 13th back in wait when was that like i mean
43:04
plenty of time to do another reboot and the franchise it's got name recognition
43:09
they're going to do it again i'm just curious what well yeah yeah they should be good i've envisioned doing reboots for both
43:17
nightmare elm street and uh friday the 13th for friday the 13th i wanted to use that song chandelier by sia and just
43:24
show like all of the money shots of jason like throwing machetes into people's chests that they're trying to
43:29
run away you know it'd be like this like euphoria of death and violence i can kind of see it yeah
43:36
i don't know if they like yeah because i mean at this point people know the franchise you should just get right to
43:42
the goods you know i mean like don't worry for the for the ad i think for the movie you should always go a little
43:47
tasteful and have three-dimensional characters but for an ad for a trailer it should be all the cheap stuff you
43:53
know all just put all the good stuff in there you know like just hide a little bit of uh
43:58
the poster for that uh slasher would be pieces where the tagline is it's a
44:06
it's exactly what you think it is it's everything that you think it is oh [ __ ] you know i'm sorry
44:12
i missed no yeah you you had the exact yeah no there's something to that kind of it's
44:17
very good honesty with like an advertisement like that like come on piggies get your slop yeah
44:24
you know what you're here for yeah come on in it's exactly what you think
44:30
this is going to be okay so john lara cat gets some gets
44:35
reamed by the [ __ ] keeper and his i don't know i remember as a kid i thought like wow this special effects are
44:41
amazing they put you know it looks like a [ __ ] keeper is walking around but no he's not it's it's pretty bad
44:47
there's a human body and then they just cut out an image of the creep keeper's head talking and they just moved it
44:53
around on the guy's body as he talked it's not great but at least it's short
44:58
like if you can't pull it off just you know just do it long enough you know to get the job done
45:04
john laraquette says where'd they dig up this guy which is actually a great joke
45:10
for such a terrible scene i just i thought it was almost subtle which is you know for me
45:15
that's like i'll do a little applause for tails to crypt when they try a little subtle
45:20
i i i don't know if you can call it i did a half smile when i was watching it
45:27
having said that thing earlier about how bad it looks when he's walking around when they cut to the actual cryptkeeper puppet yeah i think it still looks great
45:33
oh yeah yeah absolutely they have a ton of puppeteers i also saw a behind the scenes thing with the john kessier or
45:40
casey here i don't know how you say his last name he's the voice of the crypt keeper and uh
45:45
he had a weird thing on his jaw like a chin strap and it would measure his motions it was like early cg mapping so
45:53
every time he spoke it would move the mouth of the [ __ ] keeper and then he also had two thumbs on
45:58
unlike a an rc looking controller so each thumb ran a joystick so i'm pretty
46:04
sure that he was running the facial expressions as he spoke and then other people animated his hair yeah
46:10
i watched a thing about that i'm pretty sure that's how that one
46:16
yeah i mean it's really impressive i i just think it's a great model it's a great design and a great execution it's
46:21
a genuinely impressive thing i wish it was introducing something like universal studios or disneyland or something yeah
46:28
i feel like yeah what is that puppet i mean it's like probably just like running away somewhere
46:34
yeah well there's probably a bunch of them and you know they're all made of latex and so i think that stuff rots away
46:40
pretty bad i don't know if you've ever seen the the footage or a picture rather of uh
46:46
of hoggle from labyrinth it looks like just a pile of rotten mushrooms
46:51
i mean you know i'm a fan of old japanese monster movies like godzilla so
46:57
some of the [ __ ] that's happened soon soon it's pretty heinous well they look pretty heinous to begin
47:03
with and then they look worse than lifetime passes so yeah i mean you get like worse treatment where like someone
47:09
[ __ ] just goes completely uncared for other times they'll just like
47:14
repurpose and like butcher up an old godzilla suit for a for a monster in a
47:20
different series so it's just ruined forever so i'm guessing at this point the [ __ ]
47:26
keeper probably looks like something that could be in the five nights at freddy's movie that'll eventually get
47:32
made i guess you know because like you don't have the exposed servos and all the creepy stuff
47:37
you know that you know to really just point to how much of a puppet it is rather than a real thing
47:43
yeah well didn't they just make that nicholas cage movie that was basically that but not
47:48
very good they're cashing in on five nights at freddy's before the real movie got made because the real one keeps
47:54
going through production hell it's got all these different scripts and nobody likes them because they're probably all terrible and uh because
48:00
they didn't because they didn't make any decision some cheap director was able to pay nicolas cage just enough money to
48:08
show up but not really say anything just just to make a bad movie and he was
48:13
like i'll do this movie but i don't want to have to speak in it okay sold
48:19
dress up in ghost rider makeup no all right well
48:26
perfect i want to make a movie where where i'm badass all the way through i don't want a character arc i don't want
48:32
any backstory i just want to be a badass the whole way through
48:38
all right latest the dark side did this whole nikola stage renaissance thing
48:46
you know being legitimately fun movies like mandy or uh before out of space
48:51
but then like that also means that other people will just like latch on and be like
48:57
all right what if you had a car and you escaped from hell and you had to protect your
49:04
daughter jesus christ work your magic mr cage
49:09
yeah exactly no i think he needs to be controlled by a good director and when he when they do
49:15
he's excellent you know he'll do exactly what you tell him to do so tell him the right thing that's the problem yeah yeah
49:21
exactly don't just let him do anything you gotta guide him a little bit peter
49:26
yes i gotta point something out all right this is minor criticism but we are about an hour into this
49:33
recording and yes uh we have not actually gotten
49:38
to the movie hey we're in the cold open a little bit yeah i know
49:46
holy [ __ ] this pacing we'll go as long as we have to no listen we've had a lot of side stories there'll
49:52
be a lot less as we get into it yeah i don't know i promise and i don't know
49:58
it could be any number of these little parts i may or may not take out we'll see you know we'll see what the audience
50:03
says you know maybe we'll just leave the whole thing in and just be like you know what just just sift through this find parts you like you know
50:10
yeah to be honest i'm completely against the idea of anything anything so
50:16
i mean it's ultimately it's on you but i mean if we're upgrading this this would just
50:21
be what it is as a mode of explanation i mean besides the fact that you know i'm a little self-conscious but i grew up with a
50:28
stutter and a lisp i had to overcome both because of that i still do occasionally
50:35
you know i'll stumble over myself and i hate it i don't think other people care as much but i care a lot so then i'll
50:41
have to go through and take all of that out or at least i try to maybe eventually i'll just embrace my
50:47
own flaws and just let myself shine the way i am you know but uh that day is not today jacob i don't have
50:54
fun all right anyway also you know the more we do this you know we will have better polish we
51:00
don't gotta do all that editing crap you know we just let it go through sail on through
51:05
absolutely so so back to the movie well okay well not even to the movie yet
51:11
i want to talk very briefly about john casey here just because he's interesting jesus christ here this is important he's
51:17
the voice of the crypt keeper it's the whole thing oh yeah he i just wanted to briefly
51:23
mention he's the voice of buster bunny on tiny tuned adventures back in the day this is not
51:30
he's done a lot of voice over work is what i'm getting at and he still does he has a long list of things most of them
51:35
didn't interest me so i didn't mention them okay let's see on also
51:41
the last airbender maybe i did did you look that up or are you
51:47
just asking random because we'll be here all day no i was asking for like something i'd give
51:52
a [ __ ] about oh well you know i don't give a [ __ ] about it i grew up on tiny tune adventures oh all right that's fine
51:59
it was important to my childhood man okay i'm sorry i didn't sorry i
52:05
i didn't want to make fun of your childhood i'm sorry well no wait i'm not sorry i just grew
52:10
up that was i don't know you know i think i was in the fifth or sixth grade when i was coming out you know i was riding my wheelhouse sure yeah and
52:16
there's some stuff he's done after the fact that i'm sure a lot of other people care about but uh i forgot to write it down so sorry go look up what he's done
52:22
it's interesting there's a long list okay to be clear i absolutely refuse to do
52:29
that but i do believe that he has done a lot and i do respect his performance as the crypt keeper yeah no it's an
52:35
impressive performance i just think he's had an impressive life he also did a show called secrets of the cryptkeeper's haunted house which is a
52:42
children's show with the [ __ ] keeper in it i think it was a game show of some kind i remember seeing it as a kid i don't
52:49
remember anything about it i might insert a clip in here uh where i take like a bizarre out of context clip you
52:55
know and just have him say it that might be fun
53:03
don't forget man you need to keep your balance on that bridge it's a long way down
53:08
but it's funnier if you just leave that whole dialogue in there about how you're gonna do that and then don't
53:15
just have like a real long silence but maybe with cricket sounds or something yeah yeah
53:20
the creep keeper introduces the movie i don't remember him saying anything memorable except the part at the end
53:26
where he says we're going to the movies frights camera action so yes he does say
53:32
that oh okay all right also i like the fact that the movie literally emerges from the pages of an
53:38
edition of tales from the crypt you know however you know as i said earlier this movie isn't based off of
53:44
anything that came out of those comics so whatever yeah i mean i'm sure they'd like people
53:49
to think of it though because it is one of the better kills from the crypt stories well it became
53:55
that after the fact that's that's certainly true yeah yeah this script got kicked around to the guy who who directed the first
54:02
child's play film his name is tom holland but he's not that kid who's currently playing spider-man in the
54:07
marvel cinematic universe okay i was about to make an unfunny joke some led
54:12
you uh i killed it yeah yeah i nipped it in the bud
54:18
all right and then it went to mary lambert who directed pet cemetery she was about to do it but then she
54:25
but then she debuted pet cemetery too and everyone's like oh okay now let's
54:30
not let her do this movie which is a shame
54:36
i like pet cemetery too but i understand after you see that movie you're like what what's happening here i
54:43
i feel like that's going like a tangent but i feel like hollywood another team
54:48
usability used to be more critical of those kinds of failures yeah where you can just like
54:55
you could just eat [ __ ] once really bad and that was it yeah it was kind of one
55:01
and done with her i feel bad about that i mean i don't know if that was like maybe it was like a sexism thing but
55:06
like maybe you look at i mean yeah maybe but like you look at like the things like come to mind right
55:12
now but i mean there are plenty of examples of like directors who make exactly bad
55:18
i mean his movies make money well yeah i don't know if the cemetery didn't make money
55:24
also he's a visionary genius uh and a master of celebration
55:29
we cannot have a second episode be about this man he doesn't do poorer stuff
55:34
no except for donald dead yeah yes except for dawn of the dead peter you brought him up i was
55:41
not going to mention him that was yeah that was trying to
55:46
dodge yeah well all right yeah to be honest that was who i thought of but uh
55:52
you brought him up anyway no anyway let's move on so eventually ernest ernest dickerson
55:58
got the directing chair he was an early collaborator with spike lee he later went on to direct the snoop
56:04
dogg horror film bones i haven't seen that i do want him though
56:10
i would like to maybe we will for this podcast it'll give me a reason to do it you know i just i've never gotten around
56:15
to it yeah i i'm thinking about some bad [ __ ] for next episode you're not gonna
56:21
like it no you're you're not gonna like any but it's like no okay there's like
56:27
i'm sure our audience waits with baited breath to find out what your ultimate decision will be
56:32
oh i mean this is more i'm sure they'll be fine with it i'm sure you're not gonna be fine with it
56:39
no i see i see okay challenge accepted jacob bring it on
56:45
do not tempt me okay so the movie proper we're gonna we're gonna get into the actual movie
56:51
okay so yeah okay starts it starts like terminator or terminator 2 you know where there's one
56:57
guy chasing another guy you don't really know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy i love the 90s rock music i don't
57:03
remember the band but it's that song that's in everything in the 90s where it's like
57:10
[Music] it's funny it's so generic that like i
57:16
know the song but it completely slipped my mind yeah i can't think of it it's like it's
57:23
like grease it just slips out of my mind yeah if i remember correctly it's also the song they use in an episode of
57:30
uh what's the mulder scully show called jacob x-files right
57:35
took me forever to think of that yeah so it might remind me of an episode of
57:45
there was an episode of the x-files where they play that song to build up some ominous tension with a teenager who
57:50
gets angry i believe it's the medic guy from saving private ryan giovanni rabisi uh and he kills people
57:56
with lightning i just remember that you know where they're getting to that
58:05
and then like hit someone with lightning yeah um it's just the very 90s thing we should
58:10
do all the x-files movies oh my god that's not horror i don't even know what
58:16
that is it's kind of sci-fi i guess it's borderline i mean it's kind of a
58:21
culty sometimes you know it's got murderers in it and stuff i don't know no then we shouldn't but the movies are
58:26
terrible like i remember there was one with the black goo and it was boring there's something about bees in it
58:33
it's like they didn't realize that the only good thing about the x-files was the monster of the week stuff and then they're like for the movies they're like
58:39
all right you know what we need to do have a real long discussion about the boring alien part that no one likes
58:45
that's a fun thing to like suggest but never to uh to actually do
58:51
so i'm sorry we're not doing that files no i don't know we'll say but that's that's
58:56
too much in a gray area for like you know there is an honest and legitimate discussion about what is or is not
59:02
horror but i feel like certain things fall a little too far out and i think that one drifts maybe a little too much into
59:09
sci-fi spaceship stuff i guess okay so back to the movies once again
59:16
william sadler is the main character he's driving away from a man in a cowboy hat as i
59:22
suppose we all would i mean it's just so ostentatious you can't be trusted wearing a cowboy hat
59:29
indoors you know he's in a car it's a little ticky i actually think he looks nice in it but you know we live up
59:36
in the northwest you know that's more of a southwest thing or midwest sure few and far between are the men in
59:42
in cowboy boots and fedoras or whatever they call the cowboy version
59:48
are they called fedor no they can't be that it's just a cowboy hat i guess anyway yeah william sadler is a craggy faced actor
59:55
who has looked old for decades however now he is for real old because he's 70.
1:00:00
he's only a couple years younger than the stephen king the more you know he was in shawshank
1:00:06
redemption he was in the green mile he was in the very first episode of tales from the crypt he also played the
1:00:12
grim reaper in uh several of the uh bill and ted movies
1:00:18
the second and third i guess i guess most people can look this up but if you're curious william sadler looks like
1:00:24
tucker carlson if he drank from the wrong goblet
1:00:30
[Laughter] no check the page he does it's bad
1:00:36
he chose poorly william sadler is an excellent actor and i love him in this movie actually i love
1:00:42
him in every movie he's in he's pretty solid yeah no you no yeah to be clear he's been some some good
1:00:49
stuff yeah i mean he's never been a bad feature in anything you know he's always added to the experience yeah i mean like
1:00:56
as the mummy in bordello oh okay well not that
1:01:04
i forgot about that yeah he plays a mummy in the sequel
1:01:09
playing something with the [ __ ] keeper what is it poker or something yeah i don't know yeah that's not great
1:01:16
okay but almost everything else so sadler is sporting an intense leather jacket and he's flooring the accelerator
1:01:23
on some old beater car out on the highway in hot's pursuit is another car within which is billy zane
1:01:30
i'm just going to tell you right now that this is the best work billy zane has ever done with his work as the villain in titanic
1:01:36
a close second i'd say i was kind of holding off on that because there are there are some like specific parts that
1:01:42
i really like about his performance but this yeah he makes the movie
1:01:48
the movie would be so much worse without him yeah i think they were just sort of like just go nuts be silly it'll be great and
1:01:54
usually when you tell an actor to do that they ruin something but this is like this is perfect like the way he does it
1:02:01
is so good yeah we'll get into it for each individual scene i will say before we go through this too
1:02:07
much it is worth keeping in mind that uh billy zane is kind of a theater guy
1:02:14
busy more than a film actor oh well yeah i remember in tombstone he played a shakespearean actor who gets shot keep
1:02:20
that in mind when you like hear about his performance he he is very theatrical
1:02:25
you know that makes sense yes also he was in an episode of tales from the crypt himself he was i think it was
1:02:31
somewhere in season five he played a magician and he plays it very uh theatrically let's say
1:02:37
yeah that's kind of his thing it does seem like he's playing to the audience in a great way but he does it
1:02:43
in a very contemporary way in this movie it's not like it ruins anything it's great no he's like winking at the camera
1:02:48
the whole time yeah yeah like i said he does nothing but add to the to the movie
1:02:54
sadler has run out of gas you know they've been chasing each other for god knows how long so he stops his car to
1:03:00
fire a shotgun at zane's fast approaching vehicle and it's just like spanging off of the hood rather
1:03:06
ineffectually it does almost nothing except for like the very last shot that just catches the engine on fire somehow
1:03:12
like all right yeah that's how engines work i was cool with it because then he bashes into
1:03:17
sadler's card like just as sadler is climbing out of the window and both cars explode in flame it's
1:03:24
great i gotta say i kind of hate that because they do a wide shot where you
1:03:29
can see the car getting exploded and i think somebody's detonating something
1:03:35
i understand for practical reasons but he isn't there
1:03:40
like it's just two cars he completely disappears and then reappears in the next frame
1:03:46
about billy zayn are you talking about sadler sadler oh yeah well he does get out slightly before but i'm not sure how
1:03:52
slightly i assume he's enrolled in a ditch or something well no that's the thing it's just the
1:03:57
like in the next frame after the car is done exploding he pops up right behind the two exploded cars
1:04:05
i mean i understand for practical reasons why they couldn't have that happen don't shoot the shot that way you know
1:04:12
what i mean what you wanted was a man in a blonde wig and a dirty leather jacket oh you
1:04:18
had to stand by an exploding car just so that you could be more immersed in the scene no i'm saying it's like don't
1:04:24
shoot it that way so that you can see that he's not there it's like it's i was too distracted by
1:04:30
the explosions well i mean [ __ ] that's why i'm saying it's nitpick yeah minor nipping i mean in my notes i just wrote
1:04:37
this is great because i just like it when two cars explode in an inappropriate fashion sure oh also
1:04:42
worthy of note zane doesn't even bother to try to get out of the car he just bowls into the other one
1:04:48
sadler heads on down the road he checks the palm of his right hand there are black stars that are like
1:04:53
tattooed there i think there's seven of them and they are forming the beginnings of a circle
1:04:59
on the palm of his hand for some reason there's a yeah for some reason there's a panther
1:05:06
tiger type noise that indicates that one of the black tattoos is shifting would he ever hear the growl if he
1:05:11
didn't look at it i feel like the growl is being saved for when he bothers to look but what if it didn't he could just
1:05:17
be like walking down the street and be like oh crap my hand's blowing up like wow the prophecy is going to be fulfilled
1:05:22
soon i mean i feel like it's generally best not to ask those kinds of questions
1:05:28
sadler you know he gets alerted by his hand and then he makes it down to a little restaurant down the road called
1:05:34
halfway house cafe okay so there's a whole series of notes i wrote after this point in which i thought certain things
1:05:41
that ended up being wrong that i have believed for years i thought that a boy that comes up is
1:05:46
the son of another character who is not here we'll get into it it gets confusing but they associate with
1:05:53
one another and i think there must have been more scenes with the kids parents but they're all removed so
1:05:59
i there's no real point of reference for who this kid is uh yeah i mean i will i will say this
1:06:05
though this kid's a little snitch it just sort of yeah he is beating up for what happens later we'll get right
1:06:12
to it i mean sadler comes in he pulls out a pocket knife or something and he tries to to open a car door
1:06:19
he's just jamming a knife in the lock i don't think that's how that works but you know whatever i guess you got to do what you got to do
1:06:25
at any rate he's interrupted by the car owner's son young blonde boy danny who
1:06:30
we were just discussing uh the snitch yeah the snitch uh he looks like he could have been in the
1:06:36
band hanson maybe as the drummer if uh if any of you know that reference
1:06:42
no no no no no no no no no
1:06:47
[Music] well i mean you know unleash a slightly larger audience if they know what i'm
1:06:53
talking about no no keep going keep going keep going keep going all right
1:06:59
so the kid comes out and he's like what are you doing and they and sadler just creepily offers him a quarter he's like
1:07:04
oh i was just checking the locks they're they're good hey would you like a quarter come closer i'll give you a
1:07:10
quarter the kid's just like dad someone's trying to steal your car and he like runs away
1:07:15
that was that was good yeah but it also sucks because i feel like if you see a guy like that trying
1:07:21
to break into your car i feel like the you know i mean it's out of the middle of nowhere they've probably got a good
1:07:27
reason for it if we're being honest you know no i i can't join you on this opinion
1:07:33
that's ridiculous you're like you're at some sleazy diner in the middle of nowhere and someone's trying to steal your car you're gonna get mad and run
1:07:39
out there you'll be happy your son snitched oh no no but yeah the kid is totally a snitch from the father's
1:07:46
perspective i get it what i'm saying is the kid you don't know what he's going you're on
1:07:52
sadler's side for offering a quarter like yeah i'll just take this bro no i mean no first of all he should have
1:07:58
just threatened the child or a knife yeah yeah just you know
1:08:03
don't talk or i'll i'll plug it one of the fatal flaws of the scene
1:08:09
actually is that we find out later sadler has just a roll of hundred dollar bills in his wallet somehow he should
1:08:15
have just given the kid a hundred and the kid would have shut up you know he would have yeah
1:08:20
maybe that's more fair if you take the hundred understandable if you snitch after he offers the hundred
1:08:26
then you can plug him i mean well sure plug-in or like
1:08:32
it's okay if school bullets beat him up at that point geez because it's like yeah take the hit man
1:08:40
so the kid says dad someone's stealing your car and then thomas hayden church runs out he's playing a character named
1:08:45
roach which is a horrible name he's a horrible character so that's fine i mostly remember this guy from the
1:08:51
movie sideways but i guess most people will remember him as the guy who played sandman and sam raimi's spider-man 3.
1:08:58
so yeah he did he did do that well anyway he's a great character he's great in this movie very hateable
1:09:06
but here's the thing for years i thought he was the father of this kid because
1:09:11
the kid says dad someone's stealing your car and then this guy runs out and the camera centers on him so it's just like
1:09:18
oh this is the dad so for the entire rest of the notes at least for a long time i kept writing that he was the dad
1:09:24
and the other kid was his son uh that's not true this kid is unrelated to this guy
1:09:30
so roach hears someone else's car is being stolen and he runs out and then the camera looks at him as if he's
1:09:36
important even though he's not oh you know i i see what i remember him from
1:09:41
it was tal hedges in john carter that movie we all remember and john
1:09:49
carter of mars jacob why yes one of the same
1:09:54
like really boring he-man
1:10:00
i like that movie and that is exactly the best way to describe it it's just boring
1:10:05
yeah and human already isn't that interesting to start with no yeah he-band is also not very good
1:10:12
also the author of that story is in that movie yeah but this is unrelated to what we're talking about
1:10:19
yeah all right so sadler runs off into the bushes have him
1:10:25
can you know shoot away from a carjacking eventually he encounters none other than
1:10:30
character actor dick miller who basically played himself in every movie he was ever in i love this guy he was in
1:10:37
gremlins one and two he was in terminator he was in the explorers he was probably in 50 roger corman feature
1:10:44
films that yeah he is one of those guys like i feel like some actors get a little
1:10:50
like unfairly characterized as just playing themselves okay maybe i was being a little mean but
1:10:56
no no you're not being mean here though is my plan
1:11:04
is that sometimes that characterization is unfair in this case the
1:11:10
characterization he's 100 percent accurate he had literally just made an entire
1:11:17
decades-long career just playing himself yeah you know it's
1:11:22
just kind of a sauntering older sort of faced world beaten
1:11:27
salt of the earth kind of guy you know and you want to swing at this yeah absolutely if you want to come at me
1:11:33
with that find me an example that's not the case sort of the explorers he's kind of a
1:11:40
nice guy in that one no well actually he's there's a bit of a creep in that one too yeah that's what i'm saying
1:11:46
a little bit well oh okay no i'm sorry uh even he was the
1:11:51
gun shop clerk in the terminator i love that part because arnold
1:11:57
schwarzenegger is just like i want the repeating laser assault rifle and just like just what you see here pal
1:12:04
[Laughter] he was great in that scene actually to
1:12:09
be clear i love dick miller yeah yeah it's just like he's he just
1:12:15
plays the same guy it's a good character yeah i mean watch this movie and then watch chopping maul where he's the
1:12:21
janitor and he's like the same exact man he's murray from gremlins here
1:12:26
yes he's married from gremlins and everything yeah but it's always good so i mean you know
1:12:32
why why fix what ain't broke i don't hate it when actors are one note if the note's good yeah
1:12:39
sadler almost sticks him with a knife in his surprise at encountering someone and miller doesn't notice and just
1:12:45
offers him a sip of booze and a tip about where sadler could sleep for the night hey you want a drink of
1:12:51
this something horrible they don't say what it is but it's just like it gets the job done
1:12:57
this movie has an interesting relationship with booze it does indeed
1:13:02
they cut to some cops there's a sheriff and deputy the deputy's name is bob i don't remember the sheriff's name and
1:13:08
spoiler alert he doesn't live very long so it doesn't matter i did have a note about that because uh
1:13:15
even though it has been over a decade since i've seen that movie it was like immediately i was like oh right yeah
1:13:22
this guy's not going very long the two of them these two cops are investigating the still flaming ruins of the two cars
1:13:29
they have the maryland and new jersey license plates as we know later there are demons and
1:13:34
devil characters in this movie and i'm not surprised that you know they might have come from new jersey
1:13:41
i'm just kidding it's just a little east coast joke you know yeah why is it that everyone poops on new jersey is it
1:13:47
because it's near new york and it isn't new york is that what the deal is i don't know i guess i don't know i
1:13:52
never really like i've always thought the whole like coastal rivalry thing is pretty dumb
1:13:58
yeah i mean as a west coaster i mean i never really knew what was going on over there or why
1:14:03
it's just fun to jump on the bandwagon i'm sorry i'm a small man yeah petty and small
1:14:10
i mean like also like when i inevitably do move to new york
1:14:15
please get mercy please don't kill me for saying rude things on a podcast no i mean at this i
1:14:22
mean like like i've been live in seattle live in california i feel like at some
1:14:28
point i'm gonna migrate to every major liberal club in the uh united states
1:14:34
ah i see okay it's part of your like uh your mecca
1:14:39
no i meet all the quadrants no it's entirely like involuntary on my part
1:14:45
it's just going to happen at some point where i'm going to end up living in new york so back to this two cops yes
1:14:51
they're investigating a wreck billy zane just casually walks into view from like out from behind the two cars
1:14:58
and he says he was pursuing another man and he looks perfectly clean and unharmed and they're all just like what
1:15:03
happened he's like airbags you gotta love him why would you admit you were in the car
1:15:10
he's just like well this was my car yes i was in it i am unharmed don't worry about it i kind of get the impression
1:15:16
that he doesn't care too much about what i guess not like although for now
1:15:23
yeah he's keeping up illusions for a while you know yeah i mean i guess the impression i got was like this is more of a like a fun
1:15:30
little coincidence for him and if it works out that's fine if it doesn't then whatever i do kind of like
1:15:37
that position because i feel like humans are so fallible that if you are some kind of well okay this gives it away a
1:15:42
little bit but yeah if you're a deathless creature uh you know pursuing someone you've got all the time in the world to wait for
1:15:49
someone to just make a casual human error you know you can just scoop up the stuff when you need it you know without much of a fuss also peter the movie is
1:15:56
named uh demon knight people kind of get yeah get what's they get what's going on well at this point in the film i mean
1:16:02
you could say it's one way or the other i mean they've shown billy zane he says he's after a criminal they show william
1:16:07
sadler he's trying to steal a car and he creepily offers a kid a quarter and then he smuggles well he doesn't smuggle he
1:16:14
drinks booze off of dick miller so i mean like you know in the terminator type thought you know we're like well
1:16:20
which one of these is good which is bad it could go either way at this point
1:16:26
is it that you just don't trust a guy in a cowboy hat who miraculously doesn't get hurt in a car wreck peter you've
1:16:32
watched movies before there's no doubt that like i'm sorry billy zane's the bad
1:16:38
guy they're not there's no mystery like there's literally no mystery here unless this is like your first movie well okay
1:16:46
maybe but you know i'm just doing this for the benefit of people who haven't seen the movie or don't know what we're talking about
1:16:52
you know or or maybe who are really naive no i'm not gonna judge i'm not judging
1:16:58
oh okay i mean like to be clear i do i do want to meet the person who like i can watch genuinely surprised yeah i
1:17:06
can watch like demon night with and then like 15 minutes into the movie they're like
1:17:12
billy zane's evil oh my god i'm sorry if any of you are that person
1:17:19
i apologize i i appreciate you but i will continue to laugh that's very funny
1:17:25
it's innocence but it's adorable innocence it's not it's not bad no no that you're so trusting of the world
1:17:30
around you he's a cleanly dressed man he's got a texas accent he can't be bad exactly
1:17:39
look at that trench coat or a duster or whatever the hell that is i mean it just looks nice oh god i actually i really
1:17:44
like this theoretical person we've made up yeah i i think i'll draw them no
1:17:50
like i feel like they're like a very kind soul and i really appreciate them
1:17:57
yeah exactly [Laughter] you know they put their hand over their
1:18:02
heart when the scene happens they're just like oh my god i just can't believe this oh my god yes
1:18:08
in this tawdry children's film from tales from the crypt how could they do this
1:18:14
i really want this person to be real
1:18:19
okay so so dick miller ncf so back to it again so dick miller and sadler head for a
1:18:25
strange-looking boarding house i think it's called mission hotel i'm not certain
1:18:30
but anyway miller explains that it was a church that was closed down in the 1950s for lack of interest
1:18:37
which is really funny to me for some reason you're like ah just close it whatever i i didn't like that life it
1:18:43
was just kind of like yeah there's not enough people going to church whatever i also love this 90s angle and i consider
1:18:50
this a 90s angle where it's really low on like desert and then it goes up towards the the church so it looks like
1:18:57
they're really tall walking towards it you know like everything's super flat and you know even though it's far away it looks close
1:19:02
yeah and then there's like that fake lightning that they drew in where it like crackles in yeah i love that and every movie that
1:19:08
has that just thumbs up from me yeah like yeah there's that thing we're going
1:19:15
towards it sadler checks his hand again his hand growls at him and seems to make the
1:19:21
circle of the black stars so like the whole thing's done now and he says just the place i've been looking for you
1:19:26
think he would be a little more sad you know he's just like well i mean once you know what happens at the end of all this
1:19:32
you'd be like oh this really sucks maybe i should just not do this i don't suppose he has a choice right
1:19:38
peter the movie has to happen yeah i'm sorry well no i mean we'll get into it so
1:19:45
inside the boarding house they meet cch pounder which by the way is one of the coolest names ever like that's just an
1:19:51
amazing name yes also i feel like i like her in everything she's been in yes yeah she's
1:19:58
the african-american lady who's been in a ton of stuff i really liked her in this
1:20:03
i really like her in psycho four or five or whichever one it is that she's in where she's a radio host i
1:20:09
really like her i think she's in the shield or some show like that where she's like a no-nonsense lady she plays
1:20:14
a no-nonsense lady in a lot of things but very believably so and she brings a lot of personality and
1:20:21
direction i'd say almost everyone in this movie is an excellent actor yeah with the exception of maybe two of
1:20:27
them i will say also presumably she will be good in the upcoming avatar 2 and avatar 3.
1:20:37
she's going to be in those yes oh my god i thought she should have been amanda
1:20:42
wallace in those suicide squad movies i think she's a better one of those than the current lady
1:20:48
so funny thing about that she has voiced him no she's voiced
1:20:55
amanda waller the character in wow some of the suicide squad animated
1:21:01
movies that's amazing i didn't even know that yeah they were probably just like we need a
1:21:06
we need an authoritative lady voice someone that's kind of like cch pounder and they're like well why don't we just
1:21:12
call cch pounder yeah no no yeah no for the record i think that's pretty cool yeah oh yeah and then
1:21:20
uh yeah she played the amanda waller in the batman arkham games too so cool
1:21:26
yeah i mean it's basically the the the other ladies yeah the other one out cch
1:21:32
pounder is uh traditionally amanda waller yeah i guess that's true so she plays irene in this movie she is
1:21:40
a no-nonsense proprietor of mission hotel question mark it's in a neon sign outside but they only show up briefly
1:21:46
once yeah and so i think that's what it's called but but they never refer to it by name so mostly i just call it a boarding
1:21:52
house it's some kind of thing it's weird because when he goes in to get a room
1:21:57
she's like i don't i don't rent to strangers and i don't do short term i'm just like what kind of a business are
1:22:03
you running is an apartment complex i don't understand it's weird but that is kind of the impression that i get is
1:22:09
that it's like effectively public housing you know what i mean i think it's i
1:22:15
consider it it feels like a boarding house you know where they probably get like a public meal you know and people
1:22:20
come and talk but they all have their own rooms that kind of a thing well sure but what i'm saying is it's like if you
1:22:26
can't afford to rent a place or to own a place you go there that's part of the town
1:22:31
yeah so so it's funny you know because she says that you know like oh you know i don't rent short term i don't do this
1:22:37
for strangers sadler just pulls out an impressive roll of 100 bills and she's
1:22:42
like i guess i can make an exception for that i'm always happy to see that
1:22:47
money all right i mean wouldn't you absolutely it's just funny you know and
1:22:52
then she asks for a name he's just like john smith you know and she shoots a look but she writes it down anyway
1:23:00
have you never heard of that happening before i mean i feel like everyone knows about that well yeah also like write a
1:23:05
random name my name is john doe also especially if you're like renting out a room to a uh
1:23:12
stranger in hotel it happens my name is frank everyman yeah
1:23:19
joey jojo junior shabadoo that's the worst name i ever heard
1:23:24
where's joey jojo i had an old simpsons joke all right so i'm alan smithy and i'm here
1:23:36
and then you look directly into the camera like when i was filming you know mr dickerson says you know i was really
1:23:41
unhappy with how things were going i thought i might leave the set but then things got better and i just left it in
1:23:46
yeah also we're introduced to uh a lady named cordelia played by brenda bach who
1:23:52
didn't do a whole lot she's a kind of a tv actress or i guess we say actor for everyone now so yeah a tv actor
1:23:59
she in this is a uh prostitute i mean there's no nice way to put it no well i
1:24:04
mean there's a lady of leisure there's there's a meter ways to put it if you like wanna well
1:24:11
the movie wants you to be mean to her and i feel bad about it no that's right like i you know i mean
1:24:17
we'll get more into it but yeah i it's just sort of like oh you shouldn't feel good about this lady you know and
1:24:23
then right off the bat she's just like oh there's this man you know i don't know i feel not that i've met a lot of prostitutes
1:24:29
you know i i have incidentally walked past a couple that's the best i've got but like i don't get the sense that you
1:24:35
laid on that thick right away you know no yeah especially if you're a higher class one
1:24:41
i feel like you bide your time you know you're a little you learn a little bit more you investigate and then you start
1:24:46
making your you know advances as it were i feel like the whole the whole relationship is very weird
1:24:54
because she is basically known as the town prostitute
1:24:59
the one like the one and then yeah that's just like
1:25:06
how how does that work like like well the cops actually do mention it later they
1:25:11
do mention something when they're talking to her where they're just like oh like they said he was or she was with
1:25:16
a man i think it was thomas hayden church well spoiler he shows up later and they're just like well i hope he
1:25:22
wasn't paying for that you know like it's like i think it's sort of like a finger waggle like they're just kind of
1:25:27
looking the other way they don't want her to be flagrant about it yeah i guess i get it but it is it's still it's a
1:25:33
weird relationship to have in such a small town i feel bad for the actress and for the role i don't like how poorly
1:25:40
she's written she's one of the worst parts of the movie maybe i yeah i guess i got some issues coming up with that but i just
1:25:47
want to separate though i'm mad at the role not the actress not with brenda bach
1:25:53
she's beautiful she plays it reasonably well but it's more just the role i don't like the way it's her character is
1:25:59
crapped on by everybody i mean let's be honest it's it's women in general you know no
1:26:06
yeah jacob
1:26:13
but no i mean you know the further back in time you go the less kindly a movie is willing to be to a lot of
1:26:20
women in various roles and it's not fair yeah okay let's just say that sure
1:26:27
no no i get it i mean it's not that long ago but i mean it is almost a 30 year
1:26:32
old movie i guess times do change okay things are better now i mean they are but also like i will
1:26:38
say uh this movie could have been worse about a lot of that stuff so yeah i guess yeah i mean
1:26:44
they at least try to be playful in their ignorance yeah okay so
1:26:50
irene calls for her daughter geraline i keep writing her name like five or six different ways in my notes with like
1:26:57
multiple opinions and stuff in it i don't know how i just referred to her as jada pinkett
1:27:02
after a while yeah it's not it's over it is it is indeed played here she is played by jada pinkett smith well she's
1:27:09
not smith yet she's just jada pinkett this is just after menace to society
1:27:14
in which i think you have some involvement in it that's probably how he got her into this movie
1:27:20
yeah originally if they were going to go with a white lady they were going to go with cameron diaz and this is just after
1:27:26
the mask so that would have been huge i guess but jesus i like jada pinkett in
1:27:32
this movie oh no do you think it's really good no i'm not saying it's like a lost opportunity i actually think that would no worse
1:27:38
yeah yeah yeah it'd be funny they're like okay cameron cameron listen we have jada pinkett now
1:27:45
for the leading role but uh we still have the cordelia roll open if you're interested
1:27:51
no damn what a missed opportunity that actually
1:27:57
would have been great yeah i don't want to be mean to brenda bach but like that would have bumped things up a little bit
1:28:03
maybe i don't know anywhere anywhere anyway yes
1:28:08
jada pinkett comes out she's overworked and underappreciated and she has to clean this stove and they
1:28:14
talk about that stove three or four times throughout the movie is that stove clean yet like i just started it look
1:28:20
i've got these oven cleaning gloves on get it done and now you got other things to do because she has to go lead william
1:28:26
sadler to his room you know it's room number five and she has to cook dinner for him and then other things
1:28:33
so it seems like irene's just kind of having her do everything that she doesn't want to do i can get behind that
1:28:38
i don't blame her well she is on work release they do say that later in the film so she got caught for stealing
1:28:44
something so this is part of her parole so i guess maybe her mom just thinks it's cool to to work it out of her you
1:28:51
know like it's a demon you got to work out of her cleansing sweat maybe are wait are they i don't think
1:28:58
they're related but mother daughter i thought they were but maybe they're not i don't think they are maybe i just
1:29:04
assumed oh man well i i don't know all right hey everyone uh just of note
1:29:12
uh peter is a racist so yeah just write that down oh my god i
1:29:19
however am not and took the more socially progressive stance so anyway
1:29:26
in fairness i saw this as a child and i took those prejudices of the time with me
1:29:32
no no i don't know i guess i never got that from their relationship they were
1:29:37
related well maybe not i don't know i thought it was like a tough love mom thing but i guess i could be wrong i mean like you
1:29:44
said it was originally supposed to be a a white character i don't think from their relationship it just it felt more
1:29:51
work than family i don't know i mean i'm willing to be wrong on that but
1:29:57
but yeah geraldine leads sadler up a weird metal railing balcony onto the
1:30:02
second floor to get to his room i was just thinking it's odd for a boarding house or any place honestly to have
1:30:07
metal railing like that yeah i know what used to be at church which i guess would be okay but it just seems weird even for
1:30:13
that oh peter can we start calling him by his character name of frank breaker
1:30:20
well we haven't been introduced to his name yet but yes his name is breaker because i will say this breaker
1:30:26
is such a good surname for kind of an actually guy although in fairness that's also not his name it's
1:30:33
just that we never learn any other name so people just call him that i guess whatever i think it's his name it's a
1:30:39
good name it's a good action there i like it frank mr breaker
1:30:44
yeah frank breaker ass kicker kind of yeah a man with a mission
1:30:52
yes to survive yeah all of those things are true on a mission from god yes
1:30:59
yes spoilers literally but yes that is actually the plot of this movie
1:31:08
his quest is righteous yes it is frank
1:31:14
like you can keep doing this it's not gonna stop being true that's who the character is
1:31:20
it's good i like it so downstairs cordelia is commiserating
1:31:27
with a curly headed man named wally who apparently just got fired for stealing the mail this creepy looking weirdo
1:31:34
named charles fleischer is a most famous for being the voice of roger rabbit and who framed roger rabbit so minor note i
1:31:42
do have wally in my notes listed as the male cup
1:31:50
i don't like that word
1:31:55
but yeah i mean but before his time he's he's he's an incel before his time
1:32:01
he's literally the mail chuck yeah he's he's he's a he's an internet troll
1:32:07
before the internet was really a thing yes i could just see him writing angry messages
1:32:13
women don't take me seriously okay and play the immediate note after that is how weird
1:32:19
is it that this hotel has its own resident president that's true
1:32:32
god this place looks dirty despite the fact that jada pinkett is supposed to be scrubbing it like all the
1:32:38
time it's a pretty filthy place the whole place looks awful
1:32:43
it's like an adobe church and it's still got that dusty clay look you know like it's filthy and like 200 years old you
1:32:50
know something it's so weird i don't get like because yeah it does look like in some ways both like
1:32:57
very ancient and just like someone didn't do like regular
1:33:03
weekly up up to you oh and just one other minor thing i wanted to add about charles fleischer i most remember him
1:33:10
actually from a nightmare on elm street when he's a doctor at a sleep institute
1:33:15
that doesn't make a big deal of the fact that nancy just pulls freddy krueger's hat out of thin air
1:33:20
like huh that's weird dream warriors right or am i no it's the first film oh
1:33:26
[ __ ] they take her into an institute it's true dangerously right yeah and then from out of the covers she just
1:33:32
pulls out his hat she didn't walk in with that and they're just like how did you get that
1:33:37
she just materialized that out of a dream if you're a sleep doctor that's like you
1:33:42
should be seeing like the light of god in your eyes you're just like this just made my career that's true also he
1:33:48
played boris in balto2 wolf quest okay
1:33:53
and balto3 when was some change i i never saw even the first balto i did
1:33:59
anyway i'm sure someone cares i'm glad all
1:34:04
right there's gonna be like one person who this is like i like falto yes thank
1:34:10
you jacob she's bringing it up i was gonna be so mad if they didn't bring up balto
1:34:16
it's clearly charles fleischer that's a cute movie anyway anyways anyway all right
1:34:23
so in this he's a disgruntled postal worker for a zippy ship or some made-up
1:34:28
name like that yeah i guess they didn't want to get any particular company mad because of how much of a caricature of a
1:34:34
man this person is and so we're gonna have to lay out a couple of facts about this man he's
1:34:40
first okay he's clearly in love with cordelia second she's clearly only nice
1:34:46
to him in a friendly way uh i'll say it hence the name of mailchuck because he
1:34:51
delivers the mail i'm sorry this is just the way things are i like i i don't i don't like the
1:34:58
term jacob it's a mean term tell isaac look me in the eyes and tell me that
1:35:06
this guy is not a cuck i'm not i'm throwing a turn around i've never i
1:35:11
don't think i've used that term before any of the movies that we've discussed
1:35:17
this guy is a [ __ ] i would feel bad calling him a simp but i mean he's also that i mean oh you're gonna like it
1:35:24
you're gonna hate so my comments later on
1:35:40
the stains out and subscribe even get them all and then cordelia says ah damn guacamole
1:35:46
these are such terrible jokes it was like written by a 50 year old man and like what would a prostitute say yeah
1:35:51
some vaudeville act but they're in the dryer and geraline doesn't want to go get them and so wally
1:35:57
agrees to go get her sheets it's just like oh god wally your life
1:36:02
sucks what am i telling you what's saying this to me
1:36:08
it's who he is this is pathetic after yeah he's nice and goes and gets
1:36:13
the sheets and and cordelia says oh maybe i should give him a freebie and the cch pounder
1:36:19
you know playing irene she just says just what he needs someone else screwing him which is a beautiful line perfect
1:36:26
it's yeah i don't have straight lines yeah i was gonna say i i don't think she
1:36:32
has a single waisted line in this movie no because she's written perfectly i mean a lot of these other characters are
1:36:39
questionable but hers are just just perfect i mean part of it's just because like i like everything that she's been
1:36:44
in yeah i mean she's just great yeah yeah she's never had a bed for her rinse she's crazy however all right so from
1:36:51
here on out i will call william sadler breaker because that's an awesome name yes thanks thank you
1:36:57
so frank breaker man of god he slathers some ketchup all over a bowl of some kind of gruel in a soup bowl and just
1:37:04
plows into it i don't know what it is it's some kind of paste of of meat
1:37:10
because dick miller is sitting there and he's just like oh this is yesterday's roadkill
1:37:15
i assumed it was more like a chowder i guess nothing i don't know it's not
1:37:20
clear what it is so i know this kind of hunger you know that
1:37:25
that would make a man eat ketchup out of a bowl of something that doesn't need ketchup oh right i know if you've ever
1:37:31
been out on the road or you've been on like a long hike one of those times where you can really relish the inside
1:37:36
of a relish packet is a rare and wonderful feeling in your life sure yeah sorry when you're talking
1:37:42
about hungry i thought we were going back to wally but no not that hunger
1:37:49
dear lord no i just mean no no no actual hunger a
1:37:55
breaker listen man i have been day two into a red fair and eaten
1:38:02
cold clam chowder from a can so i i know absolutely
1:38:08
cordelia watches him eat and then she says that afterwards she'll handle dessert and
1:38:15
lays herself out on the table in front of him i do appreciate that he at least looks dumbfounded by her offer
1:38:22
just like what i mean what do you if you don't know what you say what's what's going on here
1:38:29
oh you're a prostitute oh yeah in case it wasn't clear
1:38:34
i mean she did see that he had a ton of money she was standing right there when he whipped it out so i guess she knows that he's a source or a mark or whatever
1:38:42
a black cat jumps up on the table next to her and irene says to get that [ __ ] off of the table
1:38:48
hops off yes i meant the cat
1:38:55
okay you see what i mean about her getting all the best lines okay yes it's a dreadful joke to make at
1:39:01
the woman's expense but she delivers anyways it's a bad line but it's
1:39:07
it's very funny she delivers a great yeah she gives a look she's just like
1:39:16
this is as good a time as any to point out that most of the characters of demon knight are a bit too dimensional the
1:39:22
sooner you make your piece with that the sooner you'll truly enjoy this film yeah
1:39:28
the cat's name is cleo which is probably irrelevant but i wondered if it was named after mrs leo the fortune teller
1:39:34
at the same time back in the 90s i was curious yeah well i actually
1:39:39
looked into it the last no miss cleo wasn't doing those ads until a year or two after this film so maybe miss cleo
1:39:45
named yourself after the cat that would have been so good yeah that's a shame i really wanted that
1:39:51
to be true yeah for those of you who weren't raised in the 90s miss cleo ran a bunch of ads for
1:39:57
something called the psychic readers network it was all a flim flam she had a bunch of different aliases you know like
1:40:03
all legitimate people do and she was eventually arrested for some
1:40:08
sorts of lies she did i don't remember what exactly it was you know yeah it would also she was found to be a con
1:40:14
person i'm sure the commercials are on youtube you should watch them they were funny yeah
1:40:20
the cards don't lie call me now uh
1:40:25
what a great character so irene keeps demanding geraldine finish the stove like a gunky stove is
1:40:33
time sensitive irene mentions she's on some kind of work release program and you already mentioned that but you know
1:40:39
this is when she brings it up a car honks outside and then breaker stands up like it's a big deal like oh
1:40:45
no and then just in comes thomas hayden church and he plays roach who i wrote as
1:40:51
cordelia's boyfriend but i think maybe we should put boyfriend in italics or or something you know or in quotation marks
1:40:58
because it doesn't seem like that's exactly the arrangement it's i think he's more of her regular or her john you know yeah
1:41:06
it's not really clear yeah but as a child i i thought that they were you know boyfriend girl it kind of
1:41:11
feels that way at the beginning because he like comes in uh they like hugs her and it's
1:41:17
like okay yeah they hug and kiss and they go upstairs to fool around just as
1:41:22
wally is arriving with the basket of sheets look perfect timing here crush his dreams see what i mean
1:41:31
when i call him well the movie's just set up just to just hurt this man i'm not being like i'm not trying to be
1:41:37
cruel when i call him the mailcock that's literally
1:41:43
wait please limit your your use of this
1:41:48
because it's because it's funny to me to call it it's literally he works for the
1:41:54
post office and his entire role in the movie is to be a cook i don't throw that
1:42:01
term around needlessly i was just thinking as wally's standing there with the basket of sheets in his
1:42:07
hands he was gonna give to her i wish he had a line right then where he was just like i guess i'll just i guess i'll just
1:42:14
put this down then in my head he did i'll put this over here
1:42:20
it doesn't that doesn't need to be in the movie because this is how i imagine that went down
1:42:25
because that's the kind of guy he is i guess
1:42:31
irene ratted out breaker because the sheriff receives a message from dispatch telling them to go check out the
1:42:37
boarding house apparently there is absolutely no insulation in the old church because
1:42:43
every grunt and thrust that's coming from upstairs just goes right down to where everyone is sitting in
1:42:48
uncomfortable silence literally just just to torture wooly
1:42:54
it is yes literally they're all sitting you know like staring at each other across from like a dining table or
1:43:00
whatever it is and and wally is just dying inside listening to it
1:43:05
the movie vindicates me on this i'm sorry i think it just vindicates aggravated
1:43:11
postal workers you're like you should just go on about i gotta think about that let's
1:43:17
let's let's let's leave that because that's what this movie is more about this is the time of you know going
1:43:23
postal as a term because the postal workers were the first to lose their minds and shoot everything we it's
1:43:30
there's a scene that's very relevant to that coming up later on we
1:43:35
yes i know save it for that save all right please
1:43:41
so geraline is the only one who's taking it in good humor though he's just like man he's really holding on tonight
1:43:48
that's a pretty great line it's it's good he usually finishes super early
1:43:54
wow wow wally but you feel real embarrassed and emasculated by that
1:44:01
no i was just thinking like when roach comes out later you know adjusting his belt and jareline is just like wow you gave it to her great yeah
1:44:09
you know he'd be like thank you wait wait you'd be trying to wait but i feel like
1:44:17
i hate them about this imagine if if wally gives him the high five
1:44:26
or no where she at no wally goes in for a high five but roach doesn't notice and doesn't return it and then wally has to
1:44:32
just bring his hand down
1:44:40
i'm feeling like i feel like i have to we're riding this hog to hell well yeah first of all yeah that and also like i
1:44:47
maybe i have i maybe have the most complex feelings for swally that i've had towards any character that we've
1:44:54
ever discussed in this show before i am apparently
1:44:59
it's all very fascinating i feel bad for him but at the same time i just i like utter contempt
1:45:07
for this man yeah as an awkward young man i mean i think when i was younger i related to him more
1:45:14
as i'm older now i'm just like less so and thankfully because almost all of his traits yeah yeah
1:45:20
he sucks so much yes he does breaker you know he just finished eating
1:45:26
at the table he asks geraline what she was in jail for she shoots him a look you know like why would you ask he just
1:45:31
says i'm not judging you know and she just says well i stole stuff it was theft
1:45:38
i like that they have these little moments of sort of sharing you know didn't need to be there but they really helped okay i will say it's been a while
1:45:45
since i've watched the movie i was dreading the idea that they were setting up a
1:45:53
semi-romantic thing between these two and i'm glad you didn't go is that what
1:45:58
you thought were you watching it yeah i kind of did i am glad they didn't go i never really
1:46:04
got that feeling it was light but it was more of my cynical
1:46:10
i like i guess if they read me i guess that is what usually happens right there's a man and woman it's like
1:46:15
automatically yeah i guess it was more my like cynical like hollywood view of oh okay i see what they're doing here
1:46:22
which i'm glad they they have yeah but no they play it well in this i mean they don't play everything well
1:46:28
you know like wally but i mean they do part of parts of this movie that are actually well thought out at least some
1:46:34
of them yeah yeah and geraline and him i think do have a good dynamic very friendly yeah they
1:46:40
kind of they do that was just like my initial impression and then that was one of those things like
1:46:46
there were a couple of bad assumptions that started out with with this movie and it ended up ah walking away like
1:46:52
with like a positive feeling that i want to hold them so like that was one of those things like all right you know not
1:46:58
to like get too far in i walked away from this movie feeling pretty good i think it's a feel-good movie in
1:47:05
some ways yeah yeah if you're looking for certain things this movie will give you those things
1:47:11
yeah so the cops arrive with billy zane in tow he's still wearing his cowboy hat
1:47:19
breaker pulls a butterfly knife and holds geraline hostage i think butter to fly knives are cool they're very
1:47:24
cinematic you know the way you can kind of whip them up and open yes i can't watch it i got a couple of meds i can't
1:47:30
always have a butterfly knife aren't they illegal or something uh you know actually that's probably true
1:47:36
that's problem or is it switchblades i forget one of those became outlaws yeah maybe for concealable
1:47:42
well it's there for switchblades and anyway i'm not i'm not a nice guy but i do have
1:47:49
a couple of knives so it's a cool knife it would be like fun to learn how to do that thing
1:47:58
i guess is how i feel about it yeah i'm not playing on stabbing anyone i just like the idea of learning how to do it
1:48:04
it looks cool hey brandishing a knife is way different from actually using theater
1:48:09
i feel like there's there's a lot of importance just like threatening a weirdo on the street is not the same as
1:48:15
actually getting them look peter that's not what i'm getting at i'm just saying it's a it looks like i'm just saying it
1:48:21
looks cool i'm trying to threaten it when i need to threaten no look okay first this is my knife to brandish
1:48:28
choice that's my number one well so first of all i live in a fairly nice place in san
1:48:33
francisco so we don't have to like worry about that too much but
1:48:40
anyway all right billy zane is unfazed by the hostage situation he's like he's not going to
1:48:46
hurt her he absolutely will not you know and the cops come in on him breaker indeed loses his nerve and drops
1:48:53
the knife the sheriff cuffs him they find his wallet they identify him for the first time in the movie as mr
1:48:59
breaker yes irene says son of a [ __ ] he called himself mr smith you know like she was cool
1:49:05
i love that how long have you been in business irene i think she might have been born
1:49:11
yesterday yeah so zane tells the police that breaker has hidden a rare antiquity
1:49:16
in the shape of a key and he needs to find it i guess the deputy is sent upstairs to look for it
1:49:23
i don't know why it's the police's problem i guess it's related to the arrest right so maybe they do need to
1:49:28
yeah i will say this is something it doesn't happen often in movies but i really like it a lot
1:49:34
where the bad guy has the authorities on their side yeah there's that is fun i like it yeah
1:49:41
there's some like it doesn't last too long but there's a lot of interesting tension with that
1:49:48
where it's sort of like yeah they probably should have played with it a little longer but this isn't really a movie for subtlety in the end
1:49:54
no no but like it's fun i wish more movies did that kind of thing it would have been more fun if you
1:50:00
already knew but at this point you still if you'd seen it for the first time you might not know that billy zane is evil i
1:50:06
mean the more the the scene goes on the more obvious it becomes but you know i'm sorry like if you're a child
1:50:14
i'm not like listen you are insulting our one credulous listener who was totally fooled by this movie
1:50:21
no i'm i he was this clean man cleanly shaven he was well kept he seemed nice
1:50:28
he played the santa how could he be a bad guy if he played the phantom
1:50:34
that was supposed to be his big breakout movie but i just don't think people wanted him to be a good guy in anything
1:50:39
well also the phantom sucks i don't want to say that it's a bad like
1:50:46
he's boring he's he's a boring hero with a boring concept he freaking sucks
1:50:53
yeah the concept of the phantom is that if he dies there will be another phantom so yeah yeah that's oh wow that's really
1:51:00
cool so like so like you can kill him
1:51:05
but like another dude will show up later and you can kill him just as easily they
1:51:10
like a slits all right he's the pez dispenser of superheroes yes
1:51:15
he sucks like he's he's private roberts but less interesting he's worse than the green
1:51:21
hornet and that's saying something hey what time let me well i actually never it's ridiculous he has like the gun
1:51:28
that's cool he has a gun well yeah yeah hey whatever green hearts hey
1:51:36
yeah i'm sorry i didn't mean to i don't want to crap on billy zane's career i like billy saying no i like but no
1:51:43
billy's saying i like him a lot uh even though he was in that awful holmes and watson movie
1:51:49
oh i didn't see that with will ferrell where he literally just oh no yeah
1:51:54
it's like it's such a bad joke but i love it so like
1:52:00
i'm sorry i'm really excited but it's very funny holmes and watson have to solve the case
1:52:06
on the titanic billy zane shows up and literally the
1:52:11
whole joke is oh it's billy zayn the guy from titanic
1:52:16
four minutes of that oh god that sounds horrible i'm glad i didn't see that
1:52:22
i mean like it's funny because like billy zane clearly is just like yeah i am the guy from titanic this is
1:52:29
kind of funny but like they should have just had him go by in the background you know with the kid in his arms be like i had a
1:52:35
child yeah yeah something like that it's like a funnier movie would have been more subtle about it
1:52:41
yeah the fact that the movie is completely unsubtle about it is kind of funny to me
1:52:47
yeah okay so like i said yeah billy zane in this movie he gets the
1:52:54
cops the deputy deputy bob an overweight cop who's kind of an idiot to go upstairs and look for the the
1:53:01
relic in room five he doesn't find it in room five but he does hear obvious signs of
1:53:07
sex in the room next door so i can't imagine there was ever a time
1:53:12
when he thinks it was necessary to pull a gun but he does and he goes to the room
1:53:18
peeks through the door like i don't understand this whole sequence he peeks through the door he sees them having sex
1:53:23
in a weird way uh roach and cordelia and then he kicks the door open and says
1:53:28
freeze so he's not fooled so i think he's just doing it to be malicious he's
1:53:34
just like i'm gonna give them a scare i'm gonna point a gun at him it feels that way yeah
1:53:40
i guess or maybe it was cut together where like originally he was gonna just kick the door open which would have been more innocent
1:53:47
but then they wanted to have him like do a scene where he leers at them and then they just like oh we'll film it two
1:53:52
different ways but we'll choose one and then afterwards we're like yeah we'll just do both i mean yeah that could be it i guess i
1:53:59
got the opinion that i'm of the opinion that uh he was being kind of a creep
1:54:05
yeah i guess he kind of knew what was going on but decided to like
1:54:10
barge in anyway in there thomas hayden church has carjacked clamped to his nipples via a
1:54:18
car battery yes and cordelia's writing him topless and
1:54:23
jolting the batteries i guess uh old to give him sandpapers
1:54:29
yeah this is his origin story
1:54:35
i mean like i don't even know how to handle all this i mean it's so ridiculous but like yeah it almost crosses a barrier like
1:54:42
it's so stupid and like it's such a mean-spirited joke to be like ah this is what prostitutes do they do crazy stuff
1:54:48
for their john's and man written from the view of someone who doesn't know anything about any of it yeah but it's
1:54:54
so over the top that it like it almost becomes funny again we're like okay well this is
1:55:00
ridiculous i mean i feel like the target everything is more of a joke at the expense of
1:55:06
roach than a friend yeah which deservedly so you don't know so at this
1:55:12
point but he is a horrible man and so every time you could make fun of him you should
1:55:17
yeah and i do like him he's just like oh my nipples are smoking
1:55:23
they get brought downstairs i don't know why they're involved in any of this like i guess they want witnesses but it just
1:55:28
seems like the deputy's being a meanie head i guess yeah
1:55:33
the whole scene just confuses me but when he gets back downstairs the deputy says like oh i mean they were
1:55:40
with each other but it was almost more like a lube job you know like you bring your car into the shop he's like i don't want to hear about it which is yeah
1:55:46
that's kind of funny i would have preferred the joke if you hadn't seen it i guess they needed a minimum threshold
1:55:52
of nudity and weird scenes happening so they kind of needed to show it but i almost would have preferred if you didn't see it like if it was from
1:55:59
downstairs looking up and you just hear the door get kicked in because then your imagination would almost be better than
1:56:05
anything they could have come up with yeah i could see that but you know it's tails from the crypt
1:56:10
they want they kind of want to be a little in your face so i guess i can't totally blame them sure
1:56:16
so the sheriff says that frank breaker died five years ago and whoever sadler is must be some kind of imposter
1:56:23
the cops go to drag him out to their squad car but mr hopalong zane insists
1:56:29
he get back what was stolen from him and he's like where'd you hide it you know and breaker's not going to say anything
1:56:34
but uncle willie pops up that's dick miller's character yeah and he says he suddenly realizes that he saw breaker
1:56:41
hide the thing right in front of him i thought that he meant that he saw breaker stash it out by the cafe like
1:56:46
out in the bushes i'm like yeah that would have been kind of a good hiding place but it's like no it's right under the table right there
1:56:52
did they not want to have to film another scene where they go out and get it just like no it's right here just right under
1:56:58
the table i mean i can't believe when one flat i mean i feel like that's maybe where i
1:57:04
would hide it i do love the the epic theme song the relic gets when it gets pulled out it's
1:57:09
just like yeah i always appreciate that when he gets
1:57:14
like an ark of the covenant kind of a theme song for like an item of importance for those of you who haven't
1:57:20
seen the movie it's a sort of a metallic gilded cross with like an ornate vial full of red stuff in the center later on
1:57:27
they point out that it actually was created before the time of christ and it shouldn't be in the shape of a cross
1:57:32
and also there's no reason for it to have blood inside but it does so those two things
1:57:40
uh movies folks i mean it suits the purposes of forces of good keeping the the key
1:57:47
but neither of those were intended and they were built by demons like why would it
1:57:53
why would a demon build uh we'll get into it later but yeah like why would you build it so that you couldn't get it
1:57:58
or maybe maybe they have some kind of a weird thing where like they can only get something if they struggle for it so
1:58:03
they have to make it hard for themselves yeah we got to make it fair i feel well okay
1:58:09
but it's an interesting thought because i feel like demons are traditionally mythologically speaking bound by rules
1:58:19
i don't huh i i prefer that yeah well i'm just saying that i feel like
1:58:24
demons tend to be bound by their own like moral code you know huh i feel like that fits
1:58:32
i don't know i kind of like it it's possible yeah they get into the exposition about this
1:58:37
later but for now nobody knows what's going on so zayn tries to get uncle willie to pour
1:58:42
out what's inside and place it in zane's handy little relic carrying case he just has on him
1:58:48
yeah just put it right in here yeah but the sheriff isn't having it dispatch just told him that both cars in the
1:58:54
wreck were stolen so he decides to bring both men into the police station so they can sort this whole mess out billy's
1:59:00
saying don't want to be hearing that so as they're walking away he's so close to grabbing the cross he's
1:59:06
just like it was right there you know but now the sheriff's trying to lead him away so he's just like uh we'll sort this out later and zane just like
1:59:12
why don't we just do this now and he turns and punches a fist right through the man's face and out the back of his
1:59:18
head a great effect i love amazing it's like
1:59:24
everything goes dutch angles everybody screams i like the fact of then he these
1:59:30
with it after he punches the guy at the river yeah to get his fist out yes it's free
1:59:36
it's good effect it makes like fists in a mayonnaise jar noises like yes
1:59:42
it's so good it makes me smile it's good effect yeah so while he's
1:59:48
struggling with the remains of the sheriff's head on his fist breaker tries
1:59:53
to get the keys off of the deputy's belt and then the deputy pulls a gun on zayn
1:59:58
zane rips the sheriff's head off of his body and throws it at the deputy yes amazing yeah that's what i wrote
2:00:05
just amazing it's yes yeah i love a good head throw
2:00:11
breaker gets his hands free and pulls the relic out of the pocket of the decapitated sheriff he burns zayn's face
2:00:17
with the relic and zayn nimbly leaps through a stained glass window i love that it seems like he has a
2:00:23
prepared jump like i wonder if he thinks of that as some sort of a demon where he's just like all right well here are all the exits so if i'm in trouble i'll
2:00:30
just leap like spring hill jack through this window here
2:00:35
now sprinkle jack i can't believe you google that
2:00:40
if we're like talking about obscure chat yeah yeah that's a good one to google
2:00:46
there's a reason they never made him into a movie because he's just a groper that leaps high but still it's an
2:00:51
interesting story you could do it you could make it a sprinkle jack movie well you could like just to make him a
2:00:57
groper i don't know you can do something that's like half of his thing though
2:01:05
you're not wrong just change cheating he's like a guy who like mugs people or
2:01:11
like beats them up or whatever yeah so yeah billy zane goes out into the i
2:01:16
was going to say yard but it's really just desert and he just says humans you're not worth the flesh you're printed on
2:01:24
and i love it when he he finally sheds you know his texas accent yeah he tosses away the hat he throws throws off the
2:01:30
duster that is i love the little dance i mean i try not
2:01:37
to curse in this in this show but it's just i don't know hey there hold there
2:01:43
it's it's really good yes yeah okay if you don't watch the movie at least like
2:01:49
what's that up just watch that scene it's yes it's it's beautiful
2:01:54
i just love that there's like yeah just make fun of the accent you were just doing and just just be as crass as
2:02:00
possible well that's what that's one of those reasons why i feel like this movie was sort of like a
2:02:05
runaway like let billy zane do whatever he wants movie yeah they're like just be like the
2:02:11
genie in aladdin you know just just do whatever meta stuff you feel like doing but yeah but he a does it and it's great
2:02:19
yeah it is it's really good he pulls out the one claw finger he does this once or twice in the movie i just think it's
2:02:24
funny for some reason that he can just manifest a claw in one of his fingers he's just like all right this property
2:02:30
is hereby condemned and he uh cuts open his palm and like predator blood comes out it's like
2:02:36
bright yellow it also kind of looks like the the reagent stuff from reanimator yes you
2:02:42
know just that kind of thing i was gonna say oh i'm sorry i didn't mean to steal your thoughts no no that's fine i was
2:02:47
also going to comment i feel like the general effect of the demons rising up from the
2:02:54
goo looks good yes like i don't know i like it i wonder what b1 those like anti-cgi
2:03:01
surprises types but yeah this movie would look significantly worse if they
2:03:06
made it today yeah probably well here's the thing this movie was made a couple of different ways like there was two
2:03:12
scripts one of the scripts had no demons in it really it was going to be billy
2:03:17
zane kind of the same except he was going to be more of a bible salesman and then his followers were going to be
2:03:24
additional salesmen in like black suits and sunglasses yeah so it was going to be sort of like
2:03:30
sort of a joke i guess they probably would have played up zayn a little more just because they didn't have the demons
2:03:36
but honestly the movie is made by these demons they are so good they didn't have the money for it
2:03:42
originally the director or someone i forget maybe the producer had to beg to get more money they're like listen
2:03:48
this movie is called demon knight it has to have demons in it yeah
2:03:54
and that is absolutely a good call they made at least four full demon outfits and that is enough to
2:04:00
make it look like there are dozens and it looks great yeah they make the most out of the limited special effects they
2:04:06
have yeah maybe that's an interesting idea of having the like bible salesman types
2:04:13
they look so good yeah i like it yeah it would have been a different movie it probably probably
2:04:19
would have been more of a comedy if it was that i could see like people you know leaning through windows being like hey we just want to talk to you and you
2:04:25
have like pushed your faces out yeah so as we said billy zane splashes the
2:04:31
blood around and this magically spawns underlings they come out as fetuses first and then just kind of quickly
2:04:37
pupate or whatever you want to call it they just morph into adult versions of themselves while they're playing like
2:04:42
over dramatic choir music which i love which is like yeah
2:04:48
like way too dramatic from this movie maybe but then again if that was
2:04:54
happening that's probably what would be playing in your mind you know just the horror of it
2:04:59
yes he's spontaneously creating demons out of nothing i mean you could say that about a lot of really dumb movies though
2:05:07
if you saw a critter from critters that'd be pretty horrifying yeah
2:05:13
yeah i'm still horrified by the way they roll around in a ball oh god not to get into it i remember when kevin nightmares
2:05:20
watching critters three as a child because of the scene where the one jumps into the guy's mouth and just like
2:05:26
eats him up from the inside yeah yeah okay anyway we're talking about so this scene has an
2:05:33
overuse of dutch angles they do that a lot with horror in 90s there's a lot of insane zooms and and tilting angles and
2:05:40
all kinds of weirdness also they do the uh zoom in shaky face thing with one of
2:05:46
the demons where it's like it's facing
2:05:52
yeah yes it's the thing that but i mean the demon outfits are so good that like
2:05:58
i feel like it's justified but most of the time it isn't yeah it's like the thing that like 90 percent of
2:06:04
god-awful indie horror movies do when it's like all right time for a scare
2:06:10
i'll have the guy shoot their head up and down the slide really fast it's like i hate it it sucks
2:06:17
breaker takes the deceased sheriff's gun and reloads it i'm glad that they actually show him do that just so you don't have to worry about it oh yeah the
2:06:24
demons start to invade the church i mean there's this weird moment where they're all gone and then suddenly they're all back again i mean it's kind of pointless
2:06:30
and so we can just kind of skip over it but breaker manages to kill one right away by shooting it in the eyes
2:06:36
and it blasts out lightning and just gets blown across the room in dramatic fashion
2:06:41
looks good i'm glad that they have uh what must have been one of those springboard things that like will send
2:06:46
people flying into the air you know it's like a stuntman thing they do if you look at it i feel like they make use of
2:06:52
that springboard a couple of times in this movie it's nice they're all good uses
2:06:57
yeah no i'm always happy with it so he manages to force the rest of the demons out the front door with a bit of
2:07:04
suppressive gunfire i guess and then breaker stoops and dribbles a bit of what's in the cross on the doorstep
2:07:10
looks like blood it makes a sort of magic seal i don't know is it insulting to call it a magic seal and not a divine seal uh i
2:07:18
guess it's a wrote blood seal so maybe that's the worst of them but i would say okay i like the effect
2:07:26
it looks good yeah like it looks good it makes a red outline that lights up with red light
2:07:32
and then it just does a distortion thing while it's being created like i can't understand how people could like watch it and be like oh that looks cheesy but
2:07:39
it's like it's such a like simple thing that conveys the crazy magical [ __ ] that's going on in a very definite way
2:07:45
it outlines what's happening and why yeah it's simple and like i understand that it doesn't look that great by
2:07:52
modern terms but you i like it it's good effect it looks a little like the the portals
2:07:57
from sliders but you know that might be a mark against your place we're not going to get into
2:08:03
that but yeah yeah geralyn and uncle willie try to flee out the back door but a demon waits there
2:08:10
too of course they do he's just like i'll just walk around back yeah breaker hurls his butterfly knife into his face
2:08:15
through the window which is pretty impressive yeah and then kicks it off the porch and he puts down a blood seal
2:08:21
that seals that entrance as well the demons just bounce off of these seals when they touch them and then one
2:08:27
decides to run through it anyway and he gets roasted and killed for his trouble yeah i wrote this note that i said i
2:08:33
would have loved to have been the guy who got to throw the squishy dead demon corpse on the kitchen table
2:08:39
the steaming body just like you know it just falls over i didn't even think about that let's see
2:08:45
yeah absolutely somebody had to do that yeah yes yeah absolutely in the cold open you
2:08:53
know when the woman was talking to her lover about her dead husband she said it got me so warm and squishy and then i
2:08:58
just wrote that again here so warm and squishy i don't know if you
2:09:03
can make fun of the stuff i send it for that [Laughter] roach identifies himself as the guy you
2:09:10
would least want to be trapped in a house with him and cordelia try to sneak out to his car using a side door
2:09:17
poor wally calls after cordelia she doesn't even bother to look back peter do you see what i mean
2:09:24
i'm going to bring it up i don't want to like rub it in yeah but no i i'm aware
2:09:30
a demon sneaks around the corner of the house and leaps at them and in an amazing show of selfish cowardice roach
2:09:37
grabs cordelia and just throws her into the demon it's rare in a movie to see such
2:09:44
such a pathetic act from a man yeah it's kind of amazing yeah it reminds me of remember in the dead
2:09:51
zone the movie you know with christopher walken at the end when there's a politician who gets shot and he holds up
2:09:58
a baby yeah is martin sheen holding up a baby yes
2:10:03
it's like that yeah no take my girlfriend [Laughter]
2:10:10
stuff like that is the kind of thing where it's like there are times when i kind of feel like stephen king is kind
2:10:16
of a hack and then there's things like well like they had to wrap up his story real quick
2:10:22
ruin this politician in two seconds no i don't feel like that tech stuff at all i feel like that's brilliant oh i feel
2:10:29
like i love that singing but it's so good he always like yeah it always makes me
2:10:35
laugh that's so good that's i mean that's perfect
2:10:40
the [ __ ] he could like you could write the same scene it would have the same impact
2:10:45
if he like put his wife in front of himself or whatever but
2:10:50
yeah so like snatch a baby is just
2:11:00
it's so good no hit this yes uh stephen king you're genius
2:11:06
i love you so uh yeah so cordelia manages a good punch on the demon when it comes after her yeah and then she
2:11:12
says i'm sorry which is like a really funny line and it's also the best thing
2:11:17
she gets to say in this whole movie yeah probably it kind of shows like her whole character at least the nicer parts
2:11:24
of her that i mean that she honestly is kind of sweet and you know invulnerable she doesn't want to be hurting anyone
2:11:29
even a horrible demon that's trying to kill her yeah it also reminds me if they do that they
2:11:34
do that multiple times in the mcu like when someone's punched the hulk or whatever and he's like i'm sorry
2:11:40
yeah that's true so while he grabs a gun goes to save cordelia he shoots it in the head three times and
2:11:46
he just laughs at him like everyone's laughing at him i guess yeah i will breaker comes up
2:11:52
i will say that uh at this point i don't know what that just says in quotes
2:11:58
nobody touches my prostitute i mean this is the nicest thing he does
2:12:04
it's a genuinely brave thing yeah i know i'm still going to make fun of him
2:12:09
yeah so breaker comes out and just kind of gives him a pep talk he's like no well you got to shoot him in the eyes
2:12:15
yeah what she does in two shots which yeah pretty good hit the eyes oh uh and
2:12:20
duck yeah jump out of the way too oh no wait too late
2:12:25
so yeah because he shoots him and then the bolts come out and hit him in the chest and just send him sailing off of his feet into the air
2:12:33
this movie hates him so bad he's like the one guy who gets hit by
2:12:38
those bolts that's true i mean it does sort of have to show that it has an effect and it is you know that
2:12:44
it's serious but it's unfortunate that it's him you know he's he's the brunt of everything really
2:12:50
i know breaker and cordelia drag his now unconscious but victorious body back
2:12:56
inside zane pops up like right after them and tries to walk in bouncing off the seal
2:13:02
and breaker closes the door in his face i love that he's just like man just give me the give me the key breaker
2:13:08
i mean he's like that throughout the whole movie i love it yeah he's just like come on
2:13:13
no he reminds me of a neighbor if you borrowed his drill he's almost more like that he seems genuinely annoyed
2:13:21
come on man yeah cordelia nurses while he awake which is sort of nice it's like they're
2:13:27
one of their only nice moments for either character they both live hard lives yeah
2:13:33
breaker finally gathers everyone for a mighty dump of expository dialogue
2:13:39
and i have a brief list of what the bullet points are all right yes they are demons
2:13:45
yes they are here for him specifically blood from the relic conceal portals
2:13:50
destroying the demon's eyes releases their souls violently those four things
2:13:57
hmm yeah oh yeah and then roach announces to everyone that he
2:14:02
plans on giving breaker he plans on giving breaker to the demons to make them go away
2:14:07
i guess i have to admire that kind of bold honesty listen breaker i don't want to give you
2:14:13
the impression that i will do anything other than undermine and betray you oh what traitoro has betrayed us yeah
2:14:22
i backstabber have backstabbed all he needed was a ridiculous mustache
2:14:28
to twirl i mean yeah he's almost there so breaker goes around to seal all the doors and windows to the outside the
2:14:35
demons should just dig a hole through an unwatched wall but you know whatever i mean i assume
2:14:40
they're polite they're just like well we have to go through an actual portal i mean they can't just cheat well that's
2:14:45
what i'm saying the demons like rules apparently yeah and he's just coming
2:14:51
through the roof you can't show yeah i mean maybe it's you know like it's similar to vampires like they have to be
2:14:57
invited inside but demons they have to come through a door or a window i guess it's like uh
2:15:03
it's in the bible just look it up that's like intriguing where he has to speak in rhymes everyone has their own that's horrible
2:15:10
though no yeah yeah no i like catcher again no don't like don't make fun of him
2:15:16
he's cool but like he has to he has to arrive ever like demons have their own they have their own
2:15:22
civil laws they have to wear there are some flashes of lightning that illuminate a cross and a stained glass
2:15:28
window and breaker has some biblical ptsd yeah some flashbacks uh that i
2:15:34
noticed that jesus is getting crucified through the palms which is incorrect yes it's supposed to be through the wrists
2:15:40
okay i'm glad you i'm glad you caught that too yeah well i mean i've seen stigmata they i mean they bring it up in all of those
2:15:46
movies about the stigmata because like it's a way of identifying a fake you know because in a lot of pictures it's
2:15:52
depicted through the palms but it was never done that way because it would break off you know and you need someone to stay there yes
2:15:59
until they're dead i haven't seen the movie stigmata isn't there good
2:16:05
no yes it's not it's not the worst movie it was a big thing back in the 90s it hit
2:16:10
it just the right time so it was actually very popular sure it was kind of boring i mean it's not terrible it's
2:16:17
just not great okay i guess it's the best of that kind of movie if you know what i mean yeah yeah i feel that maybe
2:16:23
just because i have a low opinion of some of those i guess i i feel like that was like a thing though i wasn't into
2:16:30
that kind of movie but like i saw trailers for it a lot more than you would yeah i don't really think
2:16:37
for a while it was probably i think the late 90s was when it was around i think it had something to do with the millennium people getting weird about it
2:16:46
yeah oh yeah geraline startles him out of his reverie he apologizes for threatening
2:16:51
her with a knife earlier which i thought was nice yeah sorry for threatening to kill you i thought that was really funny
2:16:58
because i feel like that's one of those things that in other movies they would just kind of gloss over
2:17:03
you know you're just like i'm sorry i pulled a knife on you she's just like oh yeah that's fine i i didn't think you
2:17:10
would actually do it or somehow i had a feeling you wouldn't yeah like we have an unspoken bond you and i because yeah
2:17:16
i feel like in other movies they just like wouldn't have that moment
2:17:22
yeah where they like where they apologize for doing the like messed up thing to the
2:17:28
normal person they get involved with there's a thoughtfulness to the movie that is
2:17:33
present but inconsistent yeah no yeah or maybe certain characters
2:17:39
were improved but not all of it like maybe some stuff was just ignored but then some stuff was polished you know like it could be something like that
2:17:46
yeah i think that's a good summation of the movie it's polished but not all the way
2:17:52
polished you know there's a little love triangle that's been formulating downstairs cordelia out of gratitude for
2:17:58
having her life be saved chooses wally over roach roach is furious boo hoo i guess i mean like why do i
2:18:05
care yeah whatever she did get ditched by him he literally does grab her shoulders and push her
2:18:12
into a zombie you're not a zombie a demon a gooey monster
2:18:17
a zebra a semen i mean it may or may not be dead it's not clear no it doesn't look like
2:18:22
it's fresh whatever it is yeah you know what they are they're evil as hell
2:18:28
the black cat cleo whom everyone thought was trapped somewhere outside appears in the kitchen
2:18:34
breaker goes to touch it with the relic just to prove the cat isn't possessed he's like it works for animals too they could have a demon in it whatever yeah
2:18:41
the cat the cat freaks out for no reason well i mean that's a good reason yeah freak out to be honest so it flees down
2:18:47
to the basement and so most of the scooby gang heads down there to look for the cat leaving only the you know the
2:18:53
triangle of roach wally and cordelia upstairs roach goes to recruit wally to betray
2:19:00
breaker which is like the most ridiculous attempt ever why would you even bother talking to to wally at this
2:19:06
point he just got his whole life's ambition yeah he's just like i need to talk to you a
2:19:11
man and then while he's just like i don't know i need to talk to you like how you just abandoned cordelia out there he's like whatever i don't care
2:19:17
about her which is pretty great he's just like i'm gonna be honest i don't care about this conversation i have my own conversation
2:19:23
i want to have right now yeah i mean that's funny because it's also just like roach is such a bad schemer in this
2:19:29
movie it's funny because he is totally trying to be that kind of guy but he's not
2:19:37
yeah i mean it doesn't work and then uh cordelia comes over and just says like
2:19:42
you know you're not gonna change his mind and you're a piece of crap and so roaches says could you and i talk
2:19:48
privately and like i hate this whole scene but you know we got to go in here so cordelia and roach go walk into a
2:19:54
room i think it's room four on the second floor she basically just lays out that he's a piece of crap and they're done and that
2:20:01
she's not afraid of him and so he hits her and then throws her on the bed and
2:20:07
insults her and leaves this particular aspect of 90s cinema insane hyper aggressive dudes
2:20:14
is not something i miss i could be wrong but i think the scene might only exist so cordelia is sad and alone for a scene
2:20:21
later oh yeah absolutely because otherwise i mean she already changed her allegiance
2:20:27
which was sort of the right decision or i guess was not wrong i mean they're both crappy dudes
2:20:33
they're just crappy for different reasons yeah yeah so and she would have been fine but roach
2:20:40
made her just sad enough to sit around and feel sorry for herself so that she was vulnerable to the point
2:20:46
where billy zane could talk to her from down at the bottom of the window you know like romeo or something i
2:20:52
can't just say this whole like it's a consistent thing throughout this movie but like i like billy zayn i love his
2:21:00
character yeah but he is so bad at seducing people you think so is
2:21:07
shocking every single time that it works i mean it's like
2:21:12
i don't know it is like literally just like it's the most basic stuff
2:21:19
oh hey that guy he's a big piece of [ __ ] and so is that another guy but like what if you were
2:21:26
with me the demon guy and i killed that other guy it's like
2:21:32
how are you falling for this she's easy bait i mean they've written her character poorly she tells you the
2:21:38
things she most wants to hear that she's beautiful inside and out you know that she should she is worthy of love you
2:21:43
know like in a non-paying way but like and that she can aspire to more in her
2:21:49
life i mean i don't think they're terrible arguments i guess but also i mean like
2:21:54
i mean i feel like her uh yeah i could say it again peter but the male cuck i
2:22:00
mean he probably thought petey we shouldn't have told david you hated the term so much otherwise i
2:22:06
wouldn't i find it hurtful i just i don't know
2:22:12
it's almost a swear word for me like yeah is the character not himself hurtful i don't know
2:22:19
he's nothing but pain i'm sorry maybe not all of them i mean roach and between the two of them yeah
2:22:25
oh yeah yeah like i said crappy for different reasons yeah
2:22:30
anyway the the crew downstairs they find the cat who is unfortunately not a demon i mean i'm tired of cats in horror
2:22:36
movies i just want them to go away people just die trying to find them it's it's a bad scene you know what i mean like it's never good news yeah although
2:22:43
this is the most fortuitous cat finding scene maybe in horror cinema history because they just find a mine shaft well
2:22:50
no wait no that leads to misfortune so yeah maybe not ted did details here
2:22:56
oh yeah from reanimator he just finds a dead cat in the fridge
2:23:01
and you're just like you didn't even tell us you're like well i wasn't i had to go to class should i have just written a note cat dead details later
2:23:08
like i'm not terribly a big fan honestly yeah maybe you should have yeah yeah i'm not a big fan of animal violence in
2:23:14
movies but like the news the whole sequences we should do oh god we should do reading
2:23:21
later absolutely yeah we will yeah so we'll get into it in a
2:23:26
future episode yeah cordelia is crying alone you know we've already gone into this a little bit but you know but then
2:23:31
billy zane starts talking to her brain dracula's style he touches her shoulder long distance she turns no one's there
2:23:37
she goes to the window she looks down in golden light his beautiful billy zane
2:23:42
you know he's extending his hand like i could love you cordelia you're not ugly
2:23:48
you're not just a prostitute you know that whole thing he caresses her face long distance
2:23:54
there's actually a great effect oh yeah he has a tear it's here they blasted with an air gun like across
2:24:01
her face yeah you know to make it look like he's wiping it off with his thumb like it's amazing yeah yeah i mean i
2:24:07
made a little for that that's yeah yeah i don't know i like that whole scene i mean maybe you're thinking she's too i don't
2:24:14
know two-dimensional or too dumb for having fallen for it but you know like i bought it i guess
2:24:20
the way her character is written i guess it's not like i like the way she was written but they needed weak and
2:24:25
vulnerable people there to just basically become demons i suppose i guess maybe my opinion is more that i
2:24:32
wish her character had been stronger i guess like i because i could yes i mean i i liked her i sympathize in theory
2:24:39
yeah yeah yeah i guess that's the thing is in theory i like her character
2:24:45
i just wish that there was more there so i could like sympathize more yeah i mean her lines are terrible no
2:24:51
one put any effort into trying to improve her character or any more substance or depth her position is like
2:24:59
that sucks like there's a lot there to empathize with they just don't do enough with it
2:25:05
yeah i was thinking this scene is probably influenced by bram stoker's dracula which came out three years before
2:25:11
i honestly wish there was more films that had supernatural telekinetic seduction i just think it's cool sure
2:25:16
cordelia lets him into her heart or soul or whatever
2:25:23
wally checks in on her she asks if he really loves her you know he very quickly says he does yeah i've always
2:25:29
loved you cordelia from the very first day i delivered your mail
2:25:36
i love you from the very first day i delivered you a package that was from another man yeah go on peter
2:25:44
what happens next yeah so okay irene the deputy uncle willie geraldine
2:25:50
want to brave the old mine shaft to escape the demon attack breaker says they'd be safer in the house which is
2:25:55
funny because right at that moment wally's scream rings out upstairs
2:26:01
yes so roach is waiting out on the stairwell like a coward when breaker and the rest come up to investigate i just love that
2:26:07
little point you know he doesn't say anything he's just standing there looking kind of scared yeah i don't want to go look
2:26:13
at some point irene got access to a shotgun i it's weird i checked earlier scenes she didn't have it but now she
2:26:20
does and i don't know when she gets it i don't know if it's a continuity error or if i just missed it but just now she has
2:26:26
one i eat so she comes upstairs with it sure is this way i mean she probably has one for her
2:26:31
boarding house like maybe behind you know the counter or something i could see that yeah it's pretty minor
2:26:38
i was hoping you saw it but you know oh no no yeah i didn't see anything to like
2:26:43
highlight that so in the bedroom and now demonic cordelia has buried her talons
2:26:49
deep into wally's face breaker tries to shoot her but she just holds up wally's corpse so
2:26:55
he takes it instead which is you know most of his life was like that yeah i mean
2:27:00
folks something kills even in death is just a tool to be used
2:27:06
yeah they look you pay that 8 year old 25
2:27:13
this is your fate she's just going to use you as a bullet shield and then throw your dead body at frank
2:27:20
breaker yeah because she does that next yeah well oh yeah
2:27:25
cordelia strangles breaker to the ground and her face twists and morphs irene doesn't want to risk hitting breaker
2:27:31
with the shotgun which is nice of her to think of that yeah but roach doesn't care so he he tries to take the shotgun
2:27:37
from her so he can shoot them both which is also funny breaker pulls out the relic but cordelia bats it out of
2:27:44
his hand so that it somehow slides all the way to the balcony stairs leading down and drips a little bit of blood so
2:27:50
it just accidentally creates a seal for the whole top floor balcony area how convenient
2:27:56
irene fetches the relic and goes to burn cordelia with it but she grabs irene's arm breaks it and rips it off it's oh
2:28:04
god that's so so gross looking it's a really good effect it looks real
2:28:10
and it's really horrifying yes it's like a twist a break the bone gets revealed
2:28:15
and then she rips off the arm and there's a spray of blood it's just oh geez it's so bad but like it also like
2:28:22
the effect of it lingers so much longer in the movie yeah there's consequences of it because
2:28:29
she doesn't die right away well that's the thing is like you would normally expect that kind of graffit to be like
2:28:35
oh and then someone dies but it's like no they're still alive which i think is
2:28:40
so much worse in some ways yeah so breaker grabs the shotgun and shoots cordelia's head apart
2:28:46
as she's walking weirdly away she was winning like i don't know why she chose at that moment to flee she's
2:28:52
like all right now i'm gonna leave it's weird uh everything in cordelia's head is destroyed except for her eyes
2:28:58
which fall on the carpet and have to be shot separately which is just kind of a waste of a shotgun shell you should have
2:29:04
just stepped on them yeah although i wonder if it would have blown you off your feet if you did maybe
2:29:09
hit it with a rock yeah i mean who's to say the movie does present some some
2:29:15
interesting ideas from how to deal with a uh a demon like this
2:29:20
in non-conventional ways it seems like the eyes are fragile
2:29:26
enough that if you just did something small to their eye it would probably burst like hit it with like a little needle or
2:29:31
something later on they like decapitate a demon and it's like well that doesn't
2:29:37
kill it yeah you can still like you got the head and they can't mostly
2:29:43
not a threat anymore at that point yeah yeah so i mean like one thing is you don't necessarily have to go straight
2:29:48
for the eyes he has to have to get the head and then you can win the option keep it as a pet well no
2:29:55
but like i'm saying you have more options than rather than just shooting
2:30:00
i was thinking of just like how best to immediately kill these demons if their eyes are what kills them i was thinking
2:30:05
like maybe uh like a blasting gun sort of like a shotgun but weaker it would almost be more like a slingshot and it
2:30:11
would just burst out sand and you know just hit him in the eyes and kill him you wouldn't even have to be very accurate oh sure i mean like i was
2:30:18
thinking were like situational stuff like you know you decapitate the demon and
2:30:24
just like uh put its head in the basket and you shove the demon's body over like what the hell
2:30:30
is it going to do yes like you basically just as we see later in the film
2:30:36
you get choked is what happens well i mean what i'm saying is you incapacitate both without having to like
2:30:42
destroy the eyes well they say that they have tortured souls so it might just be that it's like
2:30:48
a strong imperative to release them just to give them peace yeah i suppose that's true if you want
2:30:53
to be a good person yeah i don't want to be nice about it
2:30:58
but if you want to kill you know come about with like otherwise like sure
2:31:04
there are options so irene she now needs medical attention so the group again insists that they should
2:31:10
try the mine uncle willie says that he knows the layout and that the spur comes
2:31:15
out at ground level about a mile away so i guess it just kind of slopes up and i mean hey at least they took the
2:31:22
trouble to write in a character who has some idea of where a newly discovered mineshaft entrance go yeah yes
2:31:29
it's nice that they didn't just blindly run in there without explanation i mean because a lot of movies do that and it's horrible every time it does because
2:31:35
you're just like what you just die if you take a wrong turn and fall down a pit or something yeah folks
2:31:41
if you don't know where a mine shaft goes don't go down it it's a bad idea
2:31:47
they're super dangerous yeah we're filled with gas that'll just kill you just by breathing the air that's true
2:31:52
and not just horrible lovecraft monsters like in that story where that thing happens
2:31:58
and there's also those cave spiders that are like as big as your hand and that kind of stuff yeah i don't know okay i
2:32:03
want to think about that let's go get all indiana jones up and just okay yeah anyway i'll think about the cave spiders
2:32:10
let's get i don't know let's keep going let's keep going all right moving on against breakers wishes they decide to
2:32:17
venture down into the shaft breaker reluctantly follows downstairs roach is breaking the shelf with a
2:32:22
sledgehammer and it gives breaker like more biblical flashbacks and there's there's a guy in a cloak
2:32:29
he's right by the crucifixion scene and there's a demon who looks like a muppet reaching for a relic
2:32:35
and it burns his hands on the blood of christ himself i uh the man guarding the key
2:32:41
i like to think it's gone so to be honest it does look a little i mean i don't know it's not a well
2:32:47
framed shot it looks a little silly it's a shame because the demons look great but for some reason the way it's framed
2:32:53
it just looks like a little ridiculous in that scene yeah it's better so yeah like i said he burns his hands on the
2:32:58
blood and the the guy holding the key seems surprised by that turn of events and so i just wrote in my notes here so
2:33:04
wait a minute was this holy cross looking key relic built like a thermos for no reason so i mean he he hadn't
2:33:12
thought of blood before no one had considered like oh the blood of the martyr this will work so it wasn't built
2:33:18
for that no or it was and like they knew that sometime in the future
2:33:24
a man would be born who was part god and then that blood would be useful for their
2:33:30
enemies so that they could fill it up and use it against them to seal portals and stuff
2:33:36
um peter does it have to be in the crucifix maybe maybe if it's just like maybe just
2:33:42
get a big old blood jug and just like have like a gallon and a half of the other guy's blood and you could just use
2:33:48
it freely peter there are plenty of movies with a lot dumber lore that we could
2:33:55
build into i don't know if this is the one from that i just like the idea of a blood
2:34:01
judge i don't really want a criticism no yeah i want more blood if i need that blood
2:34:06
you know what i mean oh i have jesus yeah i will say i have some and he dribbles too much whenever he mix these
2:34:13
portals yay oh you think that's bad wait until later on in the movie i got some
2:34:19
absolutely astonishing complaints i mean well there's a scene right near the end of the movie where jada pinkett
2:34:26
like just uses yeah smudge from her finger to make a portal so it's like why wouldn't you just swing it onto your
2:34:31
fingertip each time you know and you could do like hundreds more you know like it seems like you'd run out of the
2:34:37
blood after one encounter with a demon menace or whatever absolutely but yeah we'll get to it i got a scene
2:34:45
in time in time yes geralyn finds roach's son down in the mine shaft seriously how the hell did he
2:34:52
get down there i thought for sure he was a demon like 100 percent it's like how could he not
2:34:59
be a demon yeah well i mean not just him there's another character in him
2:35:04
well here's the thing i wrote my notes incorrectly here because like i said i thought that danny
2:35:10
was roach's son you know maybe from some illegitimate relationship oh okay yeah
2:35:15
and i thought that roach had left his son in the car like hey just wait here while i go fool
2:35:22
around with my girlfriend you know because that that almost makes sense to me yeah but that's not it no danny's
2:35:27
parents were at that cafe and then he explains in a little bit that his parents were killed in front of him and
2:35:33
then the man came after him so he like hid in the mine shaft i guess
2:35:39
and i guess it's just miraculous that they found him and that he didn't die and you know spoiler alert he's only
2:35:44
here to kind of mess things up later so i mean you know great for everybody i suppose
2:35:50
well also to introduce more spoilers tales from the crypt
2:35:56
references yeah well that's not much of a spoiler you know the boy likes his comic books
2:36:01
yeah demons attack geralyn and danny they flee back to the group in the mines
2:36:07
i mean they seem a little lost and then they become unlost when they need to when it's convenient so then everyone backtracks to the
2:36:14
boarding house breaker was wise enough to see all the way back before he left so the demons
2:36:19
couldn't sneak in while they were gone i'm glad they thought of that as well but roach spots his boss in the demon
2:36:25
crowd and shoots his eyes out and the explosion breaks the seal and the demons just pour into the basement after the
2:36:32
dust clears it seems like there's probably more scenes with roach and his boss and they just cut them out because they don't
2:36:37
really pertain to anything so like this would be his big moment where roach is like and you are a
2:36:43
terrible boss you know it kills him but like we have no context for that so we don't know if that's true we already
2:36:49
don't like roach and so now it makes you like roach even less you're just like jeez you're just gonna
2:36:54
kill someone just because you can so i just wanted to briefly note for the
2:37:00
uh one person who gives a [ __ ] so danny is played by a guy named ryan oh donahue
2:37:08
who uh let's place the character demix in the kingdom hearts games
2:37:15
okay anything notable nope i just took it i just thought that was
2:37:22
funny that's amazing anyway sorry he looked a little like a young stephen dwarf to me but you know not quite and also by that time
2:37:28
in the 90s stephen dorff was a full-grown man doing that blade movie and such
2:37:34
that lays it's actually that's funny to me why don't demons just kill each other in front of a seal in order to break it
2:37:40
it seems like they don't care about each other's lives anyway why not do you want to be the demon who gets
2:37:46
killed that way no again it just seems like demons are real polite about the rules
2:37:51
well they i keep saying demons love rules i mean i don't think they would all want
2:37:57
to do them to each other but i could totally see billy zane just killing one like right in front of the door and then just being able to waltz right in
2:38:04
i guess i feel like my point stands the group has to abandon the whole first floor at
2:38:10
this point because the demons are pouring in and they have to scramble all the way up to the balcony where the accidentally sealed spot at the top of
2:38:16
the stairs keeps them safe ah i'm glad i thought of this wait i didn't
2:38:21
if that's the case if it can do like a whole balcony floor that's open air why don't you just dribble blood all over
2:38:26
the floor and make like crazy like layouts everywhere i ate all over the room i mean the movie
2:38:32
kind of falls apart when you get too into that yeah it's two that doesn't make it's too good of a power
2:38:39
honestly it's a good enough movie that it doesn't quite deserve as much nitpick no but you know it's my way yeah yeah it's
2:38:46
what you're all here for oh yeah where the hell am i oh yeah this is what i finally wrote
2:38:52
wait this kid danny he's not roach's son why is he even in this movie
2:38:57
sorry that guy i don't mean to insult your performance it's not your fault you were just written that way
2:39:02
he seems strangely unfazed for having watched his parents die in front of him and then almost dying in a mine shaft
2:39:08
and then almost dying downstairs yeah that's a real hard night for like
2:39:14
anybody let alone a kid yeah to be honest that would suck
2:39:20
this is that point in the movie it's kind of like a zombie film too or there's like that little part where everyone's kind of tired and they're
2:39:25
sort of taking stock of where things are and how much they have left of resources and so deputy bob says he's down to four
2:39:32
rounds for his pistol and there's no more shotgun shells so they can't fire the shotgun
2:39:39
there's a flashback of breaker killing a world war one german demon and it's amazing yeah i was gonna say with this
2:39:46
flashback do you remember a little game called necro vision
2:39:51
no oh god it was a world war one a first person shooter back when this is like
2:39:58
the dark days of everything being like gray and bland with like first person
2:40:04
cheers you know yeah it was a world war one shooter where
2:40:09
trench warfare but like there was like demons and magic and dragons
2:40:16
you should look it up i feel like you would do that because like that was what i was thinking of when i saw that scene
2:40:22
was like oh [ __ ] i yeah that totally reminds me of that provision
2:40:27
great game i was thinking of wolfenstein or just nazi zombies on call of duty oh yeah yeah some of the wolfenstein games
2:40:34
kind of got into the whole demon magic thing too he starts laying out his life story to
2:40:40
them you know because he kind of owes it to them at this point since he's just imperiled all of their lives and
2:40:45
everything's ruined forever for them now so he mentions that his dying commanding
2:40:51
officer poured his own blood in the relic and passed the mantle the breaker you see him gain the black star tattoos
2:40:57
on his right palm which for him began as a circle and then they scramble up to show the next reckoning will be many
2:41:02
years away prophecy has to have a certain form breaker describes it as being like
2:41:09
tumblers in a lock everything has to line up he doesn't mention at this point that the seven people seven stars thing
2:41:15
has to do with him passing on the mantle i think because that's too much weight to put on whoever it might end up being
2:41:21
and he doesn't know who it is yet i think he has a sneaking suspicion that it's geraline but i mean he doesn't know
2:41:27
for sure and you don't want to be putting that kind of heat on people in the middle of a dire situation no anyone
2:41:33
else want to become a deathless watcher that keeps the world from ending
2:41:38
finally breaker lays out the big divine prophecy there's this excellent shot where as breaker explains the formless
2:41:45
evil that existed before genesis the camera sweeps past his shoulder and looks down at the demons capering around
2:41:51
downstairs the seven keys are evil and they are made by demons and six of them have
2:41:56
already been reclaimed across the universe i guess and there's only one
2:42:02
left it's on earth and it's the one he has i mean this is when i first started writing why would demons make it look
2:42:07
like a cross or be able to hold martyr blood yeah he says god made it get filled with
2:42:13
the blood of a carpenter which i guess is sort of like saying inconsistencies in the star wars films
2:42:20
are quote unquote the will of the force it's that kind of you know hand waving you know a similar kind of thing
2:42:26
whatever yeah it was all it's all worked out yeah so the first guardian was a thief named
2:42:32
sirac who i guess was just stealing the key from jesus's dead body sure like it was just laying on his near
2:42:40
him i guess and a demon comes to get it and you know he immediately picks up that the blood keeps the demon away so he
2:42:46
fills it up i think when you get the key it tells you the mission sort of subconsciously because each time they
2:42:53
get it they always seem to know yeah yeah and that's more expensive
2:42:59
yeah i mean it's not super clear but it seems to be each new guardian tops off the key with the blood of the previous
2:43:05
guardian so you know at one point jada pink is just like is that is that the blood of jesus in there and
2:43:11
he's just like well maybe a little bit but no it gets all used up and got filled up with some other dudes
2:43:18
so breaker got his blood from a soldier named dickerson i assume that the director mr ernest dickerson named his
2:43:26
character after this he's like yeah sure why not so dickerson died in france in 1917 that
2:43:32
was the year the u.s entered world war one and so deputy bob starts to do the
2:43:39
math in his head but he gives up he's like that makes you hell with it i actually did the math
2:43:45
the u.s recruitment age was 18-35 although some people snuck in when
2:43:50
they were 16 if he was 18 when he recruited and it was the same year that the pass happened
2:43:57
in 1917 that would make him 96 years old at least
2:44:03
he could be more than that if he was older i mean he actually looks the same age because they weren't going to try to de-age him they didn't have that kind of
2:44:08
money so he just looks exactly the same so he could be in his 20s or 30s might
2:44:13
have been an older soldier from other things in which case he would be older than 96. i'm just saying he's at least
2:44:19
96. he could be 94 if he's supposed to be 14 years old in that scene but he really doesn't look
2:44:25
14. no and i think it arrests your age when you become the guardian so you know he'd
2:44:30
probably just remain a 14 year old which would be a horrible fate indeed
2:44:36
please let me grow old god please let it end let the other one drop
2:44:41
there was a case i actually did look it up a little bit there's a british boy who recruited when he was 12 but whatever it is yeah
2:44:48
yeah so roach listens to the whole story into how the fate of the entire earth and the
2:44:53
cosmos rests on the demons not getting the key and then he immediately pickpockets the
2:45:00
key off of breaker simply astounding
2:45:05
i kind of have to admire how much of a complete piece of [ __ ] this character is
2:45:10
yeah a roach is not simply for lack of a better term a dick he's like the world's
2:45:16
worst dick he's the worst dick ever yeah he's terrible he's a great character he's played great by the way i
2:45:22
love thomas hayden church i also love his performance in this yeah but yeah no just he's written just to be the
2:45:27
absolute worst he honestly does
2:45:33
he does a good job of making the character just you hate him he sucks
2:45:38
he's a little fun but yeah you do hate him especially later on when he's making deals with zane those are fun scenes
2:45:46
danny has gone missing so everyone stupidly splits up to go look for him this is a terrible plan and it's just a
2:45:52
weak excuse to get everyone separated so that they can be tempted one by one by billy zane
2:46:00
yeah for the record billy zane is actually supposed to be called the collector and the script notes or whatever you know that's what he's
2:46:06
called i just call him billy zane i mean why not might as well be well the people making
2:46:11
the movie didn't seem to care he's billy zayn geraldine and the rest each get their
2:46:18
devilish offer from billy zane one by one you already mentioned that so she geraldine has offered freedom to travel
2:46:24
which sort of makes sense for her character because she's sort of trapped where she is in a small town and a bad job
2:46:30
but it's still it just strikes me as a bit weak it's like couldn't you find something a little deeper for her to really pull her in
2:46:36
yeah i do like the scene though i mean she oh she's like bends over and then she gets up again and suddenly she's in
2:46:41
a room full of sheets like it's pretty cool and it's like it's it's well shot too i mean there's some good imagery i just
2:46:48
feel like they could have done more with her i don't know well there wasn't so much time really i mean you know
2:46:53
yeah yeah well i mean maybe take some time out of hey what if you had
2:47:00
some really good booze and lots of tips that we haven't gotten there yet we will
2:47:05
be there soon though yeah that's the next offer or actually no that's actually two
2:47:11
offers from now i think irene gets hers first but i forget actually maybe i'm wrong
2:47:16
oh yeah but yeah they each get it one by one oh yeah i do like that part at the end where there's a portrait of geraline
2:47:22
you know on a big sheet and it comes down and there's just a picture of breaker being eviscerated by demons
2:47:29
this ain't just like horrible isn't it like even i think this is horrible he makes his offer she spits in his face
2:47:36
which is kind of foreshadowing because she spits in his face twice in this movie oh yeah yeah yeah and he just says something
2:47:42
tells me you don't trust me which i just think is funny you know he takes it in pretty good stride to be
2:47:47
spat at right in the face geraline rejoins the group but she looks haunted by the offer when she gets there
2:47:54
irene and the rest find uncle willy and the boy danny up in the old church bell tower
2:48:00
willie was hiding booze up there and is drinking it surreptitiously danny found some old comic books ec
2:48:07
comics what a coincidence okay i will say i feel like of anyone
2:48:13
in this situation will he kind of had the best plan to go to the place that hasn't been
2:48:19
sealed so he can drink booze and get intoxicated no just drink it out the demons are gonna
2:48:26
they're gonna it only lasts a night well yeah just boost it up they don't want him
2:48:35
i'm just saying it's not a bad plan just seal it up
2:48:40
drink it up for the night and then that [ __ ] would happen maybe but i mean he went up there when he was unprotected so the demons could have
2:48:47
just come in just randomly and killed them both well sure but what i'm saying is if everyone had just done that anyway
2:48:55
hey everyone go to the attic we're all gonna drink it up from the night in a way that would be good
2:49:01
in the short term but it would also mean that i bet that breaker would have had another 10 20
2:49:08
maybe 30 years of being the guardian before he finally got to die he was like finally jesus well i mean
2:49:14
okay spoilers but i'm just saying i mean i guess that is a spoiler but yeah it's a
2:49:21
it's not a bad plan if your plan is to survive maybe breaker doesn't want them to survive the night he's just like
2:49:27
listen i just want to switch jobs i'm tired of this gotta be honest
2:49:33
that's kind of the opinion i'm i'm of because the whole thing feels like it's designed to like whittle down
2:49:41
to the last one who's yeah yeah so irene shoes everyone out of the
2:49:47
belfry but stops to rest you know i mean she did just lose an arm and they were making a big deal about medical
2:49:52
attention but now they're just like ah it's cool she drinks some vodka she'll be fine uncle willie's trying to sneak away with
2:49:59
a bottle of booze that he had been hiding and she's like leave the bottle pretty great
2:50:04
another great length from uh cc oh yeah absolutely yeah roach and breaker are standing out
2:50:11
on the balcony kind of by themselves they're overlooking the demons roach hawks a loogie and spits it over the
2:50:16
side gets like a blast of air in the face and breakers just like hey they hate that
2:50:23
it's just a wonderful little line i like that scene yeah i thought the scene was useless i realized that
2:50:28
the scene exists to show that they aren't where uncle willie is that's how dumb
2:50:34
this justification is i mean i like this scene so it's just roach and breaker hanging out basically it's actually a
2:50:39
fun little moment but it's only there so that uncle willy and danny cannot find them because they go into another room
2:50:46
and now uncle willie's just like breaker are you in here like why wouldn't you see him out on the balcony but for whatever reason he didn't
2:50:52
and so they go into a strange room i don't know what this room is it's like a hunter's parlor it's full of like knives
2:50:58
and bows and arrows and like there's antlers on the desk i don't know what this room was ever supposed to be
2:51:04
i have ideas but none of them are good ideas so
2:51:10
yeah so basically they walk in there and uncle willie just like sees something that danny does not and thank god
2:51:17
because it's not for his age group he just throws his arms wide and he's like oh yeah ladies
2:51:24
and i was just thinking how weird it was yeah we uh the whole scene is weird when you see it
2:51:29
when you think about it from his perspective yeah well first okay let me try to explain it from his point of view first because you know otherwise people
2:51:36
won't follow what we're talking about yeah hoo boy uh a chintzy cocktail bar nine topless
2:51:42
women all of them holding bottles of booze there's like christmas lights up you know it's got like the fake plants
2:51:48
it looks like supposed to be kind of like the fake caribbean tiki bar kind of a situation there's like hey uncle willie then
2:51:54
there's this shot when it cuts back to reality and you just see uncle willie you know throwing his arms wide and talking to the wall and danny's just
2:52:01
like are you okay i mean i'm glad you don't see you know uncle willy's hands go out and like rope
2:52:06
the air or anything like that i was sleeping oh my god no
2:52:12
this kid's already been traumatized he's seen his parents get killed he's been chased by demons he doesn't need this in
2:52:17
his life why are you moving your hips like that just like thrusting the air
2:52:24
oh my god everyone comes in and watches there's
2:52:30
like wait wait just let him finish maybe in a better oh god
2:52:38
so okay let me just lay it out like this the toplessness is so over the top it's so shameless that it
2:52:46
kind of breaks the distaste barrier for me and becomes entertaining again it's just so ridiculous oh yeah
2:52:52
i mean yeah i'm sure people would be like offended by it but at that
2:52:58
point it's just sort of like what are you even gonna do i mean so many things
2:53:04
like of course it's funny you literally only have like the reaction of oh it's funny that's a
2:53:11
shitload of tits or like getting mad about it and who's
2:53:16
the kind of person that gets mad at me i don't know i was a little sad about it because the whole time i was thinking of how cold and uncomfortable those women
2:53:23
must have been there's a scene when oh there's also the scene where dick miller is going amongst them you know and he's
2:53:28
supposed to be super happy but he looks uncomfortable too as an actor he plays an old creep in the end in most
2:53:34
movies but he's an actor with a long and story past so i i don't know i just hope it wasn't
2:53:40
awkward on set for everybody you know what i mean like that it was weird it might have been weird you know peter
2:53:46
i also agree that the scene where the old man gets get surrounded by a bunch of tits wasn't
2:53:54
uncomfortable for him i hope none of us ever have to deal with that level of
2:54:00
discomfort in our lives the misfortune no i just mean you know i mean like he knows that like he's like he's a dude
2:54:07
with you know he's a respected actor i don't know no i get what you're saying but like i
2:54:14
wouldn't be surprised if at the end he was just sort of like i'm sorry ladies i mean this is just the kind of movie we're in and we're just gotta grit our
2:54:20
teeth and go through i don't feel like anyone who got involved in this is surprised by what happened no they
2:54:25
probably weren't surprised all of the women are holding the same red leap the same red label
2:54:32
bottle of booze called the long hard one just so that one of the girls could say i need a long hard one
2:54:41
dick it's a joke like on the bottle no see like i feel more
2:54:47
bad about that than the noodles yeah i mean that's pretty bad too i recently saw one of
2:54:53
those bottles go up for sale on a movie prop website and i would love i'd love a little prop
2:54:59
from this movie but not from this scene wait how much was it i forget i think it
2:55:04
was a couple hundred bucks not bad for a bottle from a movie boy low hundred or higher
2:55:13
yeah you would want the long hard one i don't know what it is whiskey or rum or
2:55:18
whatever i mean the idea is funny but try this uncle really
2:55:24
no i guess no i would i was just thinking like it would be such a
2:55:31
you know be like how would you explain it to people if you had it up on a shelf you're like okay well there's a scene where uncle
2:55:37
willie is like hallucinating that they're all these topless women and and this is in the scene
2:55:44
if people would be like what it's like it would be something that would like
2:55:49
kind of make me smile but then nobody else will get it which is like bad i would just feel bad because like it
2:55:55
would remind me of the exploitation of the women they were they were getting paid whatever like i
2:56:02
get it but whatever yeah so billy zane offers uncle willy a glass of the long hard one uncle willie looks sort of
2:56:10
resigned but dutifully drinks if you watch the women's faces in the shot when uncle willie is taking the drinks
2:56:15
there's this mix of cold bored and uncomfortable and there's one
2:56:21
there's one lady who's bottom left who's just trying to make an impression by just smiling right into the camera even
2:56:26
though everyone else is supposed to be you know like they gave him stage direction yeah it gave stage direction to
2:56:33
encourage uncle willie to drink but then there was just one you know lady bottom left who's just staring right at the camera so they kind of pan past her you
2:56:40
know she's like all right let's stop looking at her i kind of respect no if i was here i would be doing that
2:56:46
to be honest yeah it's like oh yeah get as much of my face as he can
2:56:51
look how photogenic i am i mean don't don't don't think about what i'm doing here but you know just come on
2:56:57
no yeah no that's that's for the resume
2:57:02
i'm okay with that all right now here's another bizarre thing i was thinking about with this scene you know i was just thinking about all
2:57:08
the scenes the limited ones that exist where the consumption of alcohol equals the selling of one's soul
2:57:14
how much booze does it take to enact the transaction do you think um i mean that's a good question i don't
2:57:21
know if i'm theologically enabled well i have my own hypothesis if you
2:57:27
want decide to oh yeah go ahead i mean bro
2:57:32
oh yeah exactly yeah my hypothesis is zero i think that it's
2:57:38
not about the alcohol at all it's about the internal processes in one's mind so in the middle of drinking the alcohol at
2:57:44
some point your mind gives up so when you're given the beers from the evil bartender you know like when jack
2:57:50
torrance is drinking you know it's more about him being like okay i give up
2:57:56
yeah peter you're not wrong but i also hate that answer i hate
2:58:03
that's what you went with well here's the thing if my answer is for real zero
2:58:08
it means that any amount is fine as long as you don't give up it means you could drink a bunch of devilish
2:58:14
whiskey and be cool you just take a little sip be like yeah that was pretty good all right i guess i'll be going now
2:58:19
you'd be like hey wait a minute come back here thank you all right no that's fine
2:58:25
that's fine you can take the hard liner position and say like if it even touches his lips
2:58:32
his soul is sold no it does seem like it takes multiple
2:58:37
drinks for him to lose his soul in this movie you know when dick miller is drinking the booze yeah
2:58:42
no no i'm not just disappointed i'm not bad no i'm not mad i'm not mad
2:58:50
[Laughter] so deputy bob and irene found wally's
2:58:56
secret postman stash up in the belfry so of course yeah yes of course he was
2:59:01
totally stealing the mail of course he was yes i love that the reason
2:59:08
they're able to like restock their i mean they don't there aren't any bullets spoilers yeah
2:59:15
but the reason they're able to like restock their weaponry is because of a psycho post office
2:59:21
employee it's a cheap going postal joke because that was a thing back in the 90s
2:59:27
yeah well i was gonna say this movie was made close enough to
2:59:32
a couple of high profile post office shootings yeah
2:59:37
i mean honestly this joke just really doesn't land anymore this did not stand up to the test of time no no no it
2:59:43
doesn't land anymore but like maybe at the time oh yeah it was funny at the time i
2:59:49
thought it was funny as a kid yeah speaking of i should i should buy this some of those postal games they're on
2:59:55
sale there so there's no ammo for the guns he hadn't quite worked it out although he
3:00:01
did already have his like letter saying he was going to kill everyone in cordelia's name
3:00:06
which is really okay i will say i will say i mean yeah that's great i
3:00:11
will also say at this point i will accept any apologies from anyone who doubts me when i
3:00:19
call this character the male cat because he because he is
3:00:24
i guess yeah look at that sorry well whatever he is he's not a nice man
3:00:31
or at least not nice enough for i mean i mean it sounds like his problem is that he's a nice guy
3:00:38
no no that's like in that bad person thing you know where they think they're nice
3:00:44
like like not murdering people or being a rapist makes you like nice
3:00:49
that's like a dysfunctional perspective yeah peace is the absence of war sorry
3:00:55
yeah i mean that's kind of the epitome of these things yeah i mean it honestly it is yeah with all those nasty red pill
3:01:00
guys on the internets yeah don't come at me by the way don't do it peter i'm not i'm not saying this
3:01:06
to like aggravate you or whatever that's what the character is
3:01:12
that's how the character is written he's more of a prototype but yeah that is totally well yeah that's what they're
3:01:18
going for it's it's a low it's a low blow that most movies wouldn't dare do but it's tails from the crips they're like
3:01:24
you know what let's do it and i kind of love them for it because sure yeah that's
3:01:31
that is a guy that exists and existed even back then and it's okay to
3:01:39
point out that's kind of a thing the guy's legacy at this point is just
3:01:44
that he has a vest full of grenades that they're able to use later so there's that
3:01:50
at least part of his plan was enacted his evil plan to kill himself for basically no reason yeah
3:01:57
peter please don't don't deny us all right breaker and geraline go find danny and
3:02:03
uncle willie uncle willy is a demon now i guess danny must have seen the whole transformation
3:02:08
process i mean another horrifying thing uncle willie chokes breaker lifts him
3:02:13
off his feet jarelyn hesitates thinking of billy zane's offer there is no shot
3:02:19
of deputy bob leaving the belfry to go help break her but i assume that was there and then it was cut because
3:02:25
there's a scene where irene is up alone in the loft but just a moment before she was there with deputy bob looking at the
3:02:31
mail guys stuff right and then suddenly he's gone yeah but he's not helping
3:02:37
breaker get strangled or i mean help him from being strangled so
3:02:42
he's somewhere between those two destinations in the place but i don't know where i don't know
3:02:48
i i i feel like there must have been a shot of him leaving but it hurts the continuity so they just like get rid of it and be like i don't worry about it
3:02:54
yeah maybe if they show them leaving too soon and then like he never shows up in time they're like where were you are you
3:03:00
so fat you can't walk over here in time what's wrong with you
3:03:06
don't make my weight yeah let's also don't do that i'm sorry he's a man of
3:03:11
science but you know i don't think it affects his performance or anything no for that matter yeah he's actually he's
3:03:18
a cool character to be honest i'm sad i don't remember the real guys let me check i think i have the thing up
3:03:25
deputy bob where are you uh gary farmer
3:03:30
i've never heard of this man oh he was in ghost dog so there's that
3:03:36
hell yeah the way the samurai yeah okay
3:03:41
where was i oh yeah during the confusion roach tries to take the key down the
3:03:46
stairs where he is met by billy zane and a couple of his horrifying demon minions and they are really they really are
3:03:52
creepy demons oh i forgot actually wait though this is the part when irene gets the offer i almost jumped over it i'm
3:03:58
sorry let's backtrack slightly so all right yeah so it's a brief scene you know irene is
3:04:04
going to leave the belfry or whatever you want to call it the steeple at the top of the church and uh some light comes up and then
3:04:11
suddenly there's uh you know suddenly there's billy zane with her arm on a on a platter he's just
3:04:16
like hey you want your arm back you just all you got to do is say yes and she lifts up her stump and he's like
3:04:21
is that is that a yes and she's like no it's me giving you the finger i'll get back to you
3:04:27
you know i mean he knows he's not gonna get anywhere with her peter yeah gary farmer
3:04:32
is also in a movie called blood quantum oh that sounds familiar which i've heard
3:04:40
i've heard good things about it it's about indigenous people oh yeah
3:04:45
immune to a zombie plague and kind of like form their own community cool yeah
3:04:51
i've heard good things and he's in it excellent maybe we'll maybe one day yeah maybe one day we'll
3:04:58
eventually get to all more movies that have ever existed yeah yeah i was thinking about that though blood quantum
3:05:04
okay good things yeah so yeah irene turns down zane's offer
3:05:10
and then roach tries very cowardly to give up the key so that he can just leave in peace
3:05:16
yeah i've already been given indication that this will end the world but i just i just really want to get out of here guys could you could you just help me
3:05:22
out i do love the way that the demons walk it down it looks genuinely unsettling
3:05:28
they must have gotten really skinny people to do those be in those body suits yeah i was thinking about that
3:05:34
they look so good so back at the fight scene breaker pulls a machete off the wall and beheads uncle
3:05:39
willy there are knives all over the walls nobody grabs these knives for later he
3:05:45
doesn't even keep the machete he just used to cut off his head well he just cut off a guy's head what
3:05:52
does he need it for yeah well you know real machetes actually are just aren't designed for bone because
3:05:58
bone is very dense it's more for like thin branches and so if you did try to cut someone with it you'd probably just
3:06:04
break it but i mean yeah who needs that kind of realism that's not fun no yeah i thought about that because i i
3:06:10
have a machete and i looked at it i was like yeah i mean well yeah if you've ever had a machete and you try to do
3:06:15
something impressive with it no it never works you use it for chopping branches yeah that are like less than a quarter of an
3:06:22
inch thick like probably less than that even like they have to be pretty thin yeah machete looks cool it's just not
3:06:30
like you can't kill people yeah sorry maybe if it was a falchion you know like
3:06:35
something that was actually designed to cut through people like in a medieval sense yeah yeah
3:06:40
so uh uncle willie's headless corpse reanimates and goes back to choking breaker he's just like oh man
3:06:50
the animated severed head is cool but it bears no real resemblance to dick miller
3:06:55
which is kind of a bummer yeah i often have sympathy for these horror films that have difficulty in requiring
3:07:03
a decent looking severed head i mean he looks good it just doesn't look like him yeah if it had been
3:07:10
someone else's head it would have been perfect well maybe not perfect it would have been better
3:07:15
i wonder what's up with that because like it feels like they even make the attempt yeah you know
3:07:21
i don't know they make danny do another horrifying thing that'll ruin him forever danny you have to you have to
3:07:28
get his eyes so he has to pick up uncle willie's severed head he liked uncle willie or at
3:07:33
least i think he did no he said mister never mind he didn't know him but anyway he has to pick up a man's head and go stab it on some antlers
3:07:40
which i think are only on the desk just to be at his height so he can actually do it
3:07:45
i like this effect i also i feel like this is
3:07:51
maybe a callback to the dario argento like i getting gouged out by a splinter
3:07:58
thing yeah there's a notable fixation in italian giallo type horror
3:08:05
films especially dario argento about just fixating on stuff getting pushed into an eye and it's often like
3:08:12
they play with it like i don't know how to describe it like foreplay like they do that like lingers for a long time
3:08:17
before going in yeah yeah it's really horrible i feel like the movie isn't terribly referential otherwise but i
3:08:24
think oh no there's at least one part that is 100 from aliens but well
3:08:30
no that's true but like what i'm saying oh stylistically yeah yeah
3:08:36
i guess that's true i have no way of knowing if that's the case i just i watched it and i
3:08:42
felt like that was kind of what they were going for could be i could be wrong about that i'm willing
3:08:49
to be wrong about that yeah maybe your fear to kind of freak the woods like into seeing that sam
3:08:56
uh maybe this movie has stuff for you i don't know sure i don't know what i'm going for
3:09:02
anyway let's move on sure
3:09:07
we cut back to roach and he's still trying to cut a deal to save his own skin and zane just says frankly we've been
3:09:14
counting on you haven't we boys and i love that the demons look at each other and nod it's so
3:09:19
funny yeah yeah the whole the whole scene is great well yeah this
3:09:24
whole scene is great i mean everything with billy zayn is great thomas hayden church is also great and they're great together
3:09:30
yes i love it it's like billy's ain't just like and you don't mind if we kill the others right and thomas hayden
3:09:35
church you know wrote she's just like well if it makes you feel good then do it well if it makes it feel good yeah yeah
3:09:43
zane says it back i like it he seems so like tickled by the nbf
3:09:48
billy zane says first things first and he manifests a sponge that just rolls out of his mouth so that roach can take
3:09:54
it and wipe away the seal that was good i like that that's why i
3:09:59
like i feel like this movie was made for billy zane yeah because of stuff like
3:10:04
that i don't think there was a writer who came up with that idea
3:10:11
i feel like that was a philly saying idea could be it's just wacky enough
3:10:17
like i'm willing to be wrong about it but it feels like that's kind of a billy saying thing where he was just like oh
3:10:23
yeah and then the sponge comes on my tongue and it's like sure why not it's much better than just
3:10:30
pulling it out out of his pocket or something you know yeah yeah roach wipes it away and then he places
3:10:37
the key in billy zane's little special carrying case they shake hands roach heads for the door walking past
3:10:43
the demons you know he's almost out and then billy zane stops and was just like oh roach there's just one more thing i
3:10:49
forgot to mention i lied
3:10:56
yeah he gets surrounded by demons and gets just horribly ripped apart and there's like big sprays of blood it's
3:11:02
great and the music music gets all like dramatic like
3:11:07
probably the the greatest death in the movie well it doesn't show much there's just a lot of blood spray so you know
3:11:13
horrible things are happening you don't see much but that is probably the worst thing that
3:11:19
happens to anyone in the whole movie it's pretty awful and also it shows that billy zane in particular even if demons
3:11:26
do follow rules billy zane's not gonna keep to his word no don't trust him
3:11:34
he's a troublemaker this billy so zane's walking around like waltzing
3:11:39
up the stairs like he's so happy now i any time billy zane's character is like happy in
3:11:46
this movie it's so good yeah he's so whimsical i love it
3:11:52
he's a good actor this movie would be so much worse with that billy's ass yeah
3:11:58
imagine like i'll try to imagine anyone else in this role yeah i'd be hard-pressed for most people
3:12:04
like where i see it being the same or better the baseline is
3:12:09
find someone who could do it as well who had the range and the facial expressions yeah almost i could almost see jim
3:12:16
carrey but he would play it way differently and he's not evil enough no yes yeah
3:12:22
it's like it's so suited to him yeah it's yeah
3:12:28
breaker shoots billy zane right through the eye with a bow and arrow i guess came from the hunting parlor
3:12:34
and i was just thinking of that line from ace ventura 2 when nature calls and they go into the room full of stuffed
3:12:39
animals he's like this is a lovely room of death i need to see those movies again i know
3:12:45
they're not going to be they probably won't stand up no i have fond memories of those movies
3:12:50
listen jim carrey has only been in one horror film and that is not it he was in once
3:12:56
bitten which we might eventually cover we'll see yeah have you seen that yeah i don't
3:13:02
know if you have yet i want to see it it's that's like it's not great well
3:13:08
okay i will say it's not on my list of movies to watch
3:13:13
next time but it's getting there yeah it's it's up there in madness with
3:13:20
like vampires kiss you know the nicholas cage horror film so you know it's that kind of level oh
3:13:25
no no vampires kisses may be too good for like what i'm thinking of jesus christ no i got some [ __ ]
3:13:33
stirred up okay so anyway we're near the airplane let's cross the finish line yeah yeah
3:13:39
deputy bob holds off the on rushing demons as breaker grabs the key and takes everyone up to the belfry
3:13:46
upstairs irene dramatically dons wally's vest of grenades this whole part of the film has aliens vibes this is the part i
3:13:52
was talking about because like this whole part is like when the aliens are yeah um private vasquez and lieutenant gorman
3:13:59
you know they're up in the air vents at the end of that movie and they both like hug a grenade and blow up right as the aliens are rushing
3:14:06
in like so they do that same thing here except it's deputy bob and irene this is
3:14:14
a waste of irene she doesn't need to die they could have just pulled the grenades and just like left you know there is a delay oh tried
3:14:22
to go up to the ladder the scene in aliens is fun because it's two characters that
3:14:28
kind of hate each other and who were like and they kind of bond drawn together yeah yeah yeah they like bond
3:14:34
and then their last moments kind of have that like vasquez is crippled gorman already had a head injury you know they
3:14:40
were kind of just dragging each other along so like they couldn't make it much further anyway but yeah these two could
3:14:47
have that there's some emotional weight to the alien scene
3:14:53
as much as the guy sucks for a corporate ghoul
3:14:59
you feel a little again he wasn't a corporate he was uh he was a military ghoul he was
3:15:04
an inexperienced guy if there is even a difference at that point
3:15:10
which is in the office well what i'm saying is is there a
3:15:15
difference between like the military and the corporations at that point i don't know i don't think very one of these
3:15:21
questions jake this is beyond that i'm just saying that he's like a complete [ __ ] that you feel like
3:15:28
like despite all the bad stuff he does you feel kind of bad for him yeah
3:15:34
well okay so in defense of this movie deputy bob does start as an
3:15:40
idiot a perv and an idiot and then at this point he does some brave stuff
3:15:45
and then he dies oh there is an inconsistency here i forgot because he said earlier there was four rounds left
3:15:51
for his pistol and then i distinctly hear seven shots there's four for sure
3:15:57
uh that blow away two it takes two shots to blow away the eyes of each demon
3:16:03
and then i hear three more when he's off camera or whatever i guess they just wanted to have him doing more
3:16:08
but then he runs out of ammo and throws the pistol down and i hate that he wastes the opportunity to ineffectually throw
3:16:14
the pistol because i always think that's funny yeah you know and then they miss usually
3:16:20
so then they do kind of like a half hug thing you know and she pulls the
3:16:26
weird rod that's holding like wired to all the pins and there's like a separate time and you know and they do the the
3:16:31
two faces rushing in which looks almost exactly the same as the aliens you know when they were rushing in
3:16:38
yeah that sucks though i don't know i don't mind making a reference to a better movie
3:16:46
but it's a way better movie also it's not a super obvious reference it's just more of an echo i suppose you
3:16:52
might say i guess i guess that's not so bad oh and jarelyn remembers to take that
3:16:59
stupid black cat cleo upstairs i don't know why i guess it's better than having her you
3:17:04
know try to remember later and have to go look for it and die because that's like the worst thing in horror movies
3:17:10
ever yeah the two of them blow up and now it's down to breaker geralyn and danny just
3:17:16
the three of them up in the bell tower danny is already reading a comic book as
3:17:21
if the most amazing stuff that has ever happened didn't just happen right in front of him
3:17:28
he's like this bores me or maybe he's like so traumatized he's
3:17:33
trying to sort of get lost in it i don't know because everyone's dying around him his parents are dead
3:17:38
demons are downstairs grenades just blew up seconds ago and he's like sitting facing away from everybody reading a
3:17:45
comic book yeah but i mean have you seen sonic the hedgehog
3:17:50
well what about it i actually haven't seen the film no i meant more of like the character
3:17:56
for the video game wait no i guess snoopy would have been too late for that
3:18:03
[ __ ] i was making a joke about how like kids were like already into crazy
3:18:09
special effects stuff huh anyway no yeah yeah yeah i gotcha
3:18:17
no all the best jokes have to be explained i got it [Laughter]
3:18:25
hey eat my shirts there you go thank you anyway
3:18:32
so okay so a zombie animates on the page of the tales from the crypt comic he's reading it's actually a cool effect
3:18:39
it's a cool effect but i hate that it's in this movie why
3:18:45
because it's very dumb to have the zombie effect show up in the pages of
3:18:51
the tales from the crypt comic as if the tales from the crypt comic
3:18:57
is infecting people with the demon plague is that what you thought happened
3:19:02
i mean what else they look at the comic and then they become a demon yeah see here's the thing okay so
3:19:09
i thought that it just it just showed an interaction you know like and then there would be some discussion and then the
3:19:14
kid would sell his soul willingly that's what i thought but they're still addressing no i know well here's the
3:19:20
thing he opens his eyes and then there's like a weird shot where like geralyn and breaker are talking to each other and
3:19:25
he's just sitting there and i think because of child labor laws they probably couldn't have them all the time so it's probably just a dummy
3:19:31
sitting in the chair reading a comic book and i think during that time i
3:19:36
personally here's what i thought i thought billy zane made an offer to danny by talking to him through the comic book and he said something to
3:19:43
danny that would make him want to say yes oh god don't probably say that bit
3:19:51
for me well here's the here's the thing i thought that that's what it was because that's what it was for every other character right you know he said
3:19:57
something they said yes or no but what would it what would zayn's offer to danny b yes tell him something only a
3:20:04
child would understand give me your soul or i'll hit you danny yeah
3:20:11
he doesn't make a whole lot of sense give me your soul and i'll make you cool i promise
3:20:17
yeah listen listen you'll be the most radical guy in middle
3:20:23
school do you sell your soul to me danny i know i killed your parents but it was an
3:20:29
accident it'll be great i swear i mean you don't hear or see any exchange danny
3:20:37
just sits in the chair you know until he loses his soul so like i don't know maybe it is some kind of an infection standpoint i figured it was some kind of
3:20:44
a soul-selling thing i got to stick to my guns here i mean in a way it's more respectful to
3:20:50
danny's character that after everything he's seen he wouldn't just fold like a house of cards if he gets offered
3:20:55
something [Laughter] yeah fair enough i guess we don't know danny maybe he sucks a bit
3:21:02
he seems weirdly unfazed by the murder of his parents and other life-changing events that have happened so far
3:21:08
that's true he does seem very cool so
3:21:14
it's difficult in movies because you don't want a kid who has to cry all the time in a movie because that's annoying to watch and deal with but
3:21:21
you also have to show that he's properly you know processing what's happening i think right
3:21:27
no no that's fair i guess i didn't think of it that way i think yeah i think that's
3:21:32
fear that's a reasonable interpretation of the character thank you that
3:21:38
that i did not consider so there you go i just want to note now this movie was
3:21:44
shot in an abandoned air hangar there were there were birds that got it
3:21:50
wild birds got loose on set and they kept messing up scenes so after a while stagehands had to go and fire off
3:21:56
shotguns filled with blanks to scare them away before shooting would start jesus christ and they were working in
3:22:02
perpetual darkness so like that's the kind of set they were on really yeah
3:22:08
the sacrifices they made for us i would want to see that
3:22:14
because i feel like that's considerably more wacky than the movie we got that's
3:22:20
so weird breaker says he only has enough blood left in his goblet or no it's not what
3:22:26
it what do you call this thing well they call it the key anyway his little blood jug he's only got enough blood for one more
3:22:32
entrance i would say flask sure yeah it is kind of a hip flask i suppose
3:22:37
oh yeah maybe that's why the demons had it like that maybe they just like booze that makes sense sure
3:22:44
so jarelyn says to do one of the windows near here if there's only one more that that can be done and so breaker goes
3:22:50
over there and instead he dribbles it on her you know i guess just to check that she's okay and you know she's fine with
3:22:57
it but she's like why'd you waste it and so she takes a dab from it puts it on the window and makes a seal well there's more than that on your hands so why not
3:23:03
make a dab of it and do all the windows and also maybe the entrance from down below that they're about to come out of
3:23:10
well you know yeah you know spoiler alert i mean breaker's about to die and when he does everything he did is
3:23:15
apparently canceled it literally shows every seal coming down so it wouldn't have mattered either way
3:23:21
breaker solemnly offers her the key the tumblers in a lock thing he mentioned earlier led to this moment so
3:23:28
seven people would be reduced to one and the key would find a new guardian that's actually pretty awesome
3:23:34
but you know that's also like a bummer prophecy for everyone involved
3:23:39
yeah it's cool for the audience so i guess that means at any point you could have been killed by a demon you
3:23:44
know even if this part hadn't come up it's just that this is when the transition happens so the whole thing on his star hand
3:23:51
is just to show when he's gonna die and have to pass it on yeah but you know as he's reaching
3:23:56
out danny grabs breaker's wrist and says can i have it you know like his eyes light up it looks kind of corny
3:24:03
he grows some little boy talons and buries them and breakers abdomen and throws them across the road
3:24:09
i like the danny dalen effect yeah the whole scene is pretty cool the
3:24:14
way i feel the way like the jaw like sends yeah
3:24:20
it's good the comic falls over and as it's like flapping around in a wind that doesn't exist but who cares um it shows
3:24:26
all these different scenes from the you know what's happening in real time yeah which is actually pretty cool i like
3:24:32
that then his jaw detaches and then his tongue grows super long and just buries itself into breaker's abdomen you know
3:24:39
just searching around in his intestines i guess which is pretty horrible uh yeah that seems unpleasant i don't know
3:24:46
if i'd be a big fan yeah breaker drops the key geralyn kicks
3:24:51
it over to the window you know the sealed one and when the demon danny bends to pick it up she grabs a beam up
3:24:58
on the roof and swings into a double kick that sends danny sailing through the window where he explodes
3:25:06
i just have to say my heart sings to see this little boy's flaming body fall out of a window and explode
3:25:13
oh yeah i mean what kind of monster doesn't want to watch a little boy's flaming clothes fly
3:25:20
out of going to the effects guys they're like all right listen we need a little boy's
3:25:26
body and it's going to be on fire and thrown through a window and then it's going to just just explode like seconds
3:25:31
later why don't worry about why home amongst us yeah
3:25:37
breaker tells jarelyn she's ready she says she's not but time is of the
3:25:42
essence you know he's billy zane's still downstairs they don't have time for the discussion so she
3:25:48
reluctantly receives the key and gets her first flash of biblical ptsd
3:25:53
so she gets to watch the crucifixion the the trap door opens the green light
3:25:59
comes out and billy zane just like raises up from beneath like on some kind of a rising platform it looks awesome
3:26:06
yeah which i guess means you just kind of levitated up there out of triumph ha ha the guardian's dead
3:26:13
sure like i said he seems to be having a hell of a time he's having a ball
3:26:18
so he goes up there and you know geraline closed his eyes after he died and also she filled up her her flask
3:26:25
with his blood and then as soon as zayn gets up there he reopens the eyes because you know he's a dick
3:26:32
yeah zayn sees jada pinkett geraldine's hiding behind some furniture
3:26:37
and she comes out i don't know why but she's not wearing clothes well she's got her underwear on or whatever but like i guess it's just
3:26:44
to make it harder to grab if you're about to wrestle you'll cover yourself in slick oil yeah
3:26:49
so she's covered in blood and billy just says you must be feeling exquisite pain which is a great line
3:26:55
as soon as he grabs her he realizes it's not her blood he burns himself very badly and then they just kind of hunt for each
3:27:02
other throughout the house for a while i mean i don't know this is when i was feeling a little sick so my my notes get
3:27:08
a little spotty in here at the end i'll just put it that way fair enough for the audience i just got my covid
3:27:14
vaccine shot and i had some mild symptoms for a day or two so
3:27:19
we all make do so billy zane ambushes her in a bathroom it's the bathroom that has the dead
3:27:26
sheriff with the severed head just piled in a bathtub so billy zane just throws her in there
3:27:31
which is a great reuse of that prop i actually really like that another horrible thing to do with the prop
3:27:37
yeah he cleans her up and he pours out most of the blood but she manages
3:27:42
to like smack it into his eye i think for a second she thinks she's killed him you know because that's what happens with
3:27:48
lesser demons but he's just like mad because it hurt and also because it damaged his sunglasses you know which
3:27:54
he's been wearing like a real cool dude this whole time he's just like no i don't know that only
3:28:00
works for the for the underlings you'll pick this up i mean or you would if i wasn't about to kill you
3:28:06
and then he just picks her up he's got the flask the blood is out the world is doomed and you know instead of just killing her
3:28:12
uh he starts a little dance sequence with her i don't know i mean i think i think the
3:28:17
idea is that he wants to like to have an even more impressive victory listen i've already got
3:28:24
everything i want but why not just take a little more you know he wants to convert her as a
3:28:30
guardian just right into the fold just to be more embarrassing to out of what god's glory or something
3:28:36
i guess i actually kind of got the impression that whatever victory for him would come
3:28:42
after would be pretty lonely oh yeah that could be it it seems like
3:28:47
uh most of the underlings are mindless yeah this thing is i kind of got the impression that he just literally just
3:28:54
wanted anyone who challenge or entertain him in
3:28:59
whatever came after that makes a certain sense yeah i mean yeah i mean i love that's maybe i'm
3:29:06
buying into uh demon propaganda but like that's the impression i got
3:29:12
i think you're showing sympathy for the devil please allow me to introduce myself
3:29:24
jesus i actually i think i didn't get to mention it maybe you should have yeah
3:29:29
yeah okay wrap it up um geraldine um she actually
3:29:34
i was about to say she swallows but no she takes the last swig of blood and just holds it in her mouth and she has
3:29:39
to hold it the entire time she's being danced around which is so great because billy zane doesn't know it but the
3:29:45
audience does you know how you were talking earlier about how the cops had authority over
3:29:50
him you know as an evil guy having authority over breaker because they didn't know the situation but the
3:29:56
audience well it could have i guess if they were savvy and they should have played with that i
3:30:01
mean they do hear and it's good in this scene because you just know how horrible it would be to have that iron tasting
3:30:06
blood just full full on in your mouth and you're like you're just trying not to swallow it or throw up
3:30:13
oh god just breathe through your nose try not to choke on it
3:30:18
that would suck if she like got like a little hiccup and she just like belched all the blood on the floor it's like
3:30:24
god that would have been a good idea yeah that would have been gross as hell
3:30:30
congratulations for coming up with that idiot and then billy zane is just like what's that and he like slips on it and
3:30:35
falls and then like you know his butt like burns away no no shameful way to die no
3:30:42
yeah i mean like maybe she could like poop her pants too uh that would be really good peter
3:30:49
like you're like you're on the case i'm just i'm just making everything better i'm just i'm just workshopping it
3:30:55
yeah release the peter cut
3:31:00
yeah so anyway yeah like you said he's never taken
3:31:05
he's never taken a guardian in one piece he wants her yeah she says nothing which
3:31:11
angers him he burns her with his flame penis which is a great scene
3:31:17
yes i love like the whole special effects sequence really starting
3:31:23
to piss me off wow him firing off his deal and crotch
3:31:29
yeah it's good he apologizes he apologizes for the outburst
3:31:35
and then he just changes tack immediately and tries to say he loves her but he's like physically incapable
3:31:40
of saying the word love which is yes
3:31:47
you no you do you move
3:31:52
me you know he realizes it's weak so he's just like all right fine i give up on that
3:31:58
yeah he's like all right fine well listen if you know if we can't do this a nice way then i'm just going to take your heart
3:32:03
and like in that little claw that i was talking about earlier reemerges like he can just summon it whenever he wants
3:32:10
and this is the moment when geraldine just like hocks a loogie again into his face a big old glob of blood
3:32:17
it's a pretty elaborate death that billy zane has he dies several different ways oh yeah
3:32:22
the whole effect where like his head kind of like crumbles in on it so yeah it's like it
3:32:29
sort of melts and implodes and then like green gas pours out for a
3:32:35
while and then he catches on fire and then his body turns into a demon
3:32:43
with like wings and horns and stuff and then that explodes
3:32:49
it's like a multi-stage death i love that because i feel like a lot of movies
3:32:56
there aren't movies that stick to one thing that aren't there
3:33:02
yeah but this movie like just kind of covers all of it yeah i mean it's everything you you
3:33:08
could want in a crazy demon death yeah really i would say a similarly great
3:33:14
death is the main vampire in fright night the original fright night oh yeah
3:33:20
he does a similar thing where after he gets staked he like flames for a while and then he turns into a demon and then
3:33:26
the demon falls apart and then there's like a huge tunnel of flame yeah
3:33:33
yeah and some of the deaths in uh the lost boys but not all of them
3:33:39
wow yeah so there's an explosion after all of that daryleen is miraculously unharmed
3:33:44
but at least the editors thought of this because you actually see her laying on the floor and there's like a red seal
3:33:50
around her like well she didn't have any more blood on her so i guess it was just like god like giving her a freebie all right fine you
3:33:56
killed him so i won't have you die yeah or maybe she's immune to demon fire
3:34:02
i don't know i mean well she is holding the thing so maybe that gives you some kind of protection from stuff like that
3:34:08
i could see that sure possibly so geralyn goes and refills the
3:34:13
key with poor deadbreaker's blood and then she packs her things up this is some time later you know it's not like
3:34:19
she could ever explain any of this to the authorities so you might as well just leave immediately she gets on a bus she's stopping to put
3:34:26
a seal on the bus entrance and at the next bus stop a rather dapper looking gentleman and a nice broad-rimmed hat
3:34:33
goes to step on the bus but stops and he's just like nah i'll get the next one
3:34:39
which is pretty great oh yeah he walks away whistling the tails from the [ __ ] theme song
3:34:44
and uh you know it's a pretty awesome ending to a pretty awesome movie honestly yeah
3:34:51
i like it a lot granted there's slightly more there's a little after part with the crypt keeper
3:34:57
but i mean yeah the movie proper is over and you know [ __ ] keeper offers a rose to some women
3:35:04
but doesn't actually give it to either of the two that are standing around him which makes me sad for both of them give it to one of them
3:35:11
but i think this movie is made pretty clear
3:35:16
about how the correct keeper feels about hoes i guess
3:35:21
so yeah he's going out to his debut for this movie which i actually like because they showed like the producers
3:35:28
are so angry with him that they want to behead him with a guillotine on the red carpet which might have been similar to how the
3:35:34
producers really felt after this came out because i
3:35:40
probably not too far off i wanted final cut and i got it
3:35:48
it's a great line yeah and you know then you go to the credits and uh this movie
3:35:53
is in the beautiful pile the short list of movies that make a false promise for
3:35:59
a future film i just i just oh yeah i don't know if you watched it all the way to the end of
3:36:04
the credits because it's right near the end yeah you know where cryptkeeper says something along the lines of stay tuned
3:36:09
for dead easy which will totally exist
3:36:14
i mean they kind of made another one after well yeah here's the thing there was a
3:36:20
rumor that somebody i forget who it was somebody big maybe it was robert zemeckis was on
3:36:26
the verge of leaving his company for another one and he really wanted to do a raunchy
3:36:32
vampire movie and so they gave it to him in the form of a tale from the crypt movie
3:36:37
so i blame him and roll this if that's true so bordello blood i mean which actually
3:36:43
does have some good parts but it's mostly kind of a bad movie or at least not mike it's mostly
3:36:50
it's mostly bad but look peter i can appreciate the idea
3:36:56
behind the movie is as i'm just saying
3:37:01
well he'll make a raunchy vampire movie well no i'm just saying there have been good ones it's hard to do yeah if there
3:37:09
was a good one it'd be what we do in the shadows i guess it's not raunchy that's yeah
3:37:16
yeah it can be done so in this one the creep keeper says stay tuned for dead
3:37:21
easy this is one of the two movies that was pre-written to be a tales from the crypt movie they never actually made it yeah
3:37:28
of course and just as a short list of some of the ones i remember where people made false promises and movies because i love this
3:37:34
unfortunate thing that happens it was in masters of the universe when skeletor comes out of the water oh at
3:37:40
the very end it says i'll be back he's never back no and then there is at the end of
3:37:47
buckaroo across the eighth yes yeah but
3:37:52
i will return in bonsai versus the the world council league or i can't
3:37:57
remember what exactly it's called world crime syndicate that's the one okay so yeah that actually that would have been
3:38:04
a great movie oh yeah i love that movie
3:38:09
and then the last one i can think of is mac and me where at the very end of that movie mac
3:38:16
speaks even though he didn't speak in the movie at all he just says i'll be back or we'll be back i think maybe
3:38:23
either way morgan freeman might say they did not come back i guess enjoy that sense of failure
3:38:30
it doesn't always you know i mean i like the boldness of just trying to be like hey this will this will be a thing guys
3:38:36
it worked in back to the future when they had like the sequel start in the first movie they had no idea that was actually gonna
3:38:42
happen they're just like well we're gonna do this anyway i mean i feel like people are pretty
3:38:47
keen to that now i don't know yeah i don't think you can do that much more
3:38:53
so this film that's just me this film it got 38 on rotten tomatoes it is not a very
3:39:00
good review no it's 48 of metacritic which is unusual that means critics actually
3:39:05
liked it slightly better than the audience i could maybe see that it's a little odd
3:39:11
yeah so what would you rate it on on our one to ten scale right jacob
3:39:17
uh are you six yeah it's not it's not bad
3:39:24
i like it but i don't think there's anything that would tip it over to like
3:39:29
good above average you know what i mean yeah it's very enjoyable i think i would agree with you i would go with a 6 out
3:39:35
of 10 but that's more out of process of elimination because 7 out of 10 is too high sure
3:39:40
5 out of 10 is too low yeah exactly it's a very enjoyable movie half maybe a good solid slightly more
3:39:47
than half of the characters are well acted and well portrayed it's just that the other half aren't yeah and the
3:39:53
movie's sleazy yeah but sometimes you want sleazy so i mean it's almost subjective in that sense
3:39:59
some people like a lot of boobs in the scene for no reason some people hate that so you know it's it's not for
3:40:05
everybody you might not even like tails from the game you know in which case you might not like that the crypt keeper tells
3:40:10
terrible puns before the movie starts or makes fun of john larriken yeah
3:40:15
6 out of 10 is good i feel like it could easily
3:40:20
if they had done another maybe another pass of the draft for the script
3:40:27
could have easily been seven or eight yeah maybe just a little more polish it actually might have been more of like a
3:40:33
legitimate classic or like a cult following type you know situation
3:40:39
yeah yeah it's on the edge of being great but it's just it's it's good it's up
3:40:46
near tremors but not quite as good as tremors which itself is not yeah i feel like
3:40:51
it's in that category where it's really fun it's a fun romp it doesn't take a lot out of you to watch
3:40:56
you know but yeah kind of light but enjoyable and approachable in a way that tremors also
3:41:02
is i would agree with that so now is the time jacob
3:41:08
that i will do the imdb keywords for this movie there was like 300 thanks god yeah i
3:41:15
always look forward to this it's a weird mix on this one i will say
3:41:22
i am actually curious uh let's see i just want to see what the total yeah there's 323
3:41:28
keywords on imdb for this movie i'm only going to read the top 20 because you
3:41:34
know all right we have to set boundaries so tradition tradition
3:41:40
um okay so here's number one loud sex
3:41:45
sure i mean yeah and that's actually it's almost like a plot point so yeah it's pertinent
3:41:52
number two bus what what there's a bus at the end when
3:41:57
jada pinkett smith is leaving oh god yeah
3:42:02
i guess that counts you have to try to remember everything that happens in every part of the movie no yeah
3:42:08
that doesn't i feel like it doesn't count but whatever all right number three gore
3:42:14
yeah yeah number four this is similar demon
3:42:20
i mean yeah yeah these imdb keywords it's almost
3:42:26
like an ingredients list on like a product you're going to eat just like oh here's all the stuff
3:42:32
yeah number five church yeah it doesn't really help them that
3:42:38
it's a church it just happens to be one number six pun
3:42:44
anytime the crypt keeper is involved in anything you have to mention the horrible puns he does of course
3:42:50
seven reading a comic book i mean yeah i guess so
3:42:55
uh number eight shotgun yeah there's a couple of those
3:43:01
number nine prostitutes
3:43:06
i mean sure i don't know i feel like her whole character should have just been rewritten and maybe just give her a new
3:43:12
job and all kinds of stuff you know they should have done something there i i don't know yeah
3:43:18
it's not great i see two four six eight nine okay so this is number ten
3:43:24
interrupted sex that does happen sure eleven woman in a bathtub
3:43:31
that was at the beginning when the lady was washing herself after murdering her husband uh yeah that counts
3:43:37
i guess 12 filmmaking and i i mean i guess filmmaking happens
3:43:44
in the film uh are you sure see 13
3:43:49
african-american woman yep sure yeah all right so 14 i think is a
3:43:58
hand grenade there's a bunch of those 15 black bra and panties
3:44:05
uh i'll have to guess yeah you know is that woman at the beginning i mean yeah oh yeah
3:44:11
yes no i yeah and that pointless cold open you know where the [ __ ] keeper is making fun of
3:44:16
john lara cat for waving a hatchet in a way that displaces him yes
3:44:22
16 is cowboy hat absolutely yes 17
3:44:27
breasts
3:44:32
18 police yep sure yeah 19 female frontal nudity
3:44:39
that's actually not true it's only breasts well i guess they're well i guess that's included maybe as a broader
3:44:45
term i spirit of the keyword yeah i'd say
3:44:52
and number 20 extreme violence [Laughter]
3:44:59
why isn't that why isn't that number one yeah really fun okay so
3:45:06
get your act together yeah i don't know loud sex is was number one
3:45:11
so i feel like that should be high on the list sure well anyway folks i think that about
3:45:17
wraps it up for tonight i hope you have enjoyed yourselves let us know if you have any suggestions maybe rate us on
3:45:23
itunes i hear that's a good thing for us somehow or don't it's cool no read us and we're
3:45:29
just fighting lately no no i'm tired i'm tired of this uh no rain is high highly or
3:45:38
it's threat okay all right i'll go find i'll find you if
3:45:44
you read it low sure i'm here i'm listening
3:45:49
so until next time folks i've been peter uh
3:45:54
i'm still jacob and this is gorman on gore
3:46:02
uh later [Music]
3:46:12
the world needs more people like you mr roach thank you you're welcome of course you
3:46:17
don't mind if we kill the others do you 
hey if it makes you feel good do it
if it makes
3:46:22
you feel good do it, exactly

English (auto-generated)